Back to the drawing board - update post 29 - Page 2

[aim4balance]

I switched my oldest son from a very large and academically driven public school to a small private school last year, partway through the year in 2nd grade, and while it is not high school, it went smoothly.  And while I'm very glad we made the change, we are rethinking school for him for next year for various reasons.  I can relate to the frustration of having to rethink schools often, and having different kids with different needs (though none of our kids have specific health or learning issues, they are very personalities with different learning styles).  I just wanted to comment that my husband teaches AP gov't in a good public h.s., and the homework load is much more compared to the non-AP class.  When I saw the charter school's curriculum I couldn't believe it, and I was thinking if they had as much work per AP class in that schedule as my dh gives for his class (between 1-2 hrs), they would spend between 5-10 hours per night on homework!!  Am I reading that correctly--they really take 5 AP classes as sophomores???  

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

The situation at her current school is deteriorating. (They need to replace the head of the school, and I'm not sure if the board has the balls to do it). I fear that if we let her finish the year, something worse will happen, or she may not be able to finish the year anyway. It's all getting a bit bizarre. If we miss the start of the semester in Jan and then realize she really needed to change, she'd be a bit screwed. The public school will take her at any point, but she would have to take the exams at the end of the semester just like everyone else. Starting in the middle of a semester doesn't tend to go well for kids.

Any thoughts on when to make the switch?

Linda with this paragraph I am not sure I want to hang around at her present school. I would do the move sooner.

I know you have a lot of other issues you need to take into consideration for your dd's individuality. but 3 schools have closed in our district. two privates and one charter. the common thing with all 3 was when the spiral happened they went down really fast. a couple of my friends decided to hang in there and they had to change really fast as the end came as a real surprise.

if you think your dd will need instructions the earlier the better.

perhaps have other plans in place to help her cope through this change. it may or may not be hard for her. initially yes but she just might fit in pretty well - esp. if she has the support at home.

i would first talk to the counsellor alone and get all your questions answered. then i'd definitely take dd in and focus on issues that are hers. i have found with my dd is that she really values other's validation of what mom is saying. perhaps your dd might be more open to deal with the challenge.

through my and my family's experience i have found unless there is outright bullying or terrible circumstances, having the empathy and support at home really really helped make the transition.

[karne]

As a family who went from a small, private, very alternative, crunchy school to the local public school, I can understand a little of the anxiety and bias about ps.  I had assumed small, etc. was exactly what my oldest needed, and the reality was that she thrived in the larger ps setting.  On top of that, as a parent, I could understand the curriculum, it made sense, there was a clear progression, qualified teachers, and accountability.  In the private school the problems ended up being everyone/everything else than the actual teachers/curriculum.. It was intensely anxiety producing.

My oldest will be in hs next year.  she has been asked a few times to consider applying to a small private hs, and she pretty clear that it's not for her.  The larger public hs is her first choice.  It's been interesting to see how competent she feels in negotiating the academic and social demands of the ps.

Good luck Linda!

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama 

I would rule out any school that's 45 minutes away -- I'd be a nervous wreck trying get DC to a school that far away and even worse letting her drive there herself!

My daughter's HS was 45 minutes away. If she didn't take the bus (then it was closer to 1 1/2 hours). Once she got her license and had had some practice driving on the parkway, she either drove to the central bus point or to school every day. It was fine.

[Linda on the move]

UPDATE:

I've ruled out the intense charter school, at least for now, and canceled her day to shadow a student there. It would make all our lives too crazy for the next 4 1/2 years.

Originally Posted by aim4balance 

 When I saw the charter school's curriculum I couldn't believe it, and I was thinking if they had as much work per AP class in that schedule as my dh gives for his class (between 1-2 hrs), they would spend between 5-10 hours per night on homework!!  Am I reading that correctly--they really take 5 AP classes as sophomores???  

yep, and it could be 6 AP classes depending what elective is chosen. Nearly all the classes are AP classes. It's insane. The school has a reputation for producing kids who get into and get scholarships at top universities, and kids who have nervous breakdowns.

