Not bonding « Back to Group Discussions

[Cuau]

 Hi all,

 I'm mostly a lurker here, but this is something I really need input and would like to hear your opinions.

 This is a unplanned pregnancy, while I was really wanting a baby we did not plan it at all. Given that this is not planned everything seems like chaos right now. My work requires me to be away from home in the field ( read hostile environments for a baby) for long periods of time.  So as you can imagine having a baby and being pregnant is going to limit my work.

My dh is currently studying so there is no way for me to stop being productive, it's me who supports the house financially. Even when I see several options while I'm pregnant and after the baby is born, I'm feeling really... unbonded to this baby.

This is my third pregnancy, and I have never had any health problems in my previous pregnancies, but his is the second week I feel nauseaous and sleepy and grumpy.. an dyou name it. 

 I think my symptoms come from my un-bonding with this baby. We watched a homebirth video on youtube the other night, and I felt like... naaa I don't have time or energy for that, let alone a baby.

 I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way. I just don't want to have a baby right now, I feel bad physically, I guess I'm stressed out to death, and I feel bad morally for not wanting this baby. Do you have any suggestions to work this feeling out. Termination of the pregnancy is not an option.

I appreciate your input.

[allisonrose]

I feel similar. This is also my third pregnancy and also unplanned. I will admit that I was longing for another baby. But my hubby's lack of job security and some financial down turns lately are sucking the joy out of this pregnancy. My hubby is also taking two classes right now for an exam that he is telling me is basically essential to his future career. So I have no energy (this pregnancy is rougher than my first two as well) and he has no time which has resulted in our house being a disaster area.

Right now, I am just sludging through the first trimester, hoping my energy will improve in the second trimester. I suspect I will feel more bonded when I hear the heart beat. And hopefully life will improve once my hubby is done with this exam.

[SweetMama34]

You're not alone! My pregnancy was SUPER planned....and I'm not bonding really at all. I know it's okay, though. I remember struggling with this when I was pregnant with my second son. I can't remember when I started bonding, but I do know that I was crazy in love with that little boy the second he was born....and we've been super, super attached ever since (he just turned 7).

It's normal to feel this way at this point in pregnancy - ESPECIALLY if you're not feeling well.

My advice is to let it be okay that you feel this way. Don't fight it, don't push yourself otherwise, don't beat yourself up. It's all okay.