body changes discussion « Back to Group Discussions

[loveandgarbage]

This thread brought to you by a discussion of nipple differences in another thread! So I want to keep this as body image positive as possible, but sometimes it's hard when our bodies are changing so drastically. Maybe this could be safe space to talk about what is changing in our bodies, how we feel about it, and how to overcome that for overall mental health. I know that I personally walk a fine line between being a positive feminist about my body post-kids and just needing to vent sometimes.

[Dia]

Awesome idea for a discussion.

I need to think a little bit about what I want to share, and I'll be back :)

[loveandgarbage]

So I had my two older kids in my early to mid twenties. I have mostly overcome body image issues from those pregnancies and I'm happier for it. But for some reason this pregnancy has me thinking about it again. I worry about what my body will look like this time, as I'm "older" although not really by that much and this will be my third baby. I didn't get stretch marks, my weight went back to the same, and I mostly look how I did pre-kids. But if I'm being completely honest I'm not happy with how my body looks-- I have veins on my legs, my vagina isn't the same, my breasts are less buoyant and my areolas are much bigger, my waist is thicker, and I have a c-section scar. So there's my vent. But I feel bad about even complaining! I want to be a person who truly believes in her soul that a mother's body is beautiful. Or even that it doesn't have to be beautiful, or please anyone, or turn anyone on, but I just can't get past it. I mean, I mostly can but ill feelings still linger. And my partner helps me with this. He's been attracted to whether I'm a 22 yr old who hasn't had kids, if I'm 9 months pregnant, if I have hemorrhoids, if I'm just postpartum, if I'm entirely too thin from nursing for two years and have lost my curves, etc. It counts for a lot but I wish I could just feel good in my own skin.

[odinsmama]

It's such a huge mental thing, isn't it?!
I grew up with a mom who was very loving and never said a single negative thing about the way I looked. However she was constantly verbalizing how unhappy she was with her own body, no matter how much weight she lost or gained. I ended up adopting this negative self talk from her and was also very unhappy with my own body as a young adult for many years.

Then I got pregnant with my first and gained quite a bit for such a short person and I absolutely loved every second of it. The eating, the curves, everything. I had never felt so awesomely feminine. I don't know if it was a hormonal change or spiritual or what but that love of my body has stuck with me ever since. I've had another baby, been softer, been skinnier and (aside from not loving the look of my face when it's too skinny) have honestly been happy with all of those stages. Yeah, I've got the strange wrinkly belly skin, the breasts are much more influenced by gravity, the stretch marks and the tired-mama eyes... but I'm at peace with it in a way that I've never been at peace with my own body.

It's something I can't explain but have been SO very thankful for.

I will definitely mourn the loss of pregnant/nursing breasts when the nursing stage is over again. They're incredibly small once the nursing stops and if I lose all the weight again. I won't surgically change them, but it sure looks nice to have some sexy padding in my shirt!

[LadyCatherine185]

my first baby totally did my body in.. stretch marks covering my entire belly, saggy boobs, wrinkly/soft belly skin, and my belly button never went back the same. Being so short/short-waisted and having a 9 lb baby made for a BIG change in my skin. I've always loved how I feel while pregnant with my round belly and fuller bust though.. but the post-partum and on, I have big time issues. I've sloooowly began to accept it though, and my wonderful DH has never said anything negative and accepts me for how I am as well. I just wish I would have appreciated my body in my teens/early 20's before babies! ;)

[kellybeth]

i'm trying real hard to not think about the changes in my body (i don't even own a scale and refuse to look when i go to the doctor).

this is my first pregnancy and though i couldn't be more excited to be a mama, i'm scared of what my body will look like after the fact. i keep hearing that it's harder to bounce back after you reach a certain age (i'm in my late 20's) and i've always had self-image issues, but it's something that i keep to myself. i don't know. it seems selfish. but i'm trying to think of all the positive aspects. and i do enjoy having boobs for once in my life.

