Parents of Picky Eaters Support Thread (Breathe...)

[SweetSilver]

So, "preschool" age has passed, and the picky eating just keeps going.

Or your 1st child eats anything and everything and child #2's new picky eating baffles and frustrates you.

Your picky eater keeps dropping food they like, reducing options down to a precarious selection of next-to-nothing.

Your child lives on air, apparently.

You've finally decided that you'll allow them eat just about anything so long as they will *eat*!

You stick to your guns and hide broccoli in the chocolate cake-- but after 5 years the effort is just exhausting you.

They eat only white food.  Still. And they are beginning middle school!

Whatever the reason you might have for peeking in on this thread, my long-time picky eater has made me see that I need a bit of extra support, commiseration and wisdom from other parents.

I might even have a few nuggets of knowledge myself to spare, but very few I assure you.

Right now, I mainly want to know where some of you make the decision just to add on the calories over strict nutrition.  I'm not talking crap, but in my instance I will consider making dd's favorite homemade biscuits with white flour and butter because she eats a lot of them.  I slather the butter on her toast (not homemade, one particular whole grain brand with no bits and I swear I nearly had a heart attack when they added wheat germ sprinkled on the top to make it look cool and nutritious and wheat nubbly bits to the loaf but oh thank heavens she didn't seem to notice.)

I live in  land where, unless the huckleberries are on the bush, juice is her fruit (and Clif Bar Fruit Twisties) and I feel it's a victory when she eats a bite of broccoli once a week and a carrot wisp twice.  I am in heaven when we get a juicy sweet apple and she eats a bunch.  She did that once about 6 months ago, I think.

Any wisdom to bestow upon us?

Any questions you have?

Need to tell your story to someone who "gets" it?

Because oh boy do I ever need that right now.  I thought this would end more than a year ago, and I now have a suspicion now we are in for a long ride on this one.  None of the parents around me have kids who are as picky as this one and they look at me baffled like I'm being too nice, just make'm eat and they'll eat, and I think grrrrrrr! whatever!  this is nothing like that I think you just got lucky.

Breathe, mama........

[4evermom]

Yeah, I am so over feeding my child... Once I finally figured out what his issues were when he was 3, it got a lot easier. Before that, he pretty much just wanted to nurse. So his issues are textures (combined with a gag reflex), mild sensory aversions to getting his fingers or face messy, and being very sensitive to bitter tastes (most fruits have a bitter undertone). I never actually observed the gag reflex but every dentist comments on it and ds only ever took small mouthfuls of food. In other words, a kid can have a gag reflex without ever being observed gagging.

Before I figured all this out, he would eat a bite or two of food and stop. I just assumed he didn't like the food or wasn't hungry. Turns out he couldn't eat beyond the tip of a piece of pizza because it would touch the corners of his mouth. I actually started spoon/fork feeding him at 3 and finally got him eating more solid food

He is reasonably reasonable now (age 11) and I've figured out ways to prepare fruits and vegetable so he'll eat certain ones in small quantities. He's old enough to remember when I remind him he likes (or at least doesn't mind) a food I haven't prepared in a while. I've never tricked him or forced food so he trusts me if I suggest he tastes something. (I have put vegetables or ground nuts in things but I'm blatant about it.) I'll run frozen spinach through a food processor so it's just "green specks" and mix that into certain foods. He isn't thrilled but accepts that I'm going to add vegetables into things in the least offensive way unless he wants to eat them straight up. 

Most people would say he's old enough to prepare his own food but if I tried that, he would limit his foods even further, to things that are not at all messy to prepare. He doesn't want to touch any food that isn't dry, like crackers. Doesn't want to put any large chunks in his mouth. Won't bite into an apple but will eat a peeled sliced or diced one. He'll eat ice cream but not if he has to dish it up. He'd rather skip it than have sticky hands.

I'm happy he is back to eating oranges so I can stop worrying about scurvy:-) He can't/won't eat the skin on each segment so I cut the oranges in half, then cut out each section like one might with a grapefruit. I don't worry about getting in the calories because he's actually a bit overweight. But I do try to get him to eat fruit and vegetables. Usually, he'll eat a couple servings of fruit in a day. Vegetables are harder to get past his lips. 

I tend to over offer the same foods he eats most reliably because I'm a bit burned out on feeding him and we have a limited budget so I can't spend anything extra on experimental food. He gets tired of the same foods which is really a good thing though a temporary PIA. He's more willing to try new foods or to revisit old favorites when he's bored of the options.

