Struggling with the afterschool program to allow my child to do homework at home!

[EvolvingMama]

Hi Mamas,

I am a mother AND a special education teacher. My 5 yo son is in kindergarten this year, at the school where I teach, which is really nice! We get to see one another through the day. 

He is enrolled in the afterschool program, which is run on site at school by a non-profit organization. It is a grant-funded program that is nationwide. My son gets a homework packet to complete every week, due on Friday. In my mind, that means that he brings it home on Monday and, through the week, his dad and I get to work with him on developing homework habits and to see what he is learning. 

The afterschool program, however, has homework time, and offers their own "Rainbow Bucks" to kids who get their homework done there - not at home. They can earn 2 bucks per page of finished homework, which they can trade in for prizes on Fridays. I just found out about this policy. Until now, I have made sure to bring his homework packet home with me on Mondays, circumventing the issue altogether - the afterschool program teacher is also his kindergarten aide in the morning, so she has that continuity with the kids into the afternoon. She has been providing Hayes with a different packet to work on while the other kids are doing their "homework" with her! So no problem, but today, my son saw that I had left his homework packet in my classroom by accident, and was adamant that he should take it with him to class, so that he could work on it in the afterschool program and earn those Rainbow Bucks. 

I had to go to the teacher with this -- she is a colleague. It seems so crazy to have to fight for the right to parent my child and support homework at home, but that is what I am doing! As a teacher, it frustrates me, too, because now our school culture around homework is that parents expect it to be done at the afterschool program. 

Our compromise is that the teacher will print a SECOND packet for Hayes to take home and do with us, to turn in on Fridays. He will do the homework packet in his folder at the afterschool program for the Rainbow bucks. So....double homework.

If we didn't need the child care, and if Hayes wasn't getting alot out of the program socially, I would definitely pull him out. 

I want to address this issue with the program coordinator, but I don't want to be snippy or negative....any suggestions from other moms on how to approach? It's awkward, because I work with these people.

Thank you!

[meemee]

so let me see if i get this right.

1. you would like your ds to do his hw at home.

2. ds would love to work at his afterschool to get the rainbow bucks.

can you come to a compromise since you work there. take his hw from him after school on monday (when he gets the packet) like you usually do, yet get him some of the homeschool supply workbooks so he can be part of the afterschool activity? leave the workbooks at the afterschool place so he always has some work to do and doesnt miss out on the rainbow bucks and friday prizes.

i will have to say your request is unique. i have had dd in afterschool care and i'd rather she finish her hw at aftercare. i had her circle the questions that she had trouble with and i checked her hw at home to make sure she did them correctly. so i knew what hw she was doing.

i did not want to spend time at home over hw because then it would become this big old thing and 10 mins of hw would take an hour.

i am not sure how you would work around this because i think you would be in the minority with hw being done.

he has reading also doesnt he? can you let him do his written work at afterschool and do his reading at home?

your son does not seem to mind doing homework twice right?!! just to avoid boredom, i'd make sure he has plenty of stuff to work on at the afterschool program.

[moominmamma]

Rather than doubling up on the homework, I would either find him enjoyable enrichment work he can do at afterschool care to earn Rainbow Bucks (I guess you'd have to negotiate that with the staff), or else spend the time at home you would otherwise spend on homework on fun, interesting, hands-on enrichment activities. Surely if you are on staff at his school you have a decent inkling of what he's learning. If he's completing HW at daycare just fine, then clearly he doesn't need to do homework at home in order to learn good homework habits. My inclination would be to see homework during daycare as a helpful arrangement that can take some of the workload off you and him during your precious time together. During the evenings I would do cool things like playing Snakes & Ladders, reading together, telling stories, playing number guessing games and twenty questions, building with K'nex or Lego, doing stop-motion animation, making popsicle-stick bridges, teaching him to knit, and so on. You might not get as clear an idea of what he's doing in school, but you'll get a far richer picture of how he learns, and who he is, from discovery-oriented, playful hands-on activities. 

Miranda

[One_Girl]

I think you are making this too complicated and looking for little things to fight about. Working with children is hard and i find myself doing this sometimes when i am not handling my stress well. I think you need to really assess what outcome you are hoping for and how realistic that is before making this your hill to die on.

