Pregnant AGAIN with no father for my child AGAIN « Back to Group Discussions

[Manda2591]

Hello! I just found out last week I am expecting my second child in July of 2013. I have a four year old son already with someone I chose to leave out of my son's life. I have only been dating since he was born. Recently, I got into a committed relationship with someone whom I love and who I though loved me. I accidentally got pregnant. Right before we found out we started having issues. He thinks they are not fixable, he's not willing to try for me, him, or our future child, and with that in mind and all the mental abuse I have endured over the last several weeks, I do not think they are fixable either. I was young when I had my first child and am still pretty young. It kills me to know that I am going to have to do this whole pregnancy, labor, delivery, and child raising thing alone, AGAIN. I know that there are people to help me, and I know that I will love this child no matter what. I am just terrified that I am going to be looked at for the rest of my life like I did this to myself. I am going to struggle all of my life. I don't want my children to blame me for neither of their fathers having anything to do with them. I want them to have a great life. I am afraid I will not be able to do this on my own. I know eventually I will be able to pick myself up again. Right now I am just extremely confused, depressed, and angry. Has anyone else ever been in this or a similar situation? Advice? Suggestions?

[Truckerdoo]

I've never been in your situation, but I think you're brave. Women unfairly carry the consequences of sex. You didn't do this to yourself - you did this with someone else, it's just that biology makes it easier for them to walk away. 

Hang in there - looking forward to going through the next 40 weeks with you.

Truckerdoo. 

[Kristen B]

I can only imagine how hard it must be as I haven't experienced it myself either. What matters most to children is that they are loved and cared for and you are clearly a loving and concerned mother.  Of course they will have questions someday but don't worry about that now, you will deal with that when the time comes. Keep in mind that research shows that a loving, peaceful single parent family is healthier than an unhappy, hostile two parent family.  I would suggest seeking the support of a counselor who can perhaps help you process the situation and prepare for the future.  I'm a therapist, so I suggest this to almost everyone for one reason or another!

[Manda2591]

Thanks, girls! It is definitely helpful knowing that other parents see what I am doing as a wise decision. I will look into getting some counseling as soon as financially possible. It would more than likely help me as a mother and as a woman.
 

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Manda2591 

Thanks, girls! It is definitely helpful knowing that other parents see what I am doing as a wise decision. I will look into getting some counseling as soon as financially possible. It would more than likely help me as a mother and as a woman.
 

I am in almost the same spot, except this is my third child. Big hugs to you Mama. There's something in the water ~ so many Mamas ending up preggers right now without meaning to and planning to raise the babe 'alone'. Peace and Love.

[heyitskalista]

Sending you lots of hugs!
 

The other girls have said it so much better than I could!

[lolliegee]

My husband travels on business with some regularity. Usually for about a week at a time. When he gone, I just am amazed at how single moms do it! You're awesome! Your baby will grow up knowing that he/she is loved and wanted by you.

[Manda2591]

My biggest fear is that because of all the stress and sadness I am currently dealing with and will probably deal with after the birth of baby number two, that I won't be able to be there 100% for my children. my financial situation is also not helping. I keep trying to make it my daily mantra that I am strong and can do this again but it is truly the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with.

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Manda2591 

My biggest fear is that because of all the stress and sadness I am currently dealing with and will probably deal with after the birth of baby number two, that I won't be able to be there 100% for my children. my financial situation is also not helping. I keep trying to make it my daily mantra that I am strong and can do this again but it is truly the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with.

Same here. Want to move to Oregon and we can share a house and help each other out? :)

[Manda2591]

Haha! Make it a move to Missouri and you've got yourself a deal.
 

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Manda2591 

Haha! Make it a move to Missouri and you've got yourself a deal.
 

I wish ~ I have lots of family here.

[Manda2591]

Win/win!
 

[InLove2009]

First of all- Congratulation on your pregnancy! 

Secondly- wow! I admire you for your bravery. I believe your children will grow you knowing that you love them and that you always had their best interest at heart! 

[Manda2591]

Thank you! I am praying with all my might that my children will grow up understanding that everything that we are going to struggle through is only a struggle because I love them so much!

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Manda2591 

Thank you! I am praying with all my might that my children will grow up understanding that everything that we are going to struggle through is only a struggle because I love them so much!

I think our kids will know that we are great Mamas. I just had a thought occur ~ so long as my kids are happy and know I love them (which is where there happiness will come from) it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks/does, our income, etc. So long as we are being loving, caring Mamas to our kids, they, and us, win :)

[Manda2591]

Very good point!!!!