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Pre-emptive Relative Holiday Commentary

post #1 of 63
Thread Starter 

With extra sarcasm!  Just thought I'd like to get mine out here, and not all in full force to dh this season.  Please share, and laugh, and cry, and maybe thank your lucky stars for relatives you happen to get along with.

 

 

 

MIL at thanksgiving:  "I hate nutmeg/ginger/etc.  I NEVER put anything but cinnamon in MY pumpkin pie."  "Oh no, I can't eat that you see I don't like nutmeg/ginger."  (says this when presented with any foodstuff that may contain these spices, in case anyone may have forgotten from the last 10+ years.)

 

MIL (possibly presents dd1, or even both dd's with horrible surprise holiday dress, in the middle of thanksgiving dinner - or like last year, cheap clearance and too-small sized halloween costume and proceeds to get dd to change into it while I'm, you know, washing dishes or otherwise hosting). - "Oh, why does she need to take it off, it's so cute? . . . *Mom* says you can't wear it now.  . . . but she looks so nice. . ."  while I grumble to myself after spending a week getting the kids to agree to clothing that at least somewhat coordinates nicely for some good holiday pictures for the day.

 

 

My Mom: (unloads car full of 4-5 boxes full of goodies she's thrifted for the kids, and sets them all over my cleaned living room) - "If you want, I can take some of it back" (where it will sit at my parents until I take it again eyesroll.gif).  I hear we have multiple new 'nice' dress winter boots already, at minimum.

post #2 of 63

Doing my happy dance because.............MIL moved out of state!   Over a year ago, and I'm still so giddy about it.  

 

 

Everyone with MIL/ Mom issues should read the book "Elsewhere" by Richard Russo.  You'll relate.  

post #3 of 63

I'm extremely fortunate, in that I love spending time with my relatives at Christmas. I think my FIL would wear a bit thin on me, but it's not an issue, as they live a long way from us (we're in Vancouver, BC, and they're in Knoxville, TN).

 

My SIL and I don't get along at all, but it really doesn't matter. She's the cold shoulder type, not the make a scene type, and we don't sit near each other at dinner. The way things have been going, I have my doubts that she and my brother will even show up this year.

post #4 of 63

My MIL is nice.  So, completely, utterly sweet, wonderful thoughtful.  Not manipulative-passive-aggressive sweet.  Not put-upon-sweet.  Really really nice.  So I end up feeling like the heel by comparison.  The sarcastic, impatient, impulsive, selfish heel.  

 

footinmouth.gif --me at the holidays.  MIL doesn't have one sarcastic bone in her sweet little body.  She has no comprehension of sarcasm until the moment is gone, and then it's too late.

 

I happen to enjoy the holidays, but it is exhausting being the one to drive everywhere.  I suppose that's a decent trade-off for hosting.

 

That's the best complaint I can drum up, but I love threads like these.  It feels so wonderful to say those things you never quite get to say.

post #5 of 63

My ILs are really nice and fairly understanding.  Its my own freaking parents who are the trouble makers.  Already its started for Christmas...

 

My mom and I had talked a few years ago about possibly doing a "Turducken" (thats a chicken stuffed into a duck, stuffed into a turkey, all boneless, then roasted) one of these years.  It was all talk because we didn't know anywhere that you could get one.  Yesterday my mom calls and tells me to go find one and get it, regardless of how big it is, or how much money.  I knew these things were REALLY BIG and fairly expensive, and I told her so.  She said it didn't matter as that is what my dad would like.  (For the record, my dad is on the road to recovery from cancer.)

 

So I track down a place, find out it serves 30(!) people, and costs anywhere from $230-$250.  We're probably only going to have 10 people here for dinner and there's no way I'd be able to spend *that* much on just one aspect of Christmas dinner.  Thats how much I spend TOTAL on the whole holiday! 

 

Anyways, I go and tell my mom about this and she flips on me.  Either I do this or I don't care about them, specifically my dad.  I just can't win on this.

 

Also, she's been asking my kids what they would like for presents.  Typical of kids, they've written it all out.  Its typical of my mom to get *everything* on the list.  Nevermind that it leaves nothing for the rest of the family to get, but honestly my kids don't need anything, and I don't want any more toys/clothes/crap to deal after the holidays.

post #6 of 63

My in-laws are all out of state now and we've had little contact with them for years. So that has simplified the holidays.

