November 2012 Rockstar Mamas! - Page 12

[akind1]

Gabe is very much a mama's boy, and I know it bothers DH that Gabe doesn't usually prefer him. I think in yesterday's case, DH was upset bc he made the effort to do something with Gabe and it didn't pan out. We had already bought a groupon for the activity, so it is partly money lost as well, I think. I probably could have been more empathetic, but it frustrates me to no end, that I am working from home and then he checks out, so to speak, and I am stuck trying to work and deal with kids. And I don't know that it has occured to him that if he would maybe interact with them more at home, to play and stuff, that the kids - especially Gabe - would be more interested in doing other things with him too.

This level of grumpy doesn't happen often, but when it does, it ruins everyone's day.

Supernanny - I don't disagree with everything she does, but I do disagree with rather a lot of it. I think limits and boundaries, and consequences for actions are good. But how exactly those things are carried out (on the show) leave a lot to be desired. And she doesn't think very highly of co-sleeping either, LOL (but in the cases on the show, when it clearly is driving a wedge between the parents, I agree that some change needs to be made - just not in how she accomplishes it).  I think my mom is trying to get some ideas on how to work with Gabe (I don't want to say discipline exactly, because that's not quite right, but how to set limits on things so he will listen).

And hooray on the math! Question: as the kids get older, will they be doing an high school equivalency exam of some sort? And how do you prepare for that if so? Let alone things like SATs, etc. As Gabe is just hitting the pre-school years I am still not entirely sur where we will fall on the homeschooling ----- unschooling spectrum. He was trying to draw H and I the other day, and does circles all the time, and identified a triangle. (I honestly have not worked with him at all on this stuff. My mom does a little, when she plays with him, and I know he gets some from TV). So that's nifty.

[MarineWife]

Preferring mom is very typical for Gabe's age. It isn't until after 3 that most kids start to move away from Mom and toward Dad. It also has a lot to do with personality. Kellen is much more likely to want to do something with DH than Ethan is. Ethan likes to stay with me. Kellen likes to go on adventures with his dad. Talking to your dh about age/developmentally appropriate behavior during a calm moment might help. Also, talking about how it could hurt Gabe to having Mom or Dad angry or upset or offended because of some of his natural personality traits might help. That's a little trickier because you don't want to make it sound like you are blaming your dh for hurting Gabe.

I know it's frustrating when they check out. I think that's a male thing. My dh does it sometimes, too. I try to explain to him that checking out is just not an option when you are a parent but, in the moment, he just doesn't get it. I read a book once about how males get surges of adrenaline or something when they feel stressed or upset or angry and checking out or shutting down is a biological response to that situation that they can't fully control.

I'm going to look for that book because it may help Carrie to read it, too. An interesting idea in the book is that improved communication isn't necessarily the key even though that's what's touted.

As for school, a GED is an option. Ryan took some prep classes at Huntington Learning Center and then took the GED test. It is also possible to get into community college without a HS diploma or GED. Many homeschoolers write up their own diplomas. It's a bit easier to do that in NC because homeschoolers are considered private schools so it would be an official school document.

There are prep classes for SATs and ACT. I don't think there's any requirement for a diploma to take those tests. You just pay the fee. I assume you are talking about getting into college because, otherwise, there's no need for any of that. More and more colleges admit homeschoolers based on work, portfolios, volunteering and life experience and waive testing and diploma requirements.

[Baby_Cakes]

Nora is still quite firmly attached to my hip.

MW maybe you have wisdom for this situation as well.  She often says she loves me but doesn't love daddy.  Whenever he tries to help (bath, bedtime, getting dressed, getting her food, ANYTHING) she screams "NOT YOU! MOMMY!"  I have to get her out of the car.  I have to do the buckles.  I have to push the cart in the store. Every. Little. Thing.

It's overwhelming.  I usually just go along with it unless I physically cannot for some reason, b/c I feel like she is craving attachment to me.  I thought it would fade over time but it hasn't.

