6yr old being teased about his lunch at school

[es1967]

DS who is in Kindergarten came home last week and said the kids were making fun of his lunch.

He is used to eating very healthy so I pack him things like Hummus and pita,soups etc etc.  Last week

I made him tortellini's (not so healthy) and I added some cooked peas.  I always try to add a veggie.  He loves this.  Well, he came home and said the kids at his table said his lunch stinks.  Then today I packed him hummus and pita and he did not eat his lunch at school  Said he only ate his apple b/c he was not hungry.  Then I find out that this girl that they just moved beside him at lunch said his lunch smelled again.  So its one girl that says his lunch stinks and all the other kids around him make fun too.  I'm so thankful my son loves to eat healthy things and I don't want to have to send him mac and cheese everyday.  I have told him this girl just wants attention and to just ignore her.  He sat beside her in class at the start of the year and she bugged him during class too. He started giving her mean looks so she stopped .They move the kids around so luckily she was moved to another spot.  So regarding lunch should I tell him to ignore her,? tell him to make fun of her lunch? tell the teacher?. I thought maybe I should email the teacher whats going on just so she is aware. What would you do?

[jmarroq]

I would email the teacher. She can see if the lunch staff can seat her at a different table. It may be too late, because the pack mentality...early stages of bullying, have already kicked in. The other kids are already teasing, but it really seems like she was the main problem, since there were other issues. She seems to have it out for him, or for everyone in general. Probably not an ideal home situation going on there.

I would maybe pack lunches that don't smell for a few days until the memory fades...and the other kids will probably cut him a break. Gosh, my folks used to pack me tuna and egg salad! Talk about a stink! I did get teased a little sometimes because my family was from France and I would sometimes have pate (EWWW! LIVER!) sandwiches!

I wonder if kids ever say anything to my son about his lunches being weird. I often pack organic fruits, yogurt, carrots, sunflower seeds, edamame, etc. I used to throw in organic "oreo" style cookies every now and then and he told me one of his teachers said that he shouldn't eat that at school! How dare she? You should see the junk other parents pack...and the school lunch?? Really? All the holiday parties are filled with candy and junk too. Whatever! I can see her point, but I couldn't believe she singled him out after seeing what most kids eat. 

[meemee]

i hear you. i hear you loud and clear. my dd is in 5th grade adn this is still an issue.

two things. first understand that the kids are not really teasing. they are voicing their opinion. it starts out by being an observation, then turns into others joining in and becoming teasing.

i have done two things. educated the class. and empathised with dd. i have done show and tell and gone over how to cook certain foods and then brought in samples for kids to try without expecting kids to actually try it. i have taught dd how to respond. 

but remember the need to fit in is huge. i have catered to dd's needs by changing her food to more appropriate food. taken out all the food that looks like poop. been more careful about what the food looks like so make it look more appetizing. 

i have not told the teacher only because i didnt really consider it as teasing. a friend or two stood up for dd. 

i started having dd eat a big breakfast so she wouldnt need a big lunch. so snacky type food.

[Ragana]

My daughter went through this, too. It helped that her friend has to bring gluten-free food and there are a couple of kids who are more adventurous who spoke up. A 6-yr. old might still enjoy the book Yoko by Rosemary Wells:

http://www.amazon.com/Yoko-Rosemary-Wells/dp/0786803959

We were also told not to bring a small piece of chocolate or candy when my kid was bringing soba noodles with spinach and tofu and other stuff like that & her classmates were bringing Takis.

[Neera]

Originally Posted by jmarroq 

I would email the teacher. She can see if the lunch staff can seat her at a different table. It may be too late, because the pack mentality...early stages of bullying, have already kicked in. The other kids are already teasing, but it really seems like she was the main problem, since there were other issues. She seems to have it out for him, or for everyone in general. Probably not an ideal home situation going on there.

I would maybe pack lunches that don't smell for a few days until the memory fades...and the other kids will probably cut him a break. Gosh, my folks used to pack me tuna and egg salad! Talk about a stink! I did get teased a little sometimes because my family was from France and I would sometimes have pate (EWWW! LIVER!) sandwiches!

