Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 27

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by prettyisa 

Meanwhile, DP and I have been feeling a little trapped by the baby. She's amazing--sweet and calm and happy--but we also have to be more or less hanging out with her all the time. When do babies get big enough that they can amuse themselves without needing in-room supervision? Two? Three? Fourteen? We manage to get stuff done, but both of us feel like we never get any time to focus on things. It's such a minor complaint for all of the awesomeness that she adds to our lives, but having some kind of idea when she might be happy in a playroom (right off the kitchen, door open) so we can cook, would be amazing. That said, she has started having little rap-move dance parties with her short little arms that are the height of adorable.

DD will play for about 30 minutes or so on her own but not usually in another room yet. We live in a small townhouse though so it's not because she wouldn't do it in another room. To be honest, I don't know any kid under 4 that wants to play alone in another room.  I would suggest you take turns "getting stuff done" or having time alone. Or try and set her up close by so she can see you. Also, when she gets older she can help out. DD often stands on a chair in the kitchen while we cook and chops veggies or mixes stuff, etc.

[maxK]

craftyvulpine-

About the MIL or mom issue, I've been accused of being very hard headed and bossy in my family. This comes in handy in this situation because I can just say stop, or please let me raise my baby according to my values. I understand most relationships require delicate negotiations and certainly family members can be sensitive. I wish you all luck in the familial negotiations around babies. I have a feeling I am going to have to limit my family visits when the time comes.

Birthmom still hasn't gone into "real" labor yet so we are waiting. I'm cleaning the baby room and pumping.

[DesertSunsets]

Welcome, craftyvulpine!  

planet - urgh.  Best of luck to you in negotiating things with your mom.  Wouldn't it just be great if it worked out all by itself and wasn't a problem?  Sometimes it just seems so much more stressful to me, to have other people care for our baby rather than just do it ourselves.  Of course, that isn't an option for our family, so we have to navigate!  I am sorry she isn't an easy one to have a heart-to-heart with.  Good luck, friend.  Also, wow is your DP fantastic for doing the mom-wrangling!  Way to go! 

Isa - with our foster kids, we found that having two kids was great for the entertainment purposes!  The 4 year old easily occupied the 1 year old while we made dinner.  It was really helpful, lol.  Unfortunately, we have learned that just the one baby does tend to keep us occupied.  We used to be able to accomplish things while she napped in the swing, but she ain't having any of that anymore.  Naps are for laps, dummies!  Or so she seems to say.  Anyway.  Good luck to us all, on the feeling trapped front.  

Max - I know the waiting part can be so hard.  Glad to hear you've got plenty to keep you busy until that little one arrives.  I hope the birthmom has an easy delivery.  Do you and your partner get to be present for the birth?  

Tonight we watched a movie on the big screen at the theatre DW works at with some baby friends.  We had a blast!  Lovely to not worry about crying babies upsetting other people.  Plus, we could turn the lights up or down or pause it and control the volume.  The only way to watch movies, as far as I'm concerned! 

[bigfoot]

Carmen - congrats on your sticky one! That is such incredible news.

Max - what an exciting time! Waiting and nesting must be so fun.

Regarding all the camera talk, I would really encourage people not to be intimidated by DSLRs. Seriously, most people who own them use them on auto and there is nothing wrong with that. You can never capture those brief moments with little ones as well with a point and shoot. Little kids just move so fast. I would suggest asking friends who own them to show you how to take photos on auto (with and w/o flash) and see how it feels before ruling it out completely. You can also find a ton of online tutorials and troubleshooting info. I love both Nikon and Canon. For when we don't want to lug around an SLR, we each have a Canon Powershot, which take pretty gorgeous photos and are user friendly (and tiny). I like the models with a wider lens (28mm). They still manage to do pretty well when lighting situations are not ideal, but you fit so much more in the photos.

This one is almost 4 years old and DW has a newer very similar model. I will probably get an updated model before baby time!

AFU - first ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. We will be a few days shy of 6 weeks, so it may be too early to see a heartbeat. We are nervous but excited. DW's symptoms have increased, which is pretty miserable for her but very encouraging. The weirdest for me has been her going from an insomniac to sleeping 10-12 hours when time permits. Usually I am the good sleeper, but I'm about to go back to night shift for the first time in a year and my sleep is totally messed up. Also, did we mention yet that the RE says we are not allowed to have any sort of sex for at least the first trimester?? 

[planet]

Welcome, craftyvulpine!

