Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 36

[escher]

Hi Everyone,

Max: I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your little girl arrives soon!

Isa: I'm so sorry about your clogged ducts. Are you feeling any better yet?

Carmen: Hooray for a good midwife appointment and a strong heartbeat!

KnittingTigers: It's great that your babies are measuring right on schedule! Good luck with the school choice.

Mrsandmrs and Bigfoot: Congratulations on your healthy babies! I can't wait to hear how the teenager takes the news.

Esenbee: What a hard conversation. I'm sorry. It sounds like your DSp is pretty scared about what might go wrong. I agree with you that it is important for both partners to feel comfortable with the plan. I hope that you're able to have a better conversation soon.

Question: Our little guy just finished a round of amoxicillin for an ear infection. Is there anything other than probiotics that we should be doing to help his system recover? Thanks!

[esenbee2]

pokey -to answer your question about how I gave birth the first time, I was induced with cervadil at 12 am, felt cramps at 6 am, started pitocin at 6, labored for 14 hours, still .5 dialated.  Opted for the epidural, so I was in the bed from then on out.  An hour after the epidural, she was born.  So I delivered on the bed, semi laying down and held my own legs up while pushing.  3 rounds of pushing for 10 seconds, I think.  I still get sad and depressed when I think about my ideal birth.  (And I still get pissed off at my OB practice and one of the hospital nurses.)

[julietea8]

Hi everyone! I'd like to drop in for a little advice if I may. We are getting ready to try for our second babe with DW planning to carry this time. We've been concerned about her charting results for the last couple of months. Today she got the results of her day 21 test and she didn't ovulate last month. Her progesterone was at a three, which I hear is low. It's amazing how quickly discouraging this can be even though we don't know much yet. She does (did?) produce eggs--she's a past egg donor. Her OB is suggesting she start slowly with acupuncture. I fully support acupuncture as an effective treatment for many things, but it seems to me that working with an RE to figure out what might be the challenge for her would be a good thing now. It's been three months with no indication of ovulation. Does it seem too soon? Any thoughts on how to support her in our particular context--I had a miscarriage, but no trouble conceiving. Already she's suggested that maybe I should "just do this." I know she has a strong desire to carry and she's made that emotional and lifestyle shift to TTC with her charting. As much as I'd love to carry again, I wouldn't take the opportunity from her. I think we should do whatever we can (within her comfort level) to give her the chance to conceive this time around. Perhaps this would be better posted on the TTC board, but I thought I'd post where I've been most in the past. :) Thanks for sharing any experiences. 

[pokeyAC]

esenbee-Oh, yes.  I thought you had talked about that recently.  Makes perfect sense to me that you would want to birth differently this time around after a traumatic, less than ideal situation.  The good news is you have several months to think and talk about it.  Have you considered using a doula?  I think doulas can be just as great a support for the partner as for the mom.  They are a neutral third party who is not emotionally invested in your family. 

knitting-Thank you very much for the pants offer.  I think I'm in pretty good shape at the moment.  Plus, I need an XL so I don't think yours would fit.  I had always thought wearing maternity clothes would be great for me because I'm pear-shaped and always need clothes that are bigger on the bottom.  I even have a maternity coat I bought before I got pregnant because it fit great in the shoulders and chest and was big enough for my hips.  If I buy a coat that fits my hips, I look like a linebacker up top.  I have come to the realization though that I'm still screwed because I have to buy stuff that accommodates my hips and my belly.  I have bought my shirts in a larger size with the hope that they will last through my pregnancy.  Today I am wearing a super cute sweater that's a medium, but I don't think it will fit for the duration.  Oh well!  I would be happy to take over as threadkeeper for February though!

max-That's great news on the increase in milk!  I'm sure the baby will be here soon enough to help you along.

AFM-Not much going on here.  I feel little flutters that must be the baby but it's so hard to tell for sure.  I'm going to the chiropractor today and getting a prenatal massage on Monday.  Yeah!

[escher]

Hi Julietea! It's great to see you here.

I think the question of how to handle lack of ovulation has a lot of different possible answers. I'm afraid of having multiples, so if I weren't ovulating I would try acupuncture first (along, maybe, with maya abdominal massage, chiropractic work, vitex, fertility tea, vitamins, etc) before going with conventional fertility drugs. But I definitely know that other people are more comfortable with the idea of multiples than I am, and probably meds that an RE could prescribe would work faster than the alternative treatments. How do you two feel about meds and the possibility of multiples in general? How important is it to you that you start TTC now vs. in several months?

I think the second question, about switching uteri, is hard. We're switching too, as you know, and while my wife doesn't have the same long-standing desire to be pregnant that yours has, we still are committed to having her try. Like you, I would love to carry again, but I want her to have a chance first. We've talked a little bit about what we would do if she weren't pregnant in six months, and one of the options would be switching back to me. But, as you know, that wouldn't be an easy decision at all. I think it is hard right now to know how much I should even be tentatively preparing for the possibility of TTC in six months (through small things like charting or taking folic or through bigger things like getting bloodwork done). At the moment we're just focusing on my wife's fertility, but I don't know when we would start thinking about having me prepare too. Anyway, I don't have any advice, but we're sort of in a similar place.

