Queer Conceptions: November 2012 - Page 8

[DarcySD]

Sphinxy - One of my dear friends got a BFN 14 days after her IUI. She tested positive the next day and her db was just born last week. It's still very early!

[redrockband]

scorpio: So glad things are going well with KD! He sounds like a great guy. I know what you mean about the parenting...DP and I have had more discussions about parenting than probably anything else. I just want to do the best job and I worry all the time that we won't be the parents we think we will.

outdoorsy: So glad the ultrasound went well, congrats!!

sunander: Bummer about the timing but how great that you can help out. A friend of mine just got back from being deployed for just over two weeks. 

welcome darcy! Hope your stay is short and sweet here. 

mrs: Bummer on the 2nd opinion. I think finding a dr. of any kind is one of the most difficult and stressful situations. My wife actually got banned from a whole family of clinics and hospitals because she asked her new dr. to address her concerns about medication and side effects, the dr. ended up basically calling her crazy. Now that our health insurance has kicked in I am not looking forward to finding new dr's. ugh. Good luck with your next steps forward, I wish we could adopt..maybe one day. 

welcome back esenbee! and welcome friederike!

joy: what a funny story, I'd love to be somewhere when same sex marriage passed? Is everyone still on a high? 

granite: bummer about missing ovulation. I'm sure we will have to deal with that a lot in the coming months. DW travels a lot for work as does KD. 

sphinxy: there's definitely still time for a bfp

afm: Great news, I was offered and accepted my dream job this week. I'll be making quite a bit more than I anticipated so life is great. We are going to start looking at houses in the next few weeks, thank goodness because trailer living is getting a bit chilly. DW wants to wait until june/july to start insems because she doesn't want a winter baby. I guess we'll see what happens there. On a side note I have been nannying for a close family friend with 18 month old twins for the past few weeks, and all I can say is WOW! I don't know how people do it. They must be extremely talented and energetic, and I wondered a few times if I really wanted my own babies or not. Then I realized I do and that when your own babies poop in the tub, while the other is peeing on the floor, it doesn't stress you out (as much). 

[cordelia15]

popping on to say hi. . 

sphinxy. . yes, I know many folks who got a BFN at 10 DPO and even know two different people who did not get   BFP until 15/17 DPO though I know that is rare.  Don't give up hope!  Rooting for you! Oh and I have not read the 2002 book but loved the 2006 book re  Brill. 

Welcome to the new folks and returning folks.  friederike, essenbee. . sorry if I am missing folks, I read everything but then can't always scroll back so it's a bunch of trusting my old, sad, memory! 

granite.  .sorry about the bad timing of work trip, we had to miss a cycle bc things were out of our control for timing and it seemed like the next cycle would never come but of course it did. . hope you just O later this time and still get a chance and if not that your egg next month is your meant to be little baby! 

sotohana. . welcome  back, I def think acupuncture can help with short LP but in the end if natural doesn't progesterone is your friend. . I swear by my acupuncturist though .. I think she did miracles for me!  good luck and thanks for the congrats 

fmmorris that's annoying about insurance and hope you figure out the perfect protocol

joy, that is annoying about insurance.  i feel like giant co-pays add insult to injury on the whole stress of this all!

Okay, hope everyone is well and ROOTING for you all! 

[Sphinxy]

Thanks, everyone. I feel like I've needed a lot of reassurance this cycle and you've all been very patient with me! Today is 11DPO, and I'm a little crampy. It is so easy to get down and believe that AF will be here soon, I just keep trying to remind myself that outdoorsy's cramps were a good sign last month. No testing today, maybe tomorrow. Sending you all good thoughts!

[granite]

Thanks for the support, all...

The u/s yesterday showed that I have one really nice big follie, almost ready to go. They ran my blood work in the afternoon, and then I went in again for another draw this morning, and signs point to ovulating on Tuesday. So... Yeah, there's no way I can negotiate that . I even looked into sticking around here for Monday and then flying to meet up with my coworkers in the evening, but there were no flights that fit and anyway I'm not sure the $300 cost would feel that great if I got a BFN (Of course, if it turned out to be a BFP, anything would be worth it!).