But often I feel really mad about it.  I have a willing husband and a great father here who WANTS to help and she won't let him.  I remind her during the day that he loves her no matter what she says (when she says the i don't love him stuff), and remind her of all the fun they have when they work outside together, or go out together (which they do often, and she's fine when she's with him.  They have a blast.)

But what gives?  What's this mommy-centric clingy vibe?  

Maybe as I give  her more attention, she will start to feel more secure.  Idk.  

No slots open this week at penney's.  I'll have to try next week once the calendar is up.

Bought their holiday outfits tho!  Check one thing off the list!

MW - that math is great!  

[EuroMama]

i'll come back later with a bigger response. had an interesting day.

[MarineWife]

Carrie ~ We went through that a bit with the boys. I think it's typical when one parent is the primary care taker. One of the things that was a problem for us was that dh didn't know what the boys wanted the way I did. He wouldn't stop to ask how they wanted their sandwiches cut or which underwear they wanted to wear. They would get very upset over things like that. I think part of that was them wanting things a certain way and part of it was being used to the way I do things. It has been slowly getting better. I would talk to dh in private about making more of an effort to do things the way the boys wanted rather than what was easiest or most logical to him. As much as I could, I would build up Dad for the boys. I would talk about all the wonderful things he does and express appreciation to and for him in front of the boys, which it sounds like you are doing.

I wouldn't push it with her if she's getting very upset about it. I think the more secure she feels with you the more likely she will eventually start to accept others, including her dad. Let it unfold as it does, at her pace. At 3 is when they start to move away from Mom and toward Dad (if Dad is involved) but it's a long (lifetime?) process. Don't expect it to be done by 3.5 or 4 or 6. There will always be certain things that she will want only you for. Hopefully, she will eventually want only Dad for certain things.

I would pay attention to any subtle and/or nonverbal messages either one of you may be sending that might make Nora think she's being a bother. Any kind of negativity expressed in any way around her behavior by either one can make her feel less secure with either one of you. It could be something as little as sighing when she asks for you or it could be big like you guys getting overtly frustrated or angry when she refuses to do anything for or with Chris. It's hard to never get angry or frustrated. That will happen, I think. But each time, each moment is an opportunity to be kinder and gentler.

All that being said, my boys still won't go to sleep with dh and not me. These days dh goes to bed around 10 or 11 and I wait for Dylan and Kellen to crash before putting them to bed if I want to stay up later. Ethan will stay up with me as late as I'm up, sometimes even until 2 am. But, he's not a bother. He just chills out. Most people would probably say that's a bad thing to do but we don't have schedules to follow so it doesn't really matter when we sleep as long as we get enough sleep.

I haven't found that darn book yet. I wish I could remember the title. I thought it was something along the lines of the secrets to a successful marriage but it didn't come up when I googled that. There's one book entitled something like, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. I don't know if I'd recommend that book. I got a little perturbed by it because it seemed to blame the woman/wife for most of the problems. But it might be useful if you can get past that part and just focus on the suggestions of little things to do to improve things now without trying to have big discussions about it. Men generally don't like to talk, especially about feelings. That's the idea behind the book being mainly directed at women, I think.

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

I wouldn't push it with her if she's getting very upset about it. I think the more secure she feels with you the more likely she will eventually start to accept others, including her dad. Let it unfold as it does, at her pace. At 3 is when they start to move away from Mom and toward Dad (if Dad is involved) but it's a long (lifetime?) process. Don't expect it to be done by 3.5 or 4 or 6. There will always be certain things that she will want only you for. Hopefully, she will eventually want only Dad for certain things.

I would pay attention to any subtle and/or nonverbal messages either one of you may be sending that might make Nora think she's being a bother. Any kind of negativity expressed in any way around her behavior by either one can make her feel less secure with either one of you. It could be something as little as sighing when she asks for you or it could be big like you guys getting overtly frustrated or angry when she refuses to do anything for or with Chris. It's hard to never get angry or frustrated. That will happen, I think. But each time, each moment is an opportunity to be kinder and gentler.

