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Keeping shoes on in the car

post #1 of 64
Thread Starter 

Any suggestions on what I can do to have Adaline keep her shoes on in the car?

 

She takes them off every time and throws them in the floor of the minivan, which requires me (with my huge freakin belly) to go around to the other side of the van, crawl over a seat, pick them up, go back over to her side, and put them on. It also adds and extra 2-3 minutes to every single stop we make when we run errands. 

 

It's getting cold outside, and Im losing my patience about it. I've had to do this in the chilly rain a few times now, and Im not a happy camper about it. I need her to keep her shoes on. We have two more babies coming, and I cant imagine having to get two more kids out of the car, and having to deal with her shoes. We have to run errands, and that's not going to end. I cant leave her with someone every time, so this has to be resolved.

 

Ive tried negotiation. I've tried rewards. I've tried explaining how hard it is for mommy to reach her shoes. Her shoes are the right size, they are always cute, they are always pretty, she picks them out when we buy them and every day when deciding what to wear, and she loves wearing shoes when we are out. She just gets in the car and her mind somehow clicks over to "Oh, were inside, I cant take off my shoes". 

 

My solution is just go go a few weeks without letting her wear tights (she hates socks) and everytime she takes her shoes off, she has to walk barefoot to wherever we are going. It's cold (but not very cold), so she'll only do it a few times, IMO. But, DH thinks it's "too mean". IMO, the natural consequence of taking off your shoes, is that you dont have shoes on when it's time to get out, so you dont wear shoes to wherever we're going. 

 

Im open to other suggestions, but Im serious about nipping this in the bud in the next couple of weeks before it gets freezing outside and Im standing out in freezing rain putting her shoes on. 

post #2 of 64

That doesn't sound too mean to me. Doing it in snow would be mean. nak.

post #3 of 64

We've gone through this stage too.  eyesroll.gif

  

 

I found that the best I could do to prevent it (or keep it from becoming too annoying for myself) was either going only with:

 

1. Shoes that were super easy to put on/off (slip on rain boots or sneakers/crocs/etc. - nothing with a buckle or attachment of any kind).  So that it wasn't me putting her shoes back on - I'd just hand everything to dd and tell her what to do (or unbuckle her and have her get and do it herself).  

You could also put them on her to walk to the car, remove them after helping her in and putting them somewhere easy for you to get them, and then have her put them back on herself when you are wherever you're going.

AND I just realized that dd2 here is just 4 days older than yours -- so yeah, I think you're fine asking her to crawl around the car to get the shoes and do it herself, assuming that you have shoes she can do completely by herself.

 

2. Tied shoes that dd1 couldn't take off herself (not sure whether that is also the case for your dd).  And yes - I'd sometimes wrap the laces around to tie in the back too, and sometimes it didn't help (but sometimes it did). 

 

 

 

I think either of these would end up having a minor but understandable consequence of her not being allowed to wear whatever shoes she wanted, until this wasn't such a big problem when going out.  I don't think I'd have my kid walking places barefoot because they took off their shoes in the car, but I don't think it's that big a deal to end up doing it that way.  Especially when the brunt of what you need to do to fix the shoes is currently difficult and just getting to you the way this sounds like it has.  Good luck. winky.gif

post #4 of 64
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumkimum View Post

We've gone through this stage too.  eyesroll.gif

  

 

I found that the best I could do to prevent it (or keep it from becoming too annoying for myself) was either going only with:

 

1. Shoes that were super easy to put on/off (slip on rain boots or sneakers/crocs/etc. - nothing with a buckle or attachment of any kind).  So that it wasn't me putting her shoes back on - I'd just hand everything to dd and tell her what to do (or unbuckle her and have her get and do it herself).  

You could also put them on her to walk to the car, remove them after helping her in and putting them somewhere easy for you to get them, and then have her put them back on herself when you are wherever you're going.

AND I just realized that dd2 here is just 4 days older than yours -- so yeah, I think you're fine asking her to crawl around the car to get the shoes and do it herself, assuming that you have shoes she can do completely by herself.

 

2. Tied shoes that dd1 couldn't take off herself (not sure whether that is also the case for your dd).  And yes - I'd sometimes wrap the laces around to tie in the back too, and sometimes it didn't help (but sometimes it did). 