Originally Posted by meemee 

Linda with this paragraph I am not sure I want to hang around at her present school. I would do the move sooner.

I know you have a lot of other issues you need to take into consideration for your dd's individuality. but 3 schools have closed in our district. two privates and one charter. the common thing with all 3 was when the spiral happened they went down really fast. a couple of my friends decided to hang in there and they had to change really fast as the end came as a real surprise.

I'm trying to get an appointment with a counselor, and I'm having trouble making that happen. The big public school is a complete PITA on the phone.   but it currently looks like our best option.

We still have 2 months to decide if she is switching at semester, so I'm trying to let go of making that decision right this minute. I go back and forth in my head. I have tracked down a couple of good books to help review/teach algebra and geometry at home and I'm feeling more confident that she can be on track for math at the end of the year even if she stays where she is. (my husband is an engineer and at one point I was good at this stuff).

I think a fallback plan if she stays where she is past January but then things go completely to hell before the school year ends,  could be homeschooling. Neither she or I are cut out for homeschooling at this point (we are former homeschoolers).  Her work wouldn't transferred to the highschool (unless we find an regionally accredited correspondence school or something like that). But if we decide it would be too emotionally damaging for her father and I to remove her right now, it still doesn't mean that she has to continue at her current school if SHE later realizes its time to go. 

Really, the very worst thing that could happen is that she starts her freshmen year all over again next year at the public school, and while that's no body's first choice, it wouldn't be the end of the world. She'd end up graduating the week she turns 19 instead of the week she turns 18.  

Quote:

Originally Posted by karne 

 In the private school the problems ended up being everyone/everything else than the actual teachers/curriculum.. It was intensely anxiety producing.

There are a couple of very good teachers and classes at her current school. Part of the problem stems from a lack of accountability or procedures -- things guaranteed by the public school system. The experience has soured me on private schools. (which is odd because I graduated from one!)

Originally Posted by mtiger 

My daughter's HS was 45 minutes away. If she didn't take the bus (then it was closer to 1 1/2 hours). Once she got her license and had had some practice driving on the parkway, she either drove to the central bus point or to school every day. It was fine.

I have an appointment at the charter that is 45 minutes away. I'm going over there on Friday. I'm not crazy about the idea, but I do want to check out all reasonable options and truly figure out what is best for her. There is the chance that other kids from her current school could end up there because it is more closely aligned to the same philosophy. For some families, its a reasonable location if they live between it and the current school.

There is a 3rd charter than is downtown (also a long drive) that already has some refugees/friends from her current school. I've toured it, but felt that it wasn't ideal for her -- better for kids who struggle academically than those who are strong.

[Linda on the move]

Another update:

I took DD to tour the nice public high school today and talk to the counselor. She seemed sad and withdrawn, but admitted that it would most likely be a better school for her. She would prefer to finish out the year where she is and then start there next year. Her father and I would prefer to get her out of her current school in January (if she were in a building that was about to collapse, we would pull her out, so it makes since to get her out of a school that is disintegrating) .

I think she dreads the transition even though she knows it is necessary. The public high school is awesome -- I like it more every time I'm there.

[domesticidyll]

I started at a new (enormous) public school at the beginning of 8th grade, and then a month later moved into another (also enormous) public school. The second transition was actually easier. The first time, I was one small person in a crowd, but starting mid-stream meant that there was much more friendliness on the part of students, and helpfulness on the part of teachers, to ease the move in.

We have several friends who have transitioned children from homeschooling into public school this year, and the biggest complaint seems to be not so much the actual volume or time commitment of homework, but how much of it is busywork. 2-3+ hours of actual learning seems much more manageable to me than the same amount of time spent on drills and review.

(FWIW, my gut response to the intense charter was, wow, I wish I had had that. I am all for choosing the thing that gives you and your daughter that same feeling.)

