Talk to me about your Homebirth Journey!

[BabySmurf]

What were your major reasons for going with a Homebirth? Would you do it again? Was your partner on board with the choice all along? If not, how did you convince them that a HB was the way to go?

I am trying to figure out which way to go. I really like the idea of a HB, but I'm not sure that my DH is really "on board" with it.  He would prefer to go to the city, where we had our first DC.  Which was actually not a bad experience, but I can't imagine traveling that far for every appointment.  Or being in a car for that long during labor.  There are 2 local hospitals within a reasonable distance to us; one we could probably have a reasonably non intervention birth, but if something were to go wrong they aren't the best critical care place.  The other hospital would be really hard to have a natural birth (despite being a community hospital, they have the highest section rate in the area and most of the MW practices will no longer work with that hospital), but would be a better choice in terms of critical care (they actually have a NICU), which is the reason why we would want to be at a hospital anyway...in case of an emergency. 

My cousin and his wife just had a baby at the first local hospital I mentioned.  The baby had her hand over her head and my cousin's wife was unable to push out the baby...so they waited a bit for the epidural to wear off so that she had more feeling and could push better.  During that wait Mom spiked a fever, so they decided to do a section.  They gave her another epi, but while they were waiting for it to take effect, baby's blood pressure dropped, so they gave Mom a shot of morphine, and immediately made an incision.  Mom felt EVERYTHING.  The epi hadn't kicked in yet and I guess the morphine wasn't enough.  Everyone is okay, but a bit traumatized at this point.  (My cousin looks like he aged 10 years; listening to her screaming was horrifying, and there was nothing he could do).  I am really in disbelief about what happened, and it makes me really want to do a HB. 

That being said, one of MIL's friends was considering HB and decided against it.  She ended up having an amniotic embolism, so being in the hospital definitely saved her life, so I know MIL would be beside herself if we chose HB, and DH takes her feelings seriously.  (Looking into the embolisms, I know having interventions increases the odds significantly, which are really low anyway). 

Ugh. 

So what is your story?

[liberal_chick]

I basically had a pregnancy that went way south.  Tons of complications resulting in a long hospital stay for me, a (necessary) c-section and a preemie that ended up having an emergency surgery while in the NICU.  I wanted to never, ever repeat the experience.  While I couldn't control the complications and if they happened again, I could plan for a VBAC.

Between baby one and two, we moved to a smaller, much more rural area (although we are "in town").  The hospital here was not VBAC friendly.  They would do them, but there were so many requirements (archaic, totally medically invalid requirements) that I'm surprised anyone was ever successful.  So I hooked up with a midwife.  I had concurrent care just so I'd have a chart in case my complications from pregnancy one came back around, but if they didn't I never intended to have a hospital birth.

Dh's biggest concern was the mess.  I think he imagined something much more like a horror film than a birth.  We watched The Business of Being Born together and he noted how the midwives prepared everything and how it wasn't very messy and hopped on board.  It cemented for him when he saw how I was treated by the OB I was seeing.

I ended up using the same MW with baby 3, so I did do it again!  And if we were to have any more kiddos, I'd do it another time.

[firespiritmelody]

I had a less then great experience with my first though it was a vaginal birth with no real complications, it just wasn't the experience I had wanted/hoped for. My biggest problem was that the mw on call was not "my" mw and we didn't click well.

Fast forward a few years and I had a chemical pregnancy. 6 months later, we got pregnant again. My mw had switch practices so I was seeing a different mw group and had liked the couple that I had met so far. At about 9 weeks, we had some spotting. While I knew there was likely nothing wrong, I called the mw's office and spoke to the mw on call and she literally told me "if you are having a m/c there's nothing you can do about it" Really? I was expecting to hear something like "go home, put your feet up, relax," etc. She was so cold and matter of fact and I went home and cried. Not because what she said was wrong or not true, but the THOUGHT of having that woman on call at my birth scared the hell out of me. I knew I needed to find a practice where I could be reasonably assured the care provider of my choice would be the person attending my birth and not who ever was randomly on call.