I see no reason why you can't go back to the old way you were doing it which involved no fighting and explain that to him. I think they have been nice to help him feel involved in the homework time while also respecting your desire to do homework with him at home. Homework time at afterschool care is standard and something most programs advertise around here because it is a drag to have to spend time on homework at home when you would rather have quality family time. Going to.the supervisor may get him excused from the homework time that he seems to.enjoy but they are unlikely to stop a program most parents appreciate and your son will probably not be pleased that you won't let him earn what the other kids earn.

[elus0814]

What about giving him real dollars to save or spend on even better things than the prizes they have there in exchange for doing the work at home?

[Linda on the move]

one great piece of advice I got when my kids first started school that has served me well is:

Take it as a package deal and don't get too hung up on any one thing. Just look at overall, "Is this working for my child?" Let the rest go.

Him doing is homework during aftercare is a little thing. It's not something to get hung up on. Him doing double homework so that you can do homework is not reasonable or fair to him. Take that time and do something fun, like read together or bake cookies or build some lego.
 

[Nightwish]

I don't understand why you wouldn't let him do his homework at daycare. He wants to do it, he likes doing it with the other kids (even if it's for a reward). Why would you want him to work twice as much? On kindergarten homework?
 

[mtiger]

I don't understand why this is an issue, either. He is apparently developing a homework routine - which is part of what you have been trying to accomplish. As for seeing what he is learning, maybe you could do as another poster said her child does - have your son mark what parts of his HW he had trouble with and then you and/or Dad could go over it with him in the evening. Or simply review his work together if he doesn't indicate any problems.

Alternately, you could review his HW packet when he gets it, and incorporate the concepts his class is working on during activities when at home in the evenings to solidify his understanding. Review his work the night or two before it's due so the two of you can go over areas he's not quite grasped - and reinforce those over the w/e.

Don't view HW as the only way you can "teach" your son. Your influence on him involves many more teachable moments than HW. Why waste those opportunities on his doing additional HW - or the same HW a second time. That's busy work, and the three of you could utilize your time together in much better - and enjoyable - ways. IMO, anyway.
 

[EvolvingMama]

Thank you everyone, for your input and perspectives. I am sure we will find a solution that works for our child and keeps the learning fun! I didn't mean this to become a negative discussion, so I'll bow out now. 

[meemee]

Originally Posted by EvolvingMama 

Thank you everyone, for your input and perspectives. I am sure we will find a solution that works for our child and keeps the learning fun! I didn't mean this to become a negative discussion, so I'll bow out now. 

oh please dont leave. i want to know how you look at this situation as its so different from the norm.

obviously this is really important for you - enough so that you would have pulled your son out of the program if he didnt enjoy it so much. 

if you dont mind me asking, (of course just because i ask doesnt mean you have to answer either) why do you want to do the homework at home? is he struggling with some of his work and you'd rather be the teacher than the afterschool staff? are you against the rainbow bucks? do you not want him to participate in the rainbow bucks system? 

[moominmamma]

We are a totally rewards-free family and way back 11 or 12 years ago my eldest dd was taking piano lessons with a teacher who was all into stickers and prizes as rewards for practicing time. There were weekly awards, and then bimonthly group classes or recitals where the students with the most minutes logged were given larger prizes. I realized that it would draw more attention to the prizes if I spent all sorts of energy explaining to my dd why she wasn't going to be participating in that system. It would likely make them more alluring to her, being unattainable. So I just let her play along, logging her practice time and cashing in for rewards. I'd throw out little comments like "Isn't it weird that some teachers think they have to pay kids to learn? As if you don't want to learn anyway!" She took her cues from me; she never really thought the rewards had much importance. (I also bought her extra stickers that she could use to decorate her piano book and practice chart. She could plaster them anywhere, or dole them out to herself for successfully doing certain tasks -- whatever she wanted. I guess in economics terms I was flooding the market, printing money to devalue the currency.)

It all worked wonderfully. Within a couple of months the reward system was totally off her radar. She earned rewards like crazy, but they were just the accidental result of good piano practicing habits and they had absolutely no importance to her as currency. 

If the Rainbow Bucks are part of what's bothering you about your ds's homework, I think there are ways to play along while trivializing the system and taking away its power.

miranda

[KCMichigan]

I actually agree w/ OP.

As a teacher and a parent- My DD and I  enjoy doing homework together (2nd grade). They DO the homework, but I sit with them and review it or talk about it, etc. It IS family time for us. Plus, it gives me a glimpse of what they are doing in class, facilitates discussions about school, and allows me to see specifically at school what they may be struggling with (that we may not see in the things we normally do at home). I will often email the teacher to clarify something and/or let her know a DD struggled with a specific topic. 

