Queer, Pregnant, and Parenting! November, December, and January 2013!!! - Page 44

[Sphinxy]

Thank you everyone so much for the warm welcome! The news is slowly sinking in and I made an appointment for my first ultrasound at the end of February. The doctor/midwife's office is also mailing me a work order to get some blood tests done in the meantime. We've told our immediate families and my best friend because they've all be really great about our TTC efforts and we figure that if anything goes wrong we will need to lean on them as a support network. I'm really not worried about "jinxing" anything, I mean, if it doesn't stick that would be awful but not caused by sharing my joy. I can tell already that my digestive system is confused, and even though it seems a little early for this, I'm pretty hungry consistently. I'm trying to eat smaller amounts throughout the day and drinking lots of water. 

seraf - HA! That is too funny. I had to type it into my phone to see what you meant. 

m&m - I'm so happy to be here with you, too! Ugh, the nausea. Mine was really bad a couple days ago but has passed (for now, knock on wood). My mom was telling me that when carrying my sister, she had the exact same nausea symptoms for the entire first trimester. I hope I am spared, but it will be worth it if it comes back! I am going to make note of that tea recommendation just in case. I need to get my hands on some pregnancy friendly things to drink, I'm fresh out of the teas I was drinking while TTC and have just been holding off until I do more reading about the safe herbs, etc.

esenbee - I can't imagine having a house guest right now. Do you have any idea how long this arrangement will last? We've done that a few times for friends who were in between housing and I always felt good about it but it really screwed with our sleep schedules and our pets', too. 

[onemommyonemama]

YEAH YEAH YEAH CARMEN!!!!

[glassesgirlnj]

mrsandmrs, I don't want to freak you out, but please make sure that lavender, lemon, and mint are all OK for the first trimester of pregnancy... not all herbalists agree on this. (That being said, I enjoyed small amounts of sushi and wine during pregnancy, so everyone has her own risk tolerance...)

Carmen, what wonderful news! Congrats!

AFU, spouse and baby are FINALLY enjoying a nice walk outside today, after a full week of ear infections, "wintry mix", and other yuk.

But hey, we've got John Waters tickets for this Saturday! (Obviously, Annamaria is staying at home, with Grandma and Grandma's aide.)

[pokeyAC]

Yeah, Carmen! 

[seraf]

Yay Carmen!!!

[mrsandmrs]

carmen!!! that's great ! 

glassesgirl - are you referring to the lavender? i feel confident that it's a small enough amount in the mix and i'm not drinking much of it, but yes, it's a good reminder that everyone should look into herbal teas and be sure they are comfortable with and knowledgeable about the ingredients and effects. 

[glassesgirlnj]

Originally Posted by mrsandmrs 

glassesgirl - are you referring to the lavender? i feel confident that it's a small enough amount in the mix and i'm not drinking much of it, but yes, it's a good reminder that everyone should look into herbal teas and be sure they are comfortable with and knowledgeable about the ingredients and effects. 

Yes, and I was also told to be careful with citrus and mint as well, b/c of their "stimulating" properties. (I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks back in 2009, so when I got pregnant again, I was probably excessively cautious up to about week 12...)

You sound like you've done a lot of research! ...I just cringe when I see, frex, lavender stuff on Etsy that's advertised as "Great for pregnant women!" with NO cautions or disclaimers whatsoever.

[Sphinxy]

Congratulations, Carmen, that is great news! (sorry I somehow missed your post before)

Glassesgirl, sounds like understandable caution. Any specific herbs you found particularly beneficial (or neutral) during pregnancy?

[Cananny]

1st of all.. YAY CARMEN :) Grow bean grow

Mrs.. I loved all the U/S i got.. it was very comforting.. I am back to weekly now since we are close!  Yay for gummy bears :)

Sorry about M/S.. I was so lucky to never have it !

Sphinxy.. congrats.. grow baby bean grow!!!