[typebug]

Originally Posted by kellybeth 

i'm trying real hard to not think about the changes in my body (i don't even own a scale and refuse to look when i go to the doctor).

this is my first pregnancy and though i couldn't be more excited to be a mama, i'm scared of what my body will look like after the fact. i keep hearing that it's harder to bounce back after you reach a certain age (i'm in my late 20's) and i've always had self-image issues, but it's something that i keep to myself. i don't know. it seems selfish. but i'm trying to think of all the positive aspects. and i do enjoy having boobs for once in my life.

My girlfriends are more eager to see picture evidence of me having boobs than the bump itself. ;) It's quite funny.

[etsdtm99]

i had a lot of issues with my body in highschool and college, but by the time i had my first (@25) i was mostly feeling good about myself - pregnancy did a number on me for sure..  lots of stretch marks, saggy boobs etc.  but after a year or so i went back to normal except for a little stretched skin and stretch marks on the belly..  overall, i spent my whole young life assuming that pregnancy would do a lot worse to me because it had to my mom and one of my aunts .. they had more trouble losing weight afterwards and just never looked the same, and while i look older (sure that would have happened anyway) , i feel like i look pretty much the same about 18 months after a birth..  now, i've had going on 4 kids 2-2.5 yrs apart and it did take a little longer to go back to my pre-pg weight last time.. but i got there and then some.. so i guess i'm not really afraid of the changes in the way i look or the weight gain anymore..

I'm much much more afraid of what another pregnancy could do to my bladder or my pelvic floor ..after my last birth i had a lot of discomfort in that area and it got better after a few weeks but it really freaked me out reading about how that can stick around after having multiple kids.. 

[Teles]

I haven't noticed anything significant so far that I know will be permanent, like stretch marks or more than a couple varicose veins, so I'm not super worried yet but I am working hard to avoid them by moisturizing, massaging, and drinking lots of water. When I weighed myself at my last appointment and found that I had gained 10lbs in a month, I have to admit that I was pretty horrified, and it took me a while to bounce back from that in terms of self-esteem.

I'm sure that I'll have a lot of trouble dealing with my new stomach skin after baby is born, but I'm trying not to think about that right now. I'm not really worried about the weight gain, so long as it doesn't end up being really excessive - even though I gained a lot last month it's only for a total of 17.5lbs, including 5lbs that I lost and gained back in the first trimester. I haven't really been able to exercise since I've been pregnant because of sciatic nerve problems but I ran before pregnancy and plan to run again afterward, so I'm confident that I'll go back to my previous weight. I'm also quite surprised at how comfortable I am with my larger, darker, leaky nipples/breasts, I'm actually kind of proud of them for what I know they're going to be able to do for baby.
 

[Chloe'sMama]

Not really having lots of issues now, but I always like to get back in shape really quickly after baby comes.  I know they say, 9 months on, 9 months off, but I never have the patience and start to feel gross in my skin after about a month or so.  This is last baby, so I know that if I get in shape, it will be really worth while.  

I have noticed as I am getting older, I am feeling so much more tired.  This time I am just so tired all the time.  I had my iron tested and while it was on the low end, it was in the normal range.  

I guess the weight gain is bothering me more this time than the last 2 times.  I am weighing in at the same as I did when DD2 was full term and being born.  I started out 10 lbs heavier than with DD2 and 5 lbs less than with DD1.... I gained 22 lbs with DD1.  I have gained about 14 now, so not too much, but I don't like to look at the scale.

[waywornwanderer]

This topic. Oh, man. I've struggled with negative body image and disordered eating habits since I was maybe 12 years old. My mom is one of those women who is NEVER happy in her own skin. There's always something she wants to change about her looks. When I was growing up, I really did notice her cycle of savage dieting/exercise- she'd balloon in weight, gorging on ice cream every day, then she'd frantically "diet" for years at a time. It was gruesome to watch. I developed some disordered habits myself. I recall competing with myself to see how little I could eat all day, then sneaking into the kitchen at night to eat handfuls of chips and cookies. At age 14 I gained a little weight- nothing too drastic, but enough for my mom to comment "you'd better start doing some crunches!" while poking my belly. Ever since then, my belly has been my biggest barometer of whether or not I'm at the "right" weight. If my belly is flat and thin, I feel good about myself. If it rounds out in any way, I lose it.