[34me]

I have been the mother of a breatharian for the last 16 years. He was a great nurser and once solids started it went downhill. We always say he eats pre chewed food. No steak but will do hamburger, only chicken nuggets and chicken legs, applesauce and the occasional tangerine are the only fruits, veggies he does well. He'll even eat cabbage. But he is VERY volume sensitive. He eats less than half of what his teammates eat per meal. When he goes with his teammates on trips I send snickers bars and peanut butter cups so I know he will eat something...

[momof3tobe]

I paid thousands of dollars on feeding therapy for my ds and currently the only thing he will eat for dinner is a mayonnaise sandwich. I make him smoothies every night though with all kinds of fruits, protein powder, powdered greens, and yogurt and he loves those so I'm not concerned about him getting enough nutrients but seriously- a mayonnaise sandwich?! I'm over it, though- as long as he drinks his smoothies and takes his vitamins, I'm not going to bat an eyelash. It's been 8 years of therapy, gagging, tears, and frustration and I'm tired.

[loveandgarbage]

Hi there. We deal with this in our house.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by 34me 

I have been the mother of a breatharian for the last 16 years. 

That is both funny and depressing.

DD2 was a champion eater until she was about 2.5yo.  She packed down more spaghetti and meatballs in a sitting than I did.  She ate beets, lentil soup, all kinds of stuff.  Then the stereotypical post-toddler picky eating started.  The timing was poor because dd1 was dxed with a wheat allergy right at that time, and our menu (mainly dinner) underwent major changes over and over until we could find things everyone would eat.  Somewhere in there, dd2 lost her appetite.  

She did have some sensory issues, being incapable of eating if something she didn't like was on the table, especially smelly things. I could tell she wasn't faking this.  

Then bits.  Oh, man, the bits.  By "bits" I even mean vanilla flecks in ice cream.  The bits issue has been back and forth, though, and I found she would push her comfort zone if there were sweets involved.  I bought myself some Girl Scout Samoas (naughty me, I shouldn't be eating corn products).  We were in the car and she smelled that wonderful smell, but when she looked at the cookie, she wrinkled her nose.  They are indeed pretty ugly if you don't know what they are.  But that smell!  Finally, she took one and tasted it tentatively and ate the rest, plus more from my box.  For once, I was not happy she found something new she liked as I was intending to eat the whole box myself!  Yesterday she ate an Almond Joy from her Halloween candy and though she ate the whole thing, her face had a wrinkled nose.  She just did not know what to think about it all.  At least she has some sense of adventure.

She's a healthy weight, but on the thin side.  She is in the 75th percentile for her age (6) but she can barely keep up her size 5 pants.  Some of that is her shape, but she is easily the skinniest kid on the gym mat on our gym nights.  I think if I can get one high-calorie meal into her ("meal"--ha!) that she likes, I might be able to get her weight up a little.  I think her fragile moods are often connected to her not eating as many calories as she needs.  We don't push food, either, but I think letting her decide what and when she wants to eat has been the cause of this.  

Thanks everyone so far from responding.  I wasn't expecting too many parents of older children but I really wanted to hear from you, and I'm so glad you've taken the time to respond.

[4evermom]

When ds was younger, it was more important for him to eat for mood/behavioral reasons. Sleep needs were a factor, as well. He couldn't be flexible about food if he was tired. He couldn't eat anything except the first thing that popped into his head if he was too hungry. He had a problem realizing that he was getting hungry and he wouldn't notice until he was hungry beyond reason. So I did have to be proactive about feeding him. One technique that worked well for him was to set food in front of him that he generally found palatable and then to leave the room quickly. If I stuck around, he was more likely to express an opinion about the food, tell me that wasn't what he wanted, etc. But if I left, he was more likely to just eat it.

Now that he is older, he can go for long periods without eating and doesn't usually get pickier when he is hungry or tired. But he eats when he is bored which is problematic for his weight. And he still doesn't seem great at differentiating between true "stomach" hunger and having cravings or being bored ("mouth" hunger). He definitely forgets to eat when he is engaged with something. Too bad I can't make his life more interesting...

