Back to work torture - need advice

[MDoc]

I just started back to work this week and I basically sob the whole time I am home. My daughter is 6 mo and I thought I would be able to handle returning to work but I am not doing well at all.
I can't accept the mere 4-5 hours I see my baby awake. I hate pumping at work. I hate my job (I was a high school teacher for 5 yrs and loved it but hey switched me to 2nd grade )
I would like to drop down to part time or return to maternity leave. Is it possible to return to maternity leave?
If I don' t fix this situation I am going to have a complete meltdown. I am so ashamed that I cannot handle work and motherhood
Any advice?

[Ruby2]

I am so sorry, mama. That age is just the hardest. It will get easier. Once you get into a routine, it will be easier. Once she is a little older, it will be a lot easier. It’s a hard year though.

Are you in the US? I would check with my HR department or teacher’s union rep (if you have one) to see what your school’s unpaid leave policy is. Some companies/schools have a sabbatical option that lets you take unpaid leave for a while.

Are there any teachers at your school who job share? That would be a great option if the precedent was already set…if not, it would probably take a LOT of work on your part for it to work out, and a lot of time before it was implemented. I wish that wasn’t the case and was a more common option for employees. Even if it does take time though, I found it helped to have something to look forward to.

It does get easier. This first year isn’t forever, even though it feels like it. It’s so hard to be a working mom. Keep coming back here for more encouragement and give yourself little goals to look forward to…weekends, school holidays, vacations. That helped me a lot. 

[porcelina]

Oh my, I totally get where you are coming from. You have all the time with your baby for 6 months, and suddenly, you can't spend that precious time with baby anymore! I had a similar situation at 9 months. I really, really, really wanted to quit. My husband convinced me not to, mainly with the argument that he didn't want to be the sole earner, that was too much pressure. I figured out a way to do my work (school actually) in less hours, and had a sitter from 9-3 4 days a week, (and worked Saturdays while hubby watched baby). This turned out to be okay for me. I felt I still had my special day with him during the week, he was with his dad on Saturdays, and I had shorter days when I did work. I was able to adjust.

In your case, as a teacher, I know you will have no flexibility with your schedule. You would not be the first person to quit your job and look into other options! How much do you need your specific salary? Are there ways you could cut in the household budget? Could you look for something else part-time, such as tutoring? Or are you crafty? Could you make and sell things on your own time?

I guess the bottom line is, yes, it's hard. You will eventually adjust if you have no other options. But, if you have other options, explore them! If it is torture, listen to that feeling, and figure out some other way to make it work!

I will also add that my DS1 is now almost 5. He is not in school yet, but we definitely need the time away from each other when he is in preschool! LOL! Point being that somewhere around 3, you will probably be ready to have some mommy time away, even though right now you want to spend every waking moment with LO!

[JudiAU]

I am really sorry you are having a hard time. Most people will tell you "it gets better" but I never felt that way. I cried every day for the whole first year.

You can't return to maternity leave. You either quit your job and find a new job when you are able or learn to tolerate working and mothering.

I can say the second time I was really really sad but I didn't cry nearly as much.

[MDoc]

Thank you for your responses. I think we are going to try to make life work on just my husband's salary. It is the only thing that feels right. I am hoping that I can end things well at work so that when the time comes that I can go back to work in my district.

I know that other teachers in my district have returned to work on a reduced schedule while their children are young. I would love to be able to do that next year. I guess I should speak to someone in HR to figure out the best way to work this out.
I really can't handle working full time right now. I wish I knew that before I decided to return from maternity leave.
Oh what a situation I have gotten myself into!

[blessedwithboys]

I know you made your decision, but I wanted to post in support anyway.  I could never have left my babies at 6 mos!  They were nursing constantly, and I simply had no desire to spend more than maybe 30 mins here and there away from them.  And then only if they were asleep!  haha  I know, I'm weird.  But I just wanted to tell you that I think you made a brave choice and you won't regret it for a single moment!  :)

[porcelina]

Originally Posted by MDoc 

Thank you for your responses. I think we are going to try to make life work on just my husband's salary. It is the only thing that feels right. I am hoping that I can end things well at work so that when the time comes that I can go back to work in my district.
I know that other teachers in my district have returned to work on a reduced schedule while their children are young. I would love to be able to do that next year. I guess I should speak to someone in HR to figure out the best way to work this out.
I really can't handle working full time right now. I wish I knew that before I decided to return from maternity leave.
Oh what a situation I have gotten myself into!

Congratulations! Somehow I love it when others are able to make this decision, which I guess is ultimately what I wish I had done!! I wish you the best! Keep us informed on how it all works out!