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I'm the gental discipline parent- DH is NOT.... What would you do?

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 

ANY kind of physical discipline or yelling is far far far away from how I am parenting and plan to continue to parent my now 14 month old daughter.

 

My DH on the other hand was raised with lots of yelling and "whoopings" as he puts it. From what I've heard over the years with stories he's told me it's sounds like it was pretty rough and it hurts my heart to hear them. He laughs about them like it's funny to look back on how bad of a kid he was....It's so hard for me to understand how he could think that it is/was ok.

 

What's even harder now is that he believes that "spanking" is a necessary tool to use to keep kids in line.

I don't think he'll ever be as rough as his father was with him but to me even a smack on the back of a hand is too much.

 

What would you do or say to try and help him to maybe see things from another perspective?

 

He won't read anything so if anyone has any good documentaries or videos that could help me to communicate to him about this that would be amazing!!!

 

Thanks for any suggestions you might have!

 

Oh and by the way...he has not yet gone there with our 14 month old daughter and I don't think he would for a while still.

post #2 of 3

For me, it was a deal breaker and I told DH so.  I don't have a lot of deal breakers and I don't tell him what to do very often, so he knew I meant business.  I think you should decide now if it's a deal breaker for you, and if so, lay down the law.  Also, if I read some technique and it worked, I would gently suggest it to him, like "I can't believe this worked, but I tried empathizing with her feelings and it really calmed her down fast!" 

 

Disclaimers:  My DH was probably spanked twice in his life, and I think before he became a dad he thought it would be a threat he would keep in his discipline toolbox.  So I don't think he was as attached to the idea as your DH, so when I told him it would never happen in my house he didn't put up a fight.  And he turned out to be such a naturally gentle dad, and DD is such an easy kid, that I don't think he would have done it anyway.  So, your situation may be different.

post #3 of 3

Hi there,

 

I feel for you - my partner was much the same esp when it came to attachment parenting and thought I was completely mad and making a rod for our backs. He is totally against anything namby pamby hippyish . I took the HARD way and took on all of the disciplining and most of the parenting myself for the first 20 months or so (our dd is 28 months) it nearly drove me off the edge as I had ppd and we had some serious relationship issues for a while - but now things are awesome.

 

My partner totally gets it now and wouldn't consider raising our dd any other way. Because he has seen this way works he is 100% on board and I think he will be fab with our new lo due any minute now.

It's funny now that we are past the hard part to hear him look at a friends kids who might not be so confident or behaving so well and he says" oh well what do you expect when you leave them to cry or spank them - I have to admit sometimes I feel like clonking him one over the head and saying duh!!! occasionally.

 

I'm sorry I don't have any easy answers but please be encouraged - if you keep up the good work your husband won't see a need to start smacking her, if he does then I would prob suggest counselling together as its a pretty fundamental disagreement and needs to be addressed for the sake of your marriage

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