Our beloved Copper Dog passed, how to explain cremation to 3 year old.

[goldenwillow]

Our beloved Copper Dog (15) passed on last Tuesday.  Had a stroke and lost his ability to use his hind legs.  We had a dog healer whom is a good friend confirm our fears of him not walking again.  We took him to his vet with the same confirmation.  We had our 3 year old son with us at the vet due to no one available to care for him.  When Copper Dog died, my son and I were in the waiting room.  I was explaining through out the whole day that Copper Dog was not well (which he could see) and while at the vet that we would not be bringing him home with us.  When we left, my son cried badly asking why we could not. 

Now that he has understood that Copper Dog is a spirit now, we are to pick up his remains on Tuesday.  I am not sure how to explain this to our son.  My thought was to have my husband drop us for a play somewhere while he picks up his remains and then have a ceremony at home. 

Anyone gone through this?  Is my idea valid?  Looking for reassurance and support. 

Thank you.

[Oliver'sMom]

So sorry for your loss!  It's terribly difficult loosing a beloved furry friend.  Our sweet dog, George died this past February and it was really hard on our family.

We didn't have him cremated...we buried him in our yard.  I explained to my boys (5 and 19 months at the time) that George will always be alive and happy in our memory and hearts, but that his body was going to stay in the ground and help the trees and flowers and grass grow.  We got a little headstone even with George's name, and told my oldest son that he could always visit George and talk to him whenever he wanted.  This is kind of where your family beliefs come into play in how you want to explain death.  Spirits, heaven, etc.

I think your idea of having your husband pick up Coppers remains, then having a ceremony at home is a very good one. 

[mamazee]

I think a good thing to remember is not to describe death as "like falling asleep but you don't wake up." Because then he'll be afraid when he falls asleep that he'll never wake up, or that he'll be cremated if he learns about that. Death isn't like falling asleep. It's when your body no longer works. You don't say what your religious background is, but a religious discussion of death can work if that's applicable. You do mention "spirit" so saying that his spirit is no longer in his body, that once the spirit leaves the body is just an empty shell, might help.

There is a book called "The Fall of Freddie The Leaf" you might want to look into.

Good luck!

[goldenwillow]

Thank you for the ideas. 

I too am sorry for your loss Olivers'smom.  We haven't hid or sugar coated anything to him.  He is too smart for that.  He does understand that Copper Dog isn't coming home at least in the physical form.  Our son has told a few friends and family that Copper Dog died and he has watched us grieve, I am sure he understands.  We thought about burying CD in our yard but recently helped a friend do the same, very hard and my husband didn't think he was up for it.  Plus, we didn't want to leave him where we are living now... will be moving soon.  I really like how you approached it with your children. 

Mamazee.... I completely agree with not talking about sleeping/burning.  When we left the vet, our son understood that Copper Dog died and wouldn't be coming home with us.  He didn't see our pup at all after he passed.  Part of me wanted him to be able to say goodbye before he did pass, but he just gave him some treats and then wanted to leave the room.  So really, I thought that was his goodbye.  I ordered the Freddie Leaf book just now from our library.  We have a few now which we have been reading with him. 

My husband's auntie made a beautiful thrown clay urn for Copper Dog that his mother is etching Copper Dog's name on the bottom.  It is interesting how we have lost a bit of our creativity through this process.  Nice to have your ideas, thank you.  I am grateful. 

As I type, I am leaning toward not going with my husband to pick up the ashes with our son.  Thinking we can go get a treat at the co-op and meet up after.  Thinking taking him back to the vet may cause too much confusion. 

Many, many thanks to each of you. 

[mtiger]

Lots of pups going to the Rainbow Bridge, lately. I had to have our Jazz put down a couple of weeks ago. (And I have a second elderly dog at home.) My condolences to both of you...
 

[goldenwillow]

mtiger....  It is a tough road.  Hugs to your family. 
 

[Artichokie]

Our beloved Labrador died while lying beside my DD who was three at the time. We had him cremated. We explained that his spirit went to live with God, and his body turned into special dirt that helps make trees and flowers grow. We will plan a tree this spring and sprinkle in some of that extra special dirt. She understands this concept completely and is excited to help care for the new tree.