 

 

 

I think either of these would end up having a minor but understandable consequence of her not being allowed to wear whatever shoes she wanted, until this wasn't such a big problem when going out.  I don't think I'd have my kid walking places barefoot because they took off their shoes in the car, but I don't think it's that big a deal to end up doing it that way.  Especially when the brunt of what you need to do to fix the shoes is currently difficult and just getting to you the way this sounds like it has.  Good luck. winky.gif

Well, since she LOVES to crawl all over the van and play, Im sure she would not view this as any kind of consequence. It would, however, add even more time onto my errands, so Im not sure that is an option. Plus, Id still have to get out to unstrap her, then stand there or get back in the car until she got her shoes on. (she can put all of her shoes on herself, we only have one pair with laces). 

 

I have tried taking them off myself and then putting them on when we get where we are going, and that works out okay, but now that it's getting cold, Im already going to have to get out of the van, put my coat on, unstrap her, put her coat on, and then also put her shoes on and Id really like to remove as many steps as possible because I hate standing in cold parking lots forever. I really want to just be able to get out and go for these last couple of months of pregnancy (because, lets face it, it will be the last time in my entire life that Ill ever be able to just get out and go anywhere :) )

post #5 of 64

I don't think having her walk barefoot in the cold is too mean, but I wonder if she's still a little young to think ahead about the consequences and stop herself from taking her shoes off to avoid a consequence or get a reward.  Especially since it sounds like taking her shoes off has become such a habit that she may do it automatically, without even thinking about it.  It would probably be better if you could somehow stop her before she takes them off and keep doing that enough times that she gets out of the habit.

 

How quickly can she get them off, and how hard is it for you tell that she's doing it?  Could you plan some short trips where you try to keep an eye on what she's doing and nip the shoe removal in the bud as soon as she starts?  Or if you can't see what she's doing, can you remind her very frequently as you're driving that she needs to keep her shoes on and keep asking her if they're still on?  I know this would be a pain, but maybe you could do some very short trips - 5 or 10 minutes at first - just to practice keeping shoes on and during those trips you could constantly - like every 30 seconds - remind her to keep her shoes on.  Maybe you could pass back little food rewards every time you check and her shoes are still on. 

 

Or what if you do something to make it harder for her to get them off, or at least make her stop and think and remember she's supposed to keep them on?  Maybe you could tie plastic grocery bags over them, or slip adult socks over them.  That would also be a pain, but maybe it would be worth doing it for a while just to break the habit.

 

Personally, I think I would just have her wear crocs or rain boots and take them off myself and put them in a convenient place every time.

post #6 of 64

Sigh.  Yeah, kids can make finding solutions to this kind of stuff a real pain sometimes.  I'll admit I can't remember much else we ended up doing that helped at the time, other than lots of yelling and pleading about "Just please don't take off your shoes!  Not again!  And why your socks too, now where are they?!"

 

 

 

I feel like I may have seen some version of leg warmers/shoe covers for the slightly older toddler designed to keep them warm, but might help for something like this.  I'll look around during my aimless internet time and see if I come across it again - but like a fleece cover for lower legs/top of shoe with a bit of elastic on each end.  (Again, designed to keep them warm, but if it covered the shoe enough it might work out for you too?).

 

Would she go for something like: tie some pretty ribbons over her shoes.  Tell her they're to remind her to NOT take off her shoes for you when you guys are out, and that if she feels like she wants to take off her shoes she can take off the ribbons instead (you could tie bells onto them for playing, even?).    It might help satisfy her boredom in the car which is probably why she's taking off the shoes (just something to do).  ???  If she likes novel/new things, it might be interesting enough to help her avoid the habit after a few tries. 

post #7 of 64

I think if you allow her/force her to walk barefoot from the car to the store, you are opening yourself up to well-meaning strangers who don't understand the situation calling CPS, or giving you dirty looks, etc.

 

I used the pink converse high-tops with laces that she could not untie when she was that age. Anything to make your life easier right now, Mama, even if it means she can't be as independent in putting her shoes on for a while.

post #8 of 64
My dd is a couple of months older.
I would just not put shoes on until we get out of the car.
This phase ended soon enough.
post #9 of 64

Little Miss also hates her shoes.  I've retrieved a shoe from just about everywhere... the lettuce display, under another car, she's got an awesome throwing arm.  She doesn't respond to "consequences" with anything other than amusement (although, to be fair, I'm talking about a 13-month old here, so our "consequences" are really just practice, and pretty laughable) so I went the opposite route about a month ago, when I realized she was gearing up to walk and shoes would soon become a real need instead of just adorable.  I started putting her shoes on just before something AWESOME happened outside.  For example, I'd stick her shoes on, and then take her to the swing.  Oh yeah.  Or I'd stick her shoes on and we'd go get the mail.  SWEET!  In any case, I associated something positive with shoes as often as possible throughout the day.  I don't know if you, being pregnant with twins, have the energy for this approach, but it's worked really well for us.  She rarely pitches her shoes off any more.  She gets all excited to see them. 

