monthly chat november
DD is six weeks old! We had our final midwife appointment today. It's kind of sad to move on from that milestone but it was a good appointment and everything looks good. DD is now 10 lbs 9 oz and is starting to look and act more like a baby and less like a newborn. I've put away most of her newborn sized clothes and she's pretty solidly in 0 to 3s now.
Nico's five 1/2 weeks now and my last midwives app was yesterday. It was kind of sad for me too, Carlin. Though, totally weird thing came up... My midwife who delivered Nico is moving to Philly to go work at a birth centre there...... and she will be working with Nico's great grandmother (on his father's side). Totally random and a little awkward.
I also got a birth control put in. Melina... I think? I have no idea, but my midwife suggested it. I have never heard anything about any birth controls but wanted to get one put in while I still had my Ohio-ian insurance. They last for 5 YEARS?? That's crazy... I'm just glad it's not some pill I have to remember to start taking when I (if I...sigh) ever get in a relationship again. It made me feel a little sad though... I don't think women are supposed to have their first child when they aren't in a commited relationship that would allow for another child if need be. Just random feelings that probably don't make sense when I write them. Ah well.
We have a peds appointment on Friday then off to NYC on Saturday. That'll be interesting. I guess I'll have to go looking for a new peds for him again... What's the point of having a doctor? Errrrg.... I don't like the things. hah. But seriously... Why do I need to keep taking Nico to someone for them to tell me he's an three fourths an inch longer and healthy?
AFM- I am finding the transition from 1 to 2 harder than 0 to 1 in a lot of ways. I mean, I am far less worried about the baby but I find myself really struggling with balance and feeling ok about the change in my relationship with DS1. I can neither be there for him in the way that I'd like nor do I feel like I can be there for DS2 as I was the first time around. But I guess in the end, I feel like DS2 always wins out and it breaks my heart terribly to see DS1 recognize that. At bedtime last night I just couldn't be there for DS1 and he was hurt and I just wanted to put DS2 down and go lay in bed and snuggle and read with DS1. But I couldn't. And this certainly isn't an isolated event. I know it's just how this goes but I have such a special relationship with my oldest and I feel hurt. I can only imagine how his little heart feels. Not to mention that I haven't been as patient as I should ( and neither has DH) because of total exhaustion. Ugh. I need to figure out how to feel more balance in my relationship with my boys, but maybe only time will really help that since a 7 week old has pretty high needs! And poor DH...and poor me...we get no love. I am not a master of balance and having 2 has magnified that problem. I am dreading going back to work full time. Sounds like I have a self-improvement project before then. I just don't feel like I am enough for anyone sometimes. Any words of wisdom about balance in the family that anyone can share?
Ha- if you read that giant paragraph, I'm impressed ok, now I need my little man to smile at me! I am getting jealous if the sweet baby grins that many of you have gotten!
Oh, and have we heard from Ava's Mama in a while? I was just trying to think of the regular crowd and it feels like it has been a while since she's posted.
I had a pap and my midwife said i had a perfect and beautiful cervix she said it didnt look i'd had any children, much less had one a few weeks prior!
I put my bank robber costume on the mothering costume contest. vote for me?
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1366791/show-off-your-spooky-style-enter-the-mothering-halloween-costume-contest-sponsored-by-barefoot-books/0_100 post 84.. there are lots of really cute ones!
Jen - I'm finding it hard to be the parent I want to be for my older daughter too. She's not getting the attention she wants, or as much structure or activity as she should be getting. I'm short with her way too often, and she's watching way, way too much TV. But, on the other hand, I know this newborn period doesn't last long and soon enough I'll be able to be more there for DD again. In a lot of ways I think that I feel it more than she does anyways. Darn Mommy Guilt!
Hi Girls, it has been a crazy couple of weeks, but DD is sleeping and so is DS and I took my shower and thought "what else can I do for myself right now?" so I thought I would check in! Jend and Carlin - I am right on board with you on struggling with the transition. I REALLY hope that I can get my relationship back with Dd eventually. I am not patient enough and she is having trouble whenever I give any boundaries. DS is amazing. I am able to work with him and he hangs out in the Moby and wakes up a couple hours later for a diaper change and does it all again. He is totally chil which i am so thankful for. I do feel a little bad because I am working and am not just focused on him, but at least I am able to spend time with him and he is right where he wants to be (near my breasts!). Sleep is going ok. I have gotten him to sleep in the pack n play for his first stretch of sleep for about a week now. I use one of those velcro swaddle blankets which never worked for DD and that seems to do the trick for him. He usually sleeps 3-6 hours and then sleeps with me. Normally around 3am he is restless and snorty and doesn;t fall back to a solid sleep until 5 or 6 and then of course DD wakes up. But Really it isn't bad. DD was a wake every hour kind of baby for at least a year! DH and I still haven't DTD. I need to get an IUD, but I haven't had time to make an appointment, plus I am scared to DTD!! DS will be 8 weeks tomorrow! I am also struggling with keeping the household chores under control. Seriously at least 8 loads of laundry a week, crazy!! During the week from 6-9 I am juggling the two kids to get DD to preschool then I am working and taking care of a baby and from 5-8 I am juggling two kids trying to get them dinner and to bed. And then when they go to bed I go to bed. so the house literally looks like a bomb went off and I seriously can't stand it. I had such a productive weekend getting caught up on it all, but now it is back to how it was last friday. the balancing act is tough! I miss you all. Have we started a group in the babies group or something?