Thanks.   You always offer such a fresh perspective, I truly appreciate our conversations. 

[akind1]

Carrie: Gabe does the same thing - "mommy push it!" "no daddy!" stuff. And like you, unless I actually can not, I do it, because it's easier and makes for happier everyone. (except for DH maybe, LOL and me, it gets tiring) I do talk to DS about my frustrations though, because honestly I sometimes physically CANNOT do all that he wants me to do. I can not carry him the whole way through the store - he's heavy and I am pregnant. I have found for those situations (the store stuff is a biggie for us) If I hold him as we go into the store (or wear him, as the case may be), within a few minutes he's happy to be down walking. It's that initial closenss and mommy-time he craves. By the end, he may be asking to be held again, but that's ok, if I get the majority of the shopping with a happy, walking (or running) Gabe, than that's a big bonus.

Other stuff . . . sometimes he has to deal with DH. They have to find a way to push through it, and that's good for both DH and DS. I bribe DS sometimes, LOL, like when they go on their daddy-son date (this is a weekly thing where they go to kindermusik and lunch) Gabe is fine once there, but doesn't want to get in the car, so now he gets a dum-dum and goes happily. Norah is starting to get clingier a bit too, especially at bedtime, but DH does her, and I do Gabe -. Once there are 3 . . . bed time will be interesting. a lot depends on what kind of sleeper this baby turns out to be.

Gabe is so picky about his people! Norah isn't as much yet, and I hope she doesn't get as picky. it makes it challenging.

DH was in a much better mood yesterday - rough start once I left for work, but then Gabe cheered up and helped with breakfast and was really good with Norah (until I got home, and then he didn't want to share mommy. *sigh*)

At any rate, it seems like such a fine line to walk. I want to say yes as much as I can, but there are also times I NEED to say no. and I really need him to respect those times - and I think by making the NO cases rare, he's more likely too, but that's not always the case.

MW: re: testing - I was asking about the SATs and stuff for college, of course, if any of your kids choose to go that route, and high school equivalency because some jobs do require it (I have only had one where they required the actual diploma and would not just accept a transcript. idiots. It was working for the CDC on base, of course  - and who in the world travels with their diploma? Mine was in storage)

I need to look into more of what SC requires for homeschooling . . . I am feeling lazy and just want to ask some people I know that do, but I should be a good proactive parent and read it myself.

[EuroMama]

I know I am new and it probably doesn't help 1if I only post a few days a week to get to know me. Sorry everyone.

Been busy. My nephew is really sick, they keep saying Lyme, but it may be Pneumonia so they are doing tests to figure out.

I got locked out of the house yesterday with baby inside sleeping. 

My husbands great-grandma is not doing good. She keeps sending money to people who tell her she will get millions if she does. She is getting scammed big time and shouldn't be living alone.

We're trying to get her either to live with us and me taking care of her, or in assisted living.

So much on my plate. I am so tired that this morning I didn't even wake up to the phone. I am a light sleeper and for me to sleep that hard is so unusual.

[MarineWife]

Kat ~ If you are really interested in homeschooling, you should read the actual laws yourself. Do not rely on anyone else, including any state run homeschooling department, to tell you what you need to do. I have learned that most people do not truly understand the laws.

EM ~ Sounds like a lot to deal with. How scary to be locked out with the baby inside. I would freak.

[EuroMama]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

EM ~ Sounds like a lot to deal with. How scary to be locked out with the baby inside. I would freak.

I was so so scared. I freaked out really bad. 

[akind1]

Oh, MW, I know - I just need to get on it. What I'd want to ask some local people is what do they DO? actually. One mama friend I'm pretty sure is nearly unschooled, others I know are big into curriculm. I am not so much. It will take some trying to figure out what exactly works for us.