The other crappy thing is that the clinic is closed Dec.23rd through to the 2nd or so of January, and while it's possible I may just squeak in under the wire, I'm not very confident I'd be O'ing again in time. But, we'll see! And anyway, I like the idea of a new start in the new year.

Also looking on the bright side: My body responded to clomiphene! And didn't over-respond! Yay.

Congrats on the dream job, 2justicemamas!

And Sphinxy, I've still got FX for you...

[Sphinxy]

Oh, granite. I continue to be impressed by your ability to find the lessons learned and stay positive. That is a frustrating schedule of events for the rest of this year. I truly hope that the stars align for you, sooner rather than later. Safe travels!

[fillefantome]

Hi, all. Scorpioma, can I be added to the TWW? Here's my chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/fillefantome.

There's been a lot going on since I briefly broke cover from lurking back in September and then promptly disappeared again:

I had a preconception visit with an OB at the birth center I'll be using if and when. She was very nice and encouraging, but spent a lot of time discussing my weight and how much easier pregnancy would be if I lost weight before getting pregnant. (I have Type 2 diabetes, so I’m very aware that any pregnancy is going to be the unfun kind with lots of medical nagging. No eating for two for me!)

Also, J (KD) and I each got a lawyer (expensive-especially when you consider that any contract won't be binding!), and we have a donor contract drafted.

Lots of questions from both the OB and the lawyer about whether J had been tested for STIs. (I chose not to mention the fact that he’s very sex-positive and in an open relationship, as ultimately it’s none of anyone else’s business. He gets tested often; I’ve considered the risks; we’ve talked about the risks; and I’m confident that he won’t do anything to put me in danger.) It’s weird all the things that we do pre-TTC that folks who’re making a baby via the PIV route don’t ever consider.

We weren't planning to start trying until January, which is why we don't have a signed contract and J hasn't gotten a semen analysis done yet. But, I was visiting him this weekend and figured we might as well give it a try when it doesn't require a $400 flight. (At worst, it would be a good trial round, to get over the insane weirdness of handing J an Instead cup and asking him to jerk off for me.) I usually O around CD18, and was only able to insem once, yesterday on CD14, so figured the odds were pretty low that we’d hit the right window (though I have wishful thinking in the “KD with an insanely high sex drive=supersperm that live for a week” department). I haven't been using OPKs or tracking CM, since I wasn’t going to be able to time the insem beyond “while we’re both in the same city.” (I cared more about making sure I temped so I would know what day I had O’d, and I wouldn’t make myself quite as crazy in the TWW. Of course, I forgot my thermometer when I head out on my trip and had to buy a new one on CD10, which means the earlier temps are going to be useless. *sigh*) Lo and behold, my temp was up sharply this morning, so we may have insem’d on O. Or, it could just be a random spike--I did have a drink last night, on the premise that it always seems to work for straight women, and I know that can push your BBT up. Anyway, what’s done is done. I’m vacillating between the optimistic hope that I might have awesome beginner’s luck and carefully reminding myself that it can take 6 months for even someone with no fertility problems and hot and cold running sperm to get pregnant.

So, I am no longer a sperm-free zone, and I’m officially in this game....

Side note: I have spent the past two weeks having the vaguely surreal thought that I could technically already be pregnant (since pregnancy is dated from LMP). It’s like Schroedinger’s uterus... pregnant and non-pregnant until you look inside.

[scorpioma]

congrats fillefantome!! Glad you decided to do a trial run. I hope the trial is IT!

I laughed out loud when you wrote "it seems to work for straight women," I totally have the same thoughts when I have a drink near a fertile time.

Sphinxy: hope you're hanging in there- this part is the hardest, for sure!

afm, 

I have to make this brief, but I am also using KD and waiting on sperm analysis- but we got a CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH for the other tests!

So happy and grateful about that, WOW. 

We are either going to try with him (I am writing the contract myself, happy day being a law student) December of January. More news on this soon.

xo!

scorp

[scorpioma]

also I added fillefantome's chart to her name so if anyone else needs that just let me know !

[Friederike]

Thank you at all for the very nice welcome. That is one busy board here, I can barely keep up.

granite - I am sorry to hear about the bad timing this week and the closed clinic over christmas.