Midwife.. Lucie is just to cute.. I have no advice but I know Planet has exp with this.. she used a ROCK AND PLAY ( that i have exp with and is 100 percent awesome )

Thanks for the nice comments.. I feel HUGE...

OneMommy.. 4 weeks today is when the c section is set.. Granted most triplets come between 32-33 weeks so we could go sooner.. but I am hopeful for the 2-26-12 birthday!

ISA..sorry you have a sick baby :( hope she bounces back soon

AFM.. nothing.. just passing the time reading and playing word games on FB and my phone :) 

[bigfoot]

Cananny - your 30 week belly is amazing! I can't believe how close you are!!

Esenbee - so good to see you over here! We are getting a nice big group of first trimester folks, and hopefully more to come.

Carmen - I am thrilled to see you out of the first trimester. We hope to join you soon!

Sphinxy - congrats again! Yay!

MidwifeSteph - she is adorable, and I love her style. You will have to tell us what PDX stores to hit. I think we want to celebrate when we get beyond 20 weeks with a PDX shopping trip. 

AFU - Mrs. talked about our ultrasound today, but I about died of cuteness. The Dr. told us last week that we would be able to differentiate between head and body this week, but I wasn't expecting to see little arm buds waving around. Baby A was doing sit ups and flailing around. Last week they looked like fuzzballs, so I wasn't expecting so much of a change. It feels good to be past 8 weeks. Both babies are measuring 8W6D.

Also, there is a surprising amount of growth in the teenager acceptance department. He has gotten into researching baby names and even shocked us by looking on Amazon for baby toys and picking out one of those Sophie giraffes. Now if he could just not get mad when we fess up to there being two babies. It is looking like they are both gonna stick around, but I want to wait until we are out of the 1st trimester.

[esenbee2]

carmen that is awesome news!

Sphinxy we don't know how long it is going to last. They are waiting on filing their taxes and getting a refund to pay for deposit of an apartment. They have helped with dishes and even laundry today. But toilet paper seems like it just disappears and I don't want to see what the water bill will be in two months. Our grocery bill has almost doubled as well :/ DSp is always getting after DD for being too loud when one of them is napping, which seems like all the time. Personally, I feel like if it isn't a normal sleeping hour, or if it's our normal time to get ready in the morning, then DD shouldn't have to censor herself in her own house. It's just frustrating and DSp doesn't share in my frustration and just thinks I'm being b***hy and it's my "hormones". UGH
Edited by esenbee2 - 1/29/13 at 6:49pm

[Sphinxy]

cananny - Thanks! Your belly is awesome! Hoping for you that these next four weeks pass by as comfortably as possible!

bigfoot - Love your ultrasound story - wow! I can't wait to see those kinds of pictures. A question for you - DW has been reading along with me from my months on QC, and she's considering joining herself now that we are pregnant, but has asked me if that would be "weird" for us to both post. I keep telling her it's fine and others do it, too. Any thoughts on what prompted you to jump in with your own username?

esenbee - Oh, that is frustrating! It is first and foremost your house (and DD's, and DSp's!) Kind of makes you want to help them do their taxes quickly, huh?!

Afm, must find a way to focus on actually working during the work day tomorrow, and not looking up lists of things to eat/not eat, playing with a baby gift registry,staring at my stomach, etc. like I did today...

[carmen358]

Steph, DD also slept on me or sometimes DP for naps for a very long time. Or I would nap with her and she's nap beside me. It was just easier for everyone to do it that way. I got caught up on reading, DD got lots of sleep and my DP got a break too! We have also bed shared since birth...DD started sleeping in her own bed in our room by her own decision - after she was 2 but I can't remember exactly when. However, she then wanted a bed in her own room so we set that up for her and she's been back in our bed every night since ;) We all sleep great though (unless someone is sick) so it works for us. So I guess for us, no putting her down didn't get harder as time went by...it got easier! Thanks for sharing the photos - what a cutie :)

omom, I can't believe Sage is cruising...wow, time has flown by!

mrs: yay for gummy bears! I think my baby this time around is a tad lazy as he or she pretty much slept through our scan today ;)

esenbee: I had some brutal nausea off and on earlier but it's isolated to evenings now for the most part. I did sea bands and cocculine and whined a lot ;) I only vomited a few times though so I was able to cope for the most part. House guests would be brutal to have during the first trimester...I hope you are able to get enough rest.

