Books, specific websites...?
In case it helps, here's my need:
Adoptive daughter came to us from the hospital. She will be 4 next week. She is very obviously Hispanic (may be mixed AA) and we are all very, very pale white. When she was about 9-10mo, she started REALLY studying my face, and although she had horrible (normal for that age) stranger anxiety--we were twice able to hand her to Hispanic women (two different women) and she was totally fine. Not a whimper. Her birthmother had only been in the states from conception forward and when ad was in a room where Spanish was being spoken as an infant (which happened once/month) she would go absolutely silent.
Fast forward and last year she started really noticing that she was "brown" and the rest of us in the house were not. She wants to be just like mommy but mommy doesn't need lotion in my hair like she does and powder isn't really good for her ashy skin (but I let her have it anyway--just less of it, and since she's already hot on the topic of her different colored skin, I've used that as an opportunity to show her that different skins need different things).
The thing that's really got me is that in August we were at a community pool and there were a bunch of black kids there and she asked me "Mommy...? Am I brown like them?" It really broke my heart because I didn't expect to deal with her "finding herself" this early in her little life. There was a Hispanic woman nearby and I said "No, honey--you are brown like her. And like mommy when mommy goes in the sunshine!"
I come from a transracial family (I have a mixed half-sib from my mom) and grew up where I was the minority--although the majority was AA, not Hispanic. So really, race doesn't rate for us in terms of it being a factor in someone's identity. I was bullied initially and my immediate family suffered a serious hate crime; but for the majority--after the initial round of horribleness, everyone was accepted.
So I need help. She has a battery of other behaviors that make it clear that she's having a hard time. If she knows she's done something wrong, she hides or destroys stuff or hits herself. We've been through two therapists and they've both stunk.
What can I read that will be actually worthwhile?