Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 12

[Cananny]

Isa... We bought the amber teething necklaces for the last two nanny kids

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and I swear by them... Pippi is two and still wears hers daily ... She had bad time with molars and this seemed to help!!!
I second the Motrin ( she's over six months so she can have it) also the mesh food holder things you can put frozen fruit in and let her chew on that ( messy but have seen it work)

[lisedea]

Cananny--THANK YOU for mentioning that so I can put it on my registry! I totally forgot!

[easttowest]

Tigers, you could list an EDD of 6/23/13 for us if you'd like.  

We heard the heartbeat yesterday!  164 bpm.  I really hoped for an ultrasound, but I guess since it's not medically necessary, there's no need to pay for it.  We might splurge on one of those ones they have at shopping malls just to see the little gummy bear.  They say they can tell the gender as early as 14 weeks, but I am skeptical (though I want to know!).  She'll be 13 weeks this weekend, and it's my birthday!  We started telling EVERYONE this week, so everything feels like it is moving very, very quickly.

[MidwifeStephPDX]

I have somehow fallen off the front page but you can add me to the graduates! Lucie Rain, born 10/25/12.
Just realized I can post pics from my phone!! Here are done pics of my darling girl!







And here's one of me nursing her in the sling while at Trader Joe's! I was very proud of myself, though I haven't been able to repeat that.

[maxK]

knittingTigers, can you add us for January 19 EDD?
We are negotiating our contract this coming week so we should know more soon.

[prettyisa]

Cananny--ok, maybe I'll give them a try. I wonder how hard it would be to just make one--I know they have little magnet clasps, right? Hmm...a new craft to investigate!

Wishin--oh, I'm so glad to hear that he's getting treatment and that you don't have to pay for it! That's got to be a HUGE relief!

Steph--She's gorgeous! Congrats again! How's everything going?

Max--Yay for a contract! And wow, January is getting so close!

East to West--hurray for a good, strong heartbeat! I ended up having a million ultrasounds (a perk of IVF, I suppose) at the beginning, and then they tapered off completely, by which point I'd been spoiled and was used to seeing her every couple weeks. I think you'd get the most bang for your buck if you wait until about 18-20 weeks, since they'll be more fully formed by that point. Do you guys have guesses about whether you're getting a boy or girl?

AFM--a pic of Edie with her new car seat blanket! I'm hoping it works for her--I saved some extra fabric to make modifications if needed.

[kateadelle]

wishin - glad to hear that ds will be getting the services he needs. 

isa - no personal experience obviously, but a lot of moms I know and trust swear by those amber necklaces. 

steph - Love the photo of the secret trader joe's nursing! One of my dear friends has a 1 month old and is having trouble leaving the house because she is so intimidated about nursing in public. I think I will show her that photo as inspiration!

AFM - EDD is Monday, but there is not a lot to report. I think she might be in there for a bit still. I had a little bloody show and Monday and am having periodic rounds of pretty mild contractions that last for a little while then go away. I am mostly just trying to enjoy the last days of being pregnant, which would be a lot easier if it weren't for the ever-present sciatica. I am also pretty tired of being a one-woman parade everywhere I go. The insensitive/nosy comments and questions are getting pretty tiresome. I can't complain too much, though. We are both healthy and I am no where near as miserable as my sister told me I would be at this point!

I posted this on FB already, but this is our holiday card photo. The inside says "Just enjoying our silent nights while we still can."

[seraf]

Hells bells I lost my post. Abbreviated version.

Isa,hyland's teething tablets have been great for Soren.

Max, soon! Yay!

Kate, bloody show means baby soon!

Wishin, yay for therapy.

Steph, she's beautiful. Yay for sling nursing. Most people who haven't nursed don't seem to notice, and most people who notice smile.

East, yay for it moving quickly.

AFM, Ari has more chicken pox in one armpit than Soren has on his whole body. There was a definite lack of sleep at our house last night but I still missed the meteor shower.

[lillielil]

Hi everyone. I somehow just found this place so I'm going to jump right in with the introduction.

