A Saner TTC: Frosty Moon

[dakipode]

Hello all and welcome!

The original "Sane 2ww" thread was started by zenquaker and you can find it here: original thread. This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread and we felt "A Saner TTC" was a natural evolution. We will start a new thread each new moon and name it for the upcoming full moon.

Here's the gist of the original thread: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.

We hope you'll join us!

[dakipode]

Frosty Moon it is.

A new moon, a new cycle, renewed hope.

Let's continue to share our thoughts and experiences on what it means to be zen, in the moment, open and accepting so that we may support each other in staying sane during this crazy roller coaster ride of TTC.

Good luck everyone!

[Sphinxy]

So, here's something I would love some calming advice about... I hate taking my temperature every morning. As I mentioned before, charting is kind of a must for me because we're inseminating with frozen sperm just once or twice per cycle. For a little over a year now, I've been working from home. It's got its ups and downs, but one truly beautiful thing it allows me to do is letting my body wake naturally each morning (which it does pretty consistently when the sun comes up). Once I started temping over the summer to prepare for our first try, my peaceful wake-up was gone, replaced with a panic - Did my cat knock the thermometer off my nightstand? If I fumble for my glasses so that I can look for my thermometer, is that muscle movement going to inflate my temp? Great, now the dog's awake - is pushing him off my chest going to be too much exertion? I think I've been "half-awake" for these last 20 minutes, is this even an accurate temp? And then there's the recording of the temp and the instant thoughts of "oh, that pattern looks like.. nothing, I have no idea what that looks like" or worse - "S&!t, I think we inseminated too early/late". It's just... not a pleasant way to start the day. For right now, for this cycle, I think I might just stop. I'm smack in the middle of my TWW at 7DPO, so the insemination is done, and it occurs to me this morning that the temping isn't really necessary. If I get AF and we're back on the TTC merry-go-round next cycle, then hopefully I can find a method that works better for me. 

[Xerxella]

dakipode - Thanks for the new thread!!!! (If some moonth you want someone else to take over let me know.)

Sphinxy - I've found that most things I do don't seem to make a difference in my temp, but I know for some people they do. So, run a test. Take your temp in the morning like normal, then get up and go to the bathroom and go back to bed, settle in and take your temp again. If there's no real difference you know, for sure, that little movements like moving the dog over won't change your temp. Alternatively, you could just use OPKs or a fertility monitor. The fertility monitors are kinda expensive, but I think you could get one on ebay or some such place cheaper. The good thing about them is you can get a longer lead up to your ovulation, so you'd have more time to plan. OPKs give you just one day to plan. But, either could take the place of temping. And, you can certainly stop temping after a sustained thermal shift.

justjenny - A + OPK!!!!!!?????!?! That IS early! Do you think it's real? I think my OPK was darker yesterday, but maybe these are just normal flucuations.... I went to stalk your chart... Do you think you missed ovulation? Could you have ovulated as early as cd 8? That seems really early. hhhmmmm, I don't think I'm supposed to be chart obsessing.... but it's not my chart....

[beingmommy]

Subbing and lurking and rooting for everyone!!!

[Starfish11]

Back around the time I conceived DS , I would o obscenely early. good luck!

[coati456]

Sphinxy, when I temped, I would set my alarm for the same time everyday, but I usually went back to sleep right afterwards. If you can go back to sleep easily, it's something you could try. I also agree with Xerxella that you could use OPKs instead. I totally get that you hate temping. I did it for 7 months, but I've quit for now to help myself stay calm.

[SparkleMaman]

Thanks Dakipode!! I meant to reply earlier that you have NOTHING to apologize for, btw. You are NOT a drama queen, at all. Never once did the thought even cross my mind. And once again, I cannot express how much I appreciate your thoughts, support, willingness to be so open and candid and being able to use this forum as a sounding bored for my own dramas

Yeah, JustJenny!! + OPK=

Margo Any news? Haven't heard from you recently.

I need to run, I am at work late for an evening parent event. I will check in soon.

