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The Golden Month or Bedding In or Babymooning

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 

Mamas are any of you planning on doing a Golden Month?

This is specific to Traditional Chinese Medicine this has been the custom for 1000s of years and in many other traditional cultures they do a similar bedding in period for mom and baby. 

http://www.mamasonbedrest.com/2010/05/mamas-on-bedrest-observe-the-golden-month/

J
ust wondering if any of you are or have and if you wanted to share tips, experiences, etc.

We are planning a Golden Month here for baby and I, the last week of which DD will be with us, too, since DH will be back to work after 3 weeks. We planned to do one with DD, but things just didn't happen as planned and although I did stay home most of the time and DD wasn't out and about in public I did way more than I should have and I believe this lead to a lot of PP issues for us both/all that I hope to avoid this time around.

I was and pressume to be GBS+ and don't do prophilactic ABXs, so this is especially important for us also considering it is cold and flu season here.

I am thinking that it will be very easy to do this since most people will be busy with their family holiday celebrations and end of year happenings and I am really looking forward to the time with our family to integrate this new person into our World and our lives! The weather should be lovely here and we should be able to spend lots of time in our big backyard in the hammock and laying in the grass watching clouds pass by and falling in love with babe ; )

We also keep visitors to a bare minimum during this time and we let people know ahead of time that if they do visit they shouldn't expect to hold the baby and that no children are allowed. We did abide by that rule with DD and most people were understanding.  

So....anyone else plan to hunker down for a while after baby is born? What are your customs, traditions, intentions?

post #2 of 16
Thread Starter 

another good link http://goldenmonth.blogspot.com/

post #3 of 16

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Edited by nhklh - 10/20/13 at 2:57am
post #4 of 16

This idea, I have to say, doesn't appeal to me that much.  I do feel a need for SOME time that is very low key and inward-looking to me and baby - but a month would probably be too much for me.  I have also found that it works better for my older kids to maintain pre-existing routine as much as possible during the newborn period - some of which can easily be done by others, but it's reassuring for them for me to be present to them in 'normal' ways, too.

 

I might feel differently if I get a very high needs (or special needs) newborn, though.  My last two babies have been blessedly 'easy' newborns - although my first definitely wasn't!

post #5 of 16
Thread Starter 

Thanks for the shared experiences mamas, but I would like to keep this thread about ways we CAN get the support we need to recoup and recover.So, if this doesn't appeal to you that's OK, but let's keep this a place to explore for those who do find a pull to it love.gif I hope you can read that as it is intended--in love and respect for the differences we have--I just want to make this a thread about positive experiences with something that I feel is very important yet largely missing in our Culture right now and help to empower women to look at the post natal time differently than what we have come to expect or know.

In that vein, I copy/pasted my post from the FB group with one of my best tips for allowing yourself to be nurtured during your Bedding In time:

I have a big tip/trick for making sure you aren't overdoing it or entertaining your visitors when they come to help you and that is to 

always have your jammies on when people come over! When you have your jammies on it sends a clear signal that you are RESTING and recouping and that you are not up for long visits nor are you expecting to do chores! Go out an buy some nice jammies that you aren't embarrassed to be seen in and that will fit your new body and instead of getting dressed when company comes, get your jammies on! SERIOUSLY!!

 

post #6 of 16

......


Edited by nhklh - 10/20/13 at 2:57am
post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 

Sure I can appreciate that. That's a great thing ;) I think visitors during the first 4-6 weeks are not necessary, however, most people do have visitors--LOTS of them and people wanna hold the baby and such. This is less about that though and more about providing the mama with the optimal resources and environment to integrate her experience {birth changes us--every time!} and to replenish her vital energy, her Qi, her blood, her immune functioning, make milk, bond baby, sleep, journey off to lalala land with her new love <3 and the ways in which she will need to be supported in order to fully do that ; )

So, in other words--I would suggest for someone as yourself--stocking up on paper plates and bowls and utensils--now i NEVER eat off these things, however, if it will mean that you can lay in bed vs. wash the dishes daily then I would make that exception for 4 weeks--something that simple could REALLY make a difference in your household! KWIM. In fact, I told DH to do that here because I know I will want a clean kitchen and his priority to do dishes is when I need one, I clean it--so, I asked if he would please do disposables as much as possible and dishwasher the rest so that I don't feel compelled to wash dishes and instead can relax. A lot of this is shifting your expectations and perceptions of priority. 

post #8 of 16

I am planning on doing at least a couple of weeks. I am fortunate that my mother will be here to help with anything needed - and she is VERY good at being here to help - no expectations of being entertained or anything, and will do whatever I need her to do. DP will also be here quite a bit, so I will have his support, too. And, of course, living with 2 other adults, a good portion of the day to day will be handled already.

