Newly pregnant at 41.

[StartingAllOver]

4 1/2 weeks.
And I am a mess! 

My oldest is 21 and my youngest is nearly 10. I never thought I would have another child and did not expect to be fertile, yet after 2 months of trying with my partner, we are pregnant.

I am scared to share this news with anyone other than my SO because I am pretty sure the reaction will be negative. I also hesitate to tell the younger kids (my dd(10) and SO's dd(7)) in case something goes wrong.

I guess I am looking for any and all support and/or advice on being a woman of "advanced maternal age" and sharing the news. We don't have many irl friends anymore, but our families are nearby. 

[pokeyAC]

You can always wait a while before you tell people. It can be your happy little secret for a while longer.  I'm sorry you feel people will judge you.  When I read your post all I could think about was how great it is that you got pregnant after 2 months at age 41. That's awesome!  You are a fortunate woman, and I hope that your luck continues and that you have a healthy beautiful baby in a 8 months.  Congratulations!

[spughy]

Hi!  I'm 40 and got pregnant easily with #2 in the summer. I'm 20 weeks along now.  My DD is nearly 7.  DH and I were worried how she'd react because she'd always said she didn't want a sibling - but she was thrilled :) 

I don't know where you are, but in my area at least there are a lot of moms over 40 when baby is born.  I'm a postpartum doula and several of my clients are in "my age group" - one was 46 when her first child was born, 3 years ago, and they're trying for another. 

As they say, 40 is the new 30...

Anyway, good luck, I hope your pregnancy goes well, and don't tell anyone if you don't feel like it!!!

[adventuregirl]

Just keep it to yourselves and enjoy for a while. Once you get used to it and the hormones settle, you will be able to think straight. I'm 39 (will be 40 when babe is born) and my other child is 8, we are talking about having another after this one too. I was a little nervous about people's comments about my age, but I am pretty much over that now. Everyone I have talked to has been really supportive and blows off any mention of my age. Everyone has a different opinion, but if you are happy about it, then own it and let THAT be contagious, don't even give any attention to other people's judgement, that is their problem! TONS of people have babies in their 40s now and so many more would love to if they only could. So count your lucky stars!

PS The spread of your kids reminds me of my mom, she had me at 20 and after 3 more in her 20's and 30's, had the 5th at 42! I had new siblings at both the ages of your kids and they were great experiences for me.

[kaza110]

hi im 42 and just found out im pregnant,i have two daughter 21 and 19 it came as a complete shock ! not had periods for twoyears  so still keep thinking doctors have gone mad ! getting it in my head a little more now,go from complete shock to horror at the thought somethings going to go wrong,getting cramps but told thats normal,cant elp feeling im mad cause i keep testing make sure it  still there lol then got competly freakedout because conception indicater has been stuck  at 2 to 3 weeks for over a week now,dont know for sure how far along i am due to not having any periods,but if im right in thinking when it may have happened lol id be just over  5weeks,so part of me worried that conception indicater hasnt gone up to 3plus,gosh reading this through i sound like a complete fruit cake lol find out for sure nxt week when i got me scan something eles to worry over lol,gd luck with your pregnancy ! xxxxxxxxxx

[StartingAllOver]

Thanks ladies. :)

We are likely going to wait until after Christmas to tell people, although some closer family members may figure it out sooner. I am already poking out in the middle, which i blame on being both older and this being my 4th pregnancy. I am sure they will also question why I am suddenly not drinking when I usually do at gatherings.


It is kinda fun having this just between the two of us right now, but both of us are pretty excited to share the news with our daughters. They are 10, and 7 and are already baby crazy.
 

[Starfish11]

So glad you have found peace with this :)  Congrats, mama!
 

[mommakaf]

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and blessings to your baby!.

I have three children now, having had my first at 34 or 35 (don't remember because I hardly think of my age).

My thought is, if we are graced with conception, then we will have what we need physically, emotionally, spiritually to carry, birth and parent that child. 

If you are working with a professional (midwife, etc.), it would be helpful if they also felt this way.  All the poking and prodding and fear-based tests recommended for our age group could really rob one's joy and peace.

[dawnberries]

Hi there.  I am new here.  I am 42 and 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child.  My others are only 6 and almost 3, but I was NOT planning to have any more children.  I begged them to tie my tubes when I had my 2nd c-section (but they couldn't bc it was a Catholic hospital).  So, my situation is a little different, but thought I would share what happened to me.  So, I live in Angola, Africa (very poor health care) with my Angolan husband & our 2 kids, and we were visiting the U.S. in October/November when I discovered I was pregnant.  I totally thought I was starting menopause bc I had some weird little symptoms.  I have only had 3 periods in over 3 years bc I am/was still breastfeeding my almost 3 year old dd.  So, anyway, when I discovered the pregnancy, I told my mom (& rest of my family), and she totally flipped out.  She BEGGED me to have an abortion.  I told her it was unthinkable (btw, I am totally pro-choice), but she would not let it go.  For pretty much the whole 2 weeks we were there she hounded me with long emails and text messages in the middle of the night.  It was really awful!  She seems to have accepted the pregnancy now, but i am still a little resentful.  I'm sure I will get over it when the baby is born.  As for my kids, I didn't want to tell them until I was pretty sure it was going to take.  I had a previous miscarriage (at around 13 wks; found out at 16 wks) and just wanted to to avoid having to explain that concept to them should it happen again.  So, I never actually told them or made reference to having a baby until some time after we were back in Angola and they were with me at the ultrasound.  I was 12 weeks then.  I told a few select friends, but didn't announce it in general (on FB) until I was 19 weeks.  I figured that was the point of no return..... Also, I am totally HUGE already.  I actually got fat instantly, like overnight.  One day my pants fit, the next day, they didn't.  And this before I even knew I was pregnant (found out around 8 wks).

So that's my story on telling ppl about my over 40 pregnancy.  I am getting okay prenatal care here now and plan to go back to the states sometime between Feb & April so I can have the baby there.  I would love to know how others are doing with their pregnancies......
 

[somegirl99]

I am 41 and expecting #2 in August.  We've told family and only gotten positive responses so far.
 

dawnberries, that sounds really awful.  I'm sure you needed that added stress from your mom at the time.