Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 42

[Sphinxy]

Oh Max, I've been lurking from the QC thread and just wanted to pop in and say I'm so sorry. My DW is adopted and her parents have talked to us about how hard it was to go through what you're experiencing a few times before they were eventually able to adopt her. I hope you can find peace that you did your best and know that you were not wrong to get your hopes up. Your baby is coming, I'm sure of it. 

[prettyisa]

I'm so sorry Max. I can't imagine.

[carmen358]

I'm 12 weeks today. That feels like such a huge milestone for me. Unfortunately, my anxiety around my upcoming NT scan next Tuesday is growing. I was just sharing in my DDC that I keep imagining that we don't see a heartbeat or that there are terrible issues and we'd have to terminate. One good thing about the scan that has come up though is that a friend has offered to watch DD so my DP can come too. We don't want to bring her in case it doesn't go well and she doesn't know yet so it would be doubly hard for her to process. The next week feels like it may quite possibly be the longest week of my life so far!

How are all the other first trimester moms doing?

[easttowest]

Max - I am very sorry to hear your news.

carmen - Good luck next week.  Have you seen a heartbeat yet, or would this be the first time?  The good news is that if you do see it (which is very likely), a heartbeat at 13 weeks almost certainly results in good outcomes (that is, the risk of miscarriage is tiny).  That's what kept getting me through, telling myself "the risk is this much this week, this much lower next week, etc."  Obviously for those who fall into the small percentage, the numbers mean nothing, but it's a good reminder overall that it is extremely likely to turn out well.  I'm sure you know all that, but it's hard to remind yourself when you are anxious.

AFU - Baby is due exactly 5 months from today.  It feels like a slow point in the pregnancy, but I'm trying to enjoy that because 5 months will go by much more quickly than I anticipate, I am sure.  DW has her first appointment with her new OB on Friday, and they will probably schedule a 20 week scan for the next few weeks.  We're trying to do the baby gear thing completely used since so many people buy new baby stuff that they use for a few months and can resell or give away in excellent condition.  So grabbing things up for free or cheap when we see them, mostly need cloth diapers and clothes at this point.  

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by easttowest 

Max - I am very sorry to hear your news.

carmen - Good luck next week.  Have you seen a heartbeat yet, or would this be the first time?  The good news is that if you do see it (which is very likely), a heartbeat at 13 weeks almost certainly results in good outcomes (that is, the risk of miscarriage is tiny).  That's what kept getting me through, telling myself "the risk is this much this week, this much lower next week, etc."  Obviously for those who fall into the small percentage, the numbers mean nothing, but it's a good reminder overall that it is extremely likely to turn out well.  I'm sure you know all that, but it's hard to remind yourself when you are anxious.

AFU - Baby is due exactly 5 months from today.  It feels like a slow point in the pregnancy, but I'm trying to enjoy that because 5 months will go by much more quickly than I anticipate, I am sure.  DW has her first appointment with her new OB on Friday, and they will probably schedule a 20 week scan for the next few weeks.  We're trying to do the baby gear thing completely used since so many people buy new baby stuff that they use for a few months and can resell or give away in excellent condition.  So grabbing things up for free or cheap when we see them, mostly need cloth diapers and clothes at this point.  

Thanks, east. Yes, we've seen it twice actually....and heard it just last week at the midwife's. I've just had so many losses that my imagination is a little wild. And I do think I do fit into the "small percentage" as I saw a heartbeat at 8 weeks with my 2nd pregnancy before DD and lost the baby 2 weeks later...however, I had spotting with that pregnancy. No reason to think this one isn't going well - I'm actually fairly certain I'm feeling flutters already(!)

Second hand stuff is awesome. We saved most stuff from DD so we're set. DD was a winter baby so our seasonal clothes will be off but we are usually fortunate to get hand me downs or at least find great 2nd hand stuff. We even got our first batch of cloth inserts from craiglist but found the velcro covers didn't hold up 2nd hand. Happy thrifting :) And hooray for only 5 months to go! But yes, enjoy the pregnancy, both of you...it's such an incredible and humbling experience :) I can't remember, are you hoping for a homebirth?

[easttowest]

Glad to hear that you have already seen the heartbeat, but very sorry about your previous loss. Looking forward to your updates.

We are not hoping for any particular kind of birth, just a healthy, happy, mostly pain-free mom and baby. Most likely at a hospital; there is a great one with midwives nearby. Speaking of - for those in the Bay Area, since I know there are many of you, do you have experience with or know people who have experience with Kaiser Oakland or Walnut Creek? I think DW is leaning towards WC (with the aforementioned midwives), but we will have to pick at some point.