That led me to find the most wonderful, caring, loving, grandmotherly midwife and we were a great fit. She delivered my second and third babies in my home (one in my living room and one in my bedroom a few years later!)

Sadly, she lost her fight with ALS last year and is no longer with us so I've had to look for a new care provider but we're going with another hb midwife this time as well.

The mess is minimal and a good mw team will leave your home is the same or better condition as when they found it and they will take all the "birth mess" will them

We chose to only tell supportive people before the births (my MIL would have had a fit if she knew too) I would recommend interviewing a few providers and see what you think. Not all hb mw's are created equal - some are safer then others too. Interview them and see how things go. Good luck!

[etsdtm99]

my first 2 births were in the hospital with an OB - a midwife/birthcenter/homebirth was no really an option (legally) at that time.  I wanted a natural birth but the ob/hospital etc. was not supportive.. and i just didn't fight that hard..i probably would have been better off with a doula, but they weren't widely available at that point either..   I had a plan with my first to walk etc and came in with my water broken and they said i had to stay IN the bed .. so that was that, i ended up with an pit and epidural for my first birth, induced at 41 wks with my 2nd - completely uncomplicated pregnancies, but my 2nd birth (which turned out ok, healthy mom and baby and a vaginal birth)i had a lot of complications from the epidural & pit induction and i wanted to make sure that never happened again.. there was no WAY I was going to step foot in a hospital in labor unless i wanted to be knocked out for a c-section (i did not respond well to the epidural the 2nd time, if there was an emergency or an urgent situation i would not even want to try it again).. luckily between #2 and #3 homebirth became a legal option in my area and several of my friends had babies at home .. my DH, mom and MIL were all nervous but didn't really argue with me, they knew that the hospital was just as scary for me and i'm pretty stubborn once i make up my mind about something ..  homebirth went great, still had some complications but my midwife and her assistant handled everything (it just wasn't the calm peaceful homebirth everyone wants) .. I am planning homebirth #2 currently..  not a hint of a doubt in my mind about doing it again, i'm actually excited for labor and birth :) 

[BabySmurf]

Thanks for sharing your stories...I really do love to hear about other people's experiences. 

We are pretty lucky in terms of finding a HB MW; the first woman we interviewed (I researched a good amount about her too) was very comfortable and reassuring for both my husband and I.  She also sets up a "backup" practice, so that if I need to transfer they will have my charts, etc.  This would also be where I get my labs done so I don't have to pay out of pocket.  She has a lot of experience, was clear about what she thought were her limitations, and has some of the best certifications around.  Basically she's a home run. 

DH's biggest uncertainty is if something were to go wrong, the next issue is that everything would be covered at the hospital, where as we would likely have to pay out of pocket for the HB (although we actually have a good chance of being reimbursed). 

We did watch the Business of Being Born when I was pregnant with my first, but I think it might be worth getting again.  And actually the comedian Jim Gaffigan (sp? I can't remember his last name exactly) has a funny bit about having had 4 HB's with his wife, but it brought up a lot of good points.  That helped my DH too. 

I really just need to collect my thoughts about this and have a good discussion with him....I just can't see the point of going into the hospital if I can get the same or better care at home....besides the cost. 

Keep the stories coming though, please!!

[pokeyAC]

I watched The Business of Being Born with DW and she totally got on board with the idea so that might work for you.  We are still deciding because my insurance doesn't cover homebirth.  You can usually meet with midwives for a free consultation to see if you are a good fit and to get more information.  I'm sorry about your cousin and his wife having a bad experience, but I imagine situations like that are pretty rare.  Homebirth can be a very safe option, and if you are near a hospital, it is fairly easy to transfer.  We were recently  having a discussion on another thread about choosing a hospital based on whether they have a NICU.  One of the posters is a NICU nurse, and she said that such a small percentage of babies need the NICU that that shouldn't be your first concern.  It is easy to transfer the baby to another hospital with a NICU.  In my opinion, it's more important to find a hospital where you would feel most comfortable giving birth rather than focusing on the worst case scenario.  Chances are your baby won't need the NICU, but you will definitely need to give birth somewhere.  Good luck!

