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crippling anxiety

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Hi,

 

This is only my second post in "I'm pregnant" and is another anxious one.  I have been paralysed with anxiety pretty much since I got my BFP.  This is TOTAL contrast to my last pregnancy, where from day 1 I was super relaxed to the point I wasnt concerned when the midwife told me to go to hospital as my baby hadn't moved for two days (he was fine, as I knew he was),

 

This time I spent the first few days worrying about the drinks I had before I knew I was pregnant.  Since then I've been beside myself with fear, anxiety, panic, sleeplessness because my pregnancy symptoms have vanished.  I am 6 weeks and this is day 5 with no symptoms - my nipples had stung for a few days after nursing DS, I'd had a few mild cramps, bloating, shortness of breath and one big dry wretching session and a heavy uterus. 

 

I've become a hermit, obsessing over my lost symptoms and keep expecting to bleed, then chalking it up to a missed miscarrigage. I am terrified.  I phoned the number to speak to a midwife last night but she said theres nothing that can be done except wait.  My scan wont be until week 12-14.  I do not feel pregnant in the slightest. Last week I was so short of breath and heavy that I felt heavily pregnant. 

 

Infact the day after I had some brown watery and pink dots of spotting on my underwear 6 days ago, I felt amazing. I know no one can giveme an answer, I've been debating whether to post this as I know it's a downer, I just have no one to talk to about it.  DH is getting stressed about my constant bad mood and anxiety so I dont want to bother him more with it.  I am just waiting for the worst to happen and its killing me.  

 

Thanks for listening x

post #2 of 5

Couldnt read and not post.  hug2.gif  i know u said u dont have anyone to talk to...but is there anyone you can reach out to?  a friend or counselor?  i suffer from anxiety and often get stuck on thinking i need to handle it alone. i wish i cd write more but keyboard is broken. also you might be able tobfind support on the ppd/a board here.  thinking of u n hoping good things for yr bb. 

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes, since posting I have spoken to someone and that was my boss even though I don't particularly know her that well it really helped, i broke down at work and blurted it all out. I managed to get a scan today too, I got so confused between normal cramping and stomach pains due to anxiety they affered to check me over and probably just thought of me as a nutcase.  I saw a sac and a yolk and my dates were put back a week (to exactly when I thought I ovulated so everything seems to be fitting in to place).  I have another appointment in 10 days in the hope i'll see a heartbeat. I am feeling cautiously good about it PLUS I had a hint of morning sickness early this morning! yey!.  That and speaking to someone has relieved me so much, (of course I'm now worried about the safety of early transvaginal ultrasounds!).  I hope the chill-out hormones kick in soon as I want to just accept and enjoy my pregnancy as much as my last one.

post #4 of 5

hugs...anxiety sucks. i was terrified with #4, very irrationally. things were great, and i was worried since things went so well with my first three that the fourth would be a disaster. I had bad dreams(I'd never had bad dreams during pregnancies!!), the midwife came and spent lots of time finding the heartbeat early on one morning after a bad dream about the pregnancy. It didn't go away after the baby came, and I'm sure I made my whole family miserable obsessing over her temp, her breathing, why doesn't she cry much? why is she crying so much? doesn't her head feel too hot? why is her temp so low? why is her poo that color? oh it was awful...such a waste to be so worried during a time that could be so nice...

post #5 of 5

I'm not sure if this will help you at all.....but.....

 

I had a chemical pregnancy 6 months ago, basically a VERY early miscarriage, before implantation really fully takes place.....and around the same time (can't recall if it was before I even knew I was pregnant or if it was after the bleeding started)....I developed sudden, crippling anxiety! I have had OCD in the past and still to this day, but never just true, generalized anxiety. And this started around the pregnancy, and then lasted MONTHS afterwards, so it's almost like the pregnancy hormones clicked it on.

 

Mine was a little different than yours, in that I wasn't necessarily anxious about a specific thing to where I couldn't get it off my mind.....maybe I was a little, with a big reunion I had to plan...and then when my parents came into my new town, I was super anxious about their visit and "babysitting" them, almost agorophobic ......but it was mostly just this sense of anxiety that would wash over me that I couldn't control, and I would feel like my breathing wasn't fulfilling enough (not enough oxygen), but not a full-blown panic attack. The whole point though is that pregnancy kinda clicked that switch "on" for me. And I am not inferring at all that you might be miscarrying like I did!!! One of my close friends had previous anxiety, but it got a lot worse during her pregnancy with her first baby, to where she needed to increase her medication dose. So in that case, obviously it wasn't a miscarriage.