 

Hang in there!  smile.gif
 

post #10 of 64

I would definitely NOT go with the plan of taking off her shoes yourself and then putting them back on.  That is just going to reinforce the idea in her mind that shoes comes off when we get in the car.

 

I also dont' think having her walk barefoot is mean, but I also don't think it is really a good consequence.  I mean, she can't just walk barefoot around stores or restaurants, so you are still going to have to stand around and put her shoes on outside anyway.

 

I would go with either shoes she CAN'T get off, (if there are any) combined with almost constant reminders to keep her shoes on, and maybe even rewards that you give her as soon as you arrive at your destination if she keeps her shoes on for the entire ride.   If you have any dolls that have shoes, you could also use the dolls for "practice" or role-playing and if she ever rides in the car with anyone else in the backseat then be sure to point out how mommy/daddy/nana/etc. is wearing their shoes while riding in the car.  I think basically just keep reminding her to keep her shoes on and do as much reinforcing fo that concept as possible.

 

Good luck!

post #11 of 64
Thread Starter 

Thanks. I hadnt thought of the idea of using her doll. 

 

I think the part that frustrates me so much is that I *constantly* remind her while we are in the car. By constantly, I mean every 20-30 seconds- it's the primary thing Im doing while in the car. I cant ever make a phone call, or listen to the radio, or anything while Im in the car, because it feels like my sole job is verbally reminding her. Then, when I get to the destination and they are off Im really annoyed.

 

I think you are right about how she cant walk around in stores, so Ill still have to put her shoes back on her at some point. I really dont want to take her shoes off and put them back on every time, mainly because Im super worried about having to get three kids out of the car and still having to put her damn shoes on everytime. 
 

She's a super negotiater, and she *def* knows when she is doing something she isnt supposed to. She works well with consequences, I just cant seem to find one that works. We only have one pair of shoes that doesnt come off, and they arent very good for walking in if it has rained or is cold (they are converse shoes) Maybe I should invest in something to keep from taking them off. 

 

Im going to try the doll and also tying ribbons around her shoes this week and we'll see if that helps. 

post #12 of 64
Is she still rear facing? Personally, I prefer my rear facing 2 year old to have shoes off in the winter to protect the car seat. It's super easy to slip rain boots on and off. Much less work than ribbons if you ask me. Another option would be to put elastic cuff rain pants over boots. She won't be able to get them off then!
post #13 of 64
Thread Starter 

She is still rear facing. Our winters really arent bad enough to need to protect the car seat. She wont be walking through tons of snow or anything.  It's just unpleasant to stand in a parking lot and put her shoes on. The thing is, she fights putting them back on , she wants to do everything herself, and it takes forever. 

post #14 of 64
I would just go with rain boots. Strap her in, whip them off in a second and put them in a cup holder up front. At the destination, slip them on in two seconds and then het her out. Since she is a smart girl, the consequence of only being able to wear the boots instead of the pretty shoes she likes should help. If she REALLY wants to put them on herself then the rain boots again are super quick. Since you take them, you won't have to hunt for them. I know it's more work than having her keep them on but it's less work than reminding her and fighting with her.
post #15 of 64

I'd just take them off when she got into the car and put them back on when it's time to get out. My daughter always takes her shoes off, so my son wants to too. They usually just drop to the ground and they put them back on when we get to our destination, or if at home they frequently walk in barefoot. I don't know. It's never really bothered me I guess. It takes them longer to finally get out of their seats after I unlatch them than it takes me to get their shoes back on. If I really hated it, I'd probably try and find some shoes that were not so easy to get off. Duct tape? kidding.
 

post #16 of 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycheattraffic View Post

I would just go with rain boots. Strap her in, whip them off in a second and put them in a cup holder up front. At the destination, slip them on in two seconds and then het her out. Since she is a smart girl, the consequence of only being able to wear the boots instead of the pretty shoes she likes should help. If she REALLY wants to put them on herself then the rain boots again are super quick. Since you take them, you won't have to hunt for them. I know it's more work than having her keep them on but it's less work than reminding her and fighting with her.

yeahthat.gif Rainboots. And I would take them off when you strap her in, throw them back as soon as you park and have her "race" to get them on before you get unbuckled and around to her door.