[BabySmurf]

Originally Posted by pokeyAC 

I watched The Business of Being Born with DW and she totally got on board with the idea so that might work for you.  We are still deciding because my insurance doesn't cover homebirth.  You can usually meet with midwives for a free consultation to see if you are a good fit and to get more information.  I'm sorry about your cousin and his wife having a bad experience, but I imagine situations like that are pretty rare.  Homebirth can be a very safe option, and if you are near a hospital, it is fairly easy to transfer.  We were recently  having a discussion on another thread about choosing a hospital based on whether they have a NICU.  One of the posters is a NICU nurse, and she said that such a small percentage of babies need the NICU that that shouldn't be your first concern.  It is easy to transfer the baby to another hospital with a NICU.  In my opinion, it's more important to find a hospital where you would feel most comfortable giving birth rather than focusing on the worst case scenario.  Chances are your baby won't need the NICU, but you will definitely need to give birth somewhere.  Good luck!

very practical advice! I'm sure that the situation is quite rare...although the epi I had with my son was spotty, so I still had a lot of feeling.  I hadn't heard of it happening to anyone else before I had DS, but when I started talking about it, all of a sudden people came out of the woodwork saying that the same thing happened to them.  I feel like most people only talk about the positive aspects of birth unless it's with close family and friends...or unless someone else volunteers info first, then others chime in.  Also, it was surprising to me how many people had babies who didn't breath right away, that I never knew about until my DH and I talked about it.  We were going to keep it a secret too, but ended up mentioning it.  So I do think that "negative" things are much more common during birth than we realize, people just tend to focus on the end result of Mom and Baby being "okay".  kwim?

that is good to know with the NICU....although if that rare circumstance did happen, I would be beside myself if the baby had to be moved to a different hospital than me.  But, as I said before, if you are going to have a hospital birth (at least in comparing with a HB), it's because you want those emergency services available in the rare case that they are needed...the main point in being that neither local hospital meets the "requirements" that we would want for a birth.  (although I don't think my husband really "gets" my desire for the natural birth thing). 

i think that I really do just want to have a homebirth...i'm just trying to go over in my mind points to discuss with DH.  i think that he will ultimately come around, so long as we get some coverage from insurance.  i appreciate all of you letting me grind my gears about it!

[dayiscoming2006]

Had a bad USA hospital birth experience. She gave me an episiotomy after the head was out... and they recommended pitocin though I'm pretty sure I didn't need it. Said it would speed things up and a bunch of other annoying things. I just really hated the experience.

So, I planned an unassisted birth for my second, but we ended up moving to Romania at the end of the pregnancy and they don't take kindly to unassisted birth and could have really made things bad for us. So, I went to the hospital. That was absolutely traumatizing. Way worse than the US. Didn't nurse until 14 hours after the birth and had to nurse only every 4 hrs. Then they were wondering why my baby was acting hungry and forced me to let them give my baby formula. My baby was locked in another area from me and I only got to see him when I nursed. This went on for 5 days... yeah... bad!

So, I planned and had an unassisted birth with number 3 back stateside and it went great. I've done the research and it is statistically safer to have a home birth with an uncomplicated pregnancy. It's much easier to avoid unnecessary interventions at home. And you don't expose your baby to things at the hospital.

So, now I'm on to number 4 (hopefully- had early miscarriage in Sept.) I'm planning a midwife assisted homebirth because it will be less stressful for me than the unassisted route. I didn't like having to run around to get the newborn check, then to go to the record keeping place to get the birth certificate and everything. It was annoying. And I do think if you have a good homebirth midwife it can be safer. I'm glad everything went very smoothly last time, but I just would like that bit of extra security this time. But, I think if I had no midwife choices at all, I'd have trouble going to an OB, so probably would choose unassisted again over that. 