Sphinxy, when you find a way to focus on work can you let me know your secret?!

Afm: Thanks everyone! It's feeling a little bit more real now! We told some family today and are hoping to host our closest friends this Saturday to announce to them too :) We also told DD...who was very quiet about it at first but then started asking questions - we had bought her a stacking puzzle that shows the development of a baby in the mother's tummy over time - it's really cool and she liked it. I think she took it well though as I can currently hear her laughing hysterically with DP....who is supposed to be quietly reading books before bed ;) We also chose a real estate agent and her over tonight for a walk through. She's going to come back on Friday so we can talk price, etc. We have a ton of de-cluttering to do but we're hoping to just box a bunch of stuff up and move it over to the house so we're lucky that way. So many changes coming!!

[planet]

Cananny, you look amazing!  Getting so close!!!  What kind of support will you guys have when the babies come?  I imagine that having an awesome support crew will be SO important with triplets...it was a lifesaver for us (and we only have the one little guy!)!

Carmen, congratulations!  This is awesome news!  I'm glad you are feeling more confident.  I have a good feeling as well! :)

Steph, your little Lucie is so cute!  Look at that smile!!!  How old is she now?  As others mentioned, we have had quite the journey when it comes to sleep with our little Wylie!  He is four months old now; he'll be five months old in a week (which I cannot believe!).  I'll try to summarize for you, but this is probably going to end up really long! 

Wylie's first couple weeks, he was soooo sleepy.  He slept all the time, anywhere, on us, on the bed, it didn't matter.  But starting around week 3, he refused to be put down to sleep!  And that includes on the bed next to us.  He had to sleep literally on top of us at night!  That didn't change until he was 12 weeks old!!!  It was so sweet, having him sleep on top of us.  Since he was 3 weeks early, he was super tiny.  But once he hit week 7, I started to freak out.  I could no longer sleep with him on me anymore; he was too heavy.  So my partner had him on top of him every night, which was problematic for various reasons.  We all went to bed together by 9pm for a good chunk of time.  As sweet as it was, it was hard!  We tried side-lying nursing as a possible solution, but we weren't very good at it, and instead of calmly drifting off into sleep while nursing, Wylie would writhe around and need to be burped and end up as wide awake as ever. 

Everyone told us to swaddle him, that that would help us be able to lay him down, but he hated being swaddled.  I could tell that it would help a lot, because he would wake himself up with his startle reflex, but when we swaddled him he would just freak out, 0 to 100 style!  He took all his naps on top of us or in the carrier, and anytime we would practice laying him down, he would just instantly wake up.  When he was 12 weeks old, an awesome nurse encouraged me to try the "double swaddle" (arms swaddled, legs free- you can see a video of it on You Tube).  She said that babies change and that we should just keep trying things over and over.  My partner was against the idea, because of our  many failed attempts at swaddling, so one day when he was at work, I tried to swaddle and, BAM!  He was perfectly calm & content.  So that night, we did the double swaddle and side lying nursing and, amazingly, he slept next to us in the bed all night long!!!  We haven't gone back since, and it has truly revolutionized our lives.