I wonder if kids ever say anything to my son about his lunches being weird. I often pack organic fruits, yogurt, carrots, sunflower seeds, edamame, etc. I used to throw in organic "oreo" style cookies every now and then and he told me one of his teachers said that he shouldn't eat that at school! How dare she? You should see the junk other parents pack...and the school lunch?? Really? All the holiday parties are filled with candy and junk too. Whatever! I can see her point, but I couldn't believe she singled him out after seeing what most kids eat. 

Dd's cookie made with organic quinoa and honey was returned in Pre-K. I sent it because dd used to say another child brings cookie everyday. Since then I haven't sent cookies but dd insists there are other kids bringing it. And the school lunch... :)

Edited by Neera - 11/11/12 at 12:19pm

[loveandgarbage]

In Kindergarten kids are just starting to test the waters with pack mentality/bullying/whatever you want to call it. Also I don't know if your DS's lunchroom is like mine's, but there's almost no supervision of the kids. Sure, there are helpers walking around keeping the peace, but the kids are mostly on their own. And they know it-- that's why they feel comfortable to say exactly what's on their minds even if it's mean. I think 5/6 is a borderline age of getting the teacher or the school involved for something like that. I would be inclined to "protect my baby" but at the same time, kids need to start learning how to hold their own at that age. Maybe ask him if he would rather have a lunch that's similar to what the other kids have and roll with it. We've definitely changed what we've packed for our kids over the past couple of years after complaints of ALL the other kids (sure) having pudding, cookies, lunchables, etc. So now we do a PB&J, some sort of substitute for chips (pretzels, cheese crackers, etc) and then a little "treat" (fruit snacks, dried fruit, mini granola bars and yes sometimes pudding) and the complaints about lunch have stopped.

[es1967]

Thanks for all the replies.  When I pack DS's lunch's I do try to keep in mind not to pack anything to odd or smelly.  I purposely packed the tortellinis b/c they are kid friendly.  I thought hummus was pretty normal too.  Some days I even send him Annies Mac and cheese.  I get the whole grain one and throw in some steamed broccoli.

Then on Wed I allow him to have pizza at school.  So its not like I am sending him sardines or anything.  LOL.   Thats what bugs me. So I think I may say something to

the teacher so that they can keep an eye out.  Like I said she was telling my son he was not doing his work right etc etc.  I'm sure the teachers must know.  Its not like I want her to reprimand her just to keep theiir eye out.  My DH told DS to call her Miss Piggy b/c she was eating ham and cheese.  Plus alot of other crazy things. I can just see my DS getting in trouble.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by es1967 

 I thought hummus was pretty normal too.  Some days I even send him Annies Mac and cheese.  I get the whole grain one and throw in some steamed broccoli.

Then on Wed I allow him to have pizza at school.  So its not like I am sending him sardines or anything.  LOL.   Thats what bugs me. 

Hummus IS 'sardines' in the kids world. in fact to them it looks like poop. its a rare child who brings hummus to a traditional public school.  

[JudiAU]

Originally Posted by meemee 

Hummus IS 'sardines' in the kids world. in fact to them it looks like poop. its a rare child who brings hummus to a traditional public school.  

I think this must be regional. Hummus is really, really mainstream where we live. And our public school has a nutrition policy that would disallow most of the junky treats being discussed in this thread.

[Polliwog]

I've spent lunchtime at probably 13 public elementary schools in the past two years, and have seen hummus plenty of times. My own kids like to bring hummus with veggie dippers for snack and/or lunch.

OP, would your DS eat raw, or cold steamed veggies? Those would have less of an odor than hot broccoli or peas.

[One_Girl]

I would email the teacher and ask if she can move the child but I don't think this is bullying. Saying someone is doing their work wrong or has food that stinks isn't bullying or even something that should hurt feelings. If a child thinks a classmate is doing work wrong (whether they are or not) they tend to speak up persistently. If a child thinks something stinks they say it. It isn't a mean spirited thing it is just how kids this age are. I would address this as a personality conflict and request a move based on that.