[beckerooo]

Hi! I'm kinda new here. I've kinda been hanging around but haven't posted to this thread yet. DH and I just started actively ttc, though we haven't been trying to prevent since May. I was on birth control pills and now after a few my months my cycle is still whacky and trying to get that figured out. I'm taking vitex to hopefully get my cycle more regulated. Right now I am waiting to o.
Sphinxy - I am with you on not being found of temping. I am trying to chart but most days I end up not taking my temp because I'm convinced it won't be accurate for one reason or another. I like Xerxella's idea of running a test to see how much difference a little movement makes. I think I will try that tomorrow.

[Lidamama84]

Thanks for the new thread!

Sphinxy, I totally get you about temping. I stopped because it was making me too crazy...I cosleep with my youngest on a mattress on the floor, so I have no place to keep my thermometer safe from little hands, so that meant every morning I would have to get up to get it off the dresser and then my kids would try and pull it out of my mouth while I was temping and if I set an alarm I would wake up the baby, but often she gets up at random times...grrr...so I just check cm and record it faithfully. BUT, once we start officially trying, I will use OPKs (from dollar tree, cause I'm cheap)

[Xerxella]

Can I just say, I love Dollar Tree. (Hey, that icon is kinda appropriate!) How is it that one place can make a product for $1 and other places sell the same product for up to $10!??!?!?!?!? (Or more for some products!!!!!) And, I get the over-run stuff, like I've seen $20 hard cover books there and I get the get the super cheap crap that really costs a penny. But, New Choice is a Dollar Tree brand, so clearly the product is MADE for Dollar Tree, so clearly the product can be made for less than $1. OK, there's my rant for the day... I guess ranting's not very zen, but at least I'm not ranting about where the H-E-double hockey sticks my ovulation is.....

[GISDiva]

I could never temp, I don't think.  It would take me to a level of crazy I don't even want to consider.  

I don't have time to go back and look, who mentioned zinc?  That's one I hadn't even heard before.  How much did you take?

Thanks for all the well-wishes everyone.  It means a lot.    And welcome to the newcomers!!!

[dakipode]

On the subject of temping: over time I've found that for me a little movement or laying half awake for a while doesn't make a difference. I temp in conjunction with using OPK's and they validate each other so for me it's actually less stress because I feel more sure of what's going on with my body.

Sparklemaman: thanks for your support. I feel like I've been so up and down because I don't know what's going on. See update below.

Beckeroo: hello and welcome! So glad to have you! I wish you good luck and I hope we can help you stay sane.

Xerxella: I'll have to go check out Dollar Tree. I went to another dollar store about a week ago looking for OPKs and was sorely disappointed at how much they were asking...

GISDiva: I was taking two 23mg lozenges a day. You have to take them separately from your other supplements because it will interfere with absorption of other minerals.

AFM: I finally got to talk to my doc yesterday and he sent me for blood work so I'm hoping that will shed some light on the situation. I still think it's a luteal cyst but he said they're rare. Either way I'll be going in for an ultrasound at the beginning of my next cycle to look for one because if there is one I have to skip Clomid.

It feels good to have a plan, it makes me feel like I'm doing something, like I'm on the right track, like I'm applying myself (remember when your teachers used to say that?). I have so much doubt, in general, and I constantly seek outside confirmation that what I'm doing is the right thing.

Does anyone ever get to that point where they completely trust? Is that what enlightenment is like?

Have a peaceful day everyone!

[Sphinxy]

Dakipode - Thank you so much for your thoughts on temping (really, thanks everyone). I have decided not to temp for the rest of my TWW or through AF. Then, if I'm back at this again next cycle, I'll talk it out with my DW and plan a way to reframe it, so I can set myself up for more successful mornings. It seems that "admitting I have a problem" truly was the first step in fixing this! I feel so much calmer now that I have a plan... On the subject of enlightenment, well, I guess I don't ever expect to get there myself, but I do know that as frustrating as it is, I usually find doubt to be such an important part of my process for working through these truly big-deal moments in life. I don't always remember that in the moment of course, and I don't mean to sound all roses and sunshine about your struggles...  It's just that sometimes, I find that the doubt winds up becoming a gateway for unveiling the right path to take. Maybe a suggestion would be to explore whether your doubt has a purpose in all of this (I need to ask for help, I need other options, etc). 