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by 4evermom 

When ds was younger, it was more important for him to eat for mood/behavioral reasons. Sleep needs were a factor, as well. He couldn't be flexible about food if he was tired. He couldn't eat anything except the first thing that popped into his head if he was too hungry. He had a problem realizing that he was getting hungry and he wouldn't notice until he was hungry beyond reason. So I did have to be proactive about feeding him. One technique that worked well for him was to set food in front of him that he generally found palatable and then to leave the room quickly. If I stuck around, he was more likely to express an opinion about the food, tell me that wasn't what he wanted, etc. But if I left, he was more likely to just eat it.

Now that he is older, he can go for long periods without eating and doesn't usually get pickier when he is hungry or tired. But he eats when he is bored which is problematic for his weight. And he still doesn't seem great at differentiating between true "stomach" hunger and having cravings or being bored ("mouth" hunger). He definitely forgets to eat when he is engaged with something. Too bad I can't make his life more interesting...

I'm glad you brought this up.

I don't have this problem with dd2, but dd1 was incapable of interpreting the hunger signals her body sent her.  No one believed me when I said that she didn't know to eat when she was hungry.  It just didn't make sense to most people.  "When they are hungry enough, they will eat," they said.  I knew that if she was hungry enough she would refuse even more and be on the verge of a tantrum before she would take a bite.  She did have a diverse palate when she did eat, but she ate until she was tired of the flavor or disinterested, not because she was satiated.

We finally were referred to an OT eating specialist, who couldn't find anything physical preventing her eating enough like tiring her muscles, but finally she reassured me that the hunger/food connection was *learned* and some infants, especially ones who have pain issues associated with feeding, will fail to make that connection.  She was nearly 5 when she had that "aha!" moment and said to me, verbatim, "Mom!  When I eat that feeling in my stomach goes away!"  (If you've read my posts relating that story before and thought she was 3 when she said this, or even 4 or whatever, you are right-- I don't remember her exact age.)

However, the OT did not catch the trouble that made nursing a nightmare.  Last month, the dentist asked me if I knew she swallowed "incorrectly".  No.  No wonder she's had trouble with eating in the past, especially nursing.  Her tongue makes the opposite motion it should, pushing against the front palate hard and exacerbating her overbite.  But she's a decent eater, and now she even tells me she's hungry when she's hungry.

[4evermom]

Yeah, so many people believe anyone will eat when they get hungry enough. But some kids just don't recognize or feel those cues. And feelings of hunger can actually stop when people don't eat enough calories. 

Now my ds tells me he is hungry. All. The. Time. I don't quite believe him. I think half the time he says it because he is bored. Or saying that is a Pavlov's dog type reaction to seeing me.

My ds wasn't good about recognizing needing to go to sleep, either. He had no aversion to going to bed. He liked bedtime. He just has trouble identifying when he should go to bed and it gets harder for him to recognize when he is too tired. 

His dad is the same way, doesn't realize he is getting hungry, just that he is suddenly beyond hungry. And he can't always get to bed because he becomes too tired. 

[pek64]

I was a very picky eater, and so was my son. We are now living by ourselves, and have total control over our food. We are able to eat only what we feel good after eating.

What we've discovered :

Organic tastes better than conventional.

Made from scratch, together, is better than prepackaged. Total control of ingredients makes a huge difference! And the picky eater *knows* what the bits are -- and not what was being imagined.

Sauted onions are softer and sweeter than raw onions -- even after cooking in a sauce. Yes, I'm saying saute them before adding them to a sauce that will be cooked. There is both a texture and taste difference.

Increase food sources of absorbable iron. I do it by adding parsley to every sauce. Low iron levels leads to anemia which leads to poor food choices. Easy carbohydrates are often chosen, which leads to lower iron...

Frozen foods and microwaved foods taste different!! I know about convenience, but it really is true that the taste and texture is altered. I can easily tell the difference between a potato 'baked' in a microwave, and one baked in an oven. Broccoli, for instance, is horrible frozen, or raw, but fresh and steamed tastes great!! To me, anyway. So it may not be the food, but what has been done to it.

Then there are the actual problems. Gag reflexes, food allergies, intolerances and sensitivities all can make a person uncomfortable when eating, or when digesting. No one wants to feeling bad. I spent most of my childhood feeling like I had mild flu, with constant nausea and bouts of diarrhea. It was the pits!

My best advice is for the parent to take a breath. Give the child only what the child wants to eat for a week. About then boredom should be starting. Keep the favored foods available, but also put something new in a separate dish beside the favored. And ask, with a totally open mind, what the child dislikes. Young children are tough, because they can't quite express what the taste and feel. Be patient.