 

But we live with my mother so we are always at the mercy of what my relatives decide to do. It could be lovely but with us having a really hard time financially and a serious lack of communication about who will be here and what sort of extravagant gifts they intend to give their kids in front of mine, it's really stressful. I usually make gifts for everyone except ds over the course of months. Last week, it was decided that we wouldn't exchange gifts. Great. But I wasted a bunch of time working on various things when I should have been focused on things that will earn me money to pay bills and hopefully be able to afford a couple of presents for ds. Other than a t-shirt from my mom, I don't expect ds will get any gifts except whatever I manage to come up with for him.

 

And I've enraged my sil because I was annoyed to not be included in the communications about everyone's schedules and when they planned to be here. Her family doesn't usually visit (5 years ago for a wedding was the last time) but had backed out of their original plans to come over the summer and decided to come at Christmas as a sort of consolation trip. We'd been looking forward to the summer visit and planned our own summer with it in mind. So we were on tenter-hooks as to whether they were really coming for the holidays. But evidently it isn't my business who will be here for Christmas. So it promises to be an extra cheerful holiday helping my 70+ mother put on Christmas for 20 people and trying to make it a nice holiday for ds who would prefer a quiet low-key day. At least there will be no gift exchange so I don't have to worry about ds's cousins getting pricey electronics while he's opening pre-owned things from thrift stores.

 

Needless to say, I'm feeling extra Scroogey this year.

post #7 of 63

Ohhh, I'm SO grateful the inlaws live out of state now. This WILL be my MIL, who will still, loudly, be going on about recent events:  "It's all over. I don't know how I will ever feel happy again, knowing what is in store for my grandchildren. It's just tragic. And believe me, you need to stock up on all those survival things, you're going to need it."  She's a little conspiracy-minded, and so pessimistic. Such a joy to be around for the holidays. 

post #8 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post

Everyone with MIL/ Mom issues should read the book "Elsewhere" by Richard Russo.  You'll relate.  

 

I have this on my reading list but am worried it will be too sad, is it?  I normally like a good family dysfunction story.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellp View Post

Anyways, I go and tell my mom about this and she flips on me.  Either I do this or I don't care about them, specifically my dad.  I just can't win on this.

 

 

So are you getting the Turducken?  If you haven't decided, don't do it.  Through an odd chain of events, I was able to get one from a customer two years ago for $100 or so.  It wasn't any better (or worse) that any other roasted bird I have had over the years.  If you already ordered and paid for it, I sincerely hope your's will be better than mine.

 

We don't see the ILs anymore so there isn't too much drama.  My mom will exhibit some general wackiness but it is very innocent and funny, not frustrating. 

 

Thanksgiving is shaping up ok so far.  DH has an uncontrollable obsession about making 10x the amount of food than we could possibly consume so I am tempted to fib about the number of attendees :)

post #9 of 63

I have so much griping to do, and so little time.

 

Someone, we won't name names, but someone has been threatening to come visit after Christmas.  Now, after Christmas is still a holiday for us, so if she comes right after Christmas she'll be here during our holidays, and won't that be ducky?  Yeah, my mother will love that.  However, I strongly suspect that what will really happen is she will, once again, not bother to bestir herself from her own home and then subject me to at least one weepy teleconference in which she bemoans her lack of contact with her grandchild.

 

And then my head will fall off and roll down the street.  <grits teeth>  Just. get. on. the. effin'. ding-dong. flippity. flappin'. plane. woman. 

 

I cannot, any more.

 

This will, however, be an improvement over the year when her dogs did both kinds of doggy business in my house, on my sofa, during the holidays, after she was asked not to bring the dogs, or, if she had to bring the dogs, to crate them.  There were no crates.  There was poop!  Who doesn't love a doggy accident for the holidays?

 

No, I have to stop for now, or I'll be rage-cleaning in no time, and rage-cleaning tends to be loud and the baby's sleeping and boy howdy does she I need this nap.

post #10 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

This will, however, be an improvement over the year when her dogs did both kinds of doggy business in my house, on my sofa, during the holidays, after she was asked not to bring the dogs, or, if she had to bring the dogs, to crate them.  There were no crates.  There was poop! 

 

Look at the bright side, at least the dogs didn't bite any of the grandchildren!

 

This year, I actually excluded someone from our holiday invite because of a dog.  This dog took a bite at my DS last Christmas.  DS was minding his own business, sitting with my mom and the dog kept going after him.  Family member got repeated warnings but acted like it was no big deal.  I wish I could have him without doggie but I can't have that or any dog in the house and he can't leave the dog at home, in the car or in a crate in my (nice) garage.

