Weight gain! - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[Chloe'sMama]

haha.... I have a 'super boob'.  It is at least 1-2 cup sizes bigger by about 6 months..... it doesn't even out until about 18 months (or when I get pregnant....)  DD1 preferred super boob, while DD2 preferred the other one.  I am interested in seeing what baby likes better.  Fast or slow flow.

[ayobo]

27 weeks and I think I've gained about 27 lbs. Most of it came on the last couple months, didn't gain anything the first trimester. I guess I'm just good at gaining weight. : /

[Chloe'sMama]

Strangely enough I didn't gain anything since my last appt. almost 5 weeks ago.  I have been feeling super yucky and no appetite, so that may be it.  i am trying to eat more, but I don't want to gain a ton at once and cause stretch marks.  I am at 15.5 lbs at 30 weeks.  I was hoping to gain about 30 in the pregnancy, but I don't know if that will happen.  Perhaps I will shoot for 25.  I just want to make sure I have enough fat to give baby some great milk and have him gain quickly.  

[josie423]

I'm slowly gaining, a pound here & a pound there. I am finding myself getting extremely anxious about it. Not because I think weight gain is bad or anything, it's my DH... I started this pregnancy at around 155, 25 lbs higher than my normal weight. I'm now 162. He keeps telling me I can't go over 160 and I am seriously like... WTH???

He claims I have an attitude about working out and eating. Yesterday for breakfast I had a bunless burger over spinach and a 20oz homemade strawberry smoothie and he flipped and said it was way too much food and that I overeat. Oookkk... That's actually a smallish meal for me. I've learned not to respond when he acts this way and it makes him furious. Later in the day he was staring at my legs so I giggled, taking it as a compliment. He looked up and told me I need to work out. I didn't respond again and apparently he stewed on my 'attitude' for the rest of the day. At bedtime he was badgering me about my weight, so I told him what it is and a little later he refused to have sex with me. Then this morning he was monitoring my food and said he needs to make sure I'm eating better (raw veggies are good & meat, milk and cheese are bad).

I just don't know what to do anymore. His comments and attitude are nothing new, but it is getting so, so wearying. Nothing I say has an impact, he just says I'm arguing and making excuses.  I feel vulnerable putting this all out here, but it's hard to keep it all in.

Edited by josie423 - 12/1/12 at 10:34am

[loveandgarbage]

Josie . I'm glad you posted about it-- I can't imagine keeping that all in. This might not be helpful, but what your DH is doing is 100% absolutely not okay. I tend to be a little more extreme than others in how I think men should treat women, but imho what he's doing borders on emotional abuse. I hope you're not offended that I suggest that. Something I've found helpful in my own relationship, when there's an issue, is bringing it up at a random time for discussion when we're not in the thick of disagreeing/fighting about it. That way neither party feels attacked or overly defensive. And if this is an on-going issue in your relationship I'd want to hit it head-on, especially before a new baby comes and the family dynamic shifts for a little while.

[Teles]

Originally Posted by josie423 

I'm slowly gaining, a pound here & a pound there. I am finding myself getting extremely anxious about it. Not because I think weight gain is bad or anything, it's my DH... I started this pregnancy at around 155, 25 lbs higher than my normal weight. I'm now 162. He keeps telling me I can't go over 160 and I am seriously like... WTH???

He claims I have an attitude about working out and eating. Yesterday for breakfast I had a bunless burger over spinach and a 20oz homemade strawberry smoothie and he flipped and said it was way too much food and that I overeat. Oookkk... That's actually a smallish meal for me. I've learned not to respond when he acts this way and it makes him furious. Later in the day he was staring at my legs so I giggled, taking it as a compliment. He looked up and told me I need to work out. I didn't respond again and apparently he stewed on my 'attitude' for the rest of the day. At bedtime he was badgering me about my weight, so I told him what it is and a little later he refused to have sex with me. Then this morning he was monitoring my food and said he needs to make sure I'm eating better (raw veggies are good & meat, milk and cheese are bad).