I want to try really hard to get the first insem in before christmas because I feel it would be so neat to get an extra present in case of an BFP and I'll have plenty of distractions in case it doesn't work. I am dreading meeting my sister though, who is pregnant for the thrird time. It's getting harder not to feel jealous.

2justicemamas - Congratulations on the new job. Good luck with your house hunting and a possible move!

And you're right, it's probably not as bad when it's your own kiddos peeing on the floor, throwing up on you or keeping you awake all night. At least I hope so, because on the occacions I co-slept with my nieces and godchildren I wasn't happy with it at all.

Nosreves - Hallo und Grüße nach Frankreich. You live in Paris? That is amazing, I love love love the city. The architecture, the clothing styles, the food, the arts. One of my closes friends here is French. But yeah, sometimes it sucks to live in Europe. Were you affected by the demonstrations against Hollande's reforms?

We're further ahead in some areas (marriage) and behind in others (reproduction, adoption) as compared to the States. Assited reproduction isn't illegal per se in Germany, there aren't any laws against inseminations (only surrogacy) and in Berlin some clinics treat lesbians. It just isn't really regulated that the mother of a child can't possibly sue the doctor for child support, so a lot of doctors don't do it for legal reasons or only on a case by case basis. So there's no market for it and it is unreasonably expensive as conpared to the US. What annoys me most is that I would get everything coverd by health insurance if I had a male partner who was infertile instead of paying 700€+ each try. Our state actually provides additional financial coverage for IVF procedures for straight-married couples dealing with infertility. How I would love to start a lawsuit on that. Our bank started shipping to private customers in all European countries sometime eralier this year, probably including France, too. I am waiting to find out how the goods are declared on the paperwork. (We live in a house with lots of elderly couples, it would totally crack me up if they had to accept a package for me with some kind of "Danger - human sperm inside" sticker.) Is your donor from Cryos International too? That would indeed be very cool if we found a half sibling. I know our bank has very restrictive regional quotas that limit the number of pregnancies by the same donor in one country. Right now we haven't picked yet. I looked at profiles but didn't really feel any draw towards a particular person. I think I'll simply pick somebody with a very consistent high sperm count in the samples, reported pregnancies and who has darker hair and isn't overweight.

[sotohana]

Freiderike- I find it so interesting how different people pick unknown donors. Your idea sounds great! For the longest time I was really pre-occupied with finding a Native donor since my wife is Native. Turns out it doesn't exist...well...unless you count all those donors who claim 1/16 of some tribe just to sound cool or exotic. That kinda pisses me off. So, we've decided to look for a guy who is Hispanic instead since she's also half hispanic. That isn't as hard to find in the states. 

Fille- your post made me lol. I have my fingers crossed that this was perfect timing. I can sense your annoyance with the OB who was, it seems, kind of overbearing about your weight. Or maybe I'm projecting. I get annoyed about that kind of thing too. It's like, hello! I know I'm big and I also get to make my own choices here. 

I just realized that according to this post it sounds like I get annoyed a lot. lol. 

Joy- Are you using SRM? DW and I lived in that area for about 10 months last year and used them for a while too. 

Sphinxy- thinking of you 

Scorpioma- that's great news! Ahhhh... sigh of relief :) Don't you just love when we get the chance to do that?

Granite- I echo Sphinxy's sentiments. You do seem to keep a very level head. I admire that too. Here's to 2013!

2justice mamas- BIG Congratulations on landing your dream job! That in and of itself is awesome, but that you also get to go house shopping- now that's a dream come true. 

AFM- CD 22 for me. I didn't really track this cycle until 4 days ago at which point I only began taking my temp. So, we'll see how long this cycle lasts. FF says I'll start on Saturday. If that's true then I'm sure to be EXTRA emotional on Friday night. It's like that every month. I apologize in advance if you end up seeing a super emotional post from me 'round then. ha ha :)

I think we are going to try again in December. 

p.s. do any of the rest of you have a crazy mother? Mine is so manipulative and ...gah! She just emailed me: A & C, I really don't want to put any pressure on you for Thanksgiving or anything, but, I really need to know if you are coming to Thanksgiving or not. We ordered a Pumpkin cheesecake just for you! I just got the disappointing news that your brother and sister in law won't be there. Love, Mom.

