MAX!!!!! I'm sooooo very happy to see you here. I hope all goes well with the birth parents and that you're holding your baby in two short months!
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Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 6post #101 of 91211/16/12 at 1:57pmpost #102 of 91211/17/12 at 7:27ampost #103 of 91211/17/12 at 8:49ampost #104 of 91211/17/12 at 1:38pm
MAX... SO glad to see you check in.. I am so excited for the potential birth parents!! I am crossing everything for you guys it goes smooth!! How exciting!!
has anyone gone from being a working person to a SAHM? I am having a really hard time letting go of working even though my DR wants me on bed rest over the next few weeks.
I have worked since I was 15.. I have always had my own money and have never had to worry about how we are going to do it.. It was not ever in the plan for one of us to stay at home.. being nannies we could bring a baby to work.. But we are blessed with triplets so there is no way I can go back to work.. It would not work ..Id have to put them in daycare.. and being a nanny I think I would resent caring for someone elses baby while ours are in day care.. Plus the cost !
DP makes just enough to cover our bills with very little left over... I never thought I would Cloth Diaper but adding the exp of disposables for three babies is not possible.
DP begs me not to stress about it.. but there is so much we will need as they get older.. Like shoes for 3 kids.. clothes ect.. It scares me to have one income...
Anyone else go through this and have any ideas? We have cut the bills down as much as possible and moved to a cheaper place...
I can hopefully work 1-2 nights a week after the babies are here and home ( say 6 months old) as a night nanny.. it pays well and can do when our boys are sleeping a little more and DP is home at night.. its an idea but that is still 8-9 months away!post #105 of 91211/17/12 at 5:47pm
Hey Max, that is really exciting!
Cananny, I can understand why you would be concerned, and I also understand why your partner would want you to not worry about it. It does sound like it makes the most sense for you to be home with your babes rather than having them in daycare while you watch others' babies. You've already made some huge steps to make things more do-able for your family. I would say take it one day at a time, and keep reaching out to your community for support. I don't have any answers, of course, but I do believe you guys are resourceful, creative people who are going to figure it out and be awesome parents! You are going to do it! Everything is going to be okay. It is such a huge change. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now as you face such an incredible transition, I just want to encourage you to lean into the change, breathe into it and trust that with the help of your community, you guys are going to be just fine. xoxo
Okay you guys, we are in need of some serious advice over here. Wylie is 10 weeks old tomorrow, and he STILL will only sleep in our arms, in the carrier, or on our bodies. In the daytime, I can get him to nap for short times in the Rock n Play, laying on his side against a little pillow with blankies tucked in all around him to keep him snug and in place. We haven't had success with that in the nighttime at all. He absolutely hates being swaddled! We just want him to sleep between us in the bed, or next to us in his little rocking bed if that's more comfy for him. Any suggestions or advice out there?post #106 of 91211/17/12 at 7:16pmCa, it is a major, huge transition from WOH to SAH. Living with no disposable income is rough. Isolation isn't easy. Packing like you're invading another country every time you leave the house stinks. I know you have a lot of experience with some aspects, which will make it easier. You will find your new comfort zone and you will rock it.
Planet, I'm sorry, I still don't have any good ideas. The easiest way for us to lay the babies down is to nurse laying on the bed and roll away when the baby is out. I tuck blankets around their back and bum, knees up like tiny newborns. I have a friend who swears that there's a magic sigh after which you can lay a baby down. I don't know if that's true but I know that Soren lays down if he is limp-asleep. Will he sleep on just your hand or arm or something?post #107 of 91211/17/12 at 8:18pmPlanet, I can't recall, do you guys have a swing? We used one a lot for Alex's naps at that age. I know some kiddos hate the front to back swing, but like the side to side swing (or vice versa).
How tightly are you swaddling? Are his legs free? Maybe a tighter swaddle would be something he does like.