[Cananny]

East.... I hear walnut creek is a great exp to deliver at ! I miss having Kaiser!!!! I've known many friends who loved W.C birthing center

[seraf]

Carmen, last week's heartbeat was a great milestone, right?

Easy, happy and healthy is a great plan. Pain free might be tricky, but with or without an epidural we all seem to get through it. It was harder for me to watch Sara labor than to labor myself, lol. Good luck to you.

Sara went for her surgery this morning, she should wake up around 10. She's been in Boston since last night. Last night with all the kids wasn't terrible. Ari fell asleep during storytime. The boys went to bed at 7:30 unexpectedly. Soren woke at 8:45 and 10 looking for Sara and very sad for almost a minute until he woke fully, saw me and calmed down. After that he woke at 12, 3, Shay woke at 4 and they both woke at 6 and nursed for an hour. I'm thirsty!

[prettyisa]

Carmen--It's got to be so nervewracking! I'm glad you have a scan coming up, though, and can hopefully get reassurance that those are, in fact, flutters!

East--We got most of Edie's clothes at the thrift store (or as presents). I was also pleasantly surprised to find that the baby consignment shops around here aren't terrible rip-offs for some stuff (onesies are cheap, some other things are reasonable, especially if you have an event to go to and need something fancy). And Craigslist is awesome when you're still just two of you and it's possible to hop in and out of the car easily. We don't use it much now because it's too much of a pain to do it with the baby, unfortunately. I'm actually headed to the thrift store later today to look for more sleepers since she's outgrown all of her warm ones!

Seraf--glad things are going well! Also glad to hear that Soren is on the same(ish) awful schedule as Edie these days. We were afraid that she was the only baby waking up every couple hours. I don't hold it against her, but I do wish I could talk her into sleeping for some nice long stretch of time on a regular basis...

AFM--Edie is pulling herself up to standing all the time now, and crawling into other rooms without us. She's discovered the tea cabinet (which used to be our friends' baby's favorite thing in our house, too!) and spends time taking the boxes off the shelves and waving them around. DP and I started playing monkey in the middle with her the other night with some of her soft blocks and she thought it was SO FUNNY. 9 months is my favorite age so far!

[pokeyAC]

Carmen--You certainly have every reason to be worried because you have been through that too many times.  I want to let you know that I have a good feeling everything will be fine!  I have faith that this little one will continue to grow and be healthy and be in your arms come summertime.  I hope you get through the next week as peacefully as possible.  12 weeks is a great place to be!

easttowest--I also have Kaiser and am thinking about the 2 hospitals.  I live 2 blocks from Kaiser Oakland, but WC looks pretty good and might be worth the drive.  Oakland has a higher c/s rate than WC, and residents attend the births. WC has CNM's.  We are planning on touring both, and I think we will need to do pre-admittance paperwork for both just in case.  I need to figure out how that works.  DW has a friend who had her baby at WC and she was very happy.  My only thing is that there is a wide range of personalities among OB's and midwives.  You could get a really chill OB or a really uptight CNM and that could make a difference.  A person's title doesn't always tell you how they will be during your labor.  That's my theory based on attending a couple births as a doula.

seraf--I hope Sara is feeling fine and makes a quick recovery.  I also hope that you all get by ok without her.

AFM-19 weeks today.  I can't quite believe it.  Big u/s next week.  We got the results back from the 2nd trimester screening and everthing is still fine.  The big news is we bought a car!  I haven't owned a car in 13 years so this is a big deal.  I feel so grown up.  We also bought a bed with a headboard.  That also makes me feel very grown up.  We switched the bedrooms in our apartment so we are in the bigger room.  We have to rearrange to make room for the co-sleeper.  I thought a headboard would be good for sitting up in bed with the baby without leaning against the curtains and pulling them out of the wall.  The bedrooms are kind of a mess right now, but phase 1 is complete. 

[cordelia15]

Carmen
Hope your scan goes well and I understand your anxiety, I have not even have losses , only once when i thought i was but am sitting in the drs office now terrified something will be wrong. I hope your scan is wonderful and anxiety eases as you move along!

Seraf - hope Sara heals well and your time alone is smooth as possible

East to west! Five months, what!? Wonderful

[wishin'&hopin']

Carmen--I hope your scan goes beautifully, I always get WAY nervous before ultrasounds and can never sleep the night before!  

Seraf--I hope Sara is feeling recovered and gets to enjoy a few nights of uninterrupted sleep

EasttoWest--time flies!