Heather

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by domesticidyll 

 starting mid-stream meant that there was much more friendliness on the part of students, and helpfulness on the part of teachers, to ease the move in.

....(FWIW, my gut response to the intense charter was, wow, I wish I had had that. I am all for choosing the thing that gives you and your daughter that same feeling.)

I'm glad to hear that starting mid stream was easier! That makes me feel better about what we need to do.

She deserves so much more than she is getting right now, and I'm very hopeful that once she makes the adjustment, she'll be happy. She has been sad and in a bad mood for much of this school year, but has been noticeably perkier since we toured the school. She hasn't said anything positive about the new school to me, but she has to her dad. She was impressed with the facility and the options there for students.

[Linda on the move]

UPDATE --

My DD switched schools 2 1/2 weeks ago, and there have been some bumps and some good stuff. I think she is starting to settle in. Some nights have been rough because she was behind in some subjects, and she is still having trouble asking her teachers questions and therefore has gotten zeros on a couple of assignments that she didn't understand. BUT she overall likes it and agrees that she is getting a better education. She is starting to like her math class, which is great to see because it used to be her favorite subject. She's also been angry and moody and done some acting out (but what else is a stressed our 14 year old going to do?)

My DH and I are really happy with the decision. The things that are hard about the transition have all reenforced that we really needed to get her out of her other school. I wish it were easier to start at a new school, but at least she is at the RIGHT school now.
 

[meemee]

Linda that is fantastic news. I am so happy for your family. 

Do they assign ur dd a buddy in each class since she is new to help her out like they do in elementary school? 

it touches my heart that she can is enjoying math again. 

acting out, moody, angry - sounds like a 14 year old. 

[ChristaN]

We, too, have a 14 y/o high schooler and I, too, feel bad that I let her get as bad of an education in math in particular as she did in middle school.  Because she had skipped the last year of elementary, there was enough of a step up in a few areas that I don't think that I was fully aware of how much she wasn't getting what she needed in math.  This year in Algebra II she is paying for how inadequate her Algebra I class in 8th grade was.  It was supposedly the "accelerated" math class and math is, admittedly, a subject where she doesn't just pick it up by osmosis like she does in other areas, but in hindsight I really wish that we had supplemented or done something over the summer to make sure that she wasn't in this spot where she just didn't have a solid foundation and the class is more work that it otherwise would be.  I guess that I just assumed that, b/c she was getting As, she must be doing fine.  She was doing fine, technically, but she wasn't learning.

OTOH, like you, dd and I both realize that she's getting a much better high school education than she would have had we not changed to a school other than the assigned school and she, too, is settling in and doing well.  I hope that your dd finds a good peer group and is happy at her new school.  This is such a moody challenging age anyway even if you've got a mature centered teen.

Edited by ChristaN - 1/24/13 at 11:58am

[AllisonR]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

UPDATE --

My DD switched schools 2 1/2 weeks ago, and there have been some bumps and some good stuff. I think she is starting to settle in. Some nights have been rough because she was behind in some subjects, and she is still having trouble asking her teachers questions and therefore has gotten zeros on a couple of assignments that she didn't understand. BUT she overall likes it and agrees that she is getting a better education. She is starting to like her math class, which is great to see because it used to be her favorite subject. She's also been angry and moody and done some acting out (but what else is a stressed our 14 year old going to do?)

My DH and I are really happy with the decision. The things that are hard about the transition have all reenforced that we really needed to get her out of her other school. I wish it were easier to start at a new school, but at least she is at the RIGHT school now.
 

This is good that you are happy with the move. And that you can see all the extra work she has to do now points to how little education she was getting before. Although I am sure it is stressful, I imagine it is much more stressful for her than you, after all she is the one jumping through hoops, learning all new study habits, learning a whole new social structure (which I would say in the beginning is actually much more important than what she learns academically.) I guess I am saying let some of her attitude or grades or acting out slide for a half year or so, until she finds her way in the social situation. Once that is in place, and she is comfortable and relaxed, then the real learning can start. 