Okay...maybe I'm gonna start tomorrow from the way this post has turned out. 

[joyseattle]

2justicemamas - Congratulations on the dream job! Yes, we're very excited and the passage of the marriage equality law and are planning to get legally married the first day.

granite - I second sphinxy's comment about your positivity! If your follicles are close to mature, can you get a trigger shot and do an inseam before you leave?

fillefantom - welcome back! Sounds like you've done a lot of planning and found a way to make it work for you. It took me a minute to get PIV, then when I got it I laughed out loud. I also loved "it seems to work for straight women," and "Schroedinger’s uterus."

scorpioma - Congrats on the clean bill of health. Yay for starting with the next cycle or two!

sotohana - We won't be using SRM as I've heard a couple bad reviews of them. We'll be with PNWF, with UW as a plan B.

AFM: Today I had a phone consult with the RE nurse practitioner and feel really good about using them for monitoring starting with Dec or Jan. They're happy to do monitored cycles with home insems (our ideal as we're doing home IUIs and they're expensive with the clinic) and move at our pace for meds, etc. Our rough plan is 1-2 cycles at totally at home, 1-2 cycles of monitoring, trigger and home insem; 1-2 cycles with letrozole/Femara, monitoring, trigger and home insem; and then see where we are. We'd love to get a bfp within 6 cycles due to limited sperm with our amazingly well-matched WTBK bank donor. I also went for acupuncture to "trigger" O. My lovely needle lady (who I've been going to twice a month for 4 years) did electroacupuncture. I came home and got a positive opk (negative this morning) and feel lots of twinges. Depending on my opk tonight and temp tomorrow, we'll probably do an insem tomorrow. Just in time to send the tank back.
 

Edited by joyseattle - 11/19/12 at 4:53pm

[Sphinxy]

2justicemamas - Wow, things really seem to be lining up well for you - Congrats and good luck on the home search! 

fillefantome - Welcome back!  FX for beginner's luck, what a story that would make! Schroedinger's uterus - you crack me up.

scorp - So happy for you and DP. FX for the semen analysis!

sotohana - Isn't it fun PMSing around the holidays?!?

joy - Seriously lady, you're like clockwork over there! So glad everything is going smoothly - good luck with the insem! 

Afm, we'll I've been pretty distraught today which sucks of course but it's also part of my process. A BFN again tonight - I know it's better to test in the morning but I don't really sleep at night if I know I'm testing in the morning. A few minor cramps off and on today again, and one bit of light spotting a few hours ago. I'm pretty convinced that AF will be here tomorrow, and the sliver of thought that this is just "implantation spotting/cramping" is starting to feel more like living in denial than hope. (And as I'm typing this I just swore at the television when a Burger King commercial came on showing a pregnant woman having cravings...) If AF does come tomorrow, at least that will give me a day to cry and stomp at home before driving to my parents' for Thanksgiving. 

[mrsandmrs]

granite - i can't even believe that timing issue. how could that even happen like that? i understand the need to do what's best for work, but that has got to be so frustrating. sometimes people do "clomid challenges" where they take it for a month before they try, just to see how their body responds. this can be your special kind of clomid challenge....  

2justicemamas - congrats on the new job! that sounds really dreamy. It is pretty exciting to live in a state where gay marriage was passed. everyone's planning weddings. there's even a big group wedding planned at the capitol rotunda for the first saturday it's going to be legal. i can't even count how many people I know who have gotten engaged since the election! 

sphinxy - it's not over until the fat lady sings, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. when does optimism become denial? - i know this feeling so well. i hope your intuition is totally wrong this month. 

scorpioma - good to hear things are moving along with your KD! 

joy -  it's interesting that you have heard bad enough things about SRM to not want to use them. i know several babies conceived at SRM and I've never heard anything bad about them... actually, when I have fantasies of switching clinics, I have daydreamed about switching there, although I'm not ready to commit to driving to Seattle. i guess i would have to give it more critical consideration if I actually got to that point. 