My sister (the teacher) thinks she knows a lot about it, bc she's been pressuring her SIL to put her kids into public school, and is apalled by how little her SIL is doing herself (SIL is a single mom with 4 kids, at least one with some developmental delays I think, and works out of her home doing tutoring, etc) Considering my sister herself was homeschooled, you think she'd be more open minded. GAH.

Lots of parades to go to this weekend! I'm excited, the kids love parades.

MW: do they still do the Flotilla? we loved going to that when we were there, or I think there is another in Swansboro on the water at night.

EM: glad you all are ok!

[Baby_Cakes]

Oh EM - HUGS!!  How stressfull.  That is a lot to have going on!  And OMG about the baby sleeping in the house.  I did that once with a rental car.  Nora was in the car (as an infant) sleeping and I had a rental b/c my car was in the shop.  I left it running with the heat on to go grab something from the house and when I came back it had locked!  I pulled on every handle, etc and nearly panicked, ran to get DH, and he came out and thankfully who knows what happened, something electric miraculously happened and it unlocked.  Phew.  I was in tears! 

So hugs!  How did you manage to get back in the house?

AFM - Not much new.  Heading out to the mall in a bit with just Finn to meet my friend for some xmas shopping.

Need to clean the house, really bad.  It's kinda gross.

Oh - temp still low for post o.  But...if I am going based on temps (which are reliable.  I'm getting good sleep and temping at the same time daily) it really does look like I had a shift.  Idk. CM is still creamy and abundant so it doesn't seem to line up.  I'm going to just keep track of days and see whats what.  No taking chances w/o protection tho b/c I'm not convinced I'm safe.

[MarineWife]

Carrie ~ It does look like a possible shift, but as always, when in doubt act as if you have not Oed.

I was wrong about none of my boys ever going to sleep with dh. Kellen was doing that every night for several weeks just a little while ago. He would get tired and go to bed earlier with dh but he's 5+ years old. He stopped doing that recently. I don't know why. Dylan sometimes falls asleep while dh is holding him. He did last night by accident. That made bedtime horrible. He didn't have a diaper on and he woke up when dh put one on him. Then he would not settle back down. I was so tired that I went to bed at 10:30 but Dylan was literally crying and screaming in the bed until at least 11:30. DH tried getting up with him at one point but he still wouldn't stop crying. He is definitely in full toddler tantrum mode. I'm never doing that again.

Oh, and they do say that they love me and not dh. I think it's a boy thing. Ethan has said he can't love Daddy because he's a boy.

EM ~ How did you get back in the house? I locked Ryan in the car once when he was a baby. It was very scary!

Kat ~ You've got plenty of time, I'd think. The youngest age for compulsory school that I have ever heard of is 5. Virginia required that, I think. But, now that I'm talking about it, maybe not because I remember something about not having to do kindergarten. In NC, the compulsory school age is only 7 to 16. Honestly, if you just continue on with your normal life and including your children in it you won't need to do anything else. They will learn.

I think they do do that flotilla thing somewhere. We don't go. I avoid things like that that draw crowds. I get very close to having panic attacks in crowds. I can handle them better if dh is with me but it's still very difficult. I took the boys to TRU yesterday to set up wish lists. I don't know why I didn't think of that before now considering every year everyone asks what the boys want for Christmas and their birthdays. I only got two things on their for Dylan, though. There really is nothing that we don't already have for him. Anyway, we were there for maybe an hour and a half and I suddenly just had to get out of there. It was relatively crowded because it was payday and Christmas time. I couldn't take it anymore.

Lauri ~ Where are you?

[akind1]

I know if we were full fledged unschooling I don't really need to do anything. But I don't know that path is for us yet; I have friends that start preschool age doing some things at home (and this is true really whether or not they homeschool) and I don't think it's a bad idea - I want to get some ideas on learning through play, etc, as that is all that's needed at this age anyway. Plus I need to read to deflect the idiotic comments bound to come my way from my sister. She drives me crazy.