[34me]

My ds also doesn't care for "bits".  Casseroles with unknown bits are often an issue - so yeah, also no yummy bread.  If he smells celery he is likely to gag.  Celery, really?  I have learned to make a glass of milk 425 calories because he plays competetive hockey.  Theoretically, with as many hours as he is on the ice he should be eating 4-5,000 calories a day.  I think it's probably closer to 2,000.  He is 5'11", weighs 140lbs (as of last Friday!) and is at 3% body fat last time I checked (I am an exercise phyaiologist).  We are pretty sure that he doesn't know when he's hungry most of the time and if he is feeling hungry he stops eating as soon as he feels full.  At 13, I was still feeding him "1 more bite". 

And frankly, we humor him which makes his sister (more than his brother) really angry at him.  He will only eat vanilla ice cream with Mr Sprinkle (brand name) sprinkles when we have ice cream (his dad also prefers plain vanilla - no bits).  It makes her crazy that he hides them from her.  Frankly, she would eat them all if he didn't.  She has the opposite issue, possibly due to us always cajoling him to eat.  She's been known to take a box of crackers into her room and eat them all.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by pek64 
Made from scratch, together, is better than prepackaged. Total control of ingredients makes a huge difference! And the picky eater *knows* what the bits are -- and not what was being imagined.

I do agree that homemade generally tastes better. And having control of the ingredients can be helpful. But sometimes picky eaters have a very strong preference for packaged food because it is so darn consistent. Though my ds does notice differences in batches of Triscuits, they are more minimal than my baking. I don't have it in me to cook things exactly the same way. Sometimes the cookies are a little harder or softer than usual. Certain kids can have a real hard time with that sort of surprise. 

[SweetSilver]

That's why dd doesn't eat apples so often.  It can be hard to find an apple that fits into her narrow range of accepting what an apple should be.  I get that, because I'm really picky about some fruit like pears and bananas.  I taste test every apple, and if I think I have a winner (rarely, though I like all kinds of apples) I let her know.  Processed food (we don't have a lot of variety of processed foods, but those are her preferred food: cereal, corn chips, crackers) is very predictable.  It doesn't make me run towards all-packaged food, but I understand that she might be pickier.  So, it's a balance.  I have stuff around, make the rest homemade and she makes her choice.

DD does love my homemade biscuits, and the ugly, whole-wheat tortillas we made together that were really quite good, but it surprised me a bit that she ate them.  She loves popcorn and home-friend sunflower seeds.  And I loved it when she would eat nuts, but no more.  She'll eat some veggies right in the garden in season, especially peas.

I do agree about the frozen broccoli.  I don't like it and neither do my girls.

[pek64]

Triscuits, corn chips and crackers I wouldn't make unless I had to.

Pasta sauce, however, we make *together* from scratch. He would pick out every green thing in the pasta sauce, then not eat because his dinner was cold and not appealing. But when he's putting the basil and parsley in the sauce, he eats it, no problem!

And with baking, he helped me bake, too. Sometimes when something came out a little dark and I'd complain my son would say it wasn't so bad and eat it. Doing the cooking and baking together prevents surprises and builds anticipation of the food. It does take more time, especially when the child is wanting to play or if there's more than one child. So there's tradeoffs. But it helped me get my son to eat more.

[Snapdragon]

Does she eat meat? I would just try to figure out exactly what she likes and doesn't like to star (which I imagine you already know but I don't know yet from reading the thread) and seve a lot of that and just keep trying to add healthy things that fit the criteria of what she will eat.

Organic meat has a lot of nutrients and healthy stuff- will she eat a hamburger?

Will she eat cooked fruit? such as cooking apples with a little maple syrup?

other than bits what are her issues with the presentation of food? Does she only like crunchy things? If you explain a few more details about what she specifically likes perhaps I could offer some suggestions about new things to try.

rice? cereal? noodles? bananas? smoothies? (lots of kids love smoothies and you can add protien poweder/ or vitamins or even cooked veggies to them!

[Mittsy]

I've got one! Lately he has been seriously complaining if dinner is anything other than beans and rice with no veggies........

[loveandgarbage]

I started cutting the crusts off of my kids' sandwiches after SWEARING I would never go there. But now they actually eat the whole thing instead of eating only a few bites from the middle.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by Snapdragon 

Does she eat meat? I would just try to figure out exactly what she likes and doesn't like to star (which I imagine you already know but I don't know yet from reading the thread) and seve a lot of that and just keep trying to add healthy things that fit the criteria of what she will eat.