[dakipode]

Sphinxy: thank you for your thoughtful comment on doubt. I find myself questioning everything when things don't go as expected right away (like getting pregnant...) I think it mostly stems from issues of self worth but I like your suggestion that I could just use it as a gateway to keep gently exploring other options, maybe not because I'm discarding the first option but because another element might enhance the first option...? Anyway, thank you because that was exactly what I needed to hear!

[GISDiva]

Oh Sphinxy, that's so true.  There's nothing helpful about blindly forging down a path and ignoring your inner voice about what might be done differently.  There is a difference between chronic negative thoughts and listening to your gut, right?

Thanks, Dakipode for the zinc info.  Now that I google it, there's suggestions that zinc might help all over the place.     Given that it's cold season, it might be beneficial that way too...

[Sphinxy]

Exactly! Oh, I'm so glad that was helpful. I'll give you an example that just happened my last cycle - I find timing the inseminations stressful. My first cycle, we planned just one insemination in my midwife's office. So not only did I need to predict correctly my "one shot" to get it right, I also had to somewhat suddenly coordinate the schedule for me, dw, and the midwife as soon as I got the positive OPK. It was not a good conception experience, and my first reaction (definitely some self worth stuff at work, dakipode), was to doubt my ability to predict my O, doubt my intune-ness with my body, and doubt the thoroughness of my preparations. After a few freakouts, I realized that what was really happening was that the plan just didn't work for me - seems obvious now but in the moment self-blame took over. So we talked it out and decided that it was worth the extra money to do two inseminations per cycle so that we could spread them out a little more over my fertile window, and to also we decided do them at home rather than the midwife's office, for both ease of scheduling and comfort. This last cycle went SO much better! I don't know yet whether our efforts were successful, but I know I'm in a much better place, so that can't be bad!

[JustJenny]

Welcome beckeroo 

Sphinxy- so true!  I'm so glad that it was the gateway to a more comfy decision for you both. I hope you get a bfp!  

 This conversation about doubt is such good timing for me, lol.  I've been having a weird cycle temp wise and had a early Positive opk that turned out to be false. I'm pretty sure, lol. It reminds me that sometimes I do better with less information. I'm still new to OPK's  and so far I hate them! They really cause me to doubt my own body. Even though I suspected the + was false because I had no other O symptoms, it made me crazy for the past few days. I least I have some clarity- I'm going to use the opk's up over the next few cycles and then ditch them. No more!

[SparkleMaman]

Well AF seems to be on the way, spotting last night and this morning and I just feel it. I am overwhelmed by how sad and disappointed I feel today. I am having great difficulty stopping the tears. I think I may have reached my limit on this journey. It has been 6 months (though in reality not 6 months of well timed trying, or 6 months of cooperation from my partner, but 6 months none the less). I know this is FAR less time than many of you and I have not experienced a loss along the way, for which I am very grateful. But I have become consumed and obsessed and it feels like the healthy things to do is to step back and take time off from TTC.The discussion above about doubt is so right on target. I have so many reasons that having another child is not the best decision, reasons that are valid and rational (I am 36, DH is 44; I work full time and really need to continue doing so; DD is 9 - Is that too far apart? How would she adjust?; and DD is healthy and well - Shouldn't that be enough?). The most compelling reason being that my DH is really not fully on board, he has so many reservations about a baby. Despite all these reasons, I know in my heart and soul that I want another child so deeply that it aches. I had hoped that my longing and desire to welcome a little one would override the doubt and that it would just happen, there goes that magical thinking, right? I am grateful beyond words to all of you who have welcomed me here and helped make this time for me feel so much less isolating, I have truly not felt alone. This is an amazing community of women. Thank you, everyone, for the support and guidance and for being honest, that is such a gift!! I hope to see lots of BFPs over the holidays and lots of fall babies

[GISDiva]

Don't have time to say much but (((BIG HUGS))) to you, SparkleMaman...