Thank you for all the great information!!!
I am canceling any further treatment with the doctors office, because of the way she reacted. It would be one thing to say that she didn't feel comfortable with homebirths and being a back-up OBGYN and then proceed to have a conversation with me about the different options and what having a birth with her would look like.
Instead, she shut it down and said I'll transfer you out of this practice and shrugged her shoulders. That is not the kind of doctor or care I'm looking for, especially for my first time delivering! Even when you know the basics about pregnancy, I don't know how this will go for me and I'm a little scared. It'd be nice to have a doctor that would talk to me instead of just shutting down when other options are raised.
Obviously, I'm new to all this, but I can't see how it is a problem for me to go to a doctors office for labs, the 20 week ultrasound and for tests like strep b and glucose and deliver with someone else. If my insurance and I paying for those appointments they are making money, even if they aren't making the 'big bucks' for the delivery. Some money is better than no money, right?
I also don't understand the logic behind her not wanting to get sued if an emergency happens with the midwife; She has nothing to do with the midwife. If we have an understanding or contract that I'm only using her practice for prenatal care and not delivery she wouldn't be liable at all. Please, fill me in if I am missing something here!
Also, the reason that I felt like having a back-up or shadow is because if something goes wrong and I am transferred, I am obviously going to be shaken. It would be nice to know that the hands I am going into are ones that know me and that I know. To know that they want the best for me and the baby and will do everything to get the best outcome. Imagining that I am transferred and rushed to the hospital and then seeing a face that isn't familiar or reassuring is adding to the stress of what is going on.
Honestly, I'm surprised that having a back-up isn't a norm for homebirth moms. Especially since a lot of them are big on the personal experience. Why spend all this time nurturing a relationship with a midwife and cultivating this environment of safety, relaxation and openness to welcome your baby into, and then be like, but if they transfer, they don't care about whose hands they are going into - especially for something as serious as surgery! I wouldn't go to just anyone unless I didn't have a say about it. If I do have some sort of a chance at controlling who cuts me open in anyway, I'm dang well going to do my research and attempt to line up the best.
Anyways, last night I called a midwife and had a great conversation with her. There are two licensed midwives and one nurse midwife in her practice and the nurse midwifes husband is an OBGYN. I have another call into another midwife that delivered nine of a family-friends eleven babies at home - shes been in practice for over 25 years. Once we settle on a midwife I will talk with her to figure out where I can go for those tests, ultrasounds and such.
Sorry this reply was so long! :)