I would go ahead and do research on the safety of homebirth vs hospital birth, etc. 

[pokeyAC]

Epidurals are definitely not foolproof.  Sometimes they work great, sometimes they only work partially, sometimes they don't work well at all.  They seem to have a great reputation that they don't totally live up to. 

I hope you make a decision that you are all happy with!

[BabySmurf]

wow, so romania does not sound like a place that is nice to give birth.  i'm glad that you were able to have an unassisted birth last time around and that things went well.  i agree with you that having a midwife present will make us feel quite a bit better about a home birth.  it's amazing all of the different types of experiences we have.

my dh agreed with a hb, so long as things keep progressing normally, and that insurance will agree to cover.  yay!

[spughy]

Where I live, homebirths are actively encouraged by our ministry of health for low-risk pregnancies.  Midwives also have hospital privileges and a lot of attempted home births (like my first baby) end up as hospital transfers, which are usually pretty smooth.  I personally am all for home births and am happy when friends have them.

That having been said, I'm not planning one for this baby.  There are a couple of reasons for that and they're probably not universal concerns but still...

First, I had a massive postpartum hemorrhage with my first and while it probably wouldn't have been life-threatening if I'd been home when it happened, I'd have had to transfer in an ambulance and would have needed a blood transfusion.  As it was, I was in rough shape afterwards and godawful food aside, the hospital was not a bad place to be, what with the nurses changing my bedding and checking on me and providing me with an industrial-strength breast pump to get my milk going as much as possible.  Could have done without the IV antibiotics and stuff and I'm still not 100% convinced they were necessary, but I'm over that now.

But even if I was assured of avoiding another hemorrhage (and I think it's no more likely than with any other birth at this point) there's still the issue of convenience.  Our hospital, for ME, is not a bad place to give birth.  My midwife, assuming no complications, will be the only medical person there except a nurse (unless I kick the nurse out like I did last time - she was a smoker and the smell made me gag) and she is totally ok with my daughter being present to watch, and my doula and my husband helping as needed.  I won't be rushed, I won't be offered medications, there won't be any unnecessary monitoring - I have faith that any interventions will be discussed as much as possible, mutually agreed upon and necessary.  It's not like that for everyone - if I were with an OB or if I were young or other than mature, educated, and middle-class, it wouldn't be so respectful.  (I did some observation stints in the hospital for my breastfeeding certification.  I saw some disturbing things.) 

My house, on the other hand, is less than 1100 sq ft.  The same people will be present (plus, I forgot to mention, my MIL or my sister to deal with my DD if things go too long or she gets freaked out.)  So that's me, my midwife, my doula, my husband, my daughter, a backup midwife (required for homebirths) and a support person for DD.  That's WAY too many people to fit in our house and maintain a peaceful atmosphere.  In a hospital, they can be banished elsewhere.  In my house, not so much.  And we only have one bathroom.  Plus there will be much bustling about with making tea or sandwiches or whatever and I KNOW people will put stuff away in the wrong places, thinking to help out by cleaning up, and nothing makes me less happy than that.  (I'm only exaggerating a little.)

So paradoxically, in the interests of having a peaceful, unstressed birth experience, I'm trading on my mature-white-middle-class privilege and going to the hospital.  But, that's just me.

[BabySmurf]

Those are some great points that you bring up, and definitely worth taking into consideration.  I've seen the reasons you mentioned be deciding factors for others as well....and maybe it will be for our next birth too :)  I am actually feeling pretty lucky that no matter which option we end up ultimately going with, it will probably be a good experience.  The care around here is much better than it can be elsewhere.  I also agree with you that having experience helps to make it easier to voice concerns/opinions/requests.  And that actually does give me some hope that if things end up in a hospital birth that I will be able to be more assertive this time around.  Thanks for your input!