 

Anyone want to make a guess as to what percentage of holiday visit stress is related to dogs?  (or pets in general)  It has to be over 50% but then again, in my experience, can't-seperate-me-from-doggie people tend to have a fair share of other baggage they drag with them.

post #11 of 63
Quote:

Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

 

However, I strongly suspect that what will really happen is she will, once again, not bother to bestir herself from her own home and then subject me to at least one weepy teleconference in which she bemoans her lack of contact with her grandchild.

 

 

At least my MIL has the good sense/common sense or fear of my DH's wrath to not pull the pity me BS. (He has crossed over from hoping she will change to absolutely no patience with her what so ever.)

 

A brief note was dropped in the mail several months ago mentioning a potential holiday visit but haven't heard anything since.

post #12 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

I have so much griping to do, and so little time.

 

No, I have to stop for now, or I'll be rage-cleaning in no time, and rage-cleaning tends to be loud and the baby's sleeping and boy howdy does she I need this nap.

We will be eagerly awaiting the follow-up post.  Oh please oh please..... this kind of stuff feels so good to read.

 

I seriously miss my friendship with a gal with two daughters who bashed on each other as much as mine do, and it felt wonderful wonderful wonderful to hear her moan and gripe and rage about her days.  I always left those conversations feeling so peaceful!

post #13 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caneel View Post

 

I have this on my reading list but am worried it will be too sad, is it?  I normally like a good family dysfunction story.

 

 

 

 

 

  He throws in enough humor that it's not too sad.  It's a "you have to laugh so you don't cry" story.  

post #14 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

I have so much griping to do, and so little time.   Someone, we won't name names, but someone has been threatening to come visit after Christmas.  Now, after Christmas is still a holiday for us, so if she comes right after Christmas she'll be here during our holidays, and won't that be ducky?  Yeah, my mother will love that.  However, I strongly suspect that what will really happen is she will, once again, not bother to bestir herself from her own home and then subject me to at least one weepy teleconference in which she bemoans her lack of contact with her grandchild.   And then my head will fall off and roll down the street.    Just. get. on. the. effin'. ding-dong. flippity. flappin'. plane. woman.    I cannot, any more.   This will, however, be an improvement over the year when her dogs did both kinds of doggy business in my house, on my sofa, during the holidays, after she was asked not to bring the dogs, or, if she had to bring the dogs, to crate them.  There were no crates.  There was poop!  Who doesn't love a doggy accident for the holidays?   No, I have to stop for now, or I'll be rage-cleaning in no time, and rage-cleaning tends to be loud and the baby's sleeping and boy howdy does she I need this nap.

Your posts always make me laugh! Sometimes I stalk you all over MDC just to read your funny posts. Hehee. I sure hope you talk like you write.


My MIL is awesome! Seriously. She's a pot smoking hippie living in southern Oregon. What's not to love? Its my own mother who drives me to drink. She doesn't have a logical bone in her body and is the most self centered person I've ever meet. She's one of the reasons why we moved from Seattle to San Diego and no we are not traveling after my DH got laid off.

As far as dogs, we have two but since they're large, we don't bring them everywhere! Nothing boils my blood more than people who don't train their dogs just because they're small! I have an 80 lb husky/shepard/probably wolf mix and I cannot just pick him and I say "no no cuddlywinks, don't bite"! He would be put down if he bite someone! That's why he's very well trained! We're on him like white on rice because we're responsible pet owners! Ahhh! /end rant

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post #15 of 63

Caneel, you're lucky, my own husband is more of a "let's get this drama over with!" kind of respondent, and I am not really allowed to handle things anymore because I may or may not have been the reason MIL cried the last, oh, I dunno, 3 or 4 times.  In my defense...  I am a jerk.  Um, no, actually, in my defense she's a weepy martyr, and I am a jerk.  Which I think anyone can see, is a recipe for tears.  But this thread was started just in time, because just last night MIL contacted husband with the opening strains of her "poor me" opera.  Hoping for the remission at Christmas... unlikely.  Poor husband actually referred to responding as "getting it over with", poor, poor man.  It is just not in him to tell his mother to get down off her cross and build a fire with the wood, we're cold.

 

SweetSilver, I am here for you.  Oh yes.  And I promise, I have some hair-raising MIL tales to tell.  The end of the dog-business on the sofa story?  After the floor was defecated on while dinner was being set to the table, I ran to the kitchen and decided I'd better start drinking or I'd start yelling.  So MIL comes in the kitchen and says something, my ears were ringing so I didn't hear it, but I assumed she was apologized for the enormous you-know-what the specifically uninvited dog just took in my dining room, and so I said, very graciously, "Gosh it's just poop, who hasn't had a doggy accident in the middle of dinner?" or something like that (Although none of our pets would DARE have an accident anywhere at any time, but I was trying to be kind and to not start screaming and throw my liquor bottle.) and you know what?  She wasn't apologizing.  She left the kitchen miffed that I wasn't listening to her.  Sorry, lady, ears ringing due to rage!  Husband thought that was hysteeeeeeeerical.