Starling, thank you for sharing your experience.  That is a good idea to have a set amount of time.  That would actually help me relax, I think.  I think she would respect and adhere to that boundary.  About the stroller, Wylie REALLY prefers the carrier and used to hate the stroller (he prefers to snuggle over any other activity in life).  I think as he's getting older he is becoming more comfy in the stroller.  My mom is buying us one that she will be comfortable using, so I am hoping that it will be a calming experience for her and Wylie.  We live in a very walkable neighborhood filled with shops, cafes, restaurants, etc.  If Wylie can get used to the stroller, I think it will be a great solution for them both!!

Max, good luck with the waiting!  At least you have lots to do to keep you occupied! :)  And I hear you, I also have little problem laying down the law/setting boundaries. It just gets a lot more complicated when people don't necessarily respect or respond well to your boundaries!  My parents have been around a lot less than I had thought they would be.  I had to get space from their visits because my mom was so stressful for me.  I now have to figure out how to let her in a little and to help her be successful so we can have some free childcare. :)

Desert, that picture is TOO cute!!!!  Look at all those babies at the movies.  And yes, my DP rules to be taking on the mom stuff.  Thank goodness!!!

I'm currently experiencing my first morning awake and alone in four months as I get ready for my first day back at work!  Cross your fingers for me that I can remember my students' names and speak a complete sentence. ;)

[seraf]

Yeah, I don't think kids want to play alone in general, that's why two kids are easier than one in some regards. I started nannying when O was 8 months, so he always had someone else to play with.

Desert, awesome moviegoing and adorable picture. We used to take the boys to the movie all the time.

Bigfoot, no sex? Lol, Sara was put on pelvic rest a couple of times and another time they said something about prostaglandins and we laughed. We always had to clarify.

Planet, you're east of the Mississippi? We really like DC, if you're game next time we're down there, maybe we could meet up.

[prettyisa]

Desert—that’s so great that you can do little private baby screenings! They are so cute growing together.

Bigfoot—whoa! I haven’t heard that one before—any reason on the no sex front? Hoping you get to see an excellent little bean in there tomorrow!

Craftyvulpine—welcome to the board!

Planet—good luck on the first day back! I hope it’s not too hard!

AFM—thanks, everyone. I think it’s just good to know I’m not alone (and subsequently feeling guilty for feeling this way if no one else ever does). It’s really not that we want her to be in another room, and she really does play independently a lot of the time. It’s just that we never know when that will be and when she’s going to want to have us down on the floor interacting with her for long periods of time. I think having a second would really help with that, as would her being able to stand/walk independently. Most of the problem is really that she wants to be standing a lot of the time, but can’t do it unless we are there to help. Seraf, she’s definitely more mobile now, though not actual crawling (which means she goes a little slower, thank god), so we spend a lot of time pulling her off the modem cable. I am looking for a better box (with a lid!) for it, but no one seems to sell one.

[bigfoot]

Isa - at first they told us nothing in the vagina. So then we had to clarify whether they meant just no penetration or no orgasm? They really meant nothing at all. I think it is just their standard, overly cautious protocol for people who had trouble conceiving. We had to use injectables plus progesterone and estradiol. I suppose they might be this overly cautious with all their patients.

[mrsandmrs]

Bigfoot forgot to mention that I have been full of despair and whining since the nurse told me that. Don't get me wrong. I feel like crap. I am exhausted. It's hard to have enough energy to even smooch. But I can still be indignant and upset that someone told me not to have an orgasm.

[Cananny]

Bigfoot and Mrs...

I can sympathize.. and so can DP.. we have not had sex in 6 months.. I was to high risk with having multiples.. Needless to say the bigger I get the less I want it.. but my poor DP.. she feels for you both.. in the end you will have a healthy baby ( in our case three babies)

Isa..I guess its a good thing we are having three babies.. that means they will entertain themselves.. right~

Desert.. cute photos as always.. we have baby Monday's here where you can take a baby under two to see new movies and they turn the volume way down and its very baby friendly! I wonder if we will ever attempt that with three?

Max.. sending baby vibes to you... hoping the baby makes an entrance soon :)

AFM

Not much going on.. some days the boys are super active and others they sleep more I guess.. we are less than 7 weeks away and I am starting to panic about the c section.. I have never had any kind of surgery or been under .. I am pretty terrified of  being cut open.. 

[seraf]

CaNanny, are they putting you under or just giving you an epidural? Epidurals are more common for scheduled c-sections. It's not an awesome surgery to recover from for some people but it's very common so your doctors are sure to have a lot of practice. I'm sorry you're stressed. I would be very nervous, too, especially pregnant. I was so anxious pregnant compared with how I normally view the world (Sara is being put under for surgery in a few weeks, I would be nearly panicked thinking about it if I was pregnant, as it is I'm mildly nervous about it) I would remind myself that it's a relatively small incision and the doctor has tons of practice.