 

Extra things I am doing to keep baby & I in bed, keep stress down, etc: freezing meals so that anyone in the house can get dinner ready quickly. Having my massage therapist come here to the house a week or so after birth so I don't have to venture out. We pretty much don't have to worry about visitors, as we live out in BFE lol, but if anyone does just show up out of the blue, I have the other folks to welcome them, let them say hi for 10 minutes, and usher them out :-) I have NO PROBLEM telling people that they can't hold baby - I'll make stuff up if needed ;) And no kids in my bedroom except my own (meaning the ones that live here). I've also asked my acupuncturist for some herbs for healing, will be doing sitz baths daily for a week or so, eating encapsulated placenta, etc. I guess the biggest things that will be getting me out of bed are 1) Christmas Eve to get presents out (something I love to do), 2) Christmas morning to open gifts with the kids, and 3) a little bit on new Year's, so celebrate midnight with everyone :) Oh, and any gifts that aren't taken care of before baby gets here, will be me doing online shopping, lol.

post #9 of 16

if i deliver around my EDD i'll have my mom and step dad here for a week after the birth, and they are both very good at helping without expectation. they are coming a week before i'm "due" to help get the house ready, freezer and pantry stocked, and do all the nesting stuff that is driving me crazy by that point but would be too tiring. then once hubby arrives (4 days after EDD and 3 days before my parents leave), he will have 10 days paternity leave. so if EDD is close to right, i'll have help for two weeks-ish after birth. during that time i don't plan on leaving the house, and especially not wearing anything besides pj's. other than parents we won't have visitors since we don't really know anyone out here yet. dh's family won't come till the end of january, and while i'm not pj comfortable around them, my mil loves cleaning and "doing for" people and we get along well...i know to accept her cleaning as love and not as a comment about my house. i am blessed in that i have almost no compunctions about letting the house go if i need to rest. since i only have 2 weeks before dh is back to working crazy hours, i am going to do absolutely nothing during those weeks. i will be spending quality time with dd, but not doing the usual "parent" stuff like meals and diapers. it's really important to me that she not feel pushed out by my bonding with the new baby (i know it is really important for us to have blissful falling-in-love moments alone, but so is maintaining my bond with dd). i'm planning on her being in bed with me and the baby whenever she wants/needs.

of course, if i deliver after my EDD i will have a lot less help/rest time and it will be a different story. so i'm really hoping for early or right "on time" so that i have the support around that i need to rest and process. keep your fingers crossed for me that i can at least get my golden two weeks.

post #10 of 16
We won't be doing a golden month as such, but are going to try and stick to a 555 rule.
5 days in bed
5 days around the bed
5 days in the house

I am very much a busy body and tend o get restless quickly so this may be a challenge for me actually.
But the plan is to be in PJs for AT LEAST those first 10 days so that *I* don't expect anything of myself and not does anyone else.
As far as making sure it happens- my DH is the worlds most amazing man and has already said that except for showers and toilet breaks, I'm not to leave the bed! smile.gif bless him
We have also frozen lots of food already, and will continue to do so til I pop. And I have a fantastic community around me of "natural parenting/home birthing" friends that are organizing a meal drop off that will last a week ish smile.gif

Visitors is something we are still chatting about. I have not had a baby before so it's hard to know how I will feel etc, but usually even with highly exhausting but extremely exciting things I like to see people ASAP... it feels different this time tho as there will be a new little energy involved and I not want their newness and freshness being trampled by people just wanting to hold them! My MW mostly doesn't like to hold the bub for the first few days for this reason smile.gif

MIL (fantastic helpful woman) will prob visit at day 2 or 3 (whenever we are up to it), and already I'm reluctant to pass the baby over lol! My food drop friends will pop in and out to leave food etc, but they are all so fantastic and respectful that I feel like they don't count as visitors lol!

Mostly it's a play it by ear with the visitors.. Lol can you tell I'm struggling ith this?!?
post #11 of 16

I agree that it's important to get the rest you need postpartum!