I just don't know what to do anymore. His comments and attitude are nothing new, but it is getting so, so wearying. Nothing I say has an impact, he just says I'm arguing and making excuses.  I feel vulnerable putting this all out here, but it's hard to keep it all in.

That's a shit thing for you to be dealing with at any time, but particularly when you're super pregnant. It's really hard to give helpful advice about this since he's your partner so you would know how to best approach him, but I would definitely say that this warrants a conversation at the very least. DH started this pregnancy kind of staring agape at my belly and commenting on how huge I was getting and, even though I knew it was not that he wasn't necessarily judging me but just shocked that my belly could get so big, I had to sit him down and explain that he needed to limit comments like that. So long as you and the baby are healthy, the numbers on the scale shouldn't mean anything - especially not to your partner. Remind him that his job right now is to support you, not to be your watchdog.

I have a co-worker who is very open about how horrified and disgusted she is with anyone who she deems remotely overweight, so she has made a couple comments to me about my proportions while eating lunch in the staff room and I'm just about ready to lunge at her.

[odinsmama]

Wow, Josie, so sorry you're dealing with that. Totally lame for him to be treating you like that while you're growing a baby and have only gained 7 lbs so far. I know you can only deal with it in a way that you know will be effective, so I hope you find a way to communicate and get some much needed respect.
Hugs, mama.

[josie423]

We've talked this to death, but usually when both of us are emotional and angry. I need to sit him down at a neutral time, but confrontation is something I'm *really* bad about.

No Jean, what you said doesn't offend me. I think what he's doing is abusive. :(

Teles, that's how my husband is in general. To him, it's almost like there's nothing worse in life than extra weight/gaining weight. It drives me up the wall!! 

This is an issue regardless of whether I'm pregnant. He says I'm overweight no matter what weight I'm at, including my normal pre-preg weight.. This is the 'normal' me http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v128/josie4/Jo.jpg <--- Yes, he says that's overweight. When it comes to this he is just not rational, so it's hard to discuss it rationally, kwim? For a while he was so much better and it seemed like we'd made progress, but looking back it was when I went grain-free and lost some weight (a few months ago) so I guess I was "good enough" then. I think this whole thing goes beyond weight and is so much more about control. He is extremely controlling and this is one area that he feels like he doesn't have control of so he will push push push. Gah, now I'm getting mad, lol!

[rachieface]

Josie, I want to be another voice to say that how he's acting is NOT OK, even though it sounds like you know that. It is not OK to say to any partner, but especially not one who is having their 5th baby in 5 years! You look great, pregnant or not.

Is there a counselor/therapist in your life that you could take this to with your husband? In marriage there are certain issues that become so loaded that they are next to impossible to really dig into without a neutral third party. Just a thought.

Remind yourself every time you feel that baby moving that your womb is his/her dwelling right now, a beautiful, safe, comfortable place for your baby to grow.
 

[typebug]

Originally Posted by rachieface 

Josie, I want to be another voice to say that how he's acting is NOT OK, even though it sounds like you know that. It is not OK to say to any partner, but especially not one who is having their 5th baby in 5 years! You look great, pregnant or not.

Is there a counselor/therapist in your life that you could take this to with your husband? In marriage there are certain issues that become so loaded that they are next to impossible to really dig into without a neutral third party. Just a thought.

Remind yourself every time you feel that baby moving that your womb is his/her dwelling right now, a beautiful, safe, comfortable place for your baby to grow.
 

THIS. I'm just echoing this statement here. Well put rachieface

[josie423]

Thank you so much for the support ladies, I really need it. He said some things tonight and I just feel like I can't do this anymore. He is 100% right and I am 100% wrong. He says I am verging on obesity and should be losing weight right now. I feel so completely voice-less, he won't even let me speak when he says these things and if I try it's just fuel to his fire that I'm an argumentative b****y woman. I'd love to go to counseling but there's no way he will and I don't feel like I can do it even on my own without his approval. 