For naps, we got the Rock n Play, which was described to us as some kind of miracle bed.  At first, Wylie wouldn't sleep in it, which was occasionally discouraging, but we just kept practicing, giving him an opportunity to try sleeping on a surface that was not our bodies.  Sometimes he would sleep for 20 minutes.  We would always hold him for a nap once he woke up, and I think it was helpful to give him a chance to practice.  But again, once he hit 12 weeks, BAM!  He was suddenly ready for things that I never would have believe possible only days before.  We swaddled him, rocked him to sleep in our arms, laid him in the Rock n Play, and he slept for over an hour!  Since then he has had many naps in the Rock n Play, and I think it is the most amazing thing ever.  Our nap procedure is pretty elaborate, but it works.  We rock him in our arms, with white noise playing, humming, until his wiggly body relaxes and his eyes start to droop, then we lay him in the rocker, then we pat, hum and rock until he is asleep.   We sit near him to help pat and rock him through his little sleep transitions, otherwise he'll wake up in 20-30 mins (he sometimes does anyways, but oh well).

As far as having an evening, we have made great strides, but are still working on it.  Wylie is a smart little snuggler; he wouldn't let me nurse him to sleep then sneak away.  So now we put him to bed in his Rock n Play, then hang out in the dark, watching movies really quietly ("What did he say?" "I don't know." "Oh, well."), while rocking him.  Sometimes he ends up sleep nursing in my lap, and more and more often he'll stay asleep in his rocking bed.  If he's still asleep when we're ready to go to bed, we carry the rocker with him in it to the bedroom like he is a little prince.  But he usually wakes up as soon as I'm falling asleep, requesting to be brought into bed with us.  So our evenings are pretty quiet, and Wylie still has control over the entire apartment, but it is a HUGE improvement for us, and we are delighted. :)

I've been told to watch out for the Rock n Play because eventually he will be too big for it and need to transition to nap in the bed, but I am not worried about that.  One thing I've learned is that Wylie is *constantly* changing and there is no way to predict what will or will not work until the moment that he decides he's ready.  So one day he will be too big for the rocker, and all of a sudden he will want to nap in the bed (or co-sleeper, if we ever get around to trying that thing out!).  I have found it most helpful to hear lots of different experiences from other parents, do what works for us, and stay in the present moment, because things are always changing.

Enjoy the sweetness!

p.s. I came home from work today and Wylie, who had been mostly resisting the bottle all day, immediately started to suck on my neck so hard he gave me a hickey!  We went into the bathroom to check out the damage, and it was so obvious that I started to laugh and tell Wylie all about how my 7th graders would get all freaked out.  And he just started to laugh so hard!  It was the first time I've seen him truly laugh for an extended period of time.  We stood in the mirror cracking up for a good long while, and it was one of the greatest baby moments yet: full on, authentic baby giggles.  Just wanted to share!  Much love to you all.

[bigfoot]

Sphinxy - If you don't have a problem with it, your DW should jump in! I just got to the point where I wanted to pipe up and say something a handful of times. After a full year of TTC and going to the RE we learned a lot and QC is so great to compare notes and find out what prescriptions other people are taking and stuff. It felt a little less weird to jump in once we were pregnant than after months of her posting on QC on her own. Also I knew at least one other couple posted over here having lurked on the board on and off. 

[seraf]

Soren is nearly 9 months old and that napping on us issue is a distant memory. So for us, holding them for naps caused no long term problems. When they were in that stage where laying them down meant a 20 minute nap, I vaguely remember choosing to hold them or lay them down based on whether I needed a mental or physical break. Baking naan and getting dough in and out of the oven every 3 minutes? Lay him down! Want to sit and read with the big kids? Lap nap.

He is a cutie. He has been pulling up for a long time but last night he started letting go. He fell and fell and fell. It was hilarious. He has no desire to crawl, he seems to think he should just start walking. One issue we are having is that he has had a serious preference for me since Sara came home from her trip. We aren't sure if its because he was upset that she left, if her supply dropped or just if she isn't movin around as much as he would like. Hopefully my being back at work today makes him settle back in.

