when to tell older siblings?

[MountainLovinMama]

I am curious - for those of you who have other children, when do you plan to tell tham about your pregnancy and their new sibling? My dd will be three is October. I was planning to tell her after the 12th week, when I start to tell other people and when I expect I will be starting to "show" so she'll have something more concrete to really help understand it all. She is extremely curious, inquisitive and insightful - not much passes her by! I am thinking she might be onto it sooner than that. I thought that if it comes up, I might tell her that Mama and Daddy are really hoping that I might get a baby in my belly someday... but still wait to tell her definitively until later. Any suggestions?

[DalaiMama]

well, since I can't seem to go to the bathroom by myself around here, ds was with me when I poas, so he knew as soon as I did. Mind you, I'm not sure that he really understands, but our cat just had kittens and we've kind of been trying to make the connection between what happened with the cat and what will happen with mama. Now he walks around the house saying "nother baby?" Hopefully as the pregnancy progresses, he'll have a better understanding of what's going on.

I'm one of those who can't keep a secret, though, so I've told a lot of people. We're just so excited, you know?

[taradt]

we have told DD, but i don't think she *gets it* yet and that is fine. as the pregnancy goes on i am hoping to come up with something that will help her understand what is going on. she just turned 2
i am also one of those people that can't keep it in because i get very excited when i am pregnant

tara

[kimkabob5]

I have two teenagers and two school age kids, and I'm afraid to tell them; they are going to be upset! I also have a three and a half year old and a two year old, so I guess we'll tell them when we tell the older ones. It's going to be hard to hide for too much longer from the older ones since I am starting to get very tired and irritable.

[Ravenmoon]

I'm more worried about telling my dh.We thought for sure we hadn't this month so we were resigned to taking a break for awhile and i just found out that we are indeed pregnant.But his work is causing him a ton of stress and i don't want to add any more.And i just found out that there are no midwives in my area who accept insurance.Just what i needed.I have a 6,4,and a 2 year old and i will wait and tell everyone in the next month or so.

[Vanyalos]

I told DS as soon as we found out and he told the family ( my parents, brother & sister ) ... I'm around them alot and figured it would be too hard to keep it a secret for long .

He seems excited about it right now .. ( he's only 3 though, I don't think he fully understands what it's all about ) .. I hope it lasts *L* .

[Jenelle]

We just got the today and I told my almost-3-year-old. He doesn't miss a thing! And we have been watching the baby shows and talking about babies a lot lately.

I figure first of all, we are telling everyone else... so why not tell him? And also, if something bad did happen - he really wouldn't understand anyway, you know? He doesn't know how the baby got there in the first place, so I don't think he'd question it too much if we had to tell him that I didn't have a baby in my belly anymore. Plus, he has no idea how long a pregnancy is anyway... so we could try again and never tell him any different.

[lauren]

We have told our 6 y.o. dd and 9 y.o. ds. Kimkabob5 I thought my 9 y.o. was going to be really upset and he wasnt'--he's excited. Sometimes they surprise you. When my son was 2 1/2 and dd was 'incubating' we told him at about 12 weeks pregnancy.

[Jessviola]

we're waiting to tell her until we've told my parents because i'm afraid she'd spill the beans to them before we're ready :LOL otherwise i'd have told her already. she's at the stage where she repeats everything we say. she was actually with me when i tested and she was talking about peeing in a cup (she's also working on using the toilet) for a couple days :LOL

[Larissa]

I have a two year old, and I have told him several times, but he doesn't really know what is going to happen. We'll keep talking about it throughout the pregnancy.

[martinanne]

My kids are 8, 5, and 3 and I don't think I'll tell them until I'm 12 weeks or so (if I can keep my big mouth shut that long!) I know they will be so excited about the baby, and I just fear how very sad they would be if I were to m/c. So for now at least, I'm keeping quiet (IRL anyway!)

[traci5489]

My ds is 5 and my dd is 3 and I will try and wait till at least 12 wks to tell them....I have had two recent mc and just don't want to chance the heartbreak for them.

This said, I swear they "knew" before I did....all the sudden lots of talk about a new baby etc. and that was before I even took a test....so maybe. My little boy (5 yrs old) asks God nightly in his bedtime prayers for a new baby, so maybe I will have to tell sooner rather than later :

[laurata]

My 5 year old knows, but she's been extremely interested in the female menstral cycle, so she asks a lot of questions, LOL! She noticed within the past 6 months that I bleed every so often, and a few times she's noticed me checking the TP for cervical fluid and asked if I'm looking for blood. I gave a brief explaination and she went on her merry way, but periodically comes and asks me if there's blood yet, or if I have a baby in my belly now. :-) She yelled at me when I started doing prenatal yoga because I wasn't "allowed" to do it without that baby. So I finally told her. She was thrilled that her new brother Noodle should be here for Christmas. Nova is just barely two, so I'll probably bring it up with her when I'm about 6 months along (she'll be 2.5) by bringing home a few books from the library.

The horrible thing is that I still haven't told my mom. Maybe Jade will tell her for me, and that'll just get that out of the way... {sigh}

[kimkabob5]

I still haven't told them yet, but this morning my three year old ds suddenly asked me if I had a baby in my tummy! I didn't know what to say so I stuttered a bit, then said "that would be fun wouldn't it" and he agreed!

When we told the kids that I was pregnant with our last one, my oldest threw her ice cream cone on the table and walked around in circles with a shocked, horrified look on her face. So I don't suspect her reaction will be much better this time.

Maybe I should just leave my positive pregnancy test out on the counter and see who notices it first!


Kim

[MountainLovinMama]

Thanks!! Yes, my 2.5-year old suddenly has had a new interest in babies, talk about babies in bellies, etc, too. Pretty wild! She even announced one morning, very matter-of-fact, "Mama, you have a boy baby in your belly and I am its sister." (it was right after a visit with family, so she was very interested in brothers and uncles, etc...and she was playing with a baby doll when she made her anouncement...but still!) I think I was mostly nervous about an appointment I had this week - she tagged along and I did not know how I would manage to keep it a secret, but I had to bring her with me. But we made it - she was intrigued with a book, and was not so interested in me. So now I think I will be able to wait until 12 weeks to tell her.

[Morwenna]

I think I would wait until 12 weeks but I am always soooo sick that I feel like I have to explain to them why I am laying around all day and not cooking any of the usual food! I told mine right away.

[sadean]

I told my children about a week after I found out and my 4 yo had been breaking the news to everyone...including my in-laws during Easter Brunch I think it is kind of sweet really...he is so excited that he will get to be a big brother.

My 9 yo is not quite so excited (as he knows what it means to be a big brother), but I am letting him ease into the idea slowly and respecting his need to come to terms with the idea.

[nikirj]

Originally Posted by Jessviola

we're waiting to tell her until we've told my parents because i'm afraid she'd spill the beans to them before we're ready :LOL otherwise i'd have told her already. she's at the stage where she repeats everything we say.

This is me too. I'm afraid the kids will say something before I wanted to tell my parents. I tested before either of them were awake, though, or they'd be talking about that, and we've had to be careful what we say because 2.5yo DS is in the repeat-everything stage too.