So one of her friends who is one year younger then her will just grab her thing
at any given time and not give it back. Purposefully in front of everybody and
she will just look around for the reaction of my child, her parents and us
and she will just hold to the object for dear life.
It happens most every playdate. It comes out of the blue and that pretty much
turns my kid into a emotional mess and parents of the other kid into a
disciplinarian crisis and we leave.
I really don't know what to do. I don't feel it is my place to talk to the other child
to return the item that belongs to my child. I would assume it is up to the other parents to negotiate the return.
What buffles me is that the other parents will stand like across the room from her and keep saying "give it back to her" and wont' do much beyond that and when the child won't cooperate which is like.. never.. they simply leave along with the object that the kid clings to. We get the object eventually back... but my child is left behind crying, upset, and full of anger at the other child.
Other parents thought although very nice and likeable across the board can't manage the kid and I have this struggle.
I really like the parents and the kid is nice most of the time except for those acts of reposessiing for no reason clear to me.
I also struggle because my child does really like the other kid, is very forgiving and forgets quickly and moves on but this just happens over and over again and each
time she is left in bigger emotional mess afterwards. She however keeps coming for more and I fear that this creates unheatlhy circle of her putting up with someone's abuse for no apparent reason.
I really need someone to shed some light on this for me. Do you have any clues on why would the other child be doing it? Why despite the deep friendship to my child and enthusiastic and euphoric awaiting for palydates with her she would do something like that that she knows will cancle the palydate on the spot even if it is at the beginning of it?
I am wondering if I am making or was making a mistake here by letting the palydates go beyond the first act of that kind because maybe I helped the other child to create the pattern.. that it is okay to act like this because my hcild will forgive and forget and there we go again?..
I don't quite knwo what to expect from other parents how they could approach the issue. I know I would NEVER leave the place without acutally reposessing the object back to the child in question who lost it due to my child grabbig on it.
I would probably appreciate the same from them and they are acting like the child always wins and even if they negotiate it later it somehow does not seem just or enough to me. Am I wrong here?
Also, is it wrong to fogive and forget and hope for better each time since my child really likes the playdates otherwise? I mean, I told her that that other kid is the way it is and I can't change it and I can't do much as it is not my place to educate her or adjust her in terms of behavior, so therefore the situation is that if my child wants to play with the other child she must be prepared for this kind of situation (but what kind of message am I sending here really? that it is okay to expect abuse?)
I am really loosing it here in terms of what is right and what is wrong.
Now .. worse part is.. that we could really easily do without as my child has lots of other kids to play with , but .. you guessed it right the other kid does not as not many parents have a degree of patience, understanding and willingness to help seeing that other parents do struggle with difficult child and lack of skills to handle her and so she has no friends. So we are tyring to help.
This is really puzzle to me how to solve this being kind, generous and yet not to damage my own child in the process.
I struggle to understand why is the other child doing it to her best and pretty much only friend? Is it because she wants to tick her? tick me? tick her parents? is it because she wants to be the center of attention? is it because she wanst attention?
Is it because she is trying to gain some power over my child?
Also, strangely enough the child likes me a lot and this might be beause I am never openly angry at her even if she does something wrong and it is my turn to speak I try to be kind and understanding and each time we meet next time I am warm and caring towards her.. is it that she is trying to somehow try me? in front of her parents and see how much I can take?
Lastly.. I really don't get it but when that child will take something from my child those other parents will refer to it as "not sharing" .. WTHF????..
we are not talking here aobut sharing.. she takes MY childs item whereas she has the same item of her own usually and it is about reposesing, taking over, stealing .. for the lack of better words but it is NEVER sharing..
so if they suggest their daughter that she is NOT sharing with my child by actually
taking her object so what is that we are seeing here? are they confusing her and maybe possibly not naming things the way they should be named?
We are talking about kids who are in second grade for goodness sake!
and this kind of thing done at school would warant a disciplinarian action,
would be called bulling and would have consequences and possibly would
teach something at the end.
However on the socila ground when we like eachother and the kids like eachother
it is very delicate situation and I don't want to overstep my boundaries
be rude or insensitvie but I don't want to break my own kid.