I think it may also help to.work with your son on not giving a reaction and on being proud of the values you're family has. These two things have really helped my dd become bully proof to a great extent. It took a few years to cut out giving a reaction but she never stopped doing what she loved doing because of teasing or bullying and once she cut out the reaction school became funner and she became better about letting little comments annoy her.

[mguris]

Hello there....as a teacher, I would want to know if my parents are concerned about how others are treating their child.  The teacher may not know that the girl is making comments about your child's work, etc.  They can be pretty sneaky, even in Kindergarten!  If this were my class and you notified me, I would talk to the child one-on-one and then talk with the class about appropriate behavior (a general talk, without mentioning the girl's name).  I talk with my students about what to do/say if someone is doing something that you don't like, for instance:  tell the person to stop, get a friend to help, talk to an adult, and/or walk away.  Hope that helps.

P.S. Try not to worry too much!  You're doing great.

[ThreeTwoFive]

I have a friend who taught first grade, and she said she taught the students "Don't yuck somebody else's yum."  

I would tell the teacher and ask that, without singling your child out, he/she give the class some explicit instruction in polite lunchroom behavior.

[es1967]

Thanks so much for the suggestions.  I laughed about the hummus and poop thing.  Hummus is pretty common around here.  He has brought hummus many times with raw veggie sticks and no child has ever said anything.  I agree the other child is not a bad kid.  I just want to handle it the correct way so my son does not end up hating

everything I have worked so hard for him to like.  MGuris thanks for your input. That is what I would have thought.  As a teacher I would want to know.  I just don't want to sound like a whiny complaining parent.  Also, like the "don't yuck somebody else's yum".

[Ragana]

Originally Posted by ThreeTwoFive 

I have a friend who taught first grade, and she said she taught the students "Don't yuck somebody else's yum."  

Haha! Love that.

[spughy]

How ethnically diverse is your child's class?  I haven't heard of ANY lunchtime commentary from DD's school, ever.  (Except one friend being repeatedly jealous when DD got salami in her lunch.)  Her class is fairly diverse - aside from kids with first-gen immigrant parents, there are also kids with multiple allergies and vegetarian kids - probably some vegans as well, being where we are.  Of the kids who bring lunch, there's probably not a huge amount of similarity between them.

I think my DD has a bit of the same proud-to-eat-weird-stuff that I had as a child - I LOVED days when I got moose steak sandwiches.  But 90% of my classmates brought Skippy peanut butter on white bread - DD's class is vastly different.  DD herself is a big fan of the proscuitto-and-pear days, and diversity aside, she's probably one of only one or two kids in her school who refuses to eat sandwiches and wants what she calls "snack plates" but which most people would know as a Ploughman's Lunch - vegetables, pickles, cheese, meats, crackers.  Sometimes, a hardboiled egg, especially in spring when I can get tiny pullet eggs. "Cute" foods go over well, as does my canned homemade applesauce. Her only objection to "smelly" things like smoked salmon is that the smoked salmon currently sticks in her teeth because the gaps have gotten big. 

Like PPs have said, hummous is really mainstream here - DD doesn't like it but I'm sure it shows up in a lot of lunches.  Ditto veggie sticks, leftover-dinner-in-a-thermos, sliced fruits, yogurt...

I would say that it's a lot harder to pack a healthy lunch your kid likes when there's not a lot of diversity in the school.  When everyone's lunch is different, nobody has any expectations of what anyone else's lunch will look like. 

[Ragana]

Originally Posted by spughy 
I would say that it's a lot harder to pack a healthy lunch your kid likes when there's not a lot of diversity in the school.  When everyone's lunch is different, nobody has any expectations of what anyone else's lunch will look like. 

Well, our school is ethnically diverse, and I see kids eating Hot Cheetos for breakfast, so that's no guarantee.

[mamazee]

Hot lunch smells horrible so I'm surprised they're commenting on how any lunch smells. I would send an email to his teacher and have the lunchroom supervisors stay nearby and back him up, personally. My daughter says people comment on her lunch but they don't tease. They just aren't used to lunches made up of stuff other than bologna on white bread, Rice Krispie treats, cookies, and "fruit" snacks. My daughter tells me that's the kind of lunch most kids have. I said, "That's what you want for lunch?" And she said, "No, I'm OK with what I have. But everyone thinks my lunches are weird." It's sad that healthy food is considered weird.

