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A Saner TTC: Frosty Moon - Page 2

post #21 of 215
Sparklemama, I am so sorry. And was rooting for you big time. And I am touched by your ability to articulate so profoundly what lies within you.
post #22 of 215
sparklemaman - I echo starfish completely.
post #23 of 215

sparklemaman- I'm sorry your hurting so badly. mecry.gif   I hope that your time away from ttc brings you clarity and comfort for the direction you should take. Big hugs....hug2.gif

post #24 of 215
Thread Starter 

Sparklemaman: I empathize. There are many women who have been trying for longer and have experienced loss along the way but you are completely entitled to feeling sad and frustrated. We must each decide for ourselves how much we can handle and if you feel like taking a step back is what you need, then by all means do so. It's a hard truth to accept that wishing doesn't make it so, especially when you feel like the thing you're wishing for is something that will bring more love and light into the world. I hope you find some peace, whether you decide you're done or not. I have certainly enjoyed your company here.

post #25 of 215

Popping in. Had a very early loss last month, and just started a new cycle with the new moon. We won't try again until after the holidays (though we won't avoid either), but I'll probably lurk here anyway to try to stay positive as the due date for the first pregnancy I lost this year approaches and as we move into a holiday season focused very much on (re)birth. I keep reminding myself that with every cycle after the most recent loss, my body becomes stronger. With each cycle, my body becomes more ready to nurture another life. Each cycle gives me an opportunity to nurture myself. Each cycle bring a new chance.

 

Blessings, mamas!

post #26 of 215
Well put, revolting. Thank you for sharing, and best of luck to you.
post #27 of 215

SparkleMaman, sending you good thoughts. That must be really hard to go through. 

post #28 of 215
dakipode - The other dollar stores are NOT a dollar. Very false advertising if you ask me. At dollar tree, everything really is a dollar, including OPKs, HPTs, home marijuana tests (!) and fertility tests, lots of things.

sparkle - hug.gif I'm so sorry you're going through such pain. One thing I've learned is you just can't compare your pain to anyone else's. Just because, possibly, someone hurts more does not mean you hurt less. I hope you can find the time to determine what is truly the best thing for you and your family. More hugs.

revolting - More hugs. I'm sorry. I had hoped you would find your way to the ddc's. I hope you can find a peaceful place here. (I know I have.)

just jenny - I had some almost + OPKs over the past few days, but then they go back to completely negative. I have no idea what that means. I still like OPKs overall, but I do recognize that the more expensive ones (I like the ClearBlue Digital ones) do give you a clearer picture. Maybe once all my cheapies are gone, I'll go for those. Hey, at least you're back on the same schdule with all of us. Iknow you have to be SUPER excited about that!!!!!! orngtongue.gif

AFM - Nothing new. O seems like it's on a delay schedule. shrug.gif And, so we wait...
post #29 of 215
Thread Starter 

Ok, just want to get this off my chest: I just got rear ended again! The second time in 2 weeks! Is it me? Literally 2 weeks ago by give or take 3 hours the first guy hit me and I was all zen about that. Well, this time I did get the guys insurance info and he was going a little faster than the other guy. The universe is messing with me, right?

post #30 of 215
dakipode - Wow! So glad you are OK! Do you think the universe is trying to help you get a new car?
post #31 of 215
Thread Starter 

Sphinxy: I think maybe the one two weeks ago was the universe giving me a primer on what to do, since I actually insisted on getting the guy's insurance info this time. Good thing because I just got back from the autobody place for an estimate and I hadn't seen the huge dent... $1800!

 

revolting: my apologies for hijacking the thread earlier. I'm sorry to hear about your loss last month. I wish you peace during this holiday season. It sounds like you're staying positive.

 

xerxella: I am definitely going to check out dollar tree now! Hope your O comes soon (and at the right time for BDing)

 

AFM: have not heard about the blood work yet, though I noticed on the order slip it said "STAT"... The only reason I care at this point is because I'm meeting some friends at a bar tomorrow and I'd like to be able to drink. However, in the grand scheme of things, if by some miracle I am pregnant and I don't know about it this weekend, then that's ok too, I don't have to drink.

post #32 of 215
My friends keep telling me to "drink 'till it's pink.". They're not very helpful friends... Lol... Sorry to hear about your accident, cars are such a pain. i've been going through a string of costly repairs on a car that isn't that old. Also, something similar happened to my sister. As she was pulling away from the body shop after getting her car fixed after someone rear ended her, she was rear ended again. She gave up after that one and her bumper is still wacky.