This will end, eventually. We were lucky at night, but during the day Alex wouldn't nap anywhere but the carrier or the swing until he was four months old--and the change was that his teacher at daycare was a pro who can get any kid to sleep on their mat with enough patting and shushing. Maybe that's another option? Have a trusted third party give it a try for a nap?
Hang in there, mama! I remember being SO frustrated and worried he'd never sleep solo. It's such a distant memory now, though it was less than a year ago.post #108 of 91211/18/12 at 5:35amHi Everyone!
It's so fun to see so many more expectant families since I last checked in!
CascadiaMama, thanks for asking! I have been in newborn land but lurking here during the late-night feedings.
We had our sweet baby Lucie Rain on October 25! She was born at home and was 8 pounds 14 ounces and 21.5 inches long! The birth was fairly quick (8 hours start to finish) and so very intense! My closest friends are midwives so my wife and I were surrounded by love and guided through the intensity. I'm proud of myself for doing it, but honestly still a bit traumatized! I will post a photo when posting from my computer.
The biggest challenge has been that I had a low milk supply, and Lucie lost too much weight and then wasn't gaining at a good rate. I've met with several lactation consultants, and I think my supply is growing and will eventually meet her needs. In the meantime, I've been able to feed her donor breast milk that my AMAZING community has given us. What a gift!!
Looking forward to reading along with all of you, especially all the multiples!! And will post a photo when I can!post #109 of 91211/18/12 at 6:02am
max. welcome and congrats. . that is wonderful about the adoption and FX for you. I love their reaction to your DH/DP. . Makes me feel good about the world. My DH is also FTM so this makes me smile!
cananny. . I went from being a full-time working person to a SAHM and it was intense! The income was hard but ended up being the least challenging part. It was the feeling of isolation and first and change of identity. I think it was most helpful to reach out to a community of other new moms. It seemed to be a really easy time to make friends. I do think you will have the added challenge of having it be so hard to get everyone up and going, I just had one to get bundled and go off on an adventure. I think the buying things is hard but don't be afraid to put the call out there for used stuff! Tell folks you know you are way open to hand me downs. We got so much that way. And once people are done having kids, most people are happy to pass things off, it's not like holding on to skinny jeans you think you might fit into. And down the line, you will find many ways to work again as the boys get older. I imagine the bed rest will be the harder part (mentally) bc your mind won't be on those kids.. anything you have always wanted to do? learn a language? crafts? anything you could create in bed that you could sell? Okay, hope at least one thing in this was helpful. realized I started to ramble!!
midwife steph. . congrats!!!
planet. .sorry, not so much advice. Have you tried putting him down wrapped in something that smells like you? old nursing top? shirt? seems like that might not do the trick since he won't sleep between you but worth a try!post #110 of 91211/18/12 at 7:18ampost #111 of 91211/18/12 at 3:12pmQuote:Originally Posted by planet
Okay you guys, we are in need of some serious advice over here. Wylie is 10 weeks old tomorrow, and he STILL will only sleep in our arms, in the carrier, or on our bodies. In the daytime, I can get him to nap for short times in the Rock n Play, laying on his side against a little pillow with blankies tucked in all around him to keep him snug and in place. We haven't had success with that in the nighttime at all. He absolutely hates being swaddled! We just want him to sleep between us in the bed, or next to us in his little rocking bed if that's more comfy for him. Any suggestions or advice out there?
When you lay down with him to sleep is he actually touching you? It took us a bit to figure out that even though we had DD in bed with us since birth I was a bit afraid of getting too close to her and she would wake lots. Once I learned to sleep cuddled up to her she slept 6-7 hours at a time until about 7 months! BUT 10 weeks is really early...I bet he'll adjust soon. For the first 3 weeks DD mostly slept in our arms too - sometimes beside us but mostly in our arms/laps/carrier. Oh, and we didn't swaddle either.post #112 of 91211/18/12 at 3:22pmSteph, congratulations! I look forward to a picture.