Hi to everyone else!

[seraf]

Isa, I think the allergy is mine. I think because I ate wheat and dairy every day of my life, I never noticed the chronic, low level reactions. Off dairy my stomach feels better than I realized stomachs could feel and another more personal change. Off wheat I'm less bloated, my joints don't ache and I don't get itchy skin.

Escher, I think probiotics are the way to go. Does he seem to feel ok?

Julie, There are certainly ways to get a girl to ovulate, talk to an RE. Our doc was ready to help long before we were ready for it. I personally would take switching uteri off the table for a while. My big kids' mama tried between O and A and again after A. By switching, yeah we got A, but while it was easy for her to rationalize that getting me pregnant was quicker, easier and less emotionally draining for her in the short term, it caused a whole lot of big feelings in the long term that I never found out about until I got pregnant with Shay and she offered to talk to Sara about the challenges she faced as the NGP. She tried again after A, but halfheartedly and all the while really doubting her body. She neve did conceive but it was a battle she kept to herself. I think a larger gap would have been worth it to explore her options more. Just my two cents.

[planet]

Hi everyone! I've been reading along but haven't been able to keep up.

Seraf, how is soren? Sounds like quite the experience you all went through. I'm glad Sara was able to advocate for him and stop that doctor! What can happen if someone retracts a baby's intact foreskin? My partners mom tried to do that to Wylie and she thought I was nuts when I stopped her. Thankfully she respected our wishes anyways.

My sweet partner has now spent two afternoons training my mom to care for Wylie. He is not worried now, but I still am. She struggles with everything. Diapers, the buckles on the swing, the buckles on the stroller, putting him to sleep. DP thinks she just needs time to practice. I think he is right, but what will happen before she feels comfortable? The childcare will start in a month. I am so nervous. I don't really want to leave my baby with her for a whole long day! We have no other options right now.I am trying to be flexible and optimistic...

[planet]

Esenbee, I'm sorry a to hear about the fight. That sounds really hard. I would be upset, too, if my partner tried to tell me how I should birth! I hope that with more calm trails and more exposure to positive natural birth stories, he will soon come around and understand your desired. His fears are irrational, and any research will show that. Good luck!!!

[lillielil]

Oh boy.. I fully intended to make sure I became a member of this fantastic community, then went missing! 

Harrison is four weeks old now, and completely amazing. He is starting to sleep for longer stretches at night, and I'm getting much better at understanding what he needs (I can differentiate between "hungry" and "for the love of all that is holy I need to fart!"). I also started pumping some milk so my wife can feed him. From the beginning she was doing a lot of the diapering and bathing, but was struggling to feel like she was bonding with him since those are things he doesn't particularly like. He does like eating, so I'm very glad that she can share that with him now. It hasn't been easy for her, and we have already started talking about a uterus switch for #2 in 2014. She wanted to carry #1, but because she had some health concerns we decided that it would be easier if I did. Now we both think that "easy" is far from the only consideration.

A few pages back there was some discussion of C-sections for fluffy mamas. I'll chime in with what I'm doing: blowdrying. I take the hair drier to my incision after every shower, and then put a strip of folded gauze under my lovely belly flap. I also squirt some antiseptic pain relief spray on it once or twice a day. It seems to be healing well, except for one little area on the right side that is taking its sweet time. I am so mad that I can't do everything I want to do, and have probably impaired the healing process a bit by overdoing it physically. I keep hoping that if I ignore the fact that I was cut open, it won't be true.

On that topic, I am completely devastated about how birth went. I had a vision of my perfect birth, and I feel like my body failed me completely. I'm trying to cry about it when I'm in the shower and forget about it the rest of the time, but I know that I'll need to really deal with it at some point.

And now I'll try to actually make a point of doing something other than lurking here...

[seraf]

Planet, he seems fine. It was some mystery illness, I guess. The foreskin is still attached to the glans for most boys this age. They typically detach sometime before puberty. There is also a rigid band around the tip that keeps it closed at this age. If you retract it, the adhesions break and then they can heal to the glans or create scar tissue (less stretchy than healthy skin) and the foreskin won't retract later like its supposed to. The ER doc said, something like, "of course you don't forcibly retract it all the way behind the glans because then it could get stuck and the head can rot off and die." I work long term care and I have had a lot of issues with someone retracting a foreskin for cleaning and then forgetting to put it back, which is uncomfortable if the band is tight but typically noticed before it becomes an issue. I think mostly, it just hurts it you stretch the skin too far too fast. They say the owner of the penis is the only one who should retract it because they will stop before it gets painful and toddlers are quite happy to manipulate theirs, so it will have plenty of opportunity to loosen. S's is half detached but the rigid band still keeps him covered. When he pees, one whole side blows up like a balloon to rinse out.

I believe that circumcised babies have to have their wound retracted regularly in the beginning to prevent skin bridges. I think that's why the advice to retract for cleaning is so common.

