All alone ...

[obscure]

So, I don't know where to start, but I really think I just need someone to talk to. I have a three year old son and have been a single mom since he was six months old. His Dad is still "around". ... but he rarely takes our son and doesnt contribute in any way to his care and upbringing. Occasionally I go out with friends for an evening but I always put my boy to bed befoe I leave him with family and I pick him up early the next morning. We are always together except when I go to work. Lately he's been aggressive, clingy and completely difficult. We established routines a long time a go. Bed-time, meals, everything. Now it takes me two hours to get him into bed. I dont give in and let him stay up. I dont think that would help at all. I try to do everything the best I can. I try to be a good mom like he deserves ... But I have no real help. No friends or family who really understand what it means to be alone this way. To not be able to just step away for five minutes and breath. I love my son so much, but I feel like I'm suffocating. I cat breath. I cant think. Am i a bad mom? I feel like I am these days. What kind of mom just wants to lock herself away from her own child? And I know I'm doing him an injustice by even feeling this way. He deserves better and I'm not sure I can give any more

[anon_abroad]

Be kind to yourself, you're a good mum. You're overwhelmed, it's been 2.5 years, so the exhaustion is catching up on you. This is a good place for you to hang out!

 

[StarChild]

Are there any other changes going on in your life right now that would make him be more clingy? Sometimes the things that seem really small to us can seem really big to them.

My daughter is older now, but we went through a few different stages where the clinginess would set in. I just tried to be as patient as possible and keep to our routine. 

Good luck. I hope the phase doesn't last too long!

[flatstanley72]

Three was a tough age with my kids. Everyone says "terrible two's", but I think 3 was more difficult than two because, at 3, they seem to have a much stronger idea of what they want and a longer attention span, so are not easily distracted and redirected as they are at 2. But at the same time, they don't quite have the emotion regulation skills that they develop around 4, so it is just hard. Aggressive, clingy, and difficult are not unusual at this age! It doesn't mean you are a bad mom. It is just really hard when they have a lot of needs and you have no break from it. I think we all feel like we want to lock ourselves away from our children at one point or another! 

With the prolonged bedtime, does he still nap? If so, could it be that his nap is keeping him up later at night? Both of my kids have gotten to a point around 2.5-3 where napping would make it really hard for them to go to bed at night. My 3 year old is like that now. He naps because he is at full-day preschool every day, but it means his bedtime is around 9-9:30 and if I try to put him to bed any earlier than that, it just takes a lot longer to get him to go to sleep. Both of my kids seem to have a certain time when they are ready to go to sleep, which, of course, is later than I'd like them to go to bed. If I put them to bed a little before that time, it takes no more than 15 minutes. If I try to put them to bed an hour earlier, it means bedtime takes an hour. So, I don't really have any answers for you, just wanted to share my experience, in case it is helpful. Hang in there mama!

[hillymum]

I remember clearly wanting to strangle all my boys at age 3!!! And not only do I love my boys dearly, I actually like them too.he 3rd year has to be the most difficult in my opinion, they are getting a better idea of the world around them which can lead to more klinginess, and yet they want to explore which causes frustration. they are more aware of their "self" and learning about that, so they are just pushing, pushing and pushing. And you are parenting on your own.

     Do you have any moms day out places near to you? I caved with my 3rd son and put him in one and loved it! All I did was sit in Panera Bread with a book, or window shop, but I did it on my own which was heaven!

   You need breaks during waking hours, not just time away from your son at work, but time you can relax. If no moms day out, then will one of your relatives take your son for a couple of hours once a week or even every other week?

Hugs!

[Findingstrength]

Your feelings are normal. I remember once when I was putting kids in the car and they were screaming. I shut the door to go around to the other side and I noted my heart rate went down. I actually stood there and opened and shut the car door just feel my heart pull tight and then lousen. I don't know if that makes sence. I can't rally feel my heart. But there was a tension. But I felt the stress level change. I really stood there opening and shutting the door. Three is an age of great growth. Kids act out right before they master a new skill. And they have a lot of new skills they lean when they are three. They act out because they are so clouse to mastering new skills and they want to do it, but they just can't yet. Hang in there, give it some time, and things will get better. Maybe what you need is Sunday school, so you can sit in church and not be touched, yes I was there. I also had a gym membership once that I used just because I needed to use their daycare so I could have an hour with out my kids.

[obscure]

Thank you all for your responses! I was really starting to feel down and it is good to know that every one feel's this way at some point. I think it is just the being three getting to him. I feel like I'm constantly tensed for battle! lol. He'll just scream and whine and fight for a few days ... and then suddenly he's my sweet and loving little man. I need to enjoy that time more and not be tensed and expecting the next bout of upset.

I do need a little me time. I sat his Dad down last night and told him i'm overwhelmed and he need's to take him more. So, I'll have a whole 24 hours to just laze and shop and spend a little time with me this weekend :) From past experience i dont expect this to happen much, with his Dad taking him, but my parents also agreed to start taking him for a visit for a few hours every Sunday (without me there)! I hate being a way from him usually, but I recognize that both of us need a little time a part some times and I think it will make a huge difference for us both.

Thank you for sharing and for the advice. It feels good to know that i am not alone with this and that i'm not a shoddy mom for feeling the way I do some times.