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Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 20

post #381 of 912
Planet, you already have a cosleeper? Break that baby out! Separate sleep surfaces are great for moving around on one bed without waking the baby. How big a difference is there between mattress tops? We have about a 2 inch difference and it doesn't bother me at all. I assume you can put your upper body into the cosleeper to nurse him and move back out when done or he can be right on the edge if his surface is lower (there is an edge between Soren and me, Soren is higher, so when he scoots toward me he ends up on my bed). If the difference is too big for your comfort, you could probably put the cosleeper up on blocks or put something under his mattress to raise it up or drill a new set of holes to put the mattress at the right height. We had a similar experience with naps with Shay. He would take long luxurious naps in a carrier or 20 minute naps on the bed. It was up to me if I wanted more of a long mental break or a short physical break. I generally chose the long break. Sometime he changed to taking longer naps in bed but he's still very flexible with sleep, which is important to me. He will fall asleep nursing, in the car or in a wrap. He still take 3 naps a day. 2 short and one long. I choose not to worry about it, secure in the idea that if something quits working for us we are adaptable enough to change it.

In other news, Shay has the spots. He is the final kid to get it and we are almost done with quarantine. Hurray! We finally got snow and today we are going sledding on the tiny hill at the playground.
post #382 of 912

planet: DD was a cat napper. 20 minutes is actually a common sleep cycle so that's why so many babies wake at that point. If I napped with her she would nap for a couple of hours. And of course, like Wylie, she would nap in the ergo or on my lap. I would actually just get comfy on the couch with a book and let her nap on my lap a lot. Not very productive but it worked for us. One idea is to try and get to him before he wakes up. Are you nursing him to sleep? If you can be there right when he wakes up and nurse him back down that might work. Good luck!


I don't really think "helicopter parenting" does refer to infants. I agree that it's more applicable with older kids.

post #383 of 912
What do you think about co-sleeping with triplets? Impossible if the bed is only a full? D and I are both pretty small....but it still seems like it might not be enough room.
post #384 of 912

Our guy never co-slept in the bed well--if he was anywhere in proximity to me he would wake if I so much as twitched and it actually led to less sleep for both of us.  We used an arm's reach mini co-sleeper (which is what we will do for the next babe as well) and then side-carred a crib at one point.  The co-sleeper worked pretty well for us and we made it higher w/ the leg extensions that you can get.  We actually only started to get better sleep consistently when DS moved to a crib in his own room (around 11 months or so).  Now at 2.5 he sleeps w/ me (DW works out of the home and is pregnant so she gets to move into the guest room to actually get a full night's rest) only if he is really sick.  It is what has worked best for all of us.  


That said, back to the AP question.  We consider ourselves attachment oriented in our style--but we only follow the tenants that make sense for our kid and family (eg, we were open to co-sleeping but it clearly did not work for our kid).  And, I echo much of what Seraf said about "lazy parenting" (nursing on demand, baby wearing have both been tools that have made life easier for all of us.  


I think helicopter parenting is an entirely different thing than attachment parenting (altho' I think that helicopter parenting can be concurrent w/ other styles as well).  Helicopter parenting limits the child's development b/c the parent is "hovering" and intervening constantly--w/o regard for what the child actually needs or wants in the situation.  There was a study on "learned helplessness" that used mice to demonstrate that mice that were taught that they were helpless (I can't remember the method) would not attempt to swim when tossed into water--meanwhile, mice that had been taught that their efforts were capable of affecting change would swim when tossed into water.


I tend to let my child (who is not particularly mouse like winky.gif) struggle w/ things because I want him to learn about the joy of succeeding when one has to work for something, (such as getting to the top of the climber on his own w/o help) and to learn that with his OWN effort he can eventually achieve things that at this point he is unable to do.  I also practice benign neglect--I don't play with him constantly and he is perfectly capable of playing on his own (some of this is totally due to his temperment)   In general, I find that he's willing to try because he trusts that he is fundamentally safe--a fundamental awareness directly related to the secure attachment that he has gained through having his emotional needs met as much as we are able.  Further, we try to practice gentle discipline and are big fans of natural consequences (wow, I see that your hands are cold and that you don't like how that feels--remember how you wouldn't wear your mittens?  Mittens would have kept your hands warm.  Would you like them now?).  We try to set clear expectations for behaviour and the consequences are immediate and clear (if you can't leave the dog alone while I'm making dinner you'll have to stay in the kitchen with me).  Luckily, this seems to work w/ our mild mannered kiddo.  


OF course...that said, we're having another one and everything we "think" we know could be totally wrong for kiddo #2, but I sure hope not!!!  