[glassesgirlnj]

Sphinxy, I didn't use any herbs during my first trimester. Honestly, the "natural" product I found most useful during pregnancy was Mother's Special Blend oil, which I had to slather myself with to quiet the INCREDIBLE FULL BODY ITCHING I had!!

esenbee2, I can appreciate your frustration about having to be quiet in your own home outside of "normal sleeping hours". My mom, who lives on the first floor of our house, keeps a schedule like a club kid even though she's 74 years old. ;) She literally goes to bed at 4am and gets up at 11am!

Of course, we haven't convinced Annamaria (who wakes around 6am) to stay completely quiet during those hours, so there can be a bit of conflict there...

That being said, esenbee, I'm concerned that your partner doesn't seem to be taking your frustrations seriously. :( Are there any helpful communication techniques you two have tried? I am a big fan of "feeling when you because", myself.

Seraf, I realized you're in a similar field to my mom's health aide, though I suspect you have more advanced degrees. You would want a bonus if one of your clients' grandchildren were visiting during the time you were working, right? And you were the only able-bodied adult in the home at that time?

What do you think would be an appropriate amount for this? An extra 33% above her normal pay? More? Less? (The aide has already agreed, so it won't be an unwelcome surprise or anything.)

[seraf]

GGNJ, I'm only one step higher than an aide, but yes, that's what I do. Your question is an interesting one. I have no answer. I cannot accept any bonuses from the family of my patient and I could not handle adding a toddler to the care of my patient. I hope your mom is in a much better place, health wise, than my patient. My patient does have grandchildren who cause a number of difficulties but they are in the care of a different adult. I would imagine that that a fair price for childcare would be reasonable? I'm not sure.

[escher]

Hi All,

Carmen: Great news! Hooray! I'm so glad. It's exciting that you're really starting to tell people now.

Seraf: It's impressive that Soren has started letting go. All your kids seem to be advanced standers.

Planet: Aww, baby laugher! That sounds like a lovely moment.

Sphinxy: Hooray for being over at QP&P! The internet certainly has an endless supply of things to read about pregnancy, babies, baby products, etc. Good luck staying focused on your work.

BIgfoot: It sounds like your teenager is doing very well with baby acceptance. What are some of the names he is suggesting?

Cananny: You look fantastic! What an amazing baby-growing job you are doing.

Nauseous people: I found this thread interesting in terms of ideas of supplements to prevent or reduce morning sickness. But I didn't find it until after I was done being pregnant, so I have no idea if they work.

Has anyone heard anything from AmandaHope or LibraryLady recently? I've been wondering how they are doing.

Hi to everyone else!

AFM: Our 15-month-old is never a great sleeper, but he is having an especially tough time this week. It's hard--we're not willing to let him cry much, and since he reverse-cycles I want him to get as much breast milk as he needs, but I am tired. My current hope is that at some point in the next year I will sleep 6 hours in a row.

[glassesgirlnj]

Originally Posted by seraf 

GGNJ, I'm only one step higher than an aide, but yes, that's what I do. Your question is an interesting one. I have no answer. I cannot accept any bonuses from the family of my patient and I could not handle adding a toddler to the care of my patient. I hope your mom is in a much better place, health wise, than my patient. My patient does have grandchildren who cause a number of difficulties but they are in the care of a different adult. I would imagine that that a fair price for childcare would be reasonable? I'm not sure.

Yes, it sounds like my mom has more mobility, etc. than your patient. She can even be left alone at times - she's sharp as a tack mentally, and is in a wheelchair but can stand, pivot, and transfer with only a little help. And she loves to play with A, but she's not able to prepare A's food, change diapers, etc. by herself.

So really the assignment is "childcare with a little eldercare on the side". In the past, we've given the aide $20/hour for this (she gets $15 an hour if she's caring for either just Mom, or just A.)

But this will be the first time we've been out past A's bedtime, so perhaps it should be more? A does NOT like bedtime...

I very much appreciate you taking the time to answer me! :)