or Connect
Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Do we find out gender? I need your advice!

Do we find out gender? I need your advice!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

The original plan was to be surprised. We figured that even if it was a girl, we have some clothes of DS's that I would totally dress a girl in and we could get outfits after baby is born. 
We had spoken hypothetically before about whether or not to find out if we ended up with twins. DP said no way, which was fine with me. On Thursday when twins became the reality DP said that we would need to find out. Just to be prepared. What if it is two girls? That's a lot of clothes to need- they will be sharing all clothes, but it is still more than I'd need for one baby. I was fine with that, although a little sad. 
Yesterday DP asks if I want to find out our not, because he kind of doesn't. OMG MAKE UP YOUR MIND!
We have until Thursday to decide, but I am very torn. Here are my reasons:
Finding Out:

  • Be better prepared (everything from the actual pregnancy to finding twins has been a complete surprise)
  • Money is going to be tight, so going crazy on outfits after they are here isn't going to happen (although I'm sure everyone will be bringing over clothes if it is a girl)
  • If we have a boy DP is still pushing for circ (I'm not allowing it). I'm worried that if we have a boy and I haven't convinced DP by the time of birth, it will be a bit of a black cloud when I hear "it's a boy!" because we will continue to have dumb arguments about it.


Not finding out:

  • I think being surprised is totally cool
  • I have no preference for gender. 
  • I'm worried that everything else from my birth plan will go out the window and this is the only thing I can actually control.


What would you do? And if you would have other reasons for finding out/being surprised please feel free to share! 

post #2 of 12

The circ issue, if nothing else, would push me to want to know, ASAP. I'm sorry you have to go through that debate with your DP. What's wrong with waiting until the kid is old enough to make that decision for himself? (and, idk, to be allowed proper anesthetic?) You already have enough stress with twins on the way, without having to verbally duke that one out.


If your family/friends are anything like mine, you probably won't have a problem when it comes to clothes, especially if you have a girl. Everyone seems to go gaga over dressing up little girls. ;)


Man, I can't believe you're having TWINS! That's CRAZY!


I'm sorry. I know I'm not being much help, but I'm having trouble trying to decide with my little lonely only in here.

post #3 of 12

I would find out.  I would want to know because it's now double everything down to the names.  What if it's one of each?  That's either a lot of gender neutral or boy AND girl clothes.  Personally, I'd need to call the babies by name to help adjust and make it 'real'.  We're also in the circ boat and it's a major reason we are finding out with our one.  I didn't want to spend the entire pregnancy worrying about it and (for me) it would be a black cloud at birth to know that our happy moment is going to be splashed with arguments and disagreement all while having the stress of two newborns and a toddler with baby blues hormones to boot!  I'm sorry if I scared you or anything but that's honestly how I'd feel in that situation.  But OMG TWINS!!  SQUEEEE!!  That is so amazing!

post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 

Cabbit, I appreciate your input! I completely agree with you on the circ debate. 


Granola I totally feel that way, too. And I think it would be helpful to call them by name from now forward, because I don't want people to refer to them as "the twins".

I know that whatever decision we make will be made on Thursday when the U/S tech is about to look at the genitals. But right now I'm thinking finding out is the best idea (although part of me is hoping at least 1 of the twins doesn't cooperate so that we can have a surprise winky.gif)

post #5 of 12

If it were us, we would find out. Now, take that with a grain of salt because we plan to find out anyway - I'm not good with surprises lol. BUT, for us, the naming issues is a big enough challenge with just one baby - our youngest was a solid week old before she was named, literally, and it wasn't for lack of discussion on the topic prior to birth, we just couldn't decide!!


Thankfully my DH is supportive of not circing so that isn't an argument I have to fight, but I think it's a darn good reason for you to know now too. Of course, you could always just go off the assumption that there *is* at least one boy in there and have the "conversations" now. You may win him over sooner rather then later and if they're both girls, no harm done by getting that out of the way now.


I'm not super girlie or anything, but having *all* gender neutral stuff would make be crazy. Even with 3 girls already, and finding out during pregnancy that they were girls, our stroller, high chair, bouncy seat etc are GN anyway, because we like it. BUT I also like buying pink blankets and ridiculous stuff like that. If it were me, I would want to have some things to help differentiate the babies at a quick glance - whether they're both the same gender or one of each, you'll want things to help you identify each baby at a glance because they'll probably look quite a bit alike at first. Maybe different colored sleepers or blankets or hats? Do you really want green and yellow?


