Were you referring to me? If so, I have - and they are literally *zero* help....
nursing mamas-- how's it going? - Page 3
My little guy will be 3 in 2 months. We are slowly weaning, right now down to 1 nursing session around 6am each morning. Weaning has gone much easier then I thought it would. I wish I could say that it was child let but I have been to motivater this time. I was sort of expecting some protest from my little guy as he has been an avid nurser since day 1 but he has accepted the gradual weaning really really well. We still cuddle to sleep and he semi-wakes up periodically through out the night but just settles into another postion and falls back asleep. He asks for a boobie when daddys alarm goes off in the morning and then goes back to sleep for another hour or so.
i suddenly realized i had to night wean. it's been months and months of me feeling "done" in the night, maybe even a year of feeling over it. and i finally realized i was really resenting the night nursing. it actually went very well...after 1 major upset, he let me just hold his hand back to sleep. this was going better and better each night...then he got a fever! :( and then when the fever left he seemed healthy so i decided to go again without night nursing--it was a nightmare! 2 nights, 2 awful nights...and i started to nurse again. something just was not right. then i got sick...and he was sick. and now we are both just getting better.
i'm going to go again...but i'm not sure when...hopefully very soon. it felt so good to just hold his hand back to sleep. but, obviously something switched for him when he got sick. and i want to make sure he's healthy for a bit for a really good chance that it's a smooth transition. i can't do the traumatic transition. hopefully soon all will be smooth again :)
I'm so sorry to hear that they haven't been any help! With your permission, I'd like to share your post with my group of leaders (I'm a leader applicant, so I know a bunch of wonderful, caring ladies). I'm sure they could give you some great ideas.
My guy is 21 mos. he loves the boobie. I am TIRED. I kinda want my body back for a few months before baby comes. I try to keep nursing a to morning, nap and bedtime. I just started night weaning. He wakes up a few times a week and I just can't take it any more. I work so having to be woken up at this stage is hard. Weaning is HARD. The thought of tandem nursing sounds overwhelming. I love nursing but I'm just so tired and see the future exhaustion of those Deliorious newborn days. Sigh.
Absolutely - feel free! I'd love any suggestions. I'm at a loss. He literally flips out - it's blood curdling screaming if I tell him nursies have gone night night, let mommy snuggle you instead...
- 127 Posts. Joined 6/2012
- Location: BC
- Select All Posts By This User
We are done now. My milk dried up right away and I still continued to nurse on demand but it didn't last more than a week or so before he stopped asking very much. I tried doing just before bed but that didn't last long either since I just returned to work (i'm a nurse and do 12 hour shifts) and I'm not always there at bedtime. I still nursed him when he was crying and frustrated and having a hard time with it but not otherwise. I thought I would do it for longer than 17 months but I'm okay with it, and kind of relieved.
SunnyMuffin, my first stopped nursing at 17months too. I was about 4.5months pregnant with my second when he stopped asking and shortly after I stopped offering. I was sort of sad that we stopped so soon too but it really was a cry free, stress free weaning. I got my energy stores back and started to enjoy my second pregnancy more. Once baby came, my oldest was very loving towards his baby brother and enjoyed watching him nurse, he didn't get jealous or act out or even ask to nurse once. I am really glad that he was weaned so far before baby came since/if I wasen't going to tandem nurse. We had lots of time to really establish new routines and a new bedtime routine before baby came.
- 9 Posts. Joined 11/2012
- Select All Posts By This User
My nursling will be 3 in July and we have tried to nightwean to set some limits because he was nursing a lot more than I was able to tolerate. He cosleeps with siblings and Dad in another room now because he was nursing all night long and I wasn't getting any sleep, but in the middle of the night he will come find me in my room and snuggle in next to me and whisper nurse, nurse, nursies! If I say no he hits and kicks me and screams horribly but is just fine if I nurse. He won't let go if I ask him to (like if my back is killing me and I need to turn over) unless I can convince him to take a break for 'other side' or bribe him by offering him candy. (Horrible I know, but desperate times). He is very strong willed. I am open to tandem nursing and respecting his needs, but I feel a bit manipulated at times too and am working on setting limits with him. It really takes a village. I have never had such a strong willed child before.