AFM - i ordered my follistim today. since it's such a giant amount, i have to have it shipped somewhere that i can sign for it. i had it shipped to my office. i asked them to do a "confidential" shipment that won't indicate on the outside of the box where it's from, but i have a history of these things going wrong.... i sincerely hope i don't regret that decision. 

[fillefantome]

Nosreves and Friederike: it's so strange to consider that the U.S. is ahead of the curve of Europe on a social-medical issue. I mean, we don't get a day of paid family leave, but those of us with money (aka, not me), have really free access to sperm compared to both most Europeans and to Canadians. Very strange how these policies develop piecemeal within the legal context of different countries.

Scorp: yay for awesome KDs. Also, I'm jealous that you are going to be able to do your own donor contract. Realizing how much the lawyer route was going to cost me, I seriously considered just doing it on our own--we're both smart and capable, and honestly, nothing in the draft version my lawyer wrote is substantially different from templates I've found online. But, J was clearly more comfortable getting it done "officially," and I do think going through a lawyer signals our seriousness, in case of future conflict. I hope.

So, have you figured out where/how to do the whole semen analysis thing? J gets all his STI testing done through a clinic focused on that end of things, so I need to find a place to do the SA. I'm feeling sort of stymied by this (was especially hoping this month would just magically work, so the question would be moot). The PP website says many of their clinics do "men's health" (STI testing, vasectomies, stuff like that), but I called one of the clinics near him in Chicago that includes that on their list of services, and the person on the other end seemed confused by the very idea. I feel like I'm trolling blindly about in a city I don't know, looking for, what, infertility clinics?

Me: Meh. Two low temps in a row. Of course, FF put the open circle of "why can't you temp like a normal person?" condemnation on all but one of my temps so far this cycle-with the travel between time zones and drinking and such, so who knows, really. I typically have a good clear temp shift after O, so it looks like I haven't O'd, which means my trial run was just that (barring supersperm). I'm more or less ok with that. We'll start again in January. Like granite said, it'll be a new start in a new year....

[easttowest]

fille, your donor is in Chicago? What about: http://www.mygyne.info/semenanalysis.htm

[joyseattle]

sphinxy - i didn't feel like clockwork as I've been waiting for O for a week. My acupuncturist did a more interventive treatment to try to get me to O so we can send the tank back and have a day of insem acu session before the before the holiday.

How are you doing? Any signs of AF?

mrsandmrs - I've heard some good things about SRM as well, but the two bad stories were enough and I've only heard good things about PNWF. So far, speaking to the receptionist/patient coordinators and with the nurse practitioner for my phone consult and some emails back and forth, I've been happy with their service and would be comfortable working with them for future cycles.

Hope the shipment is confidential!

scorpioma - How are you doing? Can you please move me to Waiting to Know?

AFM: This morning I had a slight temp rise and we did our insem. It went very smoothly and I'm feeling good. Here's hoping that I get some good temps the next few days to confirm O and that our timing was good.
 

[sotohana]

MrsandMrs- we heard something about that giant wedding at the Capitol too, but no details. Do you know what time it is going down or do you have contact info for anyone else who is participating? We really want to do it! We live in the 'couv, so it wouldn't be too much of a drive. This is so exciting!

[Sphinxy]

joy - Sorry, I meant that your management of the process seems like clockwork. I am impressed by your organization! Glad the timing worked out with the tank, and FX for you! Afm, some minimal cramping and very light spotting which could be OK, but this is the same thing that happened last month right before AF. So I'm feeling very cautious. As m&m said, it's not over til the fat lady sings, and that has not happened yet. So we wait.

[mrsandmrs]

joy - good luck with the TWW! I only know a few people who have gone to SRM, so my sample size of anecdotes is small, but I was just surprised to hear there are bad stories out there. I hope you love PNWF as much as it seems you will! Wait, but that's a moot point because this month is going to work for you !

sotohana - there was an article in the paper about it http://www.theolympian.com/2012/11/17/2323568/gay-couples-hope-the-more-the.html and there's apparently a facebook page with RSVP info. If you can't see this facebook link, let me know and i'll just paste it. https://www.facebook.com/events/553832307967569/