 

Kaydove, sadly, there is not an "edit" feature in real life, nor must I pause before hitting "submit", so frequently I am probably less witty and more horrifying.  Seriously, it's kind of a problem.  People that love me tell me that's what they love about me, but I'd still LOVE to be able to filter my assorted thoughts a little better.  But it made my morning to amuse someone!  I am nothing if not a clown.  smile.gif

Speaking of responsible pet owners... I have a 15lbs old male cat that likes to bite.  I crate him whenever people are in my house.  No exceptions.  Maybe next time MIL brings her dogs, I let the cat loose.  I'm confident he can take those two powder puffs.  He's probably desperate for the taste of blood too, the little hooligan, it's been years since he slipped past my defenses and got his teeth into some soft flesh.  Yeah, I agree... manage your animals!

post #16 of 63

Thank you, MrsGregory, and other responsible pet owners!  Though it does sound like your old cat, in his dotage, deserves a chance at those dogs.

 

My older sisters and brother all like to bring their dogs to family gatherings. Generally it's been fun when it's at one of their homes, but my one sister has never asked permission to bring her dog to my house, she just started showing up with the dog. headscratch.gif  And she's a good little dog, but it makes my neurotic old dog completely stressed out whenever there's another dog in his house. He'll pee or poop right there for everyone. He's visibly relieved when everyone leaves, and breathes a huge sigh of relief. I think my perspective is skewed, as the youngest sibling, because it took me a while to clue in that really, it wasn't alright that my big sister brought her dog without asking.  I wouldn't dream of just bringing my dog to someone else's house, why does she think it's ok to do so?

 

The last straw was this last summer's party at my other sister's house, where her dog bit my 17 y.o. dd's hand.  2 hours in the ER and seven stitches later, and I've had it. My one sister had, of course, brought her dog, which got my other sister's dog, the Tank, kind of uppity and on edge. Now dd knows not to bother picking up a dirty paper plate from the ground if any dogs are near by. Might get your hand punctured.
angry.gif

post #17 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

Caneel, you're lucky, my own husband is more of a "let's get this drama over with!" kind of respondent, and I am not really allowed to handle things anymore because I may or may not have been the reason MIL cried the last, oh, I dunno, 3 or 4 times.  In my defense...  I am a jerk.  Um, no, actually, in my defense she's a weepy martyr, and I am a jerk.  Which I think anyone can see, is a recipe for tears.  But this thread was started just in time, because just last night MIL contacted husband with the opening strains of her "poor me" opera.  Hoping for the remission at Christmas... unlikely.  Poor husband actually referred to responding as "getting it over with", poor, poor man.  It is just not in him to tell his mother to get down off her cross and build a fire with the wood, we're cold.

 

 

Have you ever seen The Ref, with Denis Leary? It features almost that exact line.

post #18 of 63

At one time I LOVED the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years...NOW banghead.gif

 

My IL hate me and I kind of know that going in...I have known my husband my whole life. REALLY! So I only have myself to blame.

 

My family treats my husband very well. That part is great.

post #19 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsGregory View Post

Speaking of responsible pet owners... I have a 15lbs old male cat that likes to bite.  I crate him whenever people are in my house.  No exceptions.  Maybe next time MIL brings her dogs, I let the cat loose.  I'm confident he can take those two powder puffs.  He's probably desperate for the taste of blood too, the little hooligan, it's been years since he slipped past my defenses and got his teeth into some soft flesh.  Yeah, I agree... manage your animals!

 

And who said you can't train a cat? :)

post #20 of 63

I avoid watching Denis Leary.  In anything.  His commentary on family is annoyingly accurate.  It's  a shame, really, because he is quite funny, but I can only handle the "it's funny 'cuz it's true" schtick so long before bitterness sets in. 

 

And who says I haven't trained that cat?  demon.gif

 

 

Awwww, I loves my mean old cat.  He bit my husband two nights ago.  That was less than awesome, but then he snuggled with me because he was cold, so all was forgiven. 

 

Come on ladies, no more in-law drama to spill?  Who will make me feel better about my own cross to bear  mother in law?
 

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