New and terrified, yet intrigued by UC

[NaturallyBorn84]

Hi everyone. My name is Nikki and I am a 28 year old mom of three. My bf and I have decided to have another child, possibly two, and after the quick and "unassisted" birth of my youngest in the hospital, I started thinking about possibly having a baby at home. Now, my initial thought wasn't a UC, but a homebirth with a midwife in attendance. When I started doing some research on homebirth, a gang of UC information came up. So I started looking into it just to see what it was all about. I, of course, have grown up thinking that we need help by doctors to have a baby. Over the last two years, that idea has slowly gone away. After that, I thought that we didn't necessarily need doctors, but we needed some knowledgeable "expert" in attendance, which is why I thought about a midwife. As I read on, I noticed that we also don't necessarily need midwives either, that we can have our babies with no one around. The terrifying part of this for me is after one gives birth, are they in the "right state of mind" to handle an emergency that might happen? After the baby is born, do we take him/her to see a pediatrician to make sure they are okay? How do we know that everything is fine? The intriguing part is knowing that I can have a baby ALONE (or with my bf) and get that immediate connection/bonding time with my new baby and that we can be perfectly fine. I'm sorry if I sound all over the place, I am just trying to get a better understanding of UC from women who have gone through it. 

[mamamojo]

I've had two hospital births, one attended home birth, and one unattended, and am planing another unattended in late Dec/Jan. I was, by far, the most clear-headed at/after my freebirth. It was also my mist straightforward birth, which I don't think is coincidence. I did not take my dd to a doctor (she has never seen one, actually), but some people do. There are plenty of clinical signs you can learn about and check yourselves, but I mostly relied on my gut, and will again.
I wouldn't recommend uc to anyone who wasn't willing to take on 100% responsibility for any outcome (and that means good as well!), but it was and is absolutely the best choice for me and my children. I wish I had known I had choices much earlier in my mothering career. Good luck to you in your journey.

[NaturallyBorn84]

Originally Posted by mamamojo 

I've had two hospital births, one attended home birth, and one unattended, and am planing another unattended in late Dec/Jan. I was, by far, the most clear-headed at/after my freebirth. It was also my mist straightforward birth, which I don't think is coincidence. I did not take my dd to a doctor (she has never seen one, actually), but some people do. There are plenty of clinical signs you can learn about and check yourselves, but I mostly relied on my gut, and will again.
I wouldn't recommend uc to anyone who wasn't willing to take on 100% responsibility for any outcome (and that means good as well!), but it was and is absolutely the best choice for me and my children. I wish I had known I had choices much earlier in my mothering career. Good luck to you in your journey

Oh okay. I ask about being "in the right mind" because after the birth of my youngest, I was a mess. I couldn't even hold her without fear of her being dropped. I was crying uncontrollably (still to this day have no clue as to why), my arms felt like jelly, I was shaking all over, my mind was racing etc...I was not in the right state of mind to check and make sure my infant was at least okay. IDK, Maybe if I can get my bf to educate himself, maybe he can be the stable minded person that we will need. Was your spouse on board with doing a UC or did you have to do some coaxing? All  of my births were in a hospital. My first birth was downright awful, but my last two were good. It's kind of crazy to know that you can just have a baby in your home with no one around ON PURPOSE and not get in trouble. lol

[onyxravnos]

I had one planed c/s followed by 2 UBAC's at home. The most resent of which was 16 days ago. My first UC I had a doula, a friend, and my husband with me as I really wanted that 'person who is in the right frame of mind' and she was perfect. she helped me in a way my husband just couldn't because she was a women who had had children and someone very knowledgeable about birth.

That was my same plan for this last birth but baby 3 was out between the phone call to tell them to come and them arriving. Next time I think maybe i don't need the doula, although it was nice to have her show up just after to 'decompress' a little with me.

Personally i was in the right frame of mind this last time, I knew what was going on and was thinking about things like 'oh... contractions stopped because the shoulders are rotating.'  Now my instructions to my husband although in my head were very clear apparently came out more like gobbley gook. but at least I knew what i was talking about. 

Perhaps a UC with a doula would be a good choice for you or even a very hands off midwife if you aren't quite sure you want to UC.I'd at least have your BF read some books so he has some good ideas for labor / birth / complications. Ina Mays guide to childbirth is good there is also a small book called I think emergencies  in childbirth that I had my husband read... just in case.

[AbigailG]

I had a very straightforward natural hospital birth and then a UC with my second. I labored alone and then my dh woke up and came in for the birth. My mother was looking after my ods and came up and helped clean the afterbirth and get us all settled into bed. It was very calm and peaceful. But we all knew a lot about birth and babies and everyone was very comfortable with the UC idea. It's not an easy road to go down and especially if you are UPing you may have to defend your choices over and over. The thing I kept hearing was "your baby might die, and it will be your fault". But I knew what was right for my family, and it was a wonderful wonderful experience that has really shaped the bond I have with my baby.


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[salr]

My advice is to just keep reading birth stories.  Read as many as you can and find out which ones seem like what you would most like for yourself.  Also, read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth to get an idea of why some of those stories may have unfolded the way they did.

And I think it's great advice to consider having a doula, a friend acting as a doula, or a hands-off midwife, as well as considering a UC with just you and your husband. 