Planet, I have been thinking more about your problem and tho it won't help your night time situation, I feel compelled to point out that daytime nursing/sleeping on mom is probably helping you more than hurting. In the great big world, we have so much to do. Nursing a baby quietly to sleep is the only time I sit all day many days. If you can embrace it, that forced slowdown may turn out to be just the thing you need.post #113 of 91211/18/12 at 6:02pm
Who is in your family? me (38), DP (50), DD1 (4.5), DD2 (10 months)
What pronouns do you and your family members use? she x 4
If you already have kids, tell us two interesting things about each of them. DD1: She is wickedly funny and announced the other day that her bottom smells like "cotton candy". And I'm already jealous of her creativity and ability to think outside of the box. DD2: She has been gritty and determined since she took her very first breath. Can't wait to see her navigate through life with her personality.
If you work outside the home (or inside the home at something other than parenting), what do you do? Forensic scientist
What are your favorite things to do when you're not working/doing the grunt work of parenting? Reading, running, planning trips and new adventures. Thinking about cool renovations to make to my 110 year-old house.
It has been a long time since I've been here, but I saw the questions (way back on page one!) and thought I'd drop in, say hello and contribute. Life is super busy and I miss you all!post #114 of 91211/19/12 at 1:39pm
Congratulations, Midwife Stef!!!! Can't wait to see pics. :)
Thank you to everyone for the suggestions about our sleep situation. Sigh... It is such a sweet problem to have. I am less concerned about the daytime napping (I can usually get him to nap in his Rock n Play for at least one nap per day, which makes me feel very hopeful!) but I am stressed about the nights. My partner has been sleeping on the couch with Wylie on top of him for over two weeks now. He feels it is more comfy for him to be on the couch w/ the babe then on the bed because of how he can prop his arm up against the side of the couch. So instead of my co-sleeping vision of the three of us all snug in bed together, I am all alone in our full-sized bed (which, by the way, is totally NOT big enough for the three of us, which I believe is part of our problem!).
Seraf, thank you for all your suggestions. I have tried most of them! I have good luck during the day (sometimes) laying Wylie on his side in the Rock n Play with blankies stuffed all around his back and under his knees to keep him all snug. That was really helpful to hear about. It doesn't help in the night though! I think Wylie just doesn't like to sleep on a flat surface right now. I am trying to work on the side lying nursing. I have to make sure I am COMPLETELY comfortable before I start nursing, or else I end up feeling just completely uncomfortable and afraid to move when he's done eating. Totally possible to get better; really hard right now with trying to deal with the insomnia issue.
Cordelia, that is a great suggestion; thank you! We have tried that and found it helpful during daytime naps but, again, at night he just cannot be fooled!
Carmen, for the first four weeks, he slept either on one of us or snuggled right up against one of us and it was awesome! Then all of a sudden he decided to refuse to be laid down. Only on some random early mornings have we had luck with snuggling next to him in the bed. Of course, with my insomnia issues (which seem to be improving little by little with every night) it is really hard for me to feel "stuck" in a position and not be able to move for fear of disrupting Wylie! He just sleeps SO lightly when he is not on a body.
And Seraf, you are completely right about embracing it... I try to just breathe in and accept and celebrate it, and to trust that it will change. The daytime naps on my body after nursing are indeed some of the sweetest, most relaxing times of my life. I will always remember these sweet naps, I know it! I only am concerned about nights...what are we going to do when my partner finally hits his limit? I can't help but worry, even though I know that babies change and grow so fast. I remember when I was freaking out because Wylie wouldn't let us set him down at ALL, and now he happily chills laying down while he's wide awake all the time. We spend a lot of time playing that way, even. That alone is proof of his amazing capacity for change and growth. So why do I worry so?post #115 of 91211/19/12 at 2:11pmPlanet--so sorry you're having such a rough time of it! I will say that I couldn't do any side-nursing or cosleeping (where I'd actually sleep) until Edie was big enough to roll over. I just couldn't get comfortable until then and/or was internally terrified of squishing her (even though I knew I wouldn't). In our case we just swaddled her, since she didn't mind once it was done as long as it was tight enough, and she'd sleep that way. Is he sleeping on his back, or on his tummy when he lies on you? You could try talking to your dr about letting him be a tummy sleeper if that's part of the issue--I know it's not generally recommended, but I've heard of some people getting the go-ahead (and, of course, most of our generation were put down on our fronts to sleep)
Midwife steph--Congratulations! So happy to hear news of your little girl! And to hear that you're finding good solutions to the nursing challenges. Can't wait to see a pic!