[Chloe'sMama]

I am so sorry Josie-

Regardless of what your weight was before pregnancy, if you are eating healthy and taking care of yourself, you are doing great!  He sounds a bit controlling and it is a little scary to me.  Has he gone to any of your appts with your midwife?  Does he understand you are growing a baby?  Our bodies are so amazing, creating this new life inside.  I am sorry he is not sharing that awe.  

[josie423]

Thanks! Yes, he's got control issues and not in just this area. He's gone to every appointment for every baby. He often seems amazed at pregnancy and how it works. He talks about how important nutrition is during pregnancy, yet would prefer I starve myself to keep myself under some magic number he's come up with. I'd like to believe our child's welfare is first and foremost, but with his attitude it is hard to believe.

[loveandgarbage]

I usually don't comment on people's weight, but I will say that my jaw dropped when I looked at your non-pregnant photo and that your husband thinks that's overweight. In what universe? 

[AnnaBarr]

Oh Josie, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. He is being emotionally abusive with those comments and you deserve to be treated better. You are most clearly not overweight, nor have you gained too much, but even if you were obese or overweight it is still vital that you gain and eat lots during pregnancy!! You're growing a baby!

[HouseofPeace]

i'm gonna second all the mama's here- you're doing amazing and your husband needs some support.

i wish i could have my husband call him and talk him through it!  he had a hard time when we were first married b/c he had always dated skinny high school girls, but then up and married a busty, curvy shorter WOMAN.  women's bodies are varied, and beautiful.  and after a very hard first few years, he really had a lot of healing brought to this issue in his heart.  he sometimes says 'i can't wait until you get your waist back!' but he's also very positive and tries his best to encourage me about being large and heavier when pregnant.  i'm normally 130, up to well over 160, and will be hitting 175 or so by the end of this pregnancy.  and this is all good.  and part of the reason i can keep doing this is that my husband is so supportive, when i get paranoid about weight or cellulite or anything, he's always the one to be positive, encouraging and silly.  i need that!  as a woman, i need to feel loved, attractive, and respected, and i think you deserve that 100% of the time as well.

your husband really needs a man with wisdom and insight to help teach and heal him on this.  it's not okay for him to feel this way, to think this way, and to not support you in pregnancy or not in pregnancy for your health.  this is something deeply wrong and i think it's more than just you and your weight, it's deep in him and for your marriage and for your sake i hope you can get some help for him on this.

blessings to you both!!!

and editing this thread on a second thought i had today- i met a woman who's been sickly since i met her and since her first pregnancy and birth, she's expecting twins and is 20 weeks along and is only thinking she's going to go til march and she's 1/2 my size!  i was so sad on this!  i am not going to carry this, but it seems worrisome to me to be so tiny and so close to the end and not have a history of good pregnancies or health!  the sad thing is, this is in a church where most of the girls are VERY underweight and that is the theme.  i worry about the culture that seems to enforce a fear of weight and dieting around even pregnancy!!!

Edited by HouseofPeace - 12/2/12 at 2:19pm

[josie423]

Ladies, you have no idea how much the support means! Seriously!!!

My DH definitely needs some accountability, I need to tell some IRL people (other than my parents who do know) about this and get the ball rolling on getting us and our marriage healthy or... well, going in another direction. :/

Thanks so much ladies!

[Jenny01]

So sorry you are going through that Josie - I echo what everyone else has said and I hope you can work it out!  It definitely sounds like he has some messed up views about weight.

[Gillmoro]

Josie-

I know you have had many responses on this topic and not sure I can offer anything original but just wanted to tell you: you are not crazy for feeling the way you feel (which I'm sure you already know).  I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for many years and even though my own intuition was telling me I was right and sane the whole time, having someone else tell you otherwise on a daily basis can chip away at you.  I hope you can find some good support IRL to help you weather this storm.  No matter what happens with your marriage, I hope the outcome for you and your kiddos is a lifetime full of nothing but love and support. Big big hugs mama!  And know we are all here whenever you need to talk/vent. 

[buko]

Josie, just another voice saying that's NOT OKAY.  I really think your DH has a lot of his own issues to work out, aside from those between you two.  Thinking of and praying for you!