Just take a lot of time to think and imagine.

[1babysmom]

I think that state of mind is a pretty powerful thing with a UC because you know that you are in control and you are responsible, and that really does seem to make a difference.  This is just my opinion based on experience, so I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but in a situation where you have someone "caring for you" (or lording over you...guess it depends on your provider LOL), you're likely to surrender a lot of that simply because there's someone there.  When there is not, you're generally on full alert and have more ability to think clearly and assertively because you know that you are in charge and you can trust YOUR intuition.  Others are probably different than I am, but at least for me, I know that when I have someone with me who has more experience, more education (not always the right KIND of education, though), or is more controlling, I tend to sort of shrink back, whether out of fear of being wrong or out of fear of conflict because I am not on the same page as they are.  I just lack confidence.  I always have in those kind of situations, all my life, so during birth it's no different for me.

[afr2010]

You can do it!  Our bodies were made for this!  Read all you can. Research all you can.  Make a birth plan!

 had one hospital birth (which was traumatic and lead to PPD) and one UC. ( I wanted a home birth with a midwife, but the state I live in is very hostile towards them and I couldn't find one who would attend.) My UC was phenomenal.  I was very clear minded during and after.  Being able to move about the way that felt good to me during labor made it very tolerable.  It still hurt, but it wasn't mind blowing painful.  It's natural instinct for a mother who has just birthed, to very quickly look over her baby and notice anything out of the ordinary.  As for emergencies, that's why you have to research a ton!  Know when to go to the hospital.  I 100% would not go to the hospital right after a UC unless it's an emergency.  Not even to get baby checked out.  Wait a few days then go to a family doctor.  Or, like I did, find a local midwife to come to your home to do a check up on baby. Birth certificates are also easy to get,  call up your local health department and they can help you.  A woman came to my house and asked questions about the birth, it was short and sweet.  She was very nice, did her business, and then 6 weeks later it came in the mail.

http://www.unhinderedliving.com/childbirth.html is a great website with tons of information about unassisted childbirth

and my birth story, if you're interested, is  http://ecknrodeh.wordpress.com/

[Linnaea]

I have one child so I can't do any comparisons for myself, but after my UC I felt very alert and yet calm.  Since I had been instinctively listening to my body throughout the 9 hour labor, I didn't feel a need to "perform" after the fact, if that makes sense.  It was one long, flowing journey that felt natural, not forced in any way.  I gave birth on a chux pad on the floor that had also caught the amniotic fluid a few hours prior.  After nursing my very healthy, alert baby, I knew that if I were to sit on the toilet the placenta would have an easier time coming out.  I slowly got up to go to the bathroom with my baby in my arms, before I could sit on the toilet the placenta came out like a rocket, smooth and fast, I had very little time to react.  This was the only time I felt an adrenalin rush.  Thankfully, I had had the presence of mind to hold a bowl between my legs when I was walking, which goes to show how well I was doing what with a baby on one arm and a bowl being held by the other.  The placenta plopped into the bowl with a fair amount of blood immediately after, I felt a little light-headed but since I was next to the toilet I just sat down and felt instantly better.  I'm sharing my story so that you see how alert I was and also how capable to take care of myself and my baby as well.  I liked what a PP said about *needing* to be alert since you're the main one in charge.  I think that need puts our brain into a different state than it would be if we had doctors or midwives to defer to instead.  I liken it to the difference between being a student versus a teacher.  The student doesn't have to be constantly alert and cognizant of what's going on--they can get away with spacing out a bit or only catching some of what the teacher says.  They don't have an active role, in other words.  The teacher, on the other hand, needs to be alert and aware of what she's talking about and how to approach the lesson plan to engage her students.  It's not necessarily a stressful thing, in fact, I'd venture to say the most successful teachers are the ones who know how to be alert while also being calm.  Anyway, my point is, there are roles that we play in life and when it comes to unassisted birth, we are the ones in charge.  If you feel like you can trust your body and instincts then you will probably take on that role seamlessly and you will probably be amazed at what you are capable of when the time comes.  That role you take on will also enable you to trust your instincts when it comes to the health of your baby after he/she is born.  I recommend taking him/her to your family doctor or having a midwife do a home visit to check on you both of you within a day or two of the birth.  I personally didn't feel the need to take my baby to a doctor for several months after her birth, but that's not something I recommend for everyone.  Just use your instincts and you and your little one will be fine 

[queenrilly]

I haven't had a UC yet, but I have to say the "right mindset" thing is probably the only thing I never thought of.
I also had jello-arms in the hospital and felt like I was high pretty much, adrenaline and all.
But I agree with the PP that said when you have someone there to care (or control) you, it kind of automatically makes you feel like a little kid who can't be left alone.
I felt bullied and they made me feel like I was a ditz.

I'm not afraid to UC. After everything, I know that it was all the interference.
I was totally fine at home. When I started getting pissed off at the hospital nurses that's when I was in pain and feeling like a crack head.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.
I don't personally see fear as a reasonable rationale for making personal decisions... Unless you're running from zombies or something.
I would feel like a failure as a woman or as a human if I didn't believe in myself/body for something so natural as birth.

Good luck, I hope you figure out your path! No matter what we choose each birth gives us an angel!