I literally just finished listening to a webinar about feeding children with difficult issues who were adopted. If I had to summarize the hour-long presentation in to one sentence, it would be to let the child decide how to eat. The presenter talked a lot about avoiding power struggles that some parents fall into when they try to correct a child's feeding behavior or set limits.
From my own experience, I agree. It sounds like your little one has been with you about a year and a half. That's a very short time, as you know. I would guess your child had some past food insecurity before coming to you.
I've also experienced a child with a difficult past who showed it with feeding issues. At one point he was diagnosed with oral feeding aversion, and the term infantile anorexia was also thrown out there (which scared the crap out of me). My son is almost 5 years old, and he joined our family when he was almost 3. We could tell immediately there was a malnutrition issue, because he threw huge, self-injurious tantrums if his sippy cup was not full of whole milk or was out of his hand. I read tips online about how to handle food insecurity and did everything I could, such as keeping good in sight at all times and always keeping his cup full so he could learn he would never be hungry at our house. For the first month or more, he binged and purged. He ate more than the adults fist by fist, then he'd stick his finger down his throat and vomit profusely. Good times. For the next year, he survived on his sippy cup of whole milk. We rejoiced if he ate a single piece of popcorn or a Dorito in a week. We kept bringing him to the table for meals and snacks. Now, after almost two years with us, he eats at least two meals and a snack almost every day. The quantity of food he takes in is low and the variety is poor, but he has come so far. He gradually got to the point that he doesn't always have to have his sippy cup even in the room anymore, and sometimes he'll accept juice or even water. All throughout this, I searched and searched for help. Pediatricians, neurologists, dietitians, nurses, an occupational therapist, mental health workers — all were perplexed, would try to throw out a tip or two we had already tried, and basically said to keep doing what we were doing because we were at least moving in the right direction. We still have a long way to go, but I'm glad we decided to take it slowly and let him take the lead. While holding food in his mouth isn't one of his behaviors, he does still have many food behaviors that could be perceived as problematic. Now that we can see he needs time and to be in charge of how he eats, we're going to continue to give him that. It sure is hard though!
I guess my bottom line advice would be to let her hold the food. She must need to do this right now. My son reverts in his behaviors when he's learning something new or when there is extra stress in the house (i.e., almost always). As annoying, disturbing and even disgusting as it might be to us adults, it might bring her a small bit of comfort to know that food is there. The expert on the webinar said that for children like ours, feeding the heart is more important right now than feeding the body.
Follow Mothering