I love being out of the house and don't mind crowds, so we go to everything we possibly can :) Now, I do not like chaos, but busyness I can handle.

Christmas shopping is nearly done. I just need to get a couple gift cards next payday, and that's it. The kids are getting 3 gifts each from us, my parents are doing i have no idea how many, probably 2 or 3 a piece for them, and the IL's are doing 2 each and the stockings. I think that's reasonable without being insane. Adults generally get one gift each, or jointly per couple, as the case may be. I need to do Christmas cards this weekend sometime, and work on photobooks. *sigh*

Carrie - yes, def protection until you are sure. the cycle I concieved this time, I *thought* we were safely post O . . . not so much, LOL.

[EuroMama]

How I got in?

I was locked in the yard. and  was getting my laundry, just as I shut the back door, when I tried to get back in the security latched had locked itself because the spring in it broke so it was loose and with me shutting the door it had locked! All our fences were locked with a padlock, key inside. So I kept kicking the door, trying to break the security latch that had locked on me. I couldn't get it to break and I  screamed for my neighbours because I couldn't get over my tall fence.

One of my neighbours heard me, gave me his phone over the fence, and I called my husband. Just as he drove up, I kicked the backdoor in enough for the lock to break got in just as my husband was walking in! Wanna hear the thing that made me mad? This tree trimmer dude was outside by my gate, he saw me standing on a chair as I was screaming, I asked him for his phone, and he looked at me, saw I was clearly upset and told him my baby is locked inside, he looked at me and walked away. He was the only one outside at that time, before my neighbours came outside to see what was going on. He just walked away. At that point I screamed, I have never wanted to punch someone so bad.

I was so scared. I could picture eddie getting off my bed, getting into something that could hurt him etc. 

[AnnieA]

EM, oh man, I would have lost it on that guy. Seriously, WTF? Glad you got back in the house though.

I'm here, mostly just reading along. Since I work in retail, and a call center at that, we are now in our super busy time. Not much down time at work like normal. I'm a little overwhelmed with life right now. Work is stressful, my house is destroyed but I'm never here without Ava to really get anything done and there's no money for christmas. Well, revise that. I'm working two nanny jobs before christmas so that will give me about $200 so instead of paying bills, I can use that to somehow pull christmas for five kids out of my butt. *Sigh* And the biggest thing is Ava has her 6 month cardiology appt in 2 weeks and I am really getting stressed about that. I never know how those appts are going to go. So yeah. Blech.

DSS17 is in a parade tomorrow so we'll go to that. Hope it's not too cold!

[Baby_Cakes]

Originally Posted by akind1 

Christmas shopping is nearly done. I just need to get a couple gift cards next payday, and that's it. The kids are getting 3 gifts each from us, my parents are doing i have no idea how many, probably 2 or 3 a piece for them, and the IL's are doing 2 each and the stockings. I think that's reasonable without being insane. Adults generally get one gift each, or jointly per couple, as the case may be. I need to do Christmas cards this weekend sometime, and work on photobooks. *sigh*

Carrie - yes, def protection until you are sure. the cycle I concieved this time, I *thought* we were safely post O . . . not so much, LOL.

Yay for being done with shopping!  I need to get something for Finn.  I have no idea what to get him, b/c we have most of the major things you'd get a 1 year old.  We have a trike, we have a power wheels, we have tons and tons of toys.  I think I'm going to pick up some toy animal figures (he likes to make dinosaurs roar, and march around the toy horse we have yelling NAYYY, so I think I might get him a few more of those) and maybe...idk.  Idk at all.  I gave MIL some ideas, but nothing major - mostly items they will share like a TBall set and one fisher price table thing.

Nora tho I think I'm good.  Jewelery, some knee/wrist pads for her bike/scooter/skates/, books, the Tball will mostly be for her (she brought it up).  I know I have more but I can't think of it now...

