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Do you tell?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

I'm just curious do you tell others you're planning to UC? If not, what do you say when asked what doc or midwife you're seeing? (I get this question all the time as my husband is a pastor and people are nosy). DH is very supportive of a UC, but his family will be much less so. My mom is supportive of homebirth, but I think she may be a bit more concerned about a UC...she tends to worry anyway. I don't want to make the mistake of telling someone and having a whole bunch of drama the rest of the pregnancy or during birth. 


Thoughts? What has worked for you? 

post #2 of 11

I've told my online friends and a couple of RL friends, but I probably wont tell my parents unless I ask my dad to come over as it's happening (we're supposed ot be moving to here he lives next spring). My mom would flip.. I think... I asked one of my friends to come as it happens as well, but I don't know if I'll follow through with my own request.

I'm not even telling the In-laws that we're pregnant or when we have the baby! ha.

But so far everyone I've told is totally supportive.

post #3 of 11

We don't plan on telling our families about the UC or the UP. I don't want to hear about their fears. If asked we'll just tell them we're planning another home birth.


We do plan on telling a few RL friends. DH has an old college buddy that he is still friends with who UC'd (well his wife did really) their last 2 children, and he plans on talking to him to get the husband/father perspective. One of my best friends, who now lives in New Zealand, has UC'd her last 3 babies, so I know I'll get lots of encouragement and support from her. DH wants to ask her if she would be willing to be available on Skype during labor so she can support him if he needs it (but I know he'll be fine.)


Everyone else will just get the "another home birth" with no details.

post #4 of 11

i told everyone about my UP/UC.  the UC wasnt the issue for most. they were more concerned about prenatal care and US.  i just made sure i was informed and could counter anything they said.

post #5 of 11

I'm not telling anyone because mostly I don't think anyone I know would even know what unassisted is, haha. If I told them home birth then I would get a MILLION questions. I actually think it will be interesting to see who asks what questions before labor as far as dr. and U/S and such. I will probably get asked if we know what we are having and when my due date is, and not much more as far as questions.

post #6 of 11

I learned the hard way early on not to tell anyone.  I made the mistake of telling my mother very early that I was considering UC, and she totally lost her gourd.  I tried to tell her that I'm not 100% sure it'll go that way (if I feel there's a problem, of COURSE I'll transfer), but that I was leaning heavily in that direction.  For a while I got put through all the panic crap from her, at least until I started seeing a medwife in the hospital and laying down backup plans, which she now has in her head are primary plans (I'm going with the "oops" excuse).  The few friends I have told have been supportive, but even the crunchiest of mamas that I've talked to consider it 'unwise.'


The point being, people are too steeped in our terrorculture to be supportive of something that they've always been told is inherently dangerous (oh please, if it were that dangerous, how could humans possibly be the dominant species?).  Even if they're decent enough to keep their mouths shut about it and not try to terrorize you out of your decision, it's still hard for them to hear about, and that's far more difficult to cover up.


Honestly, I wish I hadn't said anything to anyone and just BS'd my way through the whole pregnancy. -_-  I know deep down that this is what's best for myself and my child, and that inner voice is what I trust above any and all else.

post #7 of 11

We didn't tell our families. DH told his coworkers and we told our friends (and my little brother). But we heard enough just from the home birthing part. We did tell them that DH delivered the baby though and that we were the ones who cut the cord. 

post #8 of 11

I didn't tell any of my in-laws or family other than my sister (who had a previous homebirth with midwives) and my mother.  I didn't get into detail with them and I told them that I might go to the hospital if my body told me to.  I told my best friend (who's never had babies before) and she just nodded and smiled.

I did get prenatal care because I hadn't decided on my UC until 25ish weeks along.  When it started becoming obvious that I'd be overdue and they started talking about nonstress tests and blah blah I just stopped going.  

since my DD's  birth, which was an amazing UC, my in-laws haven't asked questions or said anything to me about her birth.  My mom was so amazed with what I had done and she wishes I would have talked to her more about it.  However, I am glad I didn't go into detail with anyone about it other than my husband. My mind and body stayed positive and focused.  I didn't have to deal with any unneccisary stress and negativity.  

I don't think it's sneaky or lying- it's protecting your birth. 

post #9 of 11
I haven't really announced it to people, but it's been mentioned to some. Dh's coworkers know, I think...I know they know we'll be staying home. It hasn't been mentioned to my in laws, although I think they ought to know so they can panic now instead of later like last time. My mom knows, a d isn't happy about it, which matters surprisingly little to me.
I might not be shouting it from the rooftops, but I don't think I've outright lied about it either.
post #10 of 11

With our last we told most of our close family and friends that it was Unassisted and they were fine (usually we got jokes and/or questions about the placenta and what we would do with it, or what we did with it if they didn't hear about it until afterwards lol). There were some people that we weren't close to that we didn't feel like explaining it to but that knew maybe someone in the family, but had never met us before, or only met us once or twice, instead of telling them that it was planned that way, we told them that the midwives didn't make it on time (my labor was just shy of 2 hours), and that we delivered on our own. Obviously we didn't start the conversation with those people that way lol, but if they asked what hospital we had him at that is what we said, or if they asked before he was born we said we were doing a home water birth and typically just distracted from the details and focused on how relaxing it will be :)


For this one many people already haven't even asked since we have such a lively 2.5 year old running around from our UC that it isn't something that seems so foreign to them now (plus a friend of the family had a midwife birth after us which I am sure helped haha). 

post #11 of 11

I told with our first baby. I wanted everyone to know. I never realized what might happen. It was horrible. A couple of people were mildly positive about it, but mostly it was hellish. My MIL completely disowned us for the entire pregnancy and my FIL practically tried to do an intervention. Now I say "never tell." Good grief, it's not worth the horrible attention you are going to get all during your pregnancy and it's a horrible way to spend the time you should be being positive about having your baby. With my second baby it was much better. I didn't tell anyone our plans, but no one asked. I'm guessing they all just assumed I'd be doing the same thing again and they weren't as scared from having heard it the first time but still, I wish I could go back and do it over again.

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