Lisedea--I cannot picture trying to co-sleep w/ three newborns, and I don't know if a co-sleeper would help (probably too small).  But I can picture side carring a crib and having all three in the crib next to the bed.  


Planet--DS mostly napped while being worn for AT LEAST the first 4 months.  We gradually transitioned to crib naps when we got more of a schedule.  The 2,3,4 hour rule seemed to work really well for us once he was taking just 2 naps a day (around 6 months).  So, up for the day awake for 1-2 hours then a nap, then awake for about 3 hours then a nap and then awake 4 hours and then sleep for the night.  Under four months or so most babies can't handle more than an hour or two of awake time...and at that point there were LOTS of naps in carriers (or course, DS will still nap in the carrier even tho' he won't nap in his bed anymore--he's mostly nap free now :(

post #385 of 912
Desert- Cute pictures! Looks like baby is so happy!
post #386 of 912
All this talk about naps is leaving me very anxious! I'm really not sure how I did naps with DD and I'm worried that with the next one, I won't remember or know how to do anything! It's been so long since DD was an infant/baby, will I still know what to do?? DD did GREAT with naps and slept through the night in her crib at 5 1/2 weeks, right before I had to go back to working nights. I guess it just worked out that way? She has always naturally been a very independant sleeper. What if baby #2 isn't so easy?? I know there were phases of difficulties, but I don't remember them and I really don't remember how I resolved them.
post #387 of 912
Sorry for not doing personals, but... BOY! Since none of you here know me, I feel safe admitting I am the teensiest bit disappointed, but mostly I am so happy he is healthy and we can really start picturing a baby. And we plan to have another one, so no pressure! Now the circumcision talks begin...
post #388 of 912
Originally Posted by esenbee2 View Post

All this talk about naps is leaving me very anxious! I'm really not sure how I did naps with DD and I'm worried that with the next one, I won't remember or know how to do anything! It's been so long since DD was an infant/baby, will I still know what to do?? DD did GREAT with naps and slept through the night in her crib at 5 1/2 weeks, right before I had to go back to working nights. I guess it just worked out that way? She has always naturally been a very independant sleeper. What if baby #2 isn't so easy?? I know there were phases of difficulties, but I don't remember them and I really don't remember how I resolved them.

My first made me a parent, my second made me humble. Necessity is the mother of invention and you will figure it out.


Lise, I would totally co-sleep with triplets, but I can't imagine getting up that much and I sleep through nursing with no problems.  I'll be back with diagrams.

post #389 of 912

East, I'm sorry you're disappointed, it's pretty normal to have feelings about it.  I really wanted my second to match her brother, but she's as cool as can be.  Good luck with your circ discussions. 

post #390 of 912

Starling - I'm so sorry you've come down with the flu.  I hope it passes you by quickly.  And thank you!  We feel incredibly fortunate that our entire family is utterly in love with our Everleigh.  I just happened to snap a few heart-meltingly awesome photos of her and Dad.  


CaNanny - Those boys are so lucky to have you and DP!  The nursery is great, and I bet you'll make it to your c-section date!  Stay in and grow, lads! 


Seraf - Love the pictures of Shay and Soren with their bottles, LOL.  Sara coming home soon?  Sorry Shay has the spots, but glad to hear he's the last one.  Hooray for the end of quarantine. 


Mami - I'm right there with you on photos of the two of you.  I love the picture of you and DW, it's perfect.  Somehow, with just the one baby, we already can't manage to get photos of even the two of us together, much less family pictures of all 3!  So kudos to you.  


Planet - how awesome would that be?!?!  We do love our hiking.  Ever and I are both sick with a cold right now, and DW has been working a lot so her ankle is bothering her and we're bummed we haven't gotten to hike lately, but I'll be darned if we don't soon!  We'd love to meet you guys on the trail, haha.  If you DO come visit Tucson, please let us know!  Any of you!  We'd love to have a MDC tea date at our house.  Also, Planet, Evie is totally unpredictable on naps as well.  She sleeps great on us/with us, and *sometimes* she'll nap in her swing or in her bassinet but usually it's only 20-30 minutes. 


