I am 22 weeks with our (surprise) fifth child. We have four boys, incuding a set of fraternal twins (so, in other words, we REALLY make boys). I have intentionally NOT found out this baby's gender ... I have never found out before birth, and saw no reason to start being a "finder-outer" now :)
That said, I am pretty darned sure this is boy #5. More from the behaviors of the doctor/ultrasonographer than anything else, but I might've seen a hint of a boy part on u/s today (checking placenta for accreta - all clear, thank goodness).
I have fully expected this to be a boy the entire pregnancy...but when I left the appointment today, feeling like I had just learned that it is for sure a boy, I felt kind of disappointed. And I'm not sure why ... statistics were never in my favor! and it's not like we were "trying" for a girl (ha! that's ludicrous!) But I guess, deep down, I wanted a girl more than I admitted to myself.
Don't get me wrong -- I adore my boys, and truth be told, I'm probably far better suited to parenting boys than a girl!! I would probably just mess up a girl psychologically. Plus this kid is already going to be such the family baby anyway - all we need is for it to be a girl, and be the only girl of seven first cousins on my side of the family, youngest, etc. Talk about potentially spoiled!! And not to mention, we have so many nice clothes for a boy, we would have to start from scratch with a girl. See, rationally, I should want a boy!
I think it's probably related to my two SILs having girls this fall, and the fact that I know beyond all doubt that this is it for me (vasectomy sealed that deal! and for sure we would never adopt a 6th just to have a girl.) ... And (this is kind of a dumb reason, but it's true) we have a beautiful family name for a girl, but NO NAME AT ALL for a boy. Sigh.
I'm just a little disappointed, I guess. Is that horrible? Should I call a therapist?! I don't want to admit this to anyone with whom I am close, if that makes sense, nor do I want to confess to my DH (since it's his "fault" anyway, ha ha ha). Truly, I am so happy that the baby looks to be healthy, and so far I am healthy, too, and we are so thankful for that!! I do not mean to be selfish or short-sighted or any of that. I know we are beyond blessed with four kids already and another on the way.
Anyone else ever feel this way? Will it get better once baby is born, or am I just going to be more depressed then? I figured I would be so happy/in love after delivering the baby that I wouldn't care about his gender... right?! Should I call the doctor and find out for sure today so I can stop holding out any hope (they have it in my MaterniT-21 results, presumably)?
thanks for reading this long post!
Edited by vachi73 - 11/7/12 at 1:01pm