What is going on...why the rush????

[Holland73]

You know, I have come to realize that my marriage is 150% over and that I could never be with stbx! He made his choice and in the long run, I know it is for the best.

I also knew that when he took time off from work this week, "I have appointments", I knew he would be meeting with the lawyers; "mediators". So, why does it still hurt when he brings it up when I come home this evening?

Since I have returned home from holiday, 3.5 weeks ago, he has thrown so much "stuff" at me:

1. Not wearing his wedding ring
2. I met someone during your 2 week holiday on the internet...it is very serious, I am in love and she is also a single mommy (she has a 20 month old daughter).
3. I want ds for weekends, even though he does not have a place of his own and ds is only 9 months!
4. I want to introduce Oliver to my new girlfriend!
5. I want a divorce...NOW! Regardless of the possibility that you and our ds might be deported back to the US!!!

What is going on? Why this mad rush? Why is he doing all of this all at the same time? I feel like I cannot get a breath or a slight feeling of relief, without be on guard for the "next" blow!

Through our entire marriage, he did not take the initiative in ANYTHING!!! Now, all of the sudden, he is, finally, taking the initiative...in our divorce!!!!

[L.J.]

I know that my ex was very much in a hurry.....everything had to be handled at once. He simmered down for awhile, but when he started dating his girlfriend, suddenly everything has to be in a rush again.

I think at first, it was like, I've made the decision now I want to act on everything to completion.

I know now, with the girlfriend, she's putting a lot of pressure on him to do things a particular way...........hers.

[shelbean91]

Honestly, my guess is that he didn't meet the new girlfriend while you were gone, but sometime before-he is just using that time as an excuse to not look as bad.

How does he expect to have weekend visitation if you get deported? I'm assuming you do not want to return to the U.S.- are there reasons why, other than your H?

I agree w/L.J.- it seems like the girlfriend is pushing him- if he's never taken initiative before, he's most likely not now, either. Most likely, someone else is doing it for him.

[Dragonfly]

I wonder if the new girlfriend is pregnant?

I'm sorry you have so much being thrown at you.

[Holland73]

I had a very close male friend of mine explain that his rush is to get everything "taken care of", as he thinks it will help him to resolve his "feelings"! It is a part of his "process"! Whatever...men can be so backwards in their thinking sometimes!!!!

I do not want to return the States for many reasons.

1. If I leave, ds will never see his daddy again...I could never explain that to him!

2. I have a great job that allows me to work only 4 days a week, 7.5 hours a day, with benefits no American company could ever offer: such as, unlimited, paid sick days for me and when my son is ill, 5.5 weeks of paid vacation, an extra 13th month salary bonus, profit sharing (this year I received 1300 Euros extra for profit sharing!), full-comprehensive health insurance for only 100 Euros for both me and ds, a mortgage on a beautiful house, etc.

3. If I leave, stbx will not have any financial responsibility, I do not think that is fair...we made these decisions, to have a family, buy a house, etc., together, he HAS to contribute. And, he is very willing to do so.

I also thought it might be the girlfriend...but, believe it or not, she has been a big help in getting him to understand why I am so "protective" of ds during all of this. She has a 20 month old dd herself.

Is she pregnant? Wow...what a funny and scary thought! hehehe I don't think so, but you never know.

I also don't think he had been seeing her before we left on holiday, because I would have noticed the change in his behavior, but who knows! I will never know and it doesn't help me to dwell on the "what ifs"!

I guess it really shouldn't matter...he can rush as much as he wants, as long as I don't sign anything...we are still married. So, until I have my permanent residence permit in my hand...I will not be signing anything!

Of course...it still really hurts and the serious lack of communication between the two of us makes it even more frightening for me!!! Hard to believe I was once so intimate with someone that is a COMPLETE stranger to me now!

[SingleDad]

Holland, I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of that. I completely agree with you on the papers end of things, I wouldn't sign anything until you are completely safe with staying where you want to be. Maybe if you set a certain time for you and him to sit down and you could explain all of that to him, tell him exactly what you want, write it down if you need to, and tell him what you're willing to bend on, and what you would like him to do. It would be alot easier to accomodate each other if you knew exactly what the other one wants. Just an opinion. I wish you the best of luck, and will be thinking about ya.