Cananny--The only thing I found when I was home on leave is that I really really needed to see other people every day. My friend found that she didn't want to leave the house at all. Just be open to whatever feels right, and do your best to make it happen. And don't feel guilty if you need to take time to yourself sometimes. With one baby I needed (and still need) a break every now and then. I can imagine with three you're going to have a hard time finding that space, but I'd really encourage you and your partner to each find a way to get a little mini-break in at least once a week to take some time for yourself. Also! Have you looked into any of the jobs you can do from home? online tutoring or medical transcription are two I can think of, but I'm sure there are more. THat might be a way for you to make some extra money from your bed, and possibly even later, depending on how much time and effort you need to put into it. I'm sure you'll find your groove!post #116 of 91211/19/12 at 3:16pmPrettyIsa- So good to see you! I can’t tell from your signature how old your baby is! It’s so exciting to be over here on the other side of conception. In regards to what you just said to Cananny I found that inspirational. I’m going to look for some home freelance work.
LiseDea- So good to see you too! When are you expecting? I didn’t see anything in your signature. Triplets is amazing!
Nosreves- So good to hear you expecting next month!
Seraf- You have a six month old? That is fantastic! I love all the pictures you posted!
DesertSunsets- Congratulations on your new 2 month old baby!
Cananny- I can’t believe you are going to have triplets! I am planning to take a short leave of absence from work and get substitute teachers and then switch my schedule to a night schedule. I teach college so this should all be feasible. I think you are on the right track to think about night babysitting or nanny care. It sounds ideal to me.
Qmama42- I think I remember you from way back in the conceptions forum! Good to see you have a 10 month old! Also, being a forensic scientist sounds really cool.
Planet- Good to meet you. What is your son’s favorite place to sleep? Have you tried loud white noise to see if the sound soothes him?
Cordelia15- Nice to meet you.
Update: We met our birthparents this weekend. It was a smashing success and we all adored each other. She gave me sonogram pictures from her 5month check in and let me touch her belly. We are all set to be officially matched together! Next step is to make a birth plan, hospital plan, and future contact plan.post #117 of 91211/19/12 at 3:46pmpost #118 of 91211/19/12 at 5:48pmPlanet, I figured you had tried them all. So you want to hear my weirder ones? Nursing side lying, with Shay I had to sit up, latch him on and then lay down while maintaining a latch, scooch him off me, then jiggle my arm out from under his head. With Ari, at one point I would lay on my side with her reclined against my hip (I can take a picture if this one doesnt make sense). In hindsight, I think she had reflux. She also reacted when I ate dairy. She was a pretty dreamy baby once I cut out chocolate and dairy. When I nurse both boys in bed I use pillows under my shoulders so I don't feel like I'm on my back. I can't think of anything else at the moment. I would probably just bring him to bed and keep him there until y'all figure it out. I'm mean like that (or I just never thought to sleep sitting up on the couch).
Max, I'm glad your meeting went so well. Do you know if the baby has girl or boy bits? Did y'all seem to be on the same page for all the negotiation stuff or did you talk about it yet? We have a 12 month old and a 6 month old. Sara started TTC two months after I got pregnant. Good times. It's getting easier now that Soren can sit and smack back. And Shay walking has made the house messier but getting out and about simpler.