All of this is just musings and may not be at all representative of how you feel and it would be TOTALLY COOL to have it be a surprise!! But I wouldn't be able to stand it lol

post #6 of 12

I would find out, because it seems like you have a lot of decisions to make and planning to do.

Not finding out would be a cool surprise, but seems like too much stress comes with that for you.

post #7 of 12

I wouldn't find out, myself. But hey, I love the surprise at birth. We have so few opportunities to be truly surprised like that these days. I also love getting to know the baby (babies!) before he/she/they've been born, without applying any preconceived notions of behavior or personality based on gender. Sure, the naming will be more difficult if you don't find out - you'd have to think up (at least) a b/b, b/g, and g/g combo, maybe even with backup options (I love thinking about names so I don't consider this to be a bad thing to have to do...). And you'd have to make a circ decision with DH "just in case", which could be really frustrating if the two of you are coming at it from different angles (I thank the stars that my DH and I are on the same page about circ! Such a load off.).


I think a lot of it depends on your approach to the "stuff" issue. How much do you feel that you/your babies will truly need in those first months of life? And how many of these things things will be gendered? This varies so much, of course, by person. But since you have a toddler, you at least have some idea of your general style.


I suppose it also depends on your friends/family gifting situation. I can understand wanting to maximize the potential for getting needed items if you have family excited to throw you big baby showers and the like. If you found out the genders, you could ask people to buy you clothes in bigger sizes, for example. (Though my first reaction in that situation would be to ask them to chip in to buy a second carseat, or a tandem stroller with a wheelie board for my toddler, or maybe a swing or even two - some big ticket item like that that I would definitely want with twins.) This situation isn't relevant for me so it's never factored into my decision making.



It sounds to me like not knowing would bring you some unwanted anxiety, though - and that's the last thing you need right now!

post #8 of 12

I didn't need to find out, but DH felt he needed to find out. For both the previous pregnancies that was when he felt involved. We have one of each, and baby clothes from one of each, so in all reality, we would have been fine not knowing. On some level, I like to sew and would love to make some thing for baby that aren't gender neutral. We ended up finding out. :)

post #9 of 12
Oh firespirit really hit it on the head for me. I would never have thought about getting things/specific colors to differentiate them!
post #10 of 12

I'm in week 22 now, and always curious about wanting to know the gender,

but I know that babies are totally hidden inside for a reason


I have been reading in Ina May's Spiritual Midwifery

all those amazing birth tales,

and all have this one thing in common: there is some spiritual state that once you reach will make the delivery easier

and i believe that not knowing the gender of the baby in advance will contribute to reach that state of being totally open to everything


transcending over minute details to reach the best

I don't know how to explain it

I haven't been in labor before so I don't think i have the right to be more philosophical about it than this much!!


Now for your case,

I think clothes isn't such a big matter unless you intend to have them wearing the same outfit simultaneously [i mean 2 identical outfits]

I find it is cute somehow, but each baby has his/her personality, and I think they should be dressed differently at any given time.

[you know it's a twin and it's double the laundry anyway!]

investing in neutral gender clothes would be best in this case 



As for the circumcision matter, I say, be prepared for it in advance

even if the U/S says they are both 2 girls, it could be wrong as the organs could be hidden behind the cord

you might be surprised on your due date you have a boy or 2 perhaps!

erm.. unless you make a genetical test :/



For the names, our problem is a bit solved since we decided to call Jean Sebastian if it's a boy, and Marianne if it's a girl

So now we're calling our baby "Bastianne"!

sometimes using the "he" sometimes a "she". [in arabic, there is a "you" in male and another for female, so go figure!]



I'm not sure if you did that U/S [i'm not much active in this website, I didn't even read much of the previous posts to this reply, i just wanted to pass by and drop a word]

I hope you made the decision that makes you feel most comfortable


Have a good day!

post #11 of 12

did you find out?

post #12 of 12
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

did you find out?

Yes she did.  One of each joy.gif

  Return Home
  Back to Forum: March 2013 Due Date Club
Mothering › Groups › March 2013 Due Date Club › Discussions › Do we find out gender? I need your advice!