- I will definitely take it easy as much as is reasonable / feasible and concentrate on getting breastfeeding established and most of all sleepingsleepytime.gif Sleep is so important for me to feel good.  I remember last time I pretty much went to bed with the babe at 9pm and got up with him at 9am!  What a luxury!  Probably this time I will spend a lot less time in bed at night and more time napping during the day when DH is at work and DS1 is at school.

 

 

- Having a lot of the right kind of people around was / will be great for me and didn't / won't take away from this precious newborn period!  My mom is coming to stay right away and she is a great help and great company too!

 

- I won't be throwing any dinner parties or cooking any elaborate dishes and I'm not too picky about the house getting messy anyway.

post #12 of 16

Generally, I've gotten up and moving immediately afterward and I have no desire to do that this time. We don't have family to help us, but I'll be spending week 37 prepping ahead so I can stay in for at least two or three weeks. I'm thinking that I'll make a list of 10 to 12 simple meals and then write out a grocery list from that to last us for several weeks. I'm also planning to get out some of the kids' HS supplies that they can do on their own and put them in boxes that they can bring right into the bedroom and work on while I'm lounging around with baby. (coloring pages, activity sheets, storybooks, small toys, stickers, construction paper, etc) I'm also making a bookmark list of kid-friendly education websites so they can get in bed with me and play on the computer without me having to get up as much. 

post #13 of 16
We won't be doing an entire month but like other have said I want to spend as much time as I can doing nothing and just bonding with my baby. We don't have much in the way of family support but luckily my hubby has lots of vacation time we've been saving up so he should be able to have at least 1 full week off with us and then spreading the rest out over time. My mom plans on coming into town to be at the birth and is willing to stay for a day or two to help. We are also going to be getting a postpartum doula. Luckily since I'm a doula I know someone who is willing to offer her srevices to me for free. I feel very blessed because of this. Breastfeeding was a nightmare for me last time and I'm very nervous about it this time so I'm going to mostly be needing lots of emotional support from anyone around me. When we do have visitors I really don't want others to hold the baby for more than a minute or two, but I struggle with telling people what I want. So my hubby and I are going to have to come up with a plan for this situation. Love hearing what others are planning!
post #14 of 16
Thread Starter 

zebrachick--I plan on doing very similar to what you are. We have a 'super bed' that is two king sized beds pushed together wall to wall and so, we frequently lounge in bed as a family. DD LOVES to jump around and cuddle us and play pretend in there. We have soft lighting and bright lighting depending on what our needs are {lounging or reading} and book shelves line both walls at the bed, so, we always have lots of books right at hand. SO, DD will be able to bring the coputer in bed and explore the internet and do activities with my help while I am resting with baby. Color, bring her 'friends'--stuffed animals etc. she is really into imagination play right now and so we spend hours in bed pretending stuff already! Also, she thinks that we can play hide and seek by just hiding under the covers--gotta love a 3 year old--and so we do that and it takes minimal effort ahaha. I LOVE our family bedroom and I plan on spending a lot of time there comfotably, but also we have a great backyard that I plan on spending time in too--so, while DD swings and jumps on the trampoline and climbs the tires I can hammock with the babe or we can have a picnic lunch on the grass--the only time you can go outside in FL is winter, so, we take advantage of it!

cocobean--how lovely to have a pp doula! I would love to have one, too and am hoping to find someone to barter with, but haven't yet. 

post #15 of 16

mamaH - I remember the days of the two king beds :) I have the most beautiful picture of DS1&2 just before & just after the woke up one morning. I think DS2 was about 2-3 weeks old. So precious!

 

One of the nice things about having such a big gap with kids from #3 to now (6.5 years) is that all of my boys are old enough to do lots for themselves. And, I look forward to some lazy days with DS3 cuddling in bed, or with DS2 watching a movie with me while baby sleeps or nurses.

 

Some of what has been written here reminded me of my plans for the other boys - I got a shirt for DS3 that says 'big brother', but I want to put together some other things for all of the kids (my 3 and DP's 4) to acknowledge that they are now brothers/sister to a new baby. I think having these kinds of things ready will make transition easier for everyone, and therefore help the babymoon go smoother!

post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 

i LOVE our bed! It is truly one of my most favoritest places on Earth! I never imagined that I would have a HB and actually birth our baby in a bed on my back, but I am now starting to think I likely will birth our baby in bed--maybe on hands and knees or at the foot of the bed. I am getting a tub from MW, but I am setting it up in the living room and I just can't imagine it being as comfy as our bed/room ;)

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