Name/Username? lillielil

Who is in your family? me (30), DW (31), hellhound Pinto, anticipated baby #1

What pronouns do you and your family members use? she, she, she... upcoming he

If you're pregnant, when are you due? my due date was 12/8, but no baby yet

If you already have kids, tell us two interesting things about each of them. not much to say yet... baby H gets a bout of the wackies every night around 10:30, and really likes it when I eat spicy food.

If you work outside the home (or inside the home at something other than parenting), what do you do? I'm an HR manager at an international development consulting firm, which is every bit as exciting as it sounds.

What are your favorite things to do when you're not working/doing the grunt work of parenting? At this point, we're just getting ready to be parents. Most free time is spent asking "is he coming yet?". I knit a lot, the wife is an extraordinary cook, and we're both very enthusiastic about Disney World.

[KnittingTigers]

Max, Steph, and easttowest, you have been updated! Very exciting news on all three fronts- heartbeats, contracts, babies! Hurray!

Seraf, I got itchy just looking at that picture! Good luck keeping everyone comfortable. I remember mittens and calamine lotion from my own childhood...

KateAdelle, I love that card! Adorable! Enjoy these last few days.

Isa, Great blanket! I'm always inspired by all you crafty parents. (I tend to have great IDEAS for projects that never make it past the pile-of-materials-on-the-kitchen-floor stage.)

Lise and Cananny, How are you guys doing? I hope you're both feeling reasonably okay, and enjoying growing those babies.

Wishin, So glad you got some services covered. That must be a huge relief.

Pokey, Outdoorsy, anyone else lurking around here, how are you guys doing?

AFM, I am so ready for the semester to be over. I have a huge pile of papers to grade still, unfortunately, but I'm planning to work from home next week, so at least I can finish up from my couch. (The danger of which is that I'll just nap all day.) I am 20 weeks today (how did that happen?!?), and am feeling fairly gigantic. I've gained 28 pounds, which is about how much I gained in total with my previous pregnancy. The advice I've read is that with multiples, early weight gain (especially from protein and good fats) is really important in helping with higher birth weights, reduced risk of PTL, and fewer complications after birth. So, I've been an eating machine. Eggs every day. Meat multiple times a day. (This is a crazy switch from my normal diet, which is mostly vegetarian and heavier on carbs than anything else.) No junk food, but constant healthy snacking. I should buy stock in the Greek yogurt company. I'm actually getting a little sick of eating. And it's getting harder to move around comfortably. I've been trying to swim and go to water aerobics (which is hysterical- me and a bunch of 70 year old women), but it's been hard to make time for exercise while working and parenting, etc. I've been trying to get stuff at work ready just in case I end up going out on bedrest early. My goal was to have my office cleaned up and organized and to have a clear plan of transfer of responsibilities by 24 weeks. That is January 10th, and I just don't think it's going to happen. We're doing a bunch of traveling over the holidays, and I realized that this is actually my last week in the office until the 10th! So, hopefully my body will cooperate a little bit longer. (Also, side note, one of the books I read instructed all twin mothers to go half-time at work as soon as possible, and to stop working entirely by 24 weeks. Um, wouldn't that be lovely! I'm just floored by the persistent assumption that the babybearer in a family is never also the breadwinner. Luckily we have short term disability insurance, so if I do end up on bedrest, I'll still get 60% of my salary, but honestly, that would be very financially difficult for us. Okay, end rant!)

Also, we had our 18 week ultrasound and found out that we're having one boy and one girl (for now, at least!). My DD really wants a little sister, so she's happy, and DP really wanted a boy, so he's happy. I didn't really care, so I'm happy too!

One issue this brings up is circumcision. I see no need, but DP has some attachment to the idea. Any recommendations for balanced resources I can share with him? Anything too clearly polemical will just shut him down.

Okay, sorry for writing a novel here. Hope everyone is doing well, and getting ready for a great end of the year!
 