We also have plenty of time to play games, go on walks, and do lots of fun activities.

DDs get 10-20 min of actual worksheet or study type (spelling or math facts) homework and then 20 minutes of reading. Which is fine with me. More would be too much and less and I would  not be as aware of what they were working on at school.

As a teacher- I like to know that parents are aware of what the curriculum is like. A good way to connect to the school is for parents to look over and/or assist with age appropriate homework.Doing or reviewing homework allows a window into what your child is learning (since many of the ways they teach now are much much different than when most of us were in school).

I ,too, would not want them to do it in an after-school program since I treasure that time with them on many levels.

Also, I think after school kids need to relax,play, and have some time to decompress-- not jump right into school work.

For some kids, it is a great way (after school program) to get the homework done. But on the flipside, for some families- the preference may be to do it at home.

It really should not be a MUST DO IT THIS WAY for homework. Different families- different preferences.

[ollyoxenfree]

Originally Posted by KCMichigan 

I actually agree w/ OP.

As a teacher and a parent- My DD and I  enjoy doing homework together (2nd grade). They DO the homework, but I sit with them and review it or talk about it, etc. It IS family time for us. Plus, it gives me a glimpse of what they are doing in class, facilitates discussions about school, and allows me to see specifically at school what they may be struggling with (that we may not see in the things we normally do at home). I will often email the teacher to clarify something and/or let her know a DD struggled with a specific topic. 

We also have plenty of time to play games, go on walks, and do lots of fun activities.

DDs get 10-20 min of actual worksheet or study type (spelling or math facts) homework and then 20 minutes of reading. Which is fine with me. More would be too much and less and I would  not be as aware of what they were working on at school.

As a teacher- I like to know that parents are aware of what the curriculum is like. A good way to connect to the school is for parents to look over and/or assist with age appropriate homework.Doing or reviewing homework allows a window into what your child is learning (since many of the ways they teach now are much much different than when most of us were in school).

I ,too, would not want them to do it in an after-school program since I treasure that time with them on many levels.

Also, I think after school kids need to relax,play, and have some time to decompress-- not jump right into school work.

For some kids, it is a great way (after school program) to get the homework done. But on the flipside, for some families- the preference may be to do it at home.

It really should not be a MUST DO IT THIS WAY for homework. Different families- different preferences.

I agree that this was our family's experience with homework especially in the early years. My kids were often enthusiastic about showing us what they were doing in school. They actually looked forward to sharing their work with us. Sure there were lots of other ways I could (and did) check on their progress and enjoy enrichment activities together, but sharing schoolwork was also quality family time for us. 

I suppose the complicating difference is the whole Rainbow Bucks reward system and his desire to participate. We didn't have to deal with that issue. Perhaps some of the suggestions upthread will be helpful. Good luck sorting it out. 

[VisionaryMom]

It really should not be a MUST DO IT THIS WAY for homework. Different families- different preferences.

Well, to be fair, it's not. They could opt out. The OP could tell her child that she disagrees and doesn't want him doing his homework there. Obviously he misses out on the Rainbow Bucks or has to do extra work each day if they go that route. It could be a valuable lesson for making decisions, though, and if I felt that strongly about it, that's the way I would approach it with my children. We choose not to do some things at school or modify our participation, and we use those decisions as times to have frank discussions about why we made the decision we did.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by KCMichigan 

It really should not be a MUST DO IT THIS WAY for homework. Different families- different preferences.

I agree. I think that doing homework together helps parents know how easily their child is mastering the presented work.

None the less, I don't think this is a battle that the OPer can win because I suspect that most parents with kids in aftercare are happy to have it done and be free of it for the evening. 

I agree with her in principle, but in practice, my advice is still to let it go because there's no point in fighting this battle. The battle will most likely make her son unhappy.

It's important to know when to let go of stuff or you can just drive yourself crazy.

[Polliwog]

I'be directed an afterschool program, and my DS has attended them. I'be never heard of a program requiring the children to do their homework while there. It's usually up to each child's parent and can vary from day to day. I'be never had DS do his homework at afterschool. We always do it at home. There's always a quiet option for the kids who aren't required to do their homework or don't have any. I'ce also seen well-meaning afterschool staff give too much HW help/not enough HW help/helping the children incorrectly/etc. I have no probleim with families who choose to have their kids complete their HW, but it's not a given that all parents want that. Plus,kindergarten homework is usually more active and hands-on than HW for older children.