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by AllisonR 

This is good that you are happy with the move. And that you can see all the extra work she has to do now points to how little education she was getting before. Although I am sure it is stressful, I imagine it is much more stressful for her than you, 

Every single thing that has happened has affirmed that we made the right decision. We are VERY glad we decided to jump ship sooner rather than later for about a billion reasons.

The stress thing is odd -- the stressful part for me was before the decision was made. Trying to weigh the options and figure what really would be best for her was very tough and I lost sleep over it. November and December were rough for me. She wasn't stressed at all at that point.

The stuff she is going through right now is extremely stressful for her -- but not for me. I'm not the one who has to do it, I'm on the sidelines cheering her on. I'm just trying to figure out the best ways to support her.

Her grades need to be all at least Cs, and right now they aren't. And there is a limit as to how much acting out I'll put up with. Even when we are stressed, we don't get to treat the people we live with like crap.

BUT we are working on it. Being clear, helping her connect with her teachers, etc. Things aren't where they need to be right now, so we are providing the help and support to get them there.

I'm really proud of how well she is facing this challenge, and I tell her so pretty much every day.

[emilysmama]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move 

Her grades need to be all at least Cs, and right now they aren't. And there is a limit as to how much acting out I'll put up with. Even when we are stressed, we don't get to treat the people we live with like crap.

So glad you found a solution that you are happy with.

Is math part of what needs to be caught up with?  If so, then would it be helpful to get a tutor, just for a couple months?  Like a college student majoring in math or physics could help bring your daughter up to speed with the math really quickly.  Your daughter would be much less likely to act up with the college student, and more likely to act up with you if you try to help your daughter with the math homework.  For me, the reduced stress on me would be worth the extra cost! :D

[Geofizz]

I'm so glad you made the switch and it's working.  Where is your older daughter now?

Hire a tutor for the math stat.  This can shift you into parenting mode entirely, putting all the teaching onto a different relationship.  Plan on a few sessions a week.  Have the tutor focus on keeping up with the class for about half the time, but spend the rest on patching holes.  Ask the teacher for the end-of-first semester assessment (or each chapter assessment from the first semester).  Have her and the tutor work through them, identify holes, and start patching.  Your DD is super bright.  This won't be a long-term endeavor.

I changed schools half way through high school.  I was challenged in school for the first time in my life.  I had a huge amount of homework all of a sudden, and it was hard.  I remember going to bed earlier for months after the switch.  Yet in retrospect, my stress levels went down overall, as I was finally in a more appropriate environment.

[Linda on the move]

My older DD started at our local community college, and that seems to be going fine. She has some anxiety issues, so my DH took her first week off work and went to all her classes with her to help her get through the door and get started, but now that she has started she is doing fine. She taking a anthropology, plant biology, art and a developmental math course. She likes her teachers and text books, and feels ready for this change. She is a little surprised at the amount of homework, even though we warned her!

We are seriously considering hiring a math tutor for both girls. Right now, my DH is in charge of helping with math homework. He's an engineer and him helping works well. DD#1's class backed up so much that she is doing fine right now, but will most likely need help later.  For DD#2, when my DH is traveling with work, I scan and then email him things, and then they do it by speaker phone. When he is in town, they are spening 2-3 hours a night on math, but it is really paying off. She getting it, and is starting to enjoy the class. She's a math bright kid, and daddy is enjoying helping her. 

I'm not sure when we would schedule a tutor -- things are a little crazy her right now. With both girls starting new schools and needing more support AND i just started a new job that I really wanted and applied for months ago PLUS my DH traveling every other week, we don't have a routine and we are all just flying by the seat of our pants. I'm hoping that in the next few weeks, things will settle down a bit. The money for the math tutor isn't the issue (one of the joys of going from a private school to a public one is now we have more money), but just figuring how to add One More Thing.

She hasn't completed adjusted to the new school, but she has said that she can tell that she'll get a much better education and really be ready for college. Every week is a little easier.