Sorry to hear of your early loss, Revolting - it sounds like you're in an OK place. smile.gif

Xerxella, I had the same experience last month with my OPKs, I never got a true positive either. It sure seems like I O'ed though, I had my normal pain on the side it should have happened on...who knows...
post #33 of 215

Sparklemaman, I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I empathize as well. I had my worst break down at the sign of AF after 7 months of trying myself. /hugs

 

Revolting, sorry about your loss, but glad to see you have such a positive outlook.

 

Dakipode, I know what you mean about having a plan. Overall, I've been feeling better since I started going to the doctor. (More on that below). I hope you get your bloodwork quickly!

 

Sphinxy, I like how you find a way to turn doubt into something productive. The emotion I have the most problem with is anxiety. After seeing a psychiatrist, I kind of see my excessive anxiety as something my brain does, and it's okay to feel, but it doesn't get to boss me around, if that makes any sense.

 

Xerxella, I've had some almost positive OPK experiences myself. According to my chart, those almost positives were real positives. I know OPKs don't work if you miss the window when LH is highest, so maybe the peak LH level was sometime between the almost positives?

 

AFM - I went to the doctor yesterday for my HSG. My tubes are clear. Yay! BUT, I have a polyp in my uterus. The doctor says she didn't think it would keep me from getting pregnant, but it could mess up implantation and definitely cause miscarriages. She also said there's a small possibility it could make it hard for sperm to get where they needed to go. So now I have to get a hysteroscopy to get the polyp removed. The HSG did hurt really bad, but that was during the part where she was investigating the polyp and not when she was checking my tubes. Other good news, my thyroid is normal. I also asked her about my husband's SA results. She and the RE she works with don't think the low morphology is anything to worry about, so that's a huge relief. So overall, it feels good to have a plan. I'm sure I'll get worried about the hysteroscopy soon enough though.

post #34 of 215

Revolting- I am so sorry for your loss. hug2.gif  I am glad to "see" you again though :)

 

Coati- Sounds very positive! I'm happy that things are looking good for you and wish you well with your polyp removal. smile.gif

 

dakipode- Glad your ok! Hope you get your blood work so you can let loose with friends. ( Gisdiva "drink til its pink" ROTFLMAO.gif)

 

xerxella- That is just too weird how we've been mirroring cycles lately. That is exactly what happened. I had a fairly strong positive which turned into a strong positive and then completely  disappeared. I'm glad to know that many others experience opk weirdness too. Maybe it was leftover progesterone from af? Or maybe its the damn  moon.gif again, lol.

 

Have a great weekend everyone!

post #35 of 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by coati456 View Post

I kind of see my excessive anxiety as something my brain does, and it's okay to feel, but it doesn't get to boss me around, if that makes any sense.

 

Brilliant, I love it!

post #36 of 215

Thank you, everyone, for your supportive words. I so appreciate your kindness. Now that I've gotten it all out, I feel so much better. It is amazing how much lighter I feel by just allowing myself to be honest and embrace the sadness. I have also been able to express all of this more clearly to my DH who has agreed to be more of an equal partner in this process. All of that to say, now that I've had my meltdown, things feel much more balanced. As Sphinxy suggested, I am using these unpleasant feelings (sadness and doubt) for something productive (Thank you, Sphinxy!!). Once again I have had to dig deep and realize I am stronger than I thought. There goes that metaphor again...

 

thanks.gifThank you all for listening and not judging. You truly rock joy.gif

 

Dakipode Wow! Definitely the universe preparing you for what to do, though I am sure a new car would be nice too winky.gif. I am so glad you weren't hurt, most importantly, and that you got the guy's insurance info, $1800 is a lot!! Funny, I had two minor fender benders just before getting my BFP with my DD. Though neither accident was at all major, I recall each time thinking I was glad I was not yet pregnant (therefore not having to worry about any pregnancy complications as a result of impact). I am hoping these two waves through the universe bring you some good luck too.