Organic meat has a lot of nutrients and healthy stuff- will she eat a hamburger?

Will she eat cooked fruit? such as cooking apples with a little maple syrup?

other than bits what are her issues with the presentation of food? Does she only like crunchy things? If you explain a few more details about what she specifically likes perhaps I could offer some suggestions about new things to try.

rice? cereal? noodles? bananas? smoothies? (lots of kids love smoothies and you can add protien poweder/ or vitamins or even cooked veggies to them!

I keep trying, anyhow.  She eats berries off the bush.  And juice.  Used to drink smoothies until she learned there was banana in them and didn't like them without banana .  So, for now, fruit is juice.  And "twistie fruit".  And don't forget the juice.  I've lowered my standards so much that Trader Joe's organic apple juice (with Vitamin C added!) also counts as fruit.

For meat, she will now only eat from a whole stewed chicken.  So, it's not like I can make that every night or we will be drowning in chicken (no leftovers for her, you see.)  She is back to liking deli turkey.  Lost hard boiled eggs awhile ago, maybe they will come back (we raise chickens, so if these aren't tasty nothing is).  

Yesterday, she let me put some romano cheese on her noodles and she liked it.  Not just says she like it, with her nose wrinkled "That's why I'm not eating it, because I LIKE it so much!"  She actually ate a whole serving with a *dusting* of cheese.  ETA:  But not tonight, apparently.  That moment came and went!

Feeding her is really one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, three steps back.  We're doing fine, I just need to complain sometimes.

I will say one thing about meals and having things on the table they like, plus some more:  we have 2 people with competing allergies in our house.  We have our picky eater.  Sometimes, I make something "just in case" because they gobbled it up last time and I end up with a lot of leftovers that strain dh's ability to eat it up.  One dinner, I made hamburgers, something that d1 and I can both eat, she without a bun, plus, since dd2 doesn't like hamburgers I made an egg or something (she loved them back then).  DH came in and said to me, "I'd rather have a Gardenburger tonight" (which no one else but he can eat, and I nearly STRANGLED HIM.  I didn't mean to mention that story so much as to point out that it is a real balance making dinner (or anything experimental) because if you bomb you have a lot of leftovers that threaten to go to waste.

Originally Posted by loveandgarbage 

I started cutting the crusts off of my kids' sandwiches after SWEARING I would never go there. But now they actually eat the whole thing instead of eating only a few bites from the middle.

I swore about an awful lot, apparently, and am now seriously humbled.

[pek64]

I really don't know what it's like to struggle with multiple children, a spouse, and myself, with various sensitivities and pickiness.

That said, I do understand the need to complain, sometimes. There are days when something beyond my control happens, and I end up with a total system flush. I could scream on those days, if I wasn't so tired from vomiting and diarrhea.

[mtiger]

Boy, this brings back memories. Both of mine were picky eaters. White food. Plain pasta. Chicken breasts. Rice. White bread. Cheese sticks. And so on and so forth. Oh - and nothing could touch. I would cook the basics for them, and added on for myself. Sauces & gravies, etc. I got them involved in cooking with me - and they loved it. Just wouldn't eat what we cooked! LOL

One thing I DID insist on was, if we were visiting someone (apart from my parents - they fell in line with what I was doing), that it was rude to refuse to eat what they served. They didn't have to take a lot, but they needed to try to find something they would eat. And they did. They were much more willing to try new tings at friends' homes than here. When their Dad remarried, his wife had a rule that you ate what was served, or you didn't. Kitchen closed at 8pm every night. Not my thing, but it did help them get a bit more adventurous. .

As they got older, and had more exposure from others? They started to try different things. Home and away. Funnily enough, they also started to realize that I'm a pretty darned good cook. At 18 and nearly 21? They still have their eating quirks. My son is still not fond of fruits or veggies. But he loves all sorts of ethnic foods, and he is a wonderful cook & baker. My daughter... there's actually little she won't eat. Although I was shocked this summer when she told me (as she was biting into one) that she had never had a peach. WTH? She is not as accomplished a cook as my son, but she can hold her own, easily. She told me that she's cooking dinner for her b/f this coming w/e, which is kind of cool.

Don't sweat it too much. They grow up and will eat more than white food.