Did I post this one already?post #119 of 91211/19/12 at 6:52pmpost #120 of 91211/19/12 at 7:33pm
Cananny - I really hope you can figure out a way to come to terms with whatever situation is best for your family. I imagine that standing on the edge of such a life-altering event, staring it in the face, must be exciting and frightening all at once. Good luck and hugs to you and your DP!
Midwife Steph - CONGRATULATIONS! So lovely to hear about your daughter, thank you for checking in!
planet - Although I totally understand the want to live in every moment and savor even the frustrating ones, sometimes it's hard to do that in the exact moment when you haven't slept in two days and you just want to be able to stretch out. I really hope you can figure something out, I know it's SO difficult and uncomfortable to try to sleep in one position with a sleeping babe on your chest every night. I know you love Wylie to the ends of the earth and back, and I also know that one day it won't be like this and it'll seem like such a short span of time. But those things don't necessarily help you make it through the nights right now. Hugs, sweet momma.
Isa - I CANNOT believe Edie is seven months old now! Whew! She's SO frickin cute.
Max - how wonderful that you guys all got along so famously! I'm just elated for your family. And to be blessed with an open relationship with the birth family, that is a true and rare gift to give your child. And thank you! We are thrilled with our little Everleigh. ETA: Max, I think that babe is turned and looking straight at us! Love it!
Seraf - I haven't seen that photo of Soren and Shay - hilarious!
So, as some of you may have noticed, Evie's Halloween costume won the MDC costume contest! Thanks mostly to you guys who went and voted, haha. Thank you all! We're pretty excited to pick out some books as our prize.
Ever is 11 weeks old now. We have several other families that we're friends with who all have babies around the same age as ours, and I am finding it SO fascinating to observe the differences between them all. There are more boy babies than girl babies, and no other girl babies that are really close. The closest girl is almost five months old, so it's hard to draw comparisons there. Ever seems much more ... volatile than the rest of the 2-3 month olds. It just seems like they are more tolerant, when they fuss it's not as insistent, and IF they cry it's certainly much quieter. However, they also are harder to get to maintain eye contact, they don't make a lot of cooing noises, and are harder to get smiles from. There are a core group of mamas that we hang out with and sometimes I worry that they're going to stop inviting us to come be a part of things because Evie screams and yells so much. It's certainly not E's fault that she wants our undivided attention while she's alert while the boys are all content to sit in a swing or sit in a bouncer for awhile while we do crafts or take photos or whatever. She also fights going to sleep, yelling for at least ten minutes before she'll eventually drop off to sleep. She has started going to sleep at the boob again (she had stopped going down for naps this way), so that's something. Evie does talk and coo up a storm though, and kills us with her adorably sweet smiles. She even started clacking her tongue against the roof of her mouth at us the other day, and would repeat it when we copied her. She's got awesome head control, and is sitting up while holding our fingers really great. She's so interested in what's going on around her. But man when this girl is unhappy, you're gonna KNOW it.
DW is back at work (more than) full time so we're trying to settle into our new roles. Just in time to start daycare in January, I'm sure. DW works a lot of nights, like not getting home until 10, 11, 12, 1 o'clock. So there are a few nights a week that E and I have to work things out on our own. It's going okay, actually, though I feel bad how much she nurses when DW does get home. Like it isn't hard enough to work that late, then the baby wants to eat every hour and she doesn't get a lot of sleep. And I'm getting up at 5 to go to work. We're figuring it out. DD doesn't seem horribly tortured by it, at least.
Anyway! Here's the best part! PICTURES!
Our baby friends at our weekly playgroup!
Contemplating her duck plushie, Pato.
DW and Ever having a funny conversation.
She was cracking me up, trying to eat this bug toy's feet.
Me and the little darling.
Edited by DesertSunsets - 11/19/12 at 7:51pm
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