Kat - Don't worry I will not be taking chances!  DH and i need so badly to get on the same page, we will be lucky if anything even HAPPENS again for a couple weeks.  Smh.
 

Originally Posted by EuroMama 

How I got in?

I was locked in the yard. and  was getting my laundry, just as I shut the back door, when I tried to get back in the security latched had locked itself because the spring in it broke so it was loose and with me shutting the door it had locked! All our fences were locked with a padlock, key inside. So I kept kicking the door, trying to break the security latch that had locked on me. I couldn't get it to break and I  screamed for my neighbours because I couldn't get over my tall fence.

One of my neighbours heard me, gave me his phone over the fence, and I called my husband. Just as he drove up, I kicked the backdoor in enough for the lock to break got in just as my husband was walking in! Wanna hear the thing that made me mad? This tree trimmer dude was outside by my gate, he saw me standing on a chair as I was screaming, I asked him for his phone, and he looked at me, saw I was clearly upset and told him my baby is locked inside, he looked at me and walked away. He was the only one outside at that time, before my neighbours came outside to see what was going on. He just walked away. At that point I screamed, I have never wanted to punch someone so bad.

I was so scared. I could picture eddie getting off my bed, getting into something that could hurt him etc. 

OMG.  Did he not speak english or something?  Smh.  

Originally Posted by AnnieA 
 I'm a little overwhelmed with life right now. Work is stressful, my house is destroyed but I'm never here without Ava to really get anything done and there's no money for christmas. 

Sending some peaceful vibes your way.  Wine!  Just medicate with lots of wine.  All will be ok.  I'll keep Ava in my thoughts WRT her appointment.  

AFM - couldn't find santa hats for the kids anywhere.  Totally bummed.  I wanted them for their portraits but it doesn't look like that will happen!  

Big deal - Finn transferred from the car asleep to bed w/o waking or needing to nurse!  First time ever!  So cool.  Such a big boy now.  

We are going to hopefully finish up doing the tree tonight and start working on the paper chain for our christmas countdown!  I can't believe tmw is Dec 1 already!  Love holiday season!

[MarineWife]

Wow, EM, that is crazy! I can't believe that one guy just walked away. Maybe it's like Carrie suggested and he didn't understand. Otherwise, why would you do that?

Annie ~ I thought you might be really busy at work. Ava has done really well at all of her last appointments, right? No problems so there's no reason to think there would be anything now. Hang in there.

Nothing really going on here. DH might go to Virginia for the weekend for a retirement party. I'll stay home with the kids because I'm not driving to VA in the middle of the night with all of these kids.

[akind1]

Annie/Lauri - I understand money being tight - the kids aren't gettin a big "santa" gift this year bc 1) no money for it and 2) I can't think of what to get them, and I'm not getting them stuff just to get them stuff.

Here is what they are getting: Gabe - a radio flyer 3 wheeled scooter (bought on consignment for $15!), a helmet, the imaginext space rocket thingy ($20 door buster at walmart!) and from Nana, a dinosaur and an RC helicopter. Norah - a doll, play silks, books and a mini pillow pal (the last are boxed together) - Nana is getting her more books.

For Finn: books? toy tools? In having one boy and one girl, I take this opportunity to buy slightly more gender specific toys, even though they both will end up playing with them (kind of with that in mind, actually).

I got the tree up, but waiting on DH to decorate. I don't want to leave him out.

EM - maybe. and some men are skittish about helping women, like they might get in trouble or something.

[AnnieA]

Thanks everyone. Just a rough week all around. Ava was fine at her last appt in June so she should be fine this time. But the reality is that Ava's heart will never be "normal" and there will be an appointment when we hear that we need to do another surgery. The hope is that it won't be for many years, at least 8 more. But, you never know.

Baby_Cakes, did you look at the Dollar Tree for santa hats? Mine has them right now.