Thanks Max!  She is generally very happy.  We describe her as a baby of extremes.  She tends to be super happy and thrilled or really upset, haha.  Although the past couple weeks she has just fussed when unhappy instead of bloody-murder screaming, which she tends towards.  Our baby-friends say that she aced the "manipulative baby crying" classes, which I know isn't MEANT to be offensive but kind of is.  I believe her crying is communicative, and maybe if another (more chill) baby was in the same circumstance as her that baby might not scream its head off where ours does... but that doesn't change that it's still her telling us something isn't right.  It does bother me when she screams and we're in an enclosed space with other people.  It feels as though all our eardrums may burst.  But again, she's really settled down lately and it seems like life is getting a little easier for her.  And the happy times are way more than enough to make up for anything else. 


easttowest - congratulations on your son!  Being disappointed in one sex or the other isn't abnormal, at all.  I'd wanted a baby girl first for so long that I was afraid of how disappointed I would be if DW was pregnant with a boy.  I was SO nervous about it that I talked myself into believing she WAS pregnant with a boy.  (Obviously this is before we found out.)  I gave myself such stress over the sex of the baby that I really thought hard about it one day, and I realized that the baby already was the sex it was.  It wasn't going to change at the anatomy scan.  That baby was the sex it had been all along, and then I felt terrible at the idea of wishing that an already male baby was a female.  I immediately decided that I was so thrilled with having A BABY that it wasn't worth stressing over or wishing for something different than I had.  And I hope that none of the above comes across as a reprimand to you or judgmental of you, because it is really not intended to be.  Just as an, "I've been there" kind of commiseration.  Anyway.  Congratulations again.  And good luck on the circumcision decision.  

post #391 of 912
Desert, Sara came home last night. I'm glad she is calming down, we hear that our guys' mellow grunty cries are manipulative, too (wtf?why do people think babies are manipulative?i sometimes wonder if they're projecting their own desire for control onto babies).

Lise, when Soren was new I was nervous to be surrounded by babies so I slept with him above my head. We have a twin and full.

Now we sleep like this. I sleep with my head as low as theirs because I pull my covers to my ears. Sara and I use separate blankets.

If I was adding a third baby and nursing them all, I would probably do this. All in reach and less likely to kick you in the head. If you nurse the top two in the football hold, they're easier to escape from than if they each have their head on your shoulder. Plus, when they're rooting in the night, they creep upward and it's really disconcerting in the night to be unable to find a baby because he scooted along the wall.

Something like this may work for you. Closer together if you like.

Once they get bigger, this may be lots of fun.
post #392 of 912
saraf just love the diagram using toys!
post #393 of 912
seraf--You are hilarious! This is fantastic! So incredibly well thought out....I can't wait to show to D. It gives me hope! Thank you!

east--Don't feel badly, so normal!! As much as I am just so happy to be having babies...I was a bit disappointed about having all three boys and not a mix. Since the initial shock though, I have been feeling more and more happy about it.

max--so happy to hear of your droplets! what a great start!

desert--she is so precious. I love all of the pictures.

20 weeks and just beginning modified bed rest. I went in to work today to clean up the last of my things (we had a snow day on my last day...so I didn't get as much done as I wanted) and felt really weird about leaving. Hard to believe I won't be going back for 8 months....just wish I could spend 8 months with the babies rather than waiting for them to get here. On another note, I have been having a really difficult time with people I am surrounded by with negativity towards breastfeeding and cloth diapering. I think it is because of where I live (and where family lives)--most people focus on convenience in everything they do and think I am totally crazy. I wouldn't talk about it but I don't like to lie when people ask...and from my baby registry it is VERY obvious that I am doing both of those things and other things seen as "crazy" ("what, you aren't buying diaper wipes??") My mom is in full support of both--so that helps. It is how she raised me...so she knows that it isn't as difficult as some may say...although, yes, lots of laundry with triplets. Anyway...glad I have somewhere to vent yet again. Sheepish.gif
post #394 of 912

lisedea-exclusively bottle feeding 3 babies would not be all that convenient or inexpensive.  It takes time to make a bottle and then you have to clean it.  Breastmilk is ready to drink 24-7 at the right temperature and you don't need a dishwasher.  Buying disposable diapers would also be very expensive even if it is a little easier.  I'm sorry people are giving you a hard time.  It would bother me too.  Ultimately, it's no one's business because they won't be doing the feeding and diapering.  Stay strong!  I hope bed rest/not working goes ok.  It would be hard to be home without the babies born yet.


easttowest-Did you break down and go to the mall?  I just convinced DW to wait until the 20-week scan.  I hope she doesn't change her mind. smile.gif  I understand being disappointed.  I was a little bummed we weren't having twins at first even though I am so happy to be having even 1 baby.  Ultimately, we will all love the crap out of any baby we have even if it wasn't the sex we preferred.  Congratulations!  