 

ANYWAYS, this is the interesting part. I had these Carlson's fish oil pills in my refrigerator, and I actually used to use them when I would feel constipation, because the oil helps with that. One day, I was having a pretty bad anxiety spell where I felt out of control and felt like I could barely breathe, and I was online chatting with people (but annoying them of course!) about how stressed I was about my class reunion planning. I randomly got up and took like 5 fish oil pills because I was constipated, and kept lounging around. Then, 2 hours later, I realized my anxiety was almost gone, miraculously! It was a huge change. And every night I had been getting it, and it would never go away on its own like that; I would have to just take my Ambien to knock out for the night.

 

So basically I figured out that for me, the fish oil greatly reduced my anxiety, if I took 5 pills. I was taking Carlson's "The Very Finest Fish Oil" orange flavor soft gels. http://www.iherb.com/Carlson-Labs-The-Very-Finest-Fish-Oil-Orange-1000-mg-120-Soft-Gels/6125?at=0&rcode=HAN990   

 

I noticed there is also a fish oil "concentrate" soft gel they make, that is easier to find at health food stores, but the ones above are the ones I was taking, for what it's worth. I had heard before that the DHA and EPA helps the brain, etc etc, but I just never thought it could do something like that! Heard it, but didn't really believe it. I still take them now. Sometimes I still get a little anxiety, but I would say it is MUCH MUCH better. When I first started taking them everyday for the anxiety, after discovering it worked, it almost went completely away, but I am pregnant now again so maybe that is part of it! And yes, they are safe in pregnancy. I am not sure of the proper dosage, but I"m now taking 4 per day.

 

Maybe it'll help, maybe not, but worth a shot. The pills are supposed to be good for your developing baby anyways.

 

I don't think any of us can tell you either way if your baby is okay or not....I don't think that the symptoms dying down is necessarily a bad sign because I've heard sometimes that just happens! From what I understand, most likely when a woman miscarries, she'll bleed and miscarry that way. The fact that you had spotting and then nothing happened probably means it wasn't a miscarriage at all. Because the bleeding picks up pretty quickly, in my experience. It's not a little then nothing. And the drop in hcg causes the bleeding. So if your hormones supposedly dropped, the bleeding should have picked up.....(that is my logic). But that didn't happen.

 

But sometimes, the body doesn't notice the baby was lost, the hormone levels stay high even though baby isn't growing, and a D&C is necessary (surgery). But then you won't normally get bleeding with that. That is what happened with my very first pregnancy I lost (not the chemical pregnancy where I miscarried naturally).

 

So I can tell you that when I miscarried naturally, the bleeding picked up, and at that point, my pregnancy symptoms were not very strong and had not been strong for a few days. Also, my final pregnancy test was actually the weakest positive, then I miscarried like 5 days later. But if you've had reduced symptoms for awhile but no bleeding, that makes me think you are still pregnant and just not showing many symptoms. Because when the hormones drop, you then miscarry....the hormones are what holds the pregnancy in.

 

Then when I had to have the D&C, even though the ultrasounds showed that the baby had been gone for awhile, I still had pretty strong pregnancy symptoms, and that is why my body never actually miscarried either, because the hormones were still strong. Even my hcg bloodtest caused the nurse to mistakenly tell me "you are still pregnant," but I knew I was just waiting to miscarry because of the ultrasounds. So your scenario doesn't really line up with either of those experiences, which makes me think you don't really have anything to worry about. I hope that makes sense.

 

But anyways, might as well try the fish oil for the anxiety. I really like that brand, because they test the oil for any contaminants. Good luck!!!!! Hoping for the best! Either way, it's kind of out of your hands, so I would just try not to worry. What has made me feel better with this pregnancy, my third, is actually not getting my hopes too high, telling myself that I am okay if this baby is not meant to be (born, that is, because I believe the baby exists no matter what and has a soul and will meet me in heaven if its a miscarriage), but that I am staying optimistic and hope the baby will meet me in 9 months, and that keeps me from worrying 24/7. You have to really, deep down, be accepting of either potential outcome, and that is what will stop the worry. So far the doctor told me things look great and she thinks this baby is a keeper!!!! I am now at 10 weeks and my last ultrasound was perfect.

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