 

Coati I too struggle with managing anxiety. I LOVE how you put that, not letting it boss you around. I am going to use that perspective the next time I start to feel overwhelmed by anxious thoughts.

 

Happy Weekend Mamas! jumpers.gif

post #37 of 215
Thread Starter 
coati I hope getting the polyp removed will go smoothly and clear everything up for a nice healthy pregnancy later!

sparklemaman glad you're feeling better. Good to hear that you got some resolution with DH and cleared the air a bit.
And if two fender benders is what it takes to get me pregnant then I'll endure it!

AFM: I missed the call on Friday about my test results so hoping to hear from them tomorrow. Been feeling fairly zen this weekend just because I'm 99.9% convinced that I am not pregnant and just waiting to hear from the doc about what to do next, wait or bring on AF with medication.

What's everyone else up to this week? Anyone planning some well timed BDing?
post #38 of 215

Hi everyone, I'm sort of new here and now I'm jumping mid-conversation but I so need to stay sane... I have a tendency to obsess and observe every little sign, then start reading into things and theorizing. I feel very lucky that I conceived my 2-year-old DD by mistake because it took out all the edge of  trying and waiting. It was an utter surprise and by the time I actually accepted the whole thing and started getting happy/excited, the first 8-9 weeks were behind me.

 

Now we're trying for baby 2. Actually we did not actively try but last month, just did not use any protection. Then I started having pregnancy symptoms, my breasts got visibly larger and I suddenly  became very tired (napping + 9 hours of sleep a night), just around my period was supposed to start I started feeling slightly dizzy. I took my temperature randomly and it was high, also confirmed by the fact that I was complaining it is hot and we're all in winter jackets by noew. I took a test and it was negative. Then for the first time in my life, my period came 5 days late yesterday (i never had a late period before). And it was a heavy period with tissues/clots and painful cramps. I cried a lot in the morning but by the afternoon I was feeling a lot better.

 

I have no idea whether I was really pregnant or I just had the symptoms because I really wanted to be pregnant. I do know that I want my journey to baby #2 (if he/she ever comes along) to be a happy relaxed one, not an obsessing from day one thing. I'm not sure if that is even possible. I've started charting my temps again just to understand what is going on with my body and it helps giving me a sense of control..

 

and yes, dakipode, we're planning some well timed BDing winky.gif

post #39 of 215
LilyKay - Welcome.gif Welcome to our little boards. I'm sorry for your loss. We may never know if there was a pregnancy or not, but there was a loss. I think an early loss is a loss of what-might-have-been. Any loss can be incredibly painful. I hope you find peace on your journey to baby #2.

dakipode - Ugh. Sorry you missed the call. I hope you catch them today and can get some answers. I know you already "know" the answer, but it'll be nice to have some confirmation.

justjenny - I wonder if you can get a slight rise in lh right after your period. I've seen on charts how the lh rises a little at the beginning of the cycle to correspond to the rise in fsh. So, maybe on more sensitive lh tests it shows up? shrug.gif I always noticed how at the end of my period I'll have what looks like EWCM and then it stops. Maybe that's an early estrogen surge as the follicle starts to grow. Eh, whatever. I guess the only answer is wait and see and keep bd-ing.

coati - Yeah for a pretty good test!!!! I'm glad DH's SA won't hold you guys back and your tubes are clear. I hope they get a handle on the polyp. I had a hysteroscopy before and it wasn't that bad. Good luck.

GISDiva - :rothlmao I have to say, I love the "drink til it's pink" saying! I have never heard that before and it's extremely funny. But, I guess not very helpful. LOL

sphinxy and sparkle and everyone else - wave.gif

AFM - Still waiting to O. But, I think it's coming up. But, I'm really not worried about it. I'm actually not. (I'm surprised myself!) I know I haven't O'd yet, so we haven't missed it, so we're just on the every other day plan until we have some confirmation. So, actually feeling pretty zen! And, really, really, really looking forward to taking the kids to a waterpark for the Thanksgiving break. We're leaving Thursday and not coming back until Tuesday! WWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a great way to spend the 2ww!!!!
post #40 of 215

I just came across this beautiful quote and wanted to share it:

 

 

Cheers to a wonderful week!!

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