I completely agree.
Also, I have three times now had littles with a newborn (18 months, 32 months and 24 months). Yes, the first few weeks are difficult. Yes, you have to prioritize the baby's needs above the toddlers. Yes, IT HURTS. It hurts you, and it hurts them. But it really is a blip on the radar, such a short time in their lives. You will find a routine that works, and soon DC1 will adjust. It's a New Normal. One thing that helps--even if they don't understand it fully--is explaining why you need to attend to baby first. I think it helps them develop empathy and also protects them from feeling so put-off or ignored. Also, asking them to help in some way. I do like the 'say yes' mentality, and that is what I am trying to use with DS right now. Like if he wants me to pick him up, I will say "yes, when I am done..." or something like that.
I won't lie...all my kids are struggling with the adjustment, my DS the most. But this too shall pass. And it will. And you will figure it out with no one worse for the wear!
i struggle w/ the mama guilt in regards to my oldest too. :(
Anya: we don't do well child visits. my child is healthy, growing, hitting milestones, i see no reason to take him to a germy dr's office. we bwent once, when bby was like 1 week old so, it's on record that he's seen a medical Dr. And, now that that's done we're good until he's either sick enough for medical intervention OR Injured or needs a sports physical. :)
we don't do well child visits. my child is healthy, growing, hitting milestones, i see no reason to take him to a germy dr's office. we bwent once, when bby was like 1 week old so, it's on record that he's seen a medical Dr. And, now that that's done we're good until he's either sick enough for medical intervention OR Injured or needs a sports physical. :)
I'm leaning in this direction. I took R. to our family doc this morning because she was having weird acetone/rubbing alcohol/fermented fruit-like breath yesterday and I wanted to rule out anything nefarious. They did all the weighing and measuring they'd do next week at a 2 month WBV and checked her vitals. We may end up selectively vaxing when she's older but we're 99% sure of not doing any of it when she's this young. The kid is the picture of health and doesn't need to ruin that by hanging out in waiting rooms.. so I'm with you all- why make another appt?
Wanting to compare notes--has anybody else here dealt with the acetone breath thing in an EBF baby? I can't find any reports of this being idiopathic--it's all about baby being dehydrated/not eating enough or, on the extreme end, having diabetic ketoacidosis. She's totally normal otherwise, normal intake and output, and at any rate no family history of anything.. Thoughts? (At doc's office I was basically condescended to as a paranoid first time mother and offered no explanation even when I pushed- just told not to worry. Which, great, I won't, but that doesn't satisfy my desire to understand what's actually going on in the least.)
A big hug to the mamas and older siblings who are having a rough time atm.
germy waiting rooms: our pediatrician only schedules little babies right after their lunch break, and they let us into a waiting room as soon as we arrive anyway. we had to shop around to find her though - a vegetarian pediatrician who delayed vaccinations for her own kids, has breastfeeding pamphlets up in her office, and supports our cosleeping.
I was looking back at some photos of DH holding Thomas a few weeks ago - in the pictures, he's curled up in that little newborn fetal position. these days he just sprawls out in our arms - it's funny what you notice changing. Bigger hands, bigger body. More facial expressions/responses...
Carson- sorry to hear about mastitis. I haven't had it but I am prone to blocked ducts this time. I am always afraid of mastitis.
I have been doing ok. I've been feeling pretty down lately because of the lack of sleep and the car seat issues. I never even imagined I'd have a baby that hates sitting in anything actually. And it's pretty hit or miss in the Moby too. Some days he will have none of it. I just feel trapped. Add to that a baby that pretty much only sleeps on my chest and a husband who truly believes that there is a reason for everything and that it can be "fixed" and ugh...I get pretty overwhelmed. I often feel like dealing with DH is harder than the baby. Isn't that awful to say? He just doesn't do the infant stage well at all! and I miss my relationship with him and DS1 at the moment.
So while everything really is going well overall - I have a healthy, growing little guy- I am pretty overwhelmed this week. But every week is so different so who knows what a new week will bring!
Madi- cute halloween costume!
Carson- sorry about the Mastitis :( hope you're feeling better!
We don't do WCVs either. I weigh and measure my kids at home and just fill the doc in when we go- she's alright with it. I do receive public aid though, and we do get letters "reminding" us that we've missed vaccinations and WCVs. People even call. There's no law in place though, and they can't drop coverage.. my kids are healthy and certainly not neglected! I might just take DD3 in around 6 months, though.. we'll see.
