scary house with lots of confusion

[petrini]

Hi there moms,

I am  a very young mom and my husband a young dad, we are finding it so hard to find a balance between the two of us in disciplining our three year old son.

he attends Nursery school three days a week until 2pm and when he is at home he has the domestic workers son to play with or just chilling with mom etc. 

our problems are:
he refuses to sleep in his own bed, throws total freak out tantrams and screams the house down.

he doesnt ever want to eat when told to.

hes very mommy fussed and thats okay but he makes me think he is genuinely in pain or has been hurt and I give him what we wants but hes actually not. His father believes in hidings, raising his voice and I dont but it is difficult. 

what should I do about this? i need to find a way to discipline him correctly without hurting him, scaring him unusually or anything of that sort? as well, to get my husband to stop resorting to hidings and shouting.

Please help me, it is becoming so hurtful and tiring. :)

[IdentityCrisisMama]

What I find most helpful when making changes with discipline is to focus on just one thing. Sleep issues, eating issues and attachment to mama are three different things with different solutions and ways to think about them.  Can you give one specific example of an issue you had with one of these and we can see if we can help from that perspective?