Insensitive partner? « Back to Group Discussions

[allisonrose]

I am wondering if I am the only one dealing with a spouse/partner who is not sympathetic to the physical rigors of being pregnant.

Hubby doesn't seem to realize that when I say I need to eat, I really need to eat. This is probably made worse because I am still nursing. There was also me trying to explain how tired I am and him saying that I've been tired for the past four years. He does not get that this tiredness is beyond I didn't sleep well last night (which I never do anyway).

[amlikam]

 I am blessed my hubby is sooo helpful. Sometimes I tell myself stories about how he irritates me, but I know how helpful he is. I wish you had more support so your body could get the rest and nourishment it needs.

[Valkyrie89]

Mine is the same way allisonrose he just doesn't get it! He tries a little more now b/c I keep badgering him about being more of a rock while I'm pregnant. But I don't think he will ever grasp how awful I feel! This has been my worst early pregnancy thus far.

[dayiscoming2006]

My hubby is kind of a dope like that too sometimes. Sometimes he's nice about it and other times he just doesn't get it at all. I have to exaggerate things for him to get it at all. My friend says her hubby is the same. I think a lot of men are like that. They have difficulty imagining anything unless they have experienced it and then they tend to be selfish. Example:  "Can you please do the dishes honey, I can barely stand up?" - Hubby's reply(sometimes), "Why didn't you do it earlier?" 

At least a lot of men I've seen are like that.

[Sweet Huck]

I can empathize. We had a real serious talk the other night, though, and lately I've seen him carrying the "What to Expect" book around more, so perhaps it's starting to click in his brain that yes, we are indeed pregnant and, yes, it takes a toll on me!

I also nagged him into downloading a "what to expect" application on his phone so he gets quick notes daily about where we are in the pregnancy and what I might be feeling or what we should be doing to prepare.  Bottom-line is that he's not feeling the pregnancy the way I am. He doesn't have morning sickness or sore boobs, he isn't waking up at night to pee a million times, and he's not having to plan his day around meals or bouts of sickness or bathroom breaks. And so I think he needs a little help getting the picture.

Wishin' you the best with your guy. Take care of yourself!

[nattery]

I'm sorry people aren't feeling fully supported by their partners.

Reading some of these posts make me realize how lucky I am on my end. My partner has taken over all food prep / dishes / trash / cat litter/ cleaning with cleaning product chores because of either my strong aversions or need to stay away from them due to our paranoia of toxic substances.

He even took out books from the midwife clinic we are clients off..

and even with all of his support I am still finding this very HARD~! the constant sickness, the aches in my stomach / back, constipation and bloating, hormones.... I can't imagine going through it without his support. Sorry some of your guys aren't pulling their share of understanding and patience. :(
 

[allisonrose]

I attempted to emphasize to my hubby that I am feeling lousy: nauseous, tired, etc. His response was to tell me to go to the doctor or call our insurance's nurse line. He is not understanding that this is within normal but still hard to deal with.

[BabySmurf]

My DH can get like that when HE is overwhelmed or stressed.  Usually if I try to pay attention to whatever is bothering him at the moment, he is much more able to empathize with me.  That really sucks when they don't "get it".  The other thing that would throw my DH off in this situation is that he needs me to be strong on the home front so that he can be strong on the work front, and if I start complaining too much, he wants me to toughen up (which would mean to either make changes so that I am better capable of handling things or, if it really is "that" bad, then I should seek help)...which usually drives me crazy.  So I will then just let him know that what I am really looking for is comfort and acknowledgement that I am trying...and not that I am looking for pity.  Again, usually this happens when DH is overloaded and feels like he is pulling too much weight and so he doesn't see what I am handling.  So maybe there is something your DH is struggling with that you could identify and deal with? Both of you need acknowledgement for your efforts. 

[Murph12334]

The baby's father doesn't want the baby therefore doesn't feel he should have to help with anything.  My back was in horrible pain the past two days.  I begged him to come over just to rub it and he said no because he finally was getting alone time for himself.  I'm supposed to take it easy since i had spotting and bad cramping last week but he won't come over to help.  Luckily I had a friend stop by for a small amount of time yesterday.

[FarmerMomma]

I'm so sorry to hear that murph. I broke up with my son's father in the first trimester and never have regretted it. Maybe a clean break would be better emotionally. Everyone changes after the baby comes. Why can't all the dum dums remember there is a baby in there and please don't stress the momma.