[esenbee2]

KnittingTigers -DSp and I have had the circumcision conversation since we are swaying for a boy.  He has attachment to the idea as well.  I don't see a need and actually used to be quite against it.  Now, I am not so sure.  I am against the vitamin K shot, so if we do decide to go with it, it would need to be after 7 days because of blood clotting.  I don't have any information that you could share with your DP, but I definitely am feeling your hesitation.  One resource I found was that 50% of American baby boys aren't nowadays?  That seems a little high to me, so maybe it was a skewed source.

[KnittingTigers]

Originally Posted by esenbee2 

KnittingTigers -DSp and I have had the circumcision conversation since we are swaying for a boy.  He has attachment to the idea as well.  I don't see a need and actually used to be quite against it.  Now, I am not so sure.  I am against the vitamin K shot, so if we do decide to go with it, it would need to be after 7 days because of blood clotting.  I don't have any information that you could share with your DP, but I definitely am feeling your hesitation.  One resource I found was that 50% of American baby boys aren't nowadays?  That seems a little high to me, so maybe it was a skewed source.

Thanks, esenbee. I appreciate knowing that we're not the only ones having this conversation. I've seen posts elsewhere on MDC where people have advised women to leave their partners over the circumcision issue. While we strongly disagree on this, I'm certainly not going to get divorced over it. I'm trying to understand where DP is coming from, and I think that part of it for him is that our family is so different from the rest of his family in many ways (and they are really, really, really not okay with the trans thing), and he wants our children to be as "normal" and like their cousins as possible. I don't see how what's on the end of their penises makes them normal or not, but I'm trying to understand his feelings and point of view. I don't know, it's hard. I tend to be the decision-maker about most things, and we're definitely butting heads on this one.

[seraf]

Tiger, unbiased info on circumcision is hard to come by. People have strong feelings. This year the AAP and WHO started recommending neonatal circumcision based on African studies with adults claiming that circumcision reduces HIV transmission rates. Of course, the US has a fairly high circumcision rate and also a fairly high rate of HIV (here are a couple of links so you can see what I'm talking about: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_circumcision http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_HIV/AIDS_adult_prevalence_rate ) so I can't wrap my brain around the protective benefits and would rather teach my children how to use condoms. If you know why your partner is in favor, a suitable argument may be found (the locker room argument for example, circ rates have fallen, it's less common than when we grew up). Our boys are all intact and care is simpler than a girl. None of them has had any problems. The foreskin serves multiple purposes, so it's not as simple as the cosmetic arguments.

[seraf]

Lot of cross post! Tiger, many queer families do circ for the "normal" aspect, but the rates are falling quickly. It really depends on where you live. Here in Ohio the circ rate is about 80% but many states no longer cover it with their medical card so rates are closer to 30% in those states. So basically, it's not that normal anymore. Does he know if his grandpa is circed? Chances are high that it became a "family tradition" in the 50s when it came into style. It was a huge upset with Sara's family when he wasn't circed but now only one person seems to care. No one changes his diapers, so it really doesn't affect them.

[prettyisa]

Tigers--Congrats! One of my best friends has a set of boy-girl twins and they are about the sweetest things I have ever seen! As for the circ thing, I would throw out there that you're probably already far enough from 'normal' that this one little thing is unlikely to be a big deal for most people you know. They'll shrug it off as you being a little odd the same way they do if you use cloth diapers or cosleep or do any of the other crunchy hippie types of things that are so popular on MDC. And I don't think that 50% number is off, at all. It's becoming much less common than it used to be. Good luck coming to a consensus! I also think that if you and your partner can't come to an agreement, the best thing to do is to leave things as they are--your little boy can always get circumcised later, but you can't undo it, you know?

