Hi mamas, I am 5 months pregnant with my second. My first is almost 3 and an amazingly wonderful little being. I love her so much. I am considering filing for divorce with my DH. He has basically been absent from our lives for 6 months. He is bipolar, and likely has aspergers, and likely head trauma. All of which he has never sought help for and self medicates with weed, which means he is checked out emotionally and physically a lot. The truth is he was wonderful as a home birth partner last time around. And my dd adores him more than anything. He is not a bad father, per se. But I guess he is a bad partner and I think as my dd grows up she will react more to his lack of consistency, reliability and so on. He is basically neglectful as a parent at this point as I can't rely on him for showing up at any given time or to be fully present when needed.
I feel so fed up with him. I know it is pregnancy. But this is my life and I just don't have the tolerance or patience for him that I once had. I am seriously considering moving forward with a divorce, so that I can focus on myself and my growing babe and toddler and also get the support that we need.
I am planning a home birth. And I am panicking now realizing I will not have a birth partner. I know I can hire a doula and that is probably the way I will go. But there is a lot of sadness and mourning at the same time.
I have given him ultimatums about getting outside help, therapy, assessment, support groups. Anything that would give him some support and improve our communication. I think he would like to do that, in the future. But that future never seems to arrive. And I feel impatient to have some closure and stability in my life for my last 4 months of pregnancy and the newborn time too.
I do have friends who are very supportive. But all are moms with young children and not so available to really help me out. My family lives far away and though I love my parents I don't have the kind of relationship where they would just step in and give me a lot of support in parenting and housework and so on.
Oh, I am feeling sorry for myself and just needed to express. I live in a small, tight community and I don't want to vent too much publicly as my husband lives here too and I don't want to alienate people from either of us.