So... yeah, being pregnant has been interesting. Obviously, my belly is very very round and distended right now, and sometimes it's hard for me to see that it's not because I'm fat, it's because I'm pregnant. I think I've gained about 12 pounds now, at 25 weeks, which is not a number I'm necessarily displeased with. I know I need to gain weight for my daughter to be healthy and happy, and I try to choose healthy and nourishing foods so I know I'm feeding myself well. By some strange grace, I didn't inherit my mom's cycle of binging- I researched and fell in love with the Traditional Foods movement, and am focused not on quantity but on quality of food and really nourishing myself.

But every so often I find myself thinking back to the "you'd better do crunches!" comment and it freaks me out. Or, for instance, when people comment on my body (why do they do that?!)- "you're so tiny and cute!" or "your belly's getting huge!" or "you have a little basketball belly!" or whatever. Even if they say something meant to be "positive" (like "you're so tiny!") it wigs me out because it means that other people are looking at me and assessing my body. My mother in law is a little heavy set, and when she saw me she was disappointed I hadn't gained more and said "you'll probably be one of those girls who doesn't gain much and loses it all quickly." That comment bothered me because... what if I DO gain a lot, or what if I DO hold onto the weight while breastfeeding? Other people have made it clear that they would notice.

It's not that I think about my body all the time, in fact, I've made great strides in recent years in viewing my body positively and for its ability to do things I love (hiking, running, walking, making love, making babies!) and I do think pregnancy is such a beautiful process. But if anyone asks, "is it weird to see your body change so much?" Well, hell yeah. It's very difficult. Not as difficult as if my entire self esteem relied on other peoples' opinions. But still, difficult for the 14 year old girl in me. I'm very fortunate to have a husband who thinks I'm attractive at every stage, every shape, every age. He's super vocal about it, too, and tells me everyday how beautiful he thinks I am. 

[loveandgarbage]

I actually have never felt more beautiful than when I'm pregnant. I love having curves as it's a novelty to me! I guess it's just after the fact that has me down sometimes.

[HouseofPeace]

i too come from a family with disordered eating and great dissatisfaction in bodies being imprinted young.  i have 4 sisters, and we've talked about how challenging it is/was to come out of that and even how hard it is to go home and have my mother make comments on 'those last 5 lbs' or my father comment on what we're eating...  that said, we're all very fit, active and muscular, just a little perfectionistic and unforgiving of flaws in ourselves.

it's been a strange journey for me b/c i came out of an eating disorder as a teenager to discover that food as i knew it was poisoning me.  when i figured out that wheat/gluten caused bloating, diarrhea, skin rashes, amenhorrhea, joint pain, hair loss, and depression for me, i started my journey to healing (in 2001).  since then, i've gotten stronger, fitter and happier each passing year as my journey to health continued.  i didn't have cycles and couldn't have kids for the first 5 years of my marriage (and i thank God for the man who loved me through it all), but healed my body into my first regularish cycles at 23, and then continued to really learn to love, trust and respect my body as the journey progressed.  

my first pregnancy was wonderful, and i had so much support from my husband and really did love the body i was in and growing in- though i had no idea it could be so odd.  my breasts became HUGE and i had leaky boobs from month 4 on.  i had no idea my butt and thighs would carry so much weight even though i was eating well and was exercising and taking good care of myself.  i was very aware that i was struggling a bit w/ thinking i needed to do pregnancy more picture perfect, but also had a lot of grace for myself as i knew i also had to give my body what it needed to keep healing and to grow a healthy baby.  but altogether i only gained 33lbs, and i lost the pregnancy weight in less than 2 months due to an extended hospital stay and stress and pumping and had maybe 5 small stretch marks from that last month of pregnancy.  but i had no concept of what having a totally extroverted, demanding needy baby would be like- so emotional recovery from a horrible birth was much longer.  

my second pregnancy was harder b/c i gained more weight.  i was eating even better, still exercising, but my body decided that the nice 35lb limit had nothing to do w/ growing a baby.  i would have a couple of months where i'd gain 8lbs, or 10lbs, and i had to weight myself and report it.  but i couldn't change the fact that i was covered in zits, had loads more cellulite, and my body was doing pregnancy very different than the first time.  i ended up only gaining 38lbs, but was super paranoid that i would have problems losing it.  it dropped off in 4 months.  but i felt less beautiful, less graceful, and like i was not doing something right ONLY BECAUSE OF THE SCALE.