[easttowest]

Tigers - Yes, people are definitely having these conversations!  As mentioned above, unbiased information is pretty hard to come by, which is why I'm kind of in the middle.  I think there's no real reason to do it and no real reason not to do it.  Since there's no real reason to do it, the default should probably be not to do it.  I think religion is a perfectly valid reason to do it though, so that sways me.  I knew we would circumcise if we had a boy since I am Jewish and we plan to raise our children mostly Jewish.  But now that there's a real (almost) baby, I'm leaning more and more towards not since religion doesn't cut it as a reason for ME anymore (just for ME - I would never tell someone else it's not a good reason for them).  I'm Jewish and not circumcised (since I'm trans), and I don't know of any situation in which anyone would "check" to make sure our son is.  BUT it's important to my wife because she is afraid that they would already feel different - queer parents, not "really" Jewish since their mother won't be, not biologically the children of their father, etc.  But both of us are so moderately in favor of our position (unlike so many who are passionate about it) that who knows where we will come down.  We're dropping it for now and hoping for a girl.  ;)  One thing I don't get is why it seems to always be the mother who is so anti-circ (at least around these boards) and the father isn't.  It seems like the one with the penis might know a little more about the pros and cons.  But that's just me.  I've never met a man who wasn't beyond proud of whatever junk he had, so I'm not too concerned.  Good luck!  And happy end of semester. 

[seraf]

East, yeah, I think most guys are pretty happy with whatever they're used to. There is a thread right now where guys who were circed and are unhappy about it are posting. Our younger boys are being raised Jewish. Reform. Because Shay was born to a non-Jew he would have to be converted despite his having a Jewish mother (reform recognizes patrilineal descent, but not what would basically be adoption? I'm unclear). In order to be converted, he would have to be cut. If he had already been cut, he would have to have the drop of blood ceremony before the conversion. All this is according to the local rabbi. Sara's conservarive rabbi from her family temple didn't seem nearly as concerned. We haven't talked to him yet in depth. If religion was a huge part of her life, I may have been more open to it (if I was with a partner who came from a culture that practiced FGM, would I have gone along with that? Doubtful. I believe in equality, so I don't know that it would be more fair to cut my son than my daughter) but for as religious as she is I was uncomfortable with removing a functional body part.

Totally random, but they are not the only uncut Jewish boys in our community.

[pokeyAC]

Hello Everyone--Just wanted to draw your attention to a post above from a new member, lillielil.  Her post was held because she is a new member, but you can see it now

.  lillielil!  I hope the baby comes when he's ready.

Mrs. Tigers-- I have been reading along but too tired to be motivated to respond to everyone's posts.  Sorry everyone!  I hope things go smoothly as you finish the semester and go on vacation and get things ready to pass on.  It seems strange to me that bedrest would be a necessity for someone having twins.  Maybe I'm wrong.  People seem to be a lot more cautious than they were in the olden days.  Congratulations on the boy and the girl!  Very exciting.  We haven't talked too much about circ yet, but we do disagree.  I think it's unnecessary and my wife thinks it's a good idea.  I think she thinks it would be kind of yucky or something.  This is coming from someone with no brothers who has never had sex with a man, so I think her penis experience is limited.  There are many things where I am willing to compromise, but this can't be one of them.  You either do it, or you don't.  I agree with what some of the others have said, if you don't do it, the child can always do it later when they are grown.  I've never been for it, but I always think of a friend of mine.  His mother is Jewish but she did not circumcise him or his brother, and he was really glad she didn't.  He thought it made sex better.   Since I don't have a penis, I will take his first hand account instead.  If you find something good to make your case, let me know.  I can show it to the wife.

wishin'-- Yeah for the free therapy!

easttowest--Happy Birthday!  Have fun celebrating and telling everyone!  We are still working on that.  We have a couple we haven't been able to get together with that we need to call. 

Steph -- That Lucie is such a cutie!  Congrats on the BF'ing on the down low.

maxK -- I hope everything continues to go well with the contract.  You're getting so close!

isa --That blanket is so pretty!  I want one.

kateadelle -- That is a great picture and a great card.  I hope the last few days are lovely and peaceful. 

seraf--I have heard that circumcision is recommended to stop the spread of HIV in Africa.  I guess I have always thought that the risk of disease here is pretty low if you take care of yourself and protect yourself. I believe condom use here is more common also.  I think that religion is a good reason to circ, but the health reasons aren't that compelling to me. 