[seraf]

Lillie, hi again. Yay for sleep. Boo for birth not following your plans. Does your partner do much baby wearing? He probably loves cuddling in a sling a lot more than bathtime. Sara held S for many cuddly naps and did lots of baby wearing before she could feed him.

[lillielil]

Good point, seraf! She has worn him on a few outings, but not around the house the way I do, in large part because she's not home all day - this is her 2nd week back at work. I'll try to make sure they get some quality snuggle time this weekend.

[pokeyAC]

seraf-Do you have any good sources to recommend for intact care info?  I don't know if I need it yet, but I feel like it would be very helpful. 

 lillielil! I'm glad things are going well with the babe.  I'm sorry your birth didn't go like you wanted it too.  It's normal to be upset.  I hope you can sort out your feelings and come to peace about it.

julietea--I think acupuncture is great.  I was advised to try it for 3 months before TTC to help raise my progesterone and basically improve my fertility.  It is relaxing in addition to being therapeutic and that can be very important when TTC also.

 Planet!  I'm sorry you're still struggling with your Mom, but good for you for standing up for yourself and Wylie.

[mrsandmrs]

pokey - are you finding out the sex at 20 weeks? that's pretty soon, huh!? do you have any guesses?

[seraf]

Pokey, I'm sure there are tons in the case against circumcision. You only need to wipe what you can see. As he gets older you tell him to rinse under there in the shower. Not hard to convince.

[pokeyAC]

Yes, we have an u/s on the 30th.  We will find out then.  My wife is really impatient, but I convinced her to wait.  I think it might be a girl.  The Chinese gender calendar says it's a girl.  DW thinks it's a boy and that I don't want to know yet because I don't want to admit that there are a tiny penis and tiny balls inside of me.    Cananny thinks it's a girl because we have so many boys coming in this forum someone has to have a girl.  We shall see.  For now, I am enjoying now knowing.  It's a healthy baby and that's enough for now. 

[bigfoot]

Pokey - I can't believe you are 18 weeks already! That must feel so good! When I was pregnant with my son, he kept his legs crossed (so to speak) during the one ultrasound I had at 20 weeks. I ended up really enjoying the surprise of finding out during delivery, so Mrs. and I had a deal that if we have a singleton we keep it a surprise but I was willing to find out for multiples. So it looks like we will be finding out. Also, if your baby is a boy I feel like the "penis inside me" joke never gets old.

Okay, multiple mamas. I know a lot of you are into the Barbara Luke book. I'm curious how hard you found it to eat so much freaking protein? And specifically during the first trimester? This is not easy to take DW from usually 50-80g a day to 175g minimum. I have come up with tons of veggie protein ideas, but being able to eat that much food right now is a challenge. And I just saw the triplet range is 200-250. Whoa. 

[DarcySD]

mrs&mrs - I went for both insems! The NP at the 2nd clinic actually did an ultrasound after she inseminated and said that I had ovulated the night before. I had no idea they could see that kind of thing via U/S! 

seraf - Thank you! And yes, having a plan for next time saves my sanity. 

cascadiamama - I asked for a speculum yesterday and got two. I will be checking out my cervix as soon as I figure out how to use it. Thanks for the idea! That's so cool that despite all your delays that timing worked for you!

knittingtigers - I talked to the NP at the 2nd insem and she did one for me. She used water lol! Thank you. 

[bigfoot]

Originally Posted by DarcySD 

mrs&mrs - I went for both insems! The NP at the 2nd clinic actually did an ultrasound after she inseminated and said that I had ovulated the night before. I had no idea they could see that kind of thing via U/S! 

Good luck, Darcy! I hope this is your magic cycle! Our BFP cycle was the first time we had an ultrasound to confirm ovulation. I missed it, but Mrs. said it was really cool and the nurse explained to her all the signs and showed her the corpus luteums.

[wishin'&hopin']

Bigfoot--if you can get your hands on field roast grain sausages (they're vegan) it's something like 25 grams of protein per sausage (they were one of the only things I liked during my first trimester--the other two things were eggs and everything bagel sandwiches and frozen waffles).  

But, here's an idea for a high protein day:

breakfast: 2 hardboiled eggs (12 grams), 2 slices of whole wheat toast (16 grams), piece of fruit, 1 cup of milk (8g)

snack: greek yogurt (18g in a fage single serving, whole not 0%), 1/4 cup almonds (8 grams)

lunch: 1/2 cup of pinto beans (7 grams), 1 oz cheese (7 grams), sprouted grain tortilla (6g), salsa and avocado (2 grams for 1/4 avocado), veggies, glass of milk (8 grams)

snack: protein smoothie (32g)

• 1 cup vanilla yogurt
• 1 cup 2 percent milk
• 1 medium banana, cut into chunks
• 2 tablespoons wheat germ
• 2 tablespoons protein powder

Dinner: one serving of soba noodles (10g) protein, a veggie sausage (25g) and a serving of cauliflower (about 3g) and 1 cup of whole milk (8g)

Snack: 1/4 cup hummus (4.9 grams) and carrots

Total protein--174.9 grams

Edited by wishin'&hopin' - 1/17/13 at 5:48pm