[avismama24]

One of the things I am enjoying about MDC is that it is a really good reminder/wake up call that not everyone agrees with me. I read the OP and was like "uh huh, yes, agree, agree, totally understand why this is a concern."

It was thought provoking that other mother's had such a different take on the situation....I am reminded that "our perception is all to often our only reality." I don't have much to add to this thread...just that it humbled me a bit for the evening....we are all human, unique in are approaches to life and parenting.
 

[meemee]

as a mother to a 10 year old who lives an unconventional lifestyle - one thing i have noticed that is HUGE in our family, is that no matter what outside influences are - the family value trumphs all of them. with regards to rewards i also believe in no rewards. in all her 5 years so far, she has had a reward system in all her classes but she doesnt fall for it. a lot of things i dont do - like she gets no pocket money, no birthday present, no christmas present but she gets presents whenever i have money. we buy stuff all the time. sometimes its tiny, sometimes its a big spending. presents, gifts is not a big deal in her life. in fact today she considers her bday party as present enough. 

so if you are concerned about the reward OP - your son will figure it out. 

like dd tells me - somedays i get a lower grade in class because having fun was more important than getting the right answers. i love that. 

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by EvolvingMama 

Thank you everyone, for your input and perspectives. I am sure we will find a solution that works for our child and keeps the learning fun! I didn't mean this to become a negative discussion, so I'll bow out now. 

I didn't think it was a negative discussion. Just because some didn't see why this was a problem for you, you got a lot of good input (IMO) as to how others might handle it. Not agreeing with your position doesn't make it negative.

[EvolvingMama]

Hello again everyone. I agree that there is so much richness in perspective on MDC! I enjoyed and appreciated reading your posts. I will explain a bit more about my perspective here, in answer to some of your questions. One thing that this issue has taught me is how very differently, and very strongly, parents feel about homework. I see that "agreeing to disagree" respectfully is where many of us will stand, all with the best intentions for our children.

I don't think I mentioned that I have an older son. He started school in the same K classroom that my younger son currently attends, with a different teacher, 12 years ago. He is now a senior in high school and applying to college, excited for the next jumping off phase of his life. When he started school, there was no afterschool program; there was a "bus room" for the students whose families live out of town, which was really a recreational time. My son's dad picked him up after school for the first few years and he did his homework - usually a sheet of math and reading - at home, with his parents, establishing a routine that has empowered him to develop independent study skills that serve him as a Calculus student now, and will as a college student later, and through his life as an adult learner. 

I was teaching at our little school by the time the afterschool program started - when my older son was in 5th grade. In the time since the program began, here is what has happened:

• 1. Most parents no longer expect homework to be done at home - they EXPECT the afterschool program to "do" it with their children. Some actually get angry when the homework is not done by the time they pick up their children. The afterschool program does have a parent contract that emphasizes the importance of parents checking their children's homework and making sure it is complete.
• 2. The children do their homework in groups, copying off one another's papers, and don't do careful work. The 2 adults working have no way of going over each problem or question with each student.
• 3. The noise level is high.
• 4. The students who are in 9th and 10th grades now - with no afterschool program anymore, and very little parent involvement since kindergarten in homework - aren't doing their homework. They are failing classes left and right and have no developed homework skills. The 6th, 7th and 8th graders are starting to show this tendency, too, even though they get some homework time at afterschool. Parents are upset that they themselves have to help their children, and they haven't had to yet, so everyone is struggling. These are just MY observations as a parent and as a teacher, who sees the students at school.

My older son had very limited homework in K. It's kindergarten, for goodness sake! However, my younger son has a packet of about 12 pages of math, reading and writing to do over the course of a week. 

I want to establish homework at home as a comfortable, even fun, family time, that is a PART of all that we do. Of course we play games, go for walks, build with straws and connectors, and make telescopes, treehouses, construction sites, etc.... at home. It isn't going to be either homework OR family "quality" time. It's all family time, and it's all learning. 

Thank you for helping me form my own opinion about what to do for our son....if they're going to assign homework, he'll be doing it at home, and enjoying the afterschool program as enrichment on a limited number of days. We may be a minority, but I see the big picture for him, based on my experiences with his older brother and in teaching all of the kids as they have come up through the afterschool program. There is richness socially for him there, but innumerable ways of providing experiences and fun and social opportunities with his family, as well.

Thankfully,

Laurie