AFM--  I am 13 weeks today.  I am feeling much better than I had been.  I have moments that aren't great sometimes.  We had the NT scan last week and it went really well.  The baby looks more like a baby, and it was moving around a lot.  The doctor said my risk #'s made it look like I had stepped into a time machine and gotten pregnant at 30.  Sounds good to me!  It was too early to see any junk.  I was only planning on doing 1 more u/s at 20 weeks, but my wife wants to find out the sex.  Maybe we will end up at the mall too, easttowest.

I had a belly before so I can't really tell if I've popped out at all, but it's starting to look that way a little. I've been so bloated the whole time that my entire abdomen looks big to me so it's hard to tell if there's a bump.  My regular clothes still fit but they are starting to get uncomfortable.  I bought one of those belly bands, but I'm not too sure about it.  Maternity pants sound easier and more comfortable.  I need to tell my work folks I am pregnant first so I can start wearing some new clothes.  Then the cat will be fully out of the bag.

Thank you to everyone who responded to the questions about my sister situation.  I have tried calling her out on the BS before.  I called and emailed a few times. She feels bad and sad, but I don't think it's going to change anything.  I'm just sick of it.  It's come up again recently because she and her husband (who is even more conservative about the gay thing than she is, and the head of their Christian family) renewed their vows.  She sent us an evite and we didn't respond.  We can't go anyway because we live so far away, but mostly we don't really care.  They came to our wedding reception (without the kids) and we found out later that they came because they felt they could be there without actually endorsing our marriage.  The night of the renewal, she sent us both a text saying how sorry she was we couldn't be there but they had a great time and she would send us pictures.  We were both like, WTF?  My wife sent her an email to tell her how she felt and how the text message seemed really strange.  She basically told her that she's very naive because she doesn't realize that her beliefs and behavior have consequences.  It's hypocritical to say I'm so glad you're married but then not ever mention our marriage or my wife to her children.  My sister hasn't responded to either one of us.  I would like to think that if her husband weren't in the picture things would be different, but I don't know.

[wishin'&hopin']

We didn't circ and we both have pretty strong anti-circ feelings...for a variety of reasons, but one of those is that we have a nephew with a circ that had to essentially be redone because it didn't heal properly in the first place.  Medically speaking, my wife is a physician and has never met another provider "happy" to do circumcisions (regardless of the AAP's current stance most of the physicians we know consider it to be an elective, cosmetic, surgery) and the hospital where we will birth our next baby doesn't offer circumcisions at all.  In our group of parents/friends I actually can't think of anyone (regardless of family make up) that circumcised their son/s...it definitely isn't the assumed norm where we live.  And...I don't know if my dad was circumcised or my brothers--never asked and never saw.  For those in the Jewish community who wish to welcome there sons into the Jewish community with circumcision, there are rabbis who will perform a brit shalom ("covenant of peace") ritual as an alternative to a bris for babies...(sorry for the horrific grammar, trying to keep my litany short!)

oh, and the study in Africa did not show a decrease in transmission to female partners AND condoms are still better at preventing the spread of HIV/AIDS than circumcision.

Pokey--sorry about your sister.  Family can be SO complicated.  

Knitting--a boy AND a girl, how awesome (any variation would, of course, be awesome!  But, how fun to know!)

I love all of the pictures!  It's amazing how quickly babies in and out of utero grow and change!  

[seraf]

I already posted this on FB, but look, after 4 years O decided to cut his hair!


Lilielil, welcome! You are so close!

Pokey, won't they tell you the sex at 20 weeks? They did with us. I liked the belly band to cover the gap between my pants and shirt for a couple of brief periods and with certain clothes. And all genitals are kind of yucky, that's why we wear pants! Having so many boys, I think they're bits are just as adorable as the rest of their bodies.

Wishin, I forgot that your partner is a doctor. When I was in nursing school the other nursing students and instructor were apalled at the idea of leaving a boy intact but the doctor came in and gave us a whole speel about how unnecessary the whole thing was. Now to learn there are whole hospitals that don't circ, I'm pretty pleased. Anyway, when does your son start therapy?