Once they get used to it and have been told by an authority figure that his lunch is OK, I would think the issue should be resolved pretty quickly.

[bmcneal]

Originally Posted by es1967 

Thanks for all the replies.  When I pack DS's lunch's I do try to keep in mind not to pack anything to odd or smelly.  I purposely packed the tortellinis b/c they are kid friendly.  I thought hummus was pretty normal too.  Some days I even send him Annies Mac and cheese.  I get the whole grain one and throw in some steamed broccoli.

Then on Wed I allow him to have pizza at school.  So its not like I am sending him sardines or anything.  LOL.   Thats what bugs me. So I think I may say something to

the teacher so that they can keep an eye out.  Like I said she was telling my son he was not doing his work right etc etc.  I'm sure the teachers must know.  Its not like I want her to reprimand her just to keep theiir eye out.  My DH told DS to call her Miss Piggy b/c she was eating ham and cheese.  Plus alot of other crazy things. I can just see my DS getting in trouble.

I think hummus is pretty normal, but then like some PP's have said, that may depend on region. I live in a tiny town, and there is not much diversity at all.

Originally Posted by spughy 

How ethnically diverse is your child's class?  I haven't heard of ANY lunchtime commentary from DD's school, ever.  (Except one friend being repeatedly jealous when DD got salami in her lunch.)  Her class is fairly diverse - aside from kids with first-gen immigrant parents, there are also kids with multiple allergies and vegetarian kids - probably some vegans as well, being where we are.  Of the kids who bring lunch, there's probably not a huge amount of similarity between them.

I think my DD has a bit of the same proud-to-eat-weird-stuff that I had as a child - I LOVED days when I got moose steak sandwiches.  But 90% of my classmates brought Skippy peanut butter on white bread - DD's class is vastly different.  DD herself is a big fan of the proscuitto-and-pear days, and diversity aside, she's probably one of only one or two kids in her school who refuses to eat sandwiches and wants what she calls "snack plates" but which most people would know as a Ploughman's Lunch - vegetables, pickles, cheese, meats, crackers.  Sometimes, a hardboiled egg, especially in spring when I can get tiny pullet eggs. "Cute" foods go over well, as does my canned homemade applesauce. Her only objection to "smelly" things like smoked salmon is that the smoked salmon currently sticks in her teeth because the gaps have gotten big. 

Like PPs have said, hummous is really mainstream here - DD doesn't like it but I'm sure it shows up in a lot of lunches.  Ditto veggie sticks, leftover-dinner-in-a-thermos, sliced fruits, yogurt...

I would say that it's a lot harder to pack a healthy lunch your kid likes when there's not a lot of diversity in the school.  When everyone's lunch is different, nobody has any expectations of what anyone else's lunch will look like. 

Moose steak? Pickles, cheese, meats, crackers?? Hard-boiled eggs??  Yes please!

Now I'm hungry.

OP, I would probably e-mail the teacher, and just mention it. Not really make a big deal about it, but let them know it concerns you, or bothers your son.

[limabean]

Originally Posted by es1967 

My DH told DS to call her Miss Piggy b/c she was eating ham and cheese.  Plus alot of other crazy things. I can just see my DS getting in trouble.

I can understand, as a parent, having a mean thought like that about a kid who isn't being nice to your kid, but this little girl is only 5, just like your son, and is still learning appropriate behavior. Resorting to namecalling isn't the way to go. (It sounds like you're not on board with your DH's suggestion, but if he's already planted the idea in your DS's head, who knows, your DS might get frustrated and say it anyway.)

That said, I think a quick e-mail to the teacher is fine, and I love the phrase, "Don't yuck somebody else's yum." It has just the right, light tone, and is easy for kids to remember (and help each other remember -- they love to call each other out on rules like that, and maybe some of the other kids will repeat that phrase if they hear the girl doing it again at lunchtime).