my 3rd was a whole new adventure, i found a homebirth midwife.  she told me to gain 40lbs.  i was appalled- 40?!?  wasn't that going to kill me and the baby?  i didn't have any new stretch marks from my 2nd birth, it had taken me longer to drop the weight, and i like not having 20lb a piece boobs.  later on, i was glad she had said this up front.  i didn't weigh myself most of the pregnancy, and she didn't ask me to.  my baby was late- later than late.  44 weeks by LMP, and i got stretch marks that thankfully i couldn't see until after birth!  but she kept encouraging me, commenting on my lack of edema, how my belly was just the right size, how my milk supply was already in place b/c my 2nd was still nursing 4x a day.  both her positive encouragement, and my husband's carried me through a much slower weight loss (i was tandem nursing newborn and 20 month old), comments from my dr about how my body looked like i had gained too much weight (i was up to 147 at 4 months pp, vs my normal 130), and having large, saggy, tired breasts from being a professional milkmaid for so long.  I eventually dropped down to my lowest weight in years (i'm a dancer and carry muscle weight, and at 130 i'm a size 6) to about 123 and a size 2 after a stressful period.  my husband was positive, but was clear that he wanted my curves back- he didn't like my overly slender frame.  

baby number 4 was another 40lb pregnancy- but i was really believing at this point that i knew how to feed myself and a baby, i keep active, and i also know how to get back into shape after birth.  i did intensive exercise post-baby and was rocking 5 minute planks by 3 months postpartum and had regained my stomach.  i kept dancing, and danced up to five months w/ the last 2 pregnancies.  

i'm going to gain at least 40lbs this pregnancy, but i know my body can handle it, needs it, and will recover from it.  But i do admit to jealousy of women who don't get fat love handles, refrigerator butts (my turns square), and thunder thighs when pregnant.  this pregnancy actually feels more like my first, where i'm actually feeling really sexy, cute, and don't mind the lumpiness as much.  it may be my last, so i think that also has encouraged me to just enjoy it.  i wish i didn't feel like a dumpling, or look like a hobbit, but i also know my body is doing what it needs to do to make another beautiful, strong, and healthy human.  it's gotten me this far- and my kids are amazing and i can't rave enough about their health from birth.  i am ordering a girdle-type thing for postpartum to help me recover faster and to help me feel better about recovery.  i'm doing my lady-part exercises (and i can't complain b/c i've never torn, and my vagina has recovered rapidly from each birth and i don't feel like it's been damaged at all, which is such a blessing), and planning to give myself time to recover and heal.  i don't love my stretch marks, but i don't think about them most of the time and wear a bikini whenever i want.  my breasts will always be saggy- but they've served the world well.  i'm honored to have also donated milk to other mamas for preemies and kids w/ allergies.  i love my body more and more as the years go on, and respect it for all it's done.  sometimes i wish i had more than a 29 inch inseam, and my hips weren't always going to be 41 inches wide, but most of the time i'm too busy enjoying living and the wonderful joys of my life, and i thank God i have a husband who thinks i'm beautiful and makes sure that i know it.

[typebug]

I'm enjoying the changes right now. I really felt I'd freak out. I've always been small and struggled with eating disorders in my dance career a decade ago so I worried about my ability to appreciate my changing body. I haven't had stretch marks or veins happen yet, just the growing bump but I know that might change. I'm hoping I can hang onto this body positive space I'm in for as a long as I can. 

[MaybeJ]

I'm avoiding the scale because last I checked, I was gaining more than my previous pregnancy and I don't want to stress about it.

Overall, I feel okay when I'm pregnant.  I enjoy being pregnant and love the baby bump.  I do have a hard time feeling "sexy" while pregnant but that could also be hormonal changes too.

With DD, the postpartum period was hard for me...for months and months.  I feel sad that I have so few photos of me and my daughter together because I didn't want my picture taken.  I am really going to make an effort to embrace my postpartum body this time. 

I will say though that my body changed permanently from pregnancy but I felt awesome about my body starting about a year after DD was born.   I love my more womanly curves and larger breasts, even if they do sag. 