Okay, here's the first of three responses. I hope there's something that can help you (or others) here:
Honestly, I"m not really sure. It seems like more of a relationship/parenting question than anything. And I've never dealt with any of the things she mentioned. Hmmmmm....... And that close time be substituted with a new ritual slowly? What about talking with him about how big boys don't nurse and maybe planning a party for when he's ready to wean without putting pressure on the weaning. Maybe he'll get excited enough about the party that he'll ease into the idea? Of course there is always "cold turkey" but this is going to be very hard on the young guy...but it is an option. He would need lots of love and understanding, but a firm no on nursing. My guess is that with most kids (neuro-typical), this would only fuss for a day or two and then adapt.
Ultimately, she knows her child best. I have never met him so I don't really know, but ideas on how to manage the relationship between the two seems to be where it's at. This will depend on her family's culture around such things and balancing what she needs with what her child needs. Sometimes we just CAN'T do any more. And it sounds to me like she's there.
If she has a partner, she might think of going away for a couple of days when partner can give lots of extra fun attention to him....and using that as a way to wean. I know this may be too harsh for some children but it was actually pretty gentle for one of my boys, but then he was ready anyway. Thinking of my daughter who was really really nursey even at 3, I was away from her around age 2 for a couple of nights and she did fine. If I wasn't there, she knew she couldn't nurse and she just cuddled with daddy. I didn't wean her, but I probably could have at that point if I'd needed to.
That's all I have for now, I guess.
It sounds like he still needs it. But... I'd suggest taking a diary of all his nursing sessions and weaning one at a time, starting with the one least important to him. I'd discuss and point out how his friends and fave cartoon characters don't nurse anymore. When it comes to the favorites i'd get some really special toys to pull out as distraction and make sure he is nice and full at night. I'd also start a new way of getting him tired for the first few times like long drive. Introducing a lovie/comfort object can be helpful too. It'll likely take a long time. There isn't much of a gentle short term method.
Distraction is probably the main "technique," coupled with as much patience as she can muster. Perhaps she could try for weaning during the morning (when it appears to be most stressful for her). If she can gear up so that she's going out with him, never sitting down herself, trying to keep on top of the situation so that he doesn't ask, etc., then maybe a partial weaning will take enough pressure off the situation so that she can live with the nursing at other times for a while. Then, after that settles down (a week? two weeks?), tackle the next time period. And, of course, adding a lot of "other mothering." But gradual weaning may not be an option for her, in which case some version of cold turkey may be needed.
Sudden weaning will be hard on her son, and she may need additional support to keep her perspective and not feel guilty about what can't be avoided. It will be hard to see her son suffering. You can't take away the suffering, but you might be able to help her stay compassionate and patient with him--in other words, not to add her frustration and anger at his suffering on top of his pain. I don't know if this makes sense or not. I haven't had to do a sudden weaning with a child who wasn't ready, so much of this is theoretical. I do know that listening to a mom, helping her see that her son still needs her love and attention even as she can't give him what he wants, and being willing to keep in touch in the days ahead--all these can help her find her inner resources to deal with the situation.
- 587 Posts. Joined 4/2006
- Location: Northern Minnesota
- Select All Posts By This User
15 weeks here...still have milk :) and just some touch and go soreness on initial latch. he seems to be nursing a bit less. i did attempt night weaning and even though i decided it wasn't worth the effort and he wasn't quite ready...he did give up 2 of his night nursing sessions! :) and so i feel better about it. i haven't had any yucky milk--but i don't think he knows the word yucky! i still feel like there's much less milk than before....but we're still happily going along...after a few adjustments on both sides.