Hugs to you. Keep your eye on the prize but know we will be here when/if you need to talk about it.

[wishin'&hopin']

Big and Mrs--It was recommended that we not have sex the first trimester b/c DW had a small subchorionic (sp?) bleed and the RE thought that orgasm could cause spotting and that would be upsetting for us.  So, we didn't...the midwife (who we saw at 10 weeks) thought this was silly.  However, we still abstained.

Cananny--fingers crossed.  I would be really nervous too in your circumstances--does it help to remember that for the surgeon this is a routine surgery?  I've heard that some of the hypno babies scripts can be helpful even for c-sections...do you have access to something like that?  Hugs.

Seraf--hope Sara is doing okay and flies through the surgery easily.  

[seraf]

Wishin, thanks. I'm sure she'll be fine. It's sad tho that I can't be there for her after. She is donating bone marrow in Boston. Children aren't allowed in the hospital (cancer hospital) so we would both have to leave all 4 kids for 4 days and I just can't see that working. I think her mom is going to go with her, which will be more comforting than no one, but still.

[prettyisa]

Bigfoot and Mrsmrs--Well, I am sorry about it anyway! And yes, I would be totally whiny if I was told not to, even if I wasn't in the mood.

Cananny--I hope it goes smoothly--I always feel weirdly calm about surgery and doctors. I had some really good experiences (oddly) as a child so I feel very safe in those situations. I'll send some of my calmness your way!

Seraf--glad to hear that Sara's well. I had wondered what was up when I saw she was doing lots of medical tests and was hoping nothing was wrong. I'm impressed that she got called! I've been on that registry for a decade now, and nary a peep out of them. Which reminds me that I wanted to get DP to sign up...

[bigfoot]

Cananny - I had my very first surgery when I had my gallbladder out this year. I tend to have a lot of doctor anxiety and have since I was a kid. Luckily my surgery was scheduled only a week ahead of time so I didn't have time to get too worked up, but all of my fear was a total waste. Everything went so smoothly. I remember my fear of giving birth being the same, only the relief of having it over is way more awesome when there is a baby (or in your case a bunch of babies) at the end!

Seraf - wow, that is amazing that she is donating marrow.  

[glassesgirlnj]

Bigfoot and Mrsmrs, I had a marginal placenta previa for a while (diagnosed at 14 weeks, resolved itself by 20 week ultrasound), and was told to avoid all vaginal penetration.  Too bad, b/c that was the part of my pregnancy when I had the highest sex drive!! 

CANanny, I'm sure everything will go fine with your upcoming c-section!  And I will be thinking of you and your family.

Seraf, that's such a great thing Sara is doing!  I'm sorry you can't be there for her.  Maybe you could set up a Skype connection afterwards or something?  (Or, you know, an old school phone call.) ;)

In other news, I just felt the need to vent a bit on a different MDC thread, where a couple of posters were going on about the (female-bodied) MOTHER's role to do XYZ, and the (male-bodied) FATHER's role to do ABC, and so on ad infinitum.     ...Um hi, gender theory 101, anyone?  Read even a page or two of a single Kate Bornstein book? 

Can anyone here who identifies as trans/genderqueer/ally/etc - or who has a partner that does - feel me on this?

[prettyisa]

Hell, Glasses--we're pretty darn cis-gendered over at my house and I hate that kind of thinking! After all, in my house, someone has to take out the trash even if there's no menfolk around to do it for us, right? I also think that the things my parents did when I was little that meant the most to me crossed a range of gender expectations--my dad being my girl scout leader and baking a mean quiche coming right to mind. -sigh- this world, sometimes.

[seraf]

The bone marrow thing, yeah, I knew it had been mentioned but I realized I hadn't said what was going on. It has been a fairly interesting process.

GGNJ, I haven't read the thread of which you speak, but yeah, "my anatomy dictates my chores and recreational choices" is not something that flies with me. I was raised by a single mom and she made dinner and fixed the plumbing. Helped with homework and little league.

[glassesgirlnj]

Exactly, Isa!  I was a part of the "Free to Be You and Me" generation, myself.  Where did we go wrong? ;)

On a related note, has anyone noticed that toddler boys' clothes are anywhere from $1-5 cheaper, PER ITEM, for the exact same pieces as toddler girls' clothes?  (I'm heading over to another mama's house on Saturday to take a look at her 24 month and 2T boys' stuff... Annamaria will probably be wearing lots of denim, plaid, and stripes this spring.)

[seraf]

Isa, funny you mention taking out the trash, right after I hit send, I told Sara that I strap something on to take out the trash. What would the neighbors think otherwise?