Pokey--hurray for good results from your second trimester screen!!  We have a snoogle pillow and it actually works great for a leaning against the headboard and reading (part of it behind the head, the rest wrapped around front to support the book--we think it might work great for in bed nursing until the next kidlet and mommy figure out side lying nursing.  

AFM--24 weeks, silent cheer that we are at viability--now, just stay in there until May kiddo!  We are painting our big boy's room this weekend, green and yellow.  In other news...I need to get serious about not gaining non-pregnant partner pregnancy weight.  It's tough when the rest of my household is snacking every two hours and it's below zero outside. (ETA, that would be MORE non-pregnant partner pregnancy weight...sigh.)

[pokeyAC]

I forgot to mention that the salesman who sold us our car is gay and we had a nice conversation about his husband and how they adopted their daughter and gay marriage.  What are the chances?

[mrsandmrs]

pokey - it's like you got your own gaymobile! what did you get? you're such a grown-up, it's like you're ready to be a parent!

wishin' - congrats on viability! i can't believe how fast it's gone. sorry about the empathetic weight gain. 

seraf - how long until sara comes home?

carmen - good luck on tuesday. every ultrasound is nerve-wracking. sometimes i wish i could go to sleep and just wake up when i know everything's okay. 

afu.... i am exhausted and cranky all day every day. i'm really bloated. today my coworker asked me if i am on a grapefruit diet. i was like "....no, they're just in season?" apparently grapefruit cravings are weird. we're 8 weeks tomorrow   it is going simultaneously very fast and very slow. today my mom asked how soon we will know the genders so she can start shopping. I wanted to be like "i expect we'll know for sure by 2023 or so?" but instead i asked her to knit some gender neutral caps and booties. i couldn't ask for a better partner in all this than Bigfoot. She makes the best waffles. our dear, sweet teenager has decided to make the best of things and suggest the most hilarious and crazy names from the baby name books around the house. It's a good thing we have veto power. 

[easttowest]

mrs - DW ate a grapefruit and a blood orange for dessert tonight. She has been craving citrus like crazy! Her grandfather said he knew it was a boy since she was craving sour things, but who knows. 8 weeks, how awesome!

[mrsandmrs]

it seems natural to crave citrus in january since that's when it tastes the best, but i'd be happy if it meant we had a boy in there too! are you going to find out the sex before birth?

[seraf]

Mrs, someone asked me if I was on a diet at work because I was eating a grapefruit. Too funny.

Wishin, good luck keeping your weight under control.

Sara returns Saturday. She said she felt stiff, like she hadn't walked in days. They got almost twice as much marrow as they expected so they were really happy about that. Here's a picture of all the kids skyping with her. I had to put the babies on chairs to keep them from drumming on the keyboard. Shay cried for a few seconds when she hung up but recovered quickly. Last night the wake ups were better than the night before because Shay skipped the 4 o'clock wake up and the 6 o'clock wake ups were half an hour apart so I managed to get them both unlatched.

[esenbee2]

I attempted to eat a can of a grapefruit blend that was on sale 10 for $10.  The second I put the bite in my mouth I almost had to run to put my head in the toilet.....  Guess it's not for me.  I now eat Dole brand's tropical fruit blend (pineapples, mangos, and something else).  It's in 100% fruit juice, so NO high fructose corn syrup!  AND it's a product of the Philippines!  I've been researching jobs at Dole in the Philippines for DSp.....  the MIL wants to go home so badly (it's been 28 years!), but doesn't want to leave her kids, and I want to live on the beach (MIL has a beach front property).  WIN-WIN!

[pokeyAC]

cordelia--

wishin'--24 weeks already!  Moving right along.  Good luck with the non-pregnant eating

mrs--I know!  It's a big year for us.  New car (Ford Focus), matching furniture, and a new baby!  I felt grown-up when I got married, but this is even more serious.  I'm sorry you are cranky and exhausted and bloated.  My bloating has never really gone away unfortunately. 

AFM--Let's give a shout out to our wondeful partners!    We couldn't do it without you.  Not only does DW take great care of me and our home, but she thinks my pregnancy woes are cute because I'm growing a person.  From what I have read elsewhere, not everyone has partners who are so supportive and understanding.

Also, citrus is just great this time of year.  I love clementines.  The bonus is they also help with nausea.

esenbee--6 weeks.  Woo hooo!

[mrsandmrs]

pokey, you're so right. i give my wife the bulk of the credit for my daily survival. except for the sleeping. i have that part down on my own.