I'm still 10lbs over my hospital discharge weight. Seriously.... ack.
Work has been going OK for me.. I pump before (if I feel full enough), during my break if I can (depending on the venue) and afterwards. I always end up pumping at least double what I've left for DD..
It has been so quiet! I've been like this:
Is the Facebook group hopping? Do I need to make an account? I so don't want to lose touch with you all.. great people *and* with babies the same age? I'll do what it takes.
Carson, hope the mastitis is getting better.
Carlin, glad you're getting a break!
Jen, I'm sorry it's hard dealing with your husband- I can relate to that and especially to missing the relationship. My husband is very engineering-smart, but not so emotionally intelligent/perceptive. I'm finding that it was easier to deal with when it was just me; with the baby, he's not great at identifying how she's feeling or how what he does affects her, and this can be stressful/frustrating for me to observe when he's not doing well soothing her, or getting her really worked up (playing or triggering her crazy chest-climbing reflex) when we're wanting her to wind down for sleep. Like you say re: infant stage, I feel like that'll get better when she can communicate her needs in a way that's easier for him to understand.
On car seats- I forget your babe's birthday? R. has just these past few days started to be able to be awake and calm in the car. Before this she would just scream in frustration at being in a seat and restrained--she's not big on either. This is coinciding with her being able to lie down on her back on a mat or the bed and observe things at home. It has been a whole new world to be able to move clothes from washer to dryer/unload dishwasher/etc. without having her on me in a carrier. So if they are close in age, maybe this week will be the week for you? :)
AFM, not a lot to report besides what I already mentioned. We did a family outing to the park for a barbecue this weekend and I think it was a really good start on having a family life outside the house and strengthening our relationship in its new form.
R.'s "talking" (and status as a total daddy's girl) continue to develop: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGSQjYZPufQ
Mastitis - Ouch ouch ouch, I'm so sorry and I hope you're getting some rest & recovery time.
2+ kids - I applaud you! I am hacking my way through having just one kid!
Hyde, there is some chat on the FB group, but it's not really hoppin I wouldn't say . . . lots of pics though! And it's so fun to 'friend' everybody and get a glimpse into their 'real lives' versus what little we know based on MDC. Love your video, she's so animated! I can relate a bit regarding DH, mine's in finance but did his undergrad as a mechanical engineer, so he is very smart in that way, but holds the baby so awkwardly (perpendicular to DH, legs at DH's belly, head pointed out, gah) it just pains me sometimes and can not seem to get that nightwakings and before bed time need to be dimly lit, quiet, and mellow! His way of calming the baby is not sleep-friendly (bouncing, talking, jiggling, bicycling his legs etc) but he just doesn't naturally know that or know how to fix it. I want him to find his own way but it's tough when his way is making life more difficult . . . omg and my big pet peeve, he can't really hear when the baby is sick of whatever they're doing and about to cry, so if he's lying next to DH watching/playing with something but is getting tired of it, he'll start to whine and kind of cry softly DH has NO idea that he is about to start screaming. He's surprised every time, drives me nuts.
Lying on back for a few minutes of solo playtime, it's all the difference in the world to have a few 5-10 minute moments to do some chores or make food or get myself dressed! My MW just told me that he'll stay that way for longer and be more comfortable if his body is slightly curled in and legs are bent, like this because it relaxes their tummy . . . it's working great for us.
AFM We just got home from a 4-day weekend trip . . . the baby was shockingly easy going, it was so great! We travel to this area mostly just to eat, and normally go out for a long relaxed dinner each night but with the baby we did lunches instead and he was so chilled. I put him in the woven wrap and we'd walk around for a few minutes before each meal, he'd fall asleep and then sleep through the entire meal in the wrap, SIX TIMES (over four days) without even a peep. DH has declared himself 'completely sold' on the woven wrap, babywearing, attachment parenting and anything else 'crunchy'. lol. He even took a bunch of babywearing photos of me, haha. (I'll post in babywearing once they're downloaded.) He calls it babycarrying and was so enthusiastic. He wore the baby this morning while I got my hair cut :) It was really nice to have four days of just the three of us with no distractions, it really helped him understand some of the babycare basics (babywearing, nursing, winding down before bed) much better and has bonded him to the baby more too. The baby has started smiling and he gave me two big smiles at breakfast and I got all teared up, I turned to tell DH and he'd been watching and was also teary-eyed. :)
Cloth vs Disposable diapers, I never thought I'd be so happy to get back to my cloth diapers after using disposables for four days. I can't tell you how many times we got the poo up the back and onto the onesie - grrrrrrrr. That has never once happened with my cloth diapers, pee leaks yes but poo! no way. And the wipes left DS with a very pink bum, we had to rinse a wipe each time and use it last to kind of rinse the soap from the wipes off his skin. And that was with natural/eco diapers and wipes.
Hope everyone has a great week and keeps posting!