post #395 of 912
Lise, I'm glad you enjoyed the pictures. Most people know I'm kind of fringe but an answer like this should be fairly well understood, "once we did the math we realized that disposable diapers and formula would cost us ($0.20 per diaper x 8 changes a day x 365 days x 2.5 years x 3 bums = $4380 let's just round to 5 k for wipes, too and $0.50 per 4 oz bottle x 8 bottles a day x 365 days x 3 mouths = 4380, how did that happen?) ten thousand dollars, and we decided we would rather put it toward college saving/orthodontics/food for their teen years/plane tickets." Of course, you will need a huge number of calories to feed that many people!
post #396 of 912
Pokey, we did indeed go to a place at a plaza in Danville. If you are thinking about it, I can't recommend this place enough! It was really nice, and the owner/tech was experienced and knew what she was doing. DW is only 15 weeks, but sex was clear as day, and we got some good shots, plus she was able to tell that his legs are really long - no surprise there, since DW is over 6 feet tall! But if you do want to wait for the scan, that's totally understandable, too. You must be coming up on it! Good luck!
post #397 of 912

east, congrats on a healthy boy! I also think it's normal to experience disappointment when you may be expecting something else. As you know, I'm sure you'll fall head over heels in love with him once he's here and the disappointment will be a distant memory :)


lise, wow, bedrest. Grow, boys, grow! What an amazing thing you'll be doing over the next few months. I can't imagine growing 3 babies...you are a hero! lol I'm glad you feel supported here. I sometimes felt out of place around not sleep training DD. But I stuck to what I believe in and what I felt was right and I'm so glad I wasn't swayed by others. 


Afm: It's my DD's 3rd birthday today! Unfortunately she's been sick with a fever for 24 hours now. She doesn't get sick often and this is only the 3rd time I think with a fever so it's upsetting to all of us. I woke up at 2am feeling super nauseous so now I'm sitting here eating yogurt and can't fall back asleep. We have a big party scheduled for later today but I'm not quite sure how we'll swing it with her feeling so sick. Maybe we'll go ahead and she can just make an appearance or something. Bad timing, poor little thing.


Speaking of finding out the sex of the baby - I sort of felt like I would feel more strongly about having a boy but to be honest I'd be equally happy with either. I think having sisters would be amazing but raising one of each would be a great experience too. I think my DP feels similar but may be slightly leaning towards wanting a boy. We won't find out until he or she gets here though :) My next u/s is in 4 days...still very nervous!

post #398 of 912
East... I think we went to the same place!!!! We loved the tech she was funny and knew what she was doing:) what was name of place adorable baby ? Or something similar ... When we found out it was 3 boys we were a bit dissapointed to not have a girl in the mix but it didn't take long to be excited for our sons!! I didn't realize you were in the Bay Area smile.gif

Seraf... Love the toy diagram of co sleeping with three... I showed Dp and she was like there room is right across the hall lol:)
I have been thinking about bf more and I'm hoping to have a really good LC to get them nursing at least a little.., I think it will help with bonding and less bottles to wash lol

I'm on my phone posting and can't go back far enough but someone asked if we have three cribs... We do our plan is to sleep them in one at first or maybe our room in rock and plays ,.. But with three we feel a good schedule and sleeping habits will be vital to our sanity ... Once they are moving around they each have their own crib smile.gif

26 weeks today !
post #399 of 912

CaNanny,  I've totally never tried co-sleeping with 3 (I have co-clept with 4 preschoolers, that's why I know so much about being kicked in the head), so those are just my guesses based on sleeping 2. I only really think learning about co-sleeping is important for non-cosleepers because most parents will eventually be exhausted enough to fall asleep with a baby.  Knowing how to do it safely is a good thing. I think it would be hard to sleep with 3 babies, but I also think it would be hard to get up for an hour every two hours for months. With nursing, I don't stress bonding as much (ok, it's earth-shatteringly amazing).  Just like you can't describe the smell of a fresh ripe peach to someone who has never smelled it, they will never know what they're missing either because there's so much bonding to be done and we've all bonded with people we never nurse. Again, I totally think you can rock it all, I just don't think anyone wants to wash that many bottles and pump parts.


Carmen, Happy birthday to you and your DD.

post #400 of 912

Hi all! 


I have been lurking while my wife has been posting in queer conceptions and sometimes here (as mrsandmrs). I so often want to chime in that I finally created my own login. We got our BFP a couple days before Christmas (best present EVER) after a tough year of fertility treatments that followed years of charting and not being able to pinpoint her ovulation. We were using injectables and had two big follicles, so I'm really looking forward to seeing what pops up on our first ultrasound in a little over a week. Our beta numbers were really good and she is having a ton of symptoms! Yay. 15DPO beta: 281. 17DPO beta 669. We have another beta tomorrow.


So far it is really exciting to be the non-gestational parent! I gave birth to our other "baby," who is sixteen, when I was a teenager.

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