My 12 yr old dd wants to quit school and homeschool! :(

[MicheleRMT]

Hi there, I'm new here at this section.

I'm Michele and my dd wants to homeschool. Her teacher is a really mean woman from Scotland. If she calls on you in class and you don't know the answer, she will say stuff like 'come on, this isn't rocket science!' She's so insensitive.

Anyway my dd has had enough and refuses, flat out, to go. Locks herself in the bathroom.

I'm not the homeschooling type but I guess I have to start to be. I feel absolutely sick about this.

Oh and all her friends now are acting like teenagers and she is NOT. She is also older than them. Also she just got her period a couple months ago before the others who act older than her. They are into boys/ computers/cel phones etc. She just wants to go build a fort and play still. She is 12 and in grade 6 and they are just turning 12.

Any advice would be Greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Michele

extra reading -

another example of mean teacher - a boy was off for a couple days because of sickness AND a death in family. The mom emailed her to explain. Boy shows up at school and she's all 'Finally you came back!' Always with a snarl on her face.

My dd missed a couple days of school at the end of Sept. because she was feeling this way as well.

She goes to a private school and we paid for the year already!! dang.

[whatsnextmom]

Sounds like she has reason to dislike school. Are there no other classrooms she can transfer into? Have you discussed the matter with the principal?

If you do decide to homeschool, I'd look into local homeschooling charters. They can offer free curriculum and support that can help you transition if you are nervous about it.

As for her feeling disconnected from peers, that's actually very normal at this age. Yes, some kids get all wrapped up in pop-culture certainly not all. I recommend interest based activities outside of school for finding quality friendships. My own kids found their kindred spirits through theatre where most the kids retain their playful side into adulthood. 

[AAK]

Homeschooling can be wonderful.  Pop on over to the homeschooling board, there are many wonderful moms there that can help you get started.  Is there any way you can get a partial refund of the tuition?  The teacher sounds terrible!  I would not want my dd to spend a year in that environment even if she was the "teacher's pet".  Good luck to you!

Amy

[JadeBlue]

Homeschooling can be great, especially with the numerous new opportunities to connect to the bigger world through the internet.  There are lots of educational things on the internet.

You would be giving your daughter a wonderful gift by homeschooling her. Isn't it wonderful that she really wants to learn? Do some research before hand so you know the rules in your province.  Get lots of cool books together. Be sure everyone in your family is on board.  And jump in. 

Besides these boards, checking on the forums on a Well Trained Mind.  Lots of curriculum ideas. 

You can do it!
 

[mtiger]

Have you talked to the *teacher*? I would not take what your daughter says at 100% face value w/o doing so. I would bet that your daughter's side of the story is different than the teacher's - and the truth is very likely somewhere in between.Get the facts before doing anything further.
 

[ollyoxenfree]

First, homeschooling may be a good choice for your DD. You both should make that decision if it's a learning path and a lifestyle that suits your family. It should be a positive choice because you all see the benefits of homeschooling, not a decision made in the heat of the moment.  

This teacher sounds terrible and is possibly a very unhappy person. Like other pp, I am wondering what steps have you and your DD taken at school? Have you met with the teacher and the principal? It sounds like you both dislike this teacher but are there problems aside from an unpleasant personality? You've mentioned an unhappy face and insensitive language. Is there bullying, unfair punitive discipline and incompetent teaching? Possibly the teacher is guilty of all of the above, but your description of "mean" could also apply to an Aspberger-ish type who speaks bluntly and keeps tight discipline in the classroom rather than being a chummy BFF with the students. 

Both of my kids have had teachers with sour natures. For the most part, they managed to cope. By the time they were heading into the teen years, we talked a lot about taking control rather than allowing other people to influence our own behaviour and actions.

I stepped in a couple of times to talk to the teachers when the unpleasantness boiled over into bullying and unfair grading. Meeting with the teachers let them know that we were aware of what was happening in the classroom. With respect to the teacher's demeanour, I approached it as a matter of the learning process. I explained that my child responded well to positive feedback rather than negative reinforcement and punitive discipline. Things in the classroom usually improved. Had I been unsatisfied after those meetings, I would have addressed the issues with the principal. I'm pretty sure that some parents did go this route. There were a couple of transfers into another classroom.

[ollyoxenfree]

Missed this part of your OP: 

Originally Posted by MicheleRMT 

Oh and all her friends now are acting like teenagers and she is NOT. She is also older than them. Also she just got her period a couple months ago before the others who act older than her. They are into boys/ computers/cel phones etc. She just wants to go build a fort and play still. She is 12 and in grade 6 and they are just turning 12.

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatsnextmom 

As for her feeling disconnected from peers, that's actually very normal at this age. Yes, some kids get all wrapped up in pop-culture certainly not all. I recommend interest based activities outside of school for finding quality friendships. My own kids found their kindred spirits through theatre where most the kids retain their playful side into adulthood. 

I agree with whatsnextmom. It's normal and fairly common. Interest-based activities are a good place to find and nurture friendships. If possible, look for multi-age activities because you'll find a group of kids in a broad range of development stages. Theatre, choir, community youth orchestra, visual arts, computer programming (although you indicate she's not interested in it, so maybe not), chess.... there's a fair amount of choice. 

[pek64]

I am arguing in favor of the teacher.

First, she is establishing a mean reputation, hence there will probably be fewer discipline problems in her class.

Second, if her teaching is accurate, there is no obvious favoritism, the amount of homework is reasonable, and she challenges the students, then her teaching is good.

Third, she is from Scotland. I've met Brits who are similar in disposition. I think there is a cultural difference going on. An acid tongue is natural for some folks. If she is this way across the board, with all students, then it is her nature. It is not mean, which implies being designed to hurt. This is an opportunity to learn how to let such behavior flow like water off a duck's back. There are such people in this world, and being able to deal with them can be a good skill.

If, however, she treats some students well, and some with the tartness, then I'd be concerned.

[onlyzombiecat]

I homeschool my 12 year old dd and I think it is awesome. You really don't have to be a particular type of person to homeschool your child. Your dd can develop at her own pace instead of feeling pressured to fit in. You can choose to have her socialize with others based on common interests rather than just age, school or class.

Some kids thrive at school and some don't. It isn't the best choice for every child to be in what feels like a hostile environment to them or to constantly feel like an outsider for not liking the same things.

I'd say if these have been ongoing issues at school that are really troubling your dd that much to see if you can get a partial refund and give homeschooling a try if that is what your dd really wants. You don't have to decide to homeschool forever but you might find she blossoms and thrives in a different learning and social environment. You might discover that you enjoy more time bonding with her during this stage of development.

Check out the learning at home forum here. Look for homeschool support groups in your area.

[mom2ponygirl]

I homeschool my now 14 year old and it is great.  She is another one that isn't into popular culture as much as her friends, nor is she into all the girl drama of middle school/jr. high years.  We have decided to homeschool untill full-time college, but have many friends who have homeschooled the middle school years and their kids returned for high school.  

Whether you homeschool or not, finding an outside of school activity may be helpful for finding friends of similar interests.  What does she like to do?  

[kathymuggle]

I would not necessarily advocate HSing because of one not-so-great teacher, but if I remember correctly you or your daughter have had other issues with school before this?  Maybe it is time to try something new? 

Good luck!

[pek64]

If the problems with this teacher are not the first, I can understand better why you're thinking of homeschooling. There are lots of folks here who can give advice, if homeschooling is your choice.