[loveandgarbage]

I'm trying not to stress about weight this time around, too. I didn't care at all what I gained with my other pregnancies (65 and 45 lbs) but since I'm scared to grow a "too big" baby I'm a little worried that my weight has been climbing pretty high these days. I've gained 25 lbs total which seems normal to me-- until I realized that if I go on this same track (10 lbs a month once MS was over) I'll have gained close to 60 again especially given that I really pack it on in the 3rd trimester. I know that some women can gain a lot and not have a large baby, but for me this was the case. But with my first I was STARVING all the time and had a huge belly from the start, so I think that even if I didn't gain as much as I did, he still would've been big and I would've had the same labor issues.

[Adaline'sMama]

My boobs are saggy, and I've gained about 20 lbs all over my body since I got pregnant with DD. My legs have cellulite. My boobs are too big (way too big). I have armpit fat. My ankles are bigger than they used to be. That's pretty much it. After this pregnancy, I think my tummy will be really stretched out (not just marks, but lots of extra skin). 

I struggle with the body changes, and I really wish Id appreciated how hot I was 5 years ago! (being able to rock a bikini with just size D boobs) 

This is the website I like to look at when Im feeling down about myself:

http://theshapeofamother.com/

[kellybeth]

ugh, i know i have gained a lot of weight. i looked at the scale once two months ago and was horrified. i downloaded a pregnancy app on my phone that has the option of keeping track of your weight gain, and all i did was enter my pre-pregnancy weight and then the weight that i knew of the last time i checked and it said "excessive". i cried. my doctors don't mention a thing, my husband can't tell how much i weigh and totally doesn't care at all and is always trying to make me eat something, he doesn't think i eat enough, so that feels good having that support. i don't think i've gained any weight except in my boobs and belly and a little thigh action. but that app really hurt/pissed me off.

[HouseofPeace]

Originally Posted by kellybeth 

ugh, i know i have gained a lot of weight. i looked at the scale once two months ago and was horrified. i downloaded a pregnancy app on my phone that has the option of keeping track of your weight gain, and all i did was enter my pre-pregnancy weight and then the weight that i knew of the last time i checked and it said "excessive". i cried. my doctors don't mention a thing, my husband can't tell how much i weigh and totally doesn't care at all and is always trying to make me eat something, he doesn't think i eat enough, so that feels good having that support. i don't think i've gained any weight except in my boobs and belly and a little thigh action. but that app really hurt/pissed me off.

i checked my weight on apps i think 3x before finally walking away from the charts for weight gain for pregnancy.  i have smaller babies- my last was my smallest at 7lbs even.  my largest was only 8lbs 8oz, but she was also 22 1/2 inches long (and not a very hard birth, first homebirth), and just a big girl (at 3 she's only 1 1/2 inches shorter than her 4 1/2 year old sister).  so i know i can gain weight and only have average babies.  i think if you get overwhelmed and negative about your weight w/ scales and charts, then stay away!!!  i told my midwife it overwhelmed me and she told me she wasn't worried since my weight gain was balanced- not giant baby growth.

as for you tiny mamas w/ a history of big babies, there's more of an awareness there when you know what you're getting into after having big babies!  my friend is TINY and only gained 19lbs last pregnancy and had a 9lb 1oz baby.  sometimes it's how you grow them.  her first was 9lbs 11oz- and that was a rough labor and birth!  she's normally only around 100lbs.  she did have gestational diabetes though, and that can affect size.

i think measurements of baby are more important than weight!

[Chloe'sMama]

I don't know if weight gain has much to do baby size.  I gained 40+ with DD1 and she was 10 lb, 5 oz and I gained 22 lbs with DD2 (started off 15 lbs lighter too) and she was 9 lbs, 12 oz.  I did not have GD with either.  My body just grows big babies even if I don't gain lots.  

My goal is to gain 30-35 with this one (DD2 had weight gain issues AFTER she was born and I think it had to do with me not having enough fat in my milk).  I am right on track for that, so I am trying to remember that, even though I am not super happy about starting 10 lbs heavier than I did with DD2 and now I am 3 lbs over what I was with her at delivery..... Breathe.....