When to go to her...

[LateNightMommy]

Hello Moms (and any Dads out there)!

I am new to Mothering but had a question to ask the more seasoned mommies out there.

My LO is 2 weeks and right now, we are struggling to get sleep here and there. Pretty standard stuff. My question is when should I pick her up out of her bassinet?

We believe in attachment parenting but are not sure if we should pick her up at the first sign of fussing or if we should wait until she begins to actually cry before we go to her.

It seems obvious but sometimes she fusses lightly only to fall back asleep on her own, something we don't want to interfere with. But are we harming her emotionally by making her cry out for us? Please understand that she only needs to begin to cry lightly before we are going to pick her up, not making her cry out for a period of time.

Thanks in advance for the advice 

 

[skycheattraffic]

I have a ten second rule. If she starts fussing, I wait ten seconds before getting her. If she is going back to sleep then she doesn't fuss nonstop for ten seconds. If she needs me then ten seconds doesn't get her THAT upset. If she keeps starting and stopping then I get her on the third round since she's not going back to sleep anyways. This system has served us pretty well since infancy and at 19 months it's still a good compromise. Other babies have different rhythms I'm sure :-)

[Midwesterner04]

I would say to follow your instincts--if you worry that waiting until a fidget or fuss becomes a cry might not be the best approach for your daughter, then go to her right away.  Crying is often a later sign of hunger/need to be held/changed/etc in a newborn, and noises, fidgeting, rooting, and slight fusses are attempts at communicating legitimate needs. The transition from living inside one's mother to being on the outside and sleeping alone is a very big one, and I don't think it is possible to be too responsive to a newborn. If you are afraid that answering her sleepy fusses will wake her up when she wouldn't otherwise wake, would it be helpful to keep her bassinet right next to your bed so that you can more quickly discern whether she is actually waking up?
 

[LateNightMommy]

Sorry about the late reply! Sky, that's a great idea, thank you :) I won't ever let a book dictate to me when I can go to my child and when I can't (I am not one to Ferberize, but no less love for those who do), I just don't want to rush into there prematurely and wake her up. 

Also, we've started to put her down but pick her up when she fusses and hold her until she is calm (but not asleep) and put her back down. It's going to be a loooong process but it should mean less trauma for both of us than the cry it out method. 

 

[Ratchet]

Someone told me once that there are all these different techniques that you try, and eventually your baby will sleep through the night/ sleep in a way that feels normal to you/ etc, and you will attribute it to whatever you tried last, but really it was just going to happen anyways.  So do what feels right, feel fry to try different things out, and realize that in the end your are probably not the thing that affected her habits the most (within reason).  You probably can't fix it with your actions and a night or 2 of something that doesn't end well isn't going to ruin her.  And as soon as you have something 'figured out' it will change anyways.  My daughter slept thru the night for a few months (??maybe around 4-6 months old?) but now at age 1 is always getting up twice.  We don't go in at the first peep and I don't actually count to 10 but a similar idea.  And if she cries at her usual waking-up-time, I can assume she means it and I don't wait.

[phathui5]

If it has been a while since the last time she nursed, I wouldn't wait to pick her up and feed her, since crying is a late sign of hunger. 

If she has just nursed, it's nighttime and she's fussing a little bit, I might wait a minute to see if she goes back to sleep.

[transylvania_mom]

So she's two weeks? At that age I won't wait for her to start fussing, let alone crying, I'd just put her at the breast.

Don't worry about "bad habits", she was inside you for 9 months, she will need a lot longer than 2 weeks to get used to the outside world. It will get better.

At that age I won't try to put her down awake, it just creates more work for yourself. Breastmilk is a powerful "sleep aid", why not take advantage of it.

Enjoy your baby :)
 

[Midwesterner04]

Originally Posted by transylvania_mom 

So she's two weeks? At that age I won't wait for her to start fussing, let alone crying, I'd just put her at the breast.

Don't worry about "bad habits", she was inside you for 9 months, she will need a lot longer than 2 weeks to get used to the outside world. It will get better.

At that age I won't try to put her down awake, it just creates more work for yourself. Breastmilk is a powerful "sleep aid", why not take advantage of it.

Enjoy your baby :)
 

[LateNightMommy]

Thanks everyone :)

 

[sageowl]

Still pretty young, so I'd err on the side of picking her up/holding her.  If you think she might just be fussing a little in her sleep (transitioning from one stage of sleep to the next), you can always go in and watch and see if she wakes up more before picking her up.  (If you're wrong, you still get the bonus prize of seeing a sleeping baby, one of the best sights on earth, IMO).  If you know she's not hungry, you can always just lightly touch her to help her resettle (mine would always relax more and drift off to sleep if you reached over and touched him in the middle of the night).  Eventually though, you'll get a feel for the difference between a wake-up cry, and a mild fussing during sleep, and your response will be instinctual.  (What's really spooky is when you start waking up a minute before the baby does every time!)

[Sol_y_Paz]

double [ost

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by sageowl 
 If you think she might just be fussing a little in her sleep (transitioning from one stage of sleep to the next), you can always go in and watch and see if she wakes up more before picking her up.  (If you're wrong, you still get the bonus prize of seeing a sleeping baby, one of the best sights on earth, IMO).  Eventually though, you'll get a feel for the difference between a wake-up and a mild fussing during sleep, and your response will be instinctual.  (What's really spooky is when you start waking up a minute before the baby does every time!)

Originally Posted by transylvania_mom 

So she's two weeks? At that age I won't wait for her to start fussing, let alone crying, I'd just put her at the breast.

Don't worry about "bad habits", she was inside you for 9 months, she will need a lot longer than 2 weeks to get used to the outside world. It will get better.

At that age I won't try to put her down awake, it just creates more work for yourself. Breastmilk is a powerful "sleep aid", why not take advantage of it.

Enjoy your baby :)
 

This and this.   If I saw my newborn awake at all, I picked him up and fed him.  Or changed him then fed him.  Or held and rocked him.  It goes by so fast and no bad habits were formed.  It also helped my milk supply and baby gain weight.  And it does get better.  If you can nap and sleep at the same time as the baby, it does help.  Congrats on your new baby! 

Edited by Sol_y_Paz - 11/30/12 at 7:12pm

[SplashingPuddle]

With my daughter I picked her up right away.  She almost never cried - ever.  However, I did not adapt as she grew. So I ended up feeling I was responding just as quickly when she was 9 months as when she was first born. As a result, I was beyond tired and not very functional.  Now I am pregnant again and I am curious what would happen if my baby fussed.  Would my baby fall back to sleep? I really have no idea since I never once tried it, but next time I will definitely see. I am not sure at what age, and I doubt we would get to the crying point. 

[LilyTiger]

Splashing, I don't know if this helps at all, but my daughter is almost four months old and until this past week I would pick her up at the first sound of fussing.  My husband, however, started letting her fuss a bit here and there.  Now she goes down to sleep at 7:30 and she'll wake up and fuss (NOT actually crying) for about 3-5 minutes and we let her.  If she fusses beyond five minutes or if she starts actually crying, I'll pick her up.  I'm getting much more sleep (and much more accomplished since I'm not spending all evening nursing her back to sleep again) and I think she's learning some self-soothing.  You could try it with your LO when he/she hits the four month mark.

But for the OP, definitely pick that babe up.  Everyone else had great responses, so I don't have much to add.  I just think newborns are so dependent on us and so incapable of understanding even the slightest bit of discomfort that holding and cuddling is always the best thing for them (provided, of course, your needs are also being met in terms of sleep and so on).