hi,just looking for a bit of support,im 42 and after being told i had gone through a early menopose have now found out im pregnant,i have two grown up daughters both who have left home and one is at uni,they are both over the moon and after the shock had subsided i myself am looking forward to my new addition to my family,however my partner is not he looks at me with disgust and wants me to have a abortion,my gp olso shared the same views and said that the risks to the baby were high due to my age,everyone ive told other than my children are horrified and look at me as if i have some sort of disiese,my joy has again subsided i feel so sad i dont want to end my pregnancy my children are my only family and i know how important they are to me,but if i continue am i being selfish,i have really bad cramping and lower back pain but no spotting and hgc levels continue to rise in a normal way,half of me is scared that this may be a sign of a misscarage the other is relieved the choice may be taken away from me,then i feel awful for feeling like that,i feel blessed that my family has been given this gift and life is so presious,why should i end it because of other peoples views,id really like to hear back from sum one,do u think im too old,am i being selfish,and has for my partner ive told him he is the one who has to make the choice,to stay or walk away,thats simple,thanks for taking the time to read this xxxxxxx
- 470 Posts. Joined 7/2012
- Location: Deer Park, TX
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You most definitely are not being selfish for wanting this baby. And you should not abort due to other people's views. I completely understand your two sides- scared of losing the baby vs. the relief of having the choice out of your hands- I think that is a completely normal feeling. You don't want to lose the baby, you are just scared of the situation. This pregnancy was a surprise for us, and I had the same feelings in the beginning.
As for your age, you are not too old!! (If I'm not mistaken, there is a thread or group on here for older pregnant moms that would be helpful for you). If anything this baby will keep you young
I'm sorry that I couldn't be more helpful. I hope you can find more support. Maybe talking more with your daughters (since they are excited) will help you when others get you down.
- 857 Posts. Joined 4/2011
- Location: MA
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My Mom got pregnant by surprise when she was 40. I was 16 and my brother was 15 when our youngest sibling was born. My Mother also went through a similar struggle in terms of people being so surprised and having less than supportive reactions (especially my grandmother). Ultimately though it is your choice. I totally understand being afraid of the situation. But if you stick to your values and allow people to see your excitement, I think it will be contagious. That's what happened with my parents. They were over the moon. Terrified, but so happy, and that's what people ended up catching on to. It took some time, and it was scary for my Mom to know that she was in "high risk" kind of territory, but everything ended up wonderful. I was an amazing experience for me and my brother too...it taught us so much.
Are there going to be tough things about starting over, yes. But can it be so, so worth it? Of course! You shouldn't ever make choices based on this kind of pressure from others. Especially a choice like this. I also think that if you dismiss the negative reactions, you will be able to find some positive ones in there too. Don't focus on the negative. You are not being selfish. In fact, it would be pretty selfLESS to take on another child.