 

I have four kids and a super hard to navigate car and I feel your pain. Toddlers just.don't.care. that they are making you wait and in my opinion drag things out more if you harp on them.

post #17 of 64

Can she put the shoes on easily by herself? If my kids kick their shoes off in the car I normally leave them on the floor, and then I have them put the shoes on when we arrive. If we go somewhere where shoes are not required I let the kids decide whether they would like to wear them or not. I insist that it is my childs choice whether to go barefoot or not, unless we're going into a store or another place of business, but I do insist we bring shoes with us in case they either change their minds or get questioned about shoes.

post #18 of 64
I think the constant reminders are what is causing the issue. You are making it into a HUGE deal. That is a lot of power the shoes have.

I have a shoe remover too. He's 5 and his shoes still come off almost every time we are in the car. Heck he tries to take them off on the subway to!

I admit sometimes I get mad and frustrated about it (really we were moving the car around the parking lot to a closer store and the shoes came off!)

But we just have easy on shoes (rainboots, crocs, keen shoes with the bungee cord style laces) and I put them on before I unbuckle him.

Our issue is that he sometimes chucks them in the car (into the trunk and once in a whole up front) and that causes major issues (it is dangerous to throw things in the car)

I'd agree with the other that you choose easy on/off shoes. They come off when she goes in the seat and back on before she is unbuckled. If that means she can't wear her favorite shoes in the car so be it.
post #19 of 64

You're asking what you can do to make a toddler choose to keep her shoes on in the car.  The answer is: nothing.  There is absolutely nothing in the universe that you can do to ensure that your toddler will choose to keep her shoes on.  You can beg, threaten, punish, bribe, cry, whine, or scream.  But none of those things can force your toddler to make the choice that you want her to make.  It's frustrating as hell, but that's just how it is.  So, since you can't compel her to do what you want her to do, you have to decide how to change the situation.  Either remove the choice, by putting on shoes that are impossible for her to take off, or control the situation by removing the shoes yourself so you don't have to crawl around, or take your chances and try to stack the odds in your favor that she'll make the choice you want through begging, bribes, punishments, etc.  Those are really your only options.

 

Maybe if you take them off yourself, you can pass them back to her to put on herself before you get out of the car?  That will still take awhile, but at least you don't have to stand out in the cold waiting, which sounds like one of your biggest concerns.  The other thing I'm hearing is that you're really afraid of how this is going to work when you add twins to the mix.  I can't really help there, since I've never had twins, and that does sound a little overwhelming.  But you can't make your DD be any older than she is.  You need her to grow up and help, but she just can't.  She's still mostly a baby herself.  Also, I've found that sometimes, when I've put a lot of energy into worrying about how I'm going to cope with a behavior, it ends up resolving itself anyway.  I was worried about a lot of things before my second child was born, but I found that 1) he was a million times easier than his big sister was, 2) it was so much easier the second time because I already knew how to be a mom--I knew how to bathe a baby and nurse a baby and comfort a baby, and 3) everything was so much easier to handle when I just wasn't pregnant anymore.  Again, I know twins are going to be a much bigger adjustment for you and your family, but you may be putting more energy into worrying about how big of an impact the shoe issue is going to have.

 

I hope you do get to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, however the shoe thing plays out!

post #20 of 64
Thread Starter 

Guys, I really not  being ridiculous here. There are TONS of kids her age that dont take their shoes off in the car. We are around other children all the time whose parents dont deal with this. I asked what I can do to NOT have her take them off, not what I can do to let her keep doing the same thing and it not bother me. Im 6 months pregnant with twins in the winter. Im not standing in parking lots putting shoes back on. Shes going to have to learn not to do this, just like she learns not to do lots of other things I tell her not to do. She did it long before the reminders, so the reminders arent whats causing it. Im not going to ignore the problem here, which seems to be the basic answer to any question I ever have when coming to this board. I know what my child is capable of learning to not do. Gentle discipline does not always equal redefining what is okay for you and your family just to not make your child have to change her behavior. 

 

Ill figure it out myself- thanks for all your input. 

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