Parents Help Advice and Opinions Needed Please - Page 2

[crunchy_mommy]

I am a mom but I wouldn't want to watch anyone's else's kid every. single. week. I get that it feels like a huge commitment, though it's only 4 hours, but on a Saturday night? No. I just wouldn't want to do it. Depending on who & why, I might do it anyway, but I wouldn't love it or anything. You can't go anywhere for the day on Saturdays, you can't take off for the weekend, you can't go to an event on a Saturday night... it just sounds like a situation you will ultimately resent.

So yeah, I agree with offering to do once or twice a month, since she has other options. If she had no other caregivers available, I'd probably just do it every week for a bit, but why cause yourself all that resentment if there are other options? Maybe once a month you watch him together, and once you go out while DH watches him, and she asks someone else to do the other 2-3 weeks each month.

[P.J.]

I haven't read all the replies but here is my .02:

I don't know anything about the family dynamics at work here so this may all be invalid depending, but here goes:

Before I had a child I had no idea how freaking hard it is to be a parent. None. At. All. On top of that, your SIL is a single mom. I can't even imagine. I have the support of family (occasionally), daycare, a babysitter (sometimes), and a very active husband who loves being a Papa.....and yet I feel overwhelmed and pushed to my limits more than I ever imagined I would be. I cannot even begin to imagine what a single mama must endure and the inner strength she must find to be a good parent let alone a good-enough parent. I assume she is working to help support herself and her son. Good on her! I agree that if her brother wants to and is able to help her out, not out of obligation but because he wants to (and it did sound a bit like maybe he doesn't want to but feels like he has to....maybe have a real heart-to-heart with him about this and find out), then you should try to find a compromise, as well as see the best in this.

First off you could and should set a limit and say you/your hubby only babysit every other week and make the other Saturday night your extra-special date night. See if your SIL can find a babysitter or another family member, or a friend to trade babysitting with or some other arrangement for the other Saturdays. Also, I would try to look at this as practice and getting a sneak preview of parenting. Not only the time spent with your nephew but learning to balance the needs of a marital relationship and the huge demands of a child. I did learn a lot from watching my friends who went before me raise their kids. I wish I had had more experience and time spent with children before I had my own. I might have felt better prepared. Because I can tell you, and there's no way you'll know until you're there: but being a parent is really intense. Maybe spending the time with your nephew will give you a glimpse so you won't be as shocked as I was to discover just how hard it can be.

And if all else fails, and your hubby really wants to help his sister and isn't just doing it out of a grudging obligation, then just make Saturday night your girls night or your night for yourself and enjoy that, and find time somewhere else to connect with your hubby. BTW that is another skill you'll need once you become parents so might as well practice now. Oh and I forgot to mention, once you have a kid this will be time banked and your SIL will probably feel more interested in helping you guys out (which you will need!)

Best of luck to you. Your feelings and needs are legitimate and I hope you can find a balanced solution.

[mtiger]

I can certainly understand the reticence at taking on this obligation every Saturday. But I can also understand Hubby's feeling of obligation to his family. And I tend to side with hubby, because it really is a matter of family helping one another.

I'm a single Mom. My parents have, over the years, helped a lot with the kids. My bro & SIL? Not really. Over the 14 years I've been divorced, I think they watched the kids maybe twice. That is what it is. But when my bro's MI fell ill, and they needed help caring for her? My Mom and I stepped up to help them. Mom spent nearly every day there. Feeding her, talking to her, cleaning her, etc. I gave up my two days off a week to spell her. Because... its what family does.

Just another perspective.

[proudMoMmy2634]

I both agree and disagree with other comments here though it is all up to you if what will be your decision.

If I were in your position, Not to accept to babysit?slightly harsh,.your husband's sister will be working maybe she see's you and your husband to be trustworthy to babysit and the kid loves you. But I agree with the suggestion that you might accept the babysitting for 1-3 times a month though it was just 4 hours a week having to babysit every week is too much. The kid can be in his other relative when he is not with you.

I'm happy for you. You can see how considerate and understanding your husband towards his family whereas this show that he will be very responsible and caring for your own family. Goodluck!

[Adaline'sMama]

Id tell her that for the first month, you'd watch him ever Sat night, because you know she needs the help and it would likely take a lot of stress off her plate to not have to worry about finding a sitter while she is settling into a new job. After the first month, I wouldnt want to watch a kid every.saturday.night. If you work a normal week, Saturday is the only day that you have been off all day, and you dont have to work the next day- making it the most optimal date night, IMO. 

I'd say something like, "Hey, we are totally cool to take him every Sat night for the first month, but after that I think we'll need to find someone to alternate weeks with because sometimes we like to spend Saturday nights together since our schedules are so busy and we dont get to spend as much time together as we'd like."