Whiney, crying 2.5 year old

[drobinson]

I work outside the home full time, and for the past several days, whenever I pick my DD up from preschool/daycare, she cries as I buckle her into her carseat and cries almost all the way home. Once we're home, she whines and cries until we finally sit down to nurse (which is no more than 5 minutes or so). Our routine once we get home is I use the bathroom, we wash our hands and then sit down to nurse. Lately, she goes nuts until we sit down. She tells me not to wash my hands and she won't let me out of her sight. I'm guessing I need to put the routine aside and just nurse her immediately when we get home. Maybe this needs to be the new routine?

I can't figure out why she's started doing this all of a sudden. I asked her teacher if her behavior is different at school and she said no. She goes to a very good preschool with good teachers and staff, so I don't have any concerns of anything bad happening while she's there. After she nurses, everything's fine.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[sageowl]

I've noticed that my son got even clingier around age 2.5 than he had ever been before.  Maybe it's just something about that age...
 

[maptome]

Yes, the half years are rough.  Sounds like your kid is holding it together at school, and then kind of releasing once your pick her up. 2.5 is a tantrumy age.

If the crying in the car is rough, maybe you can spend a few moments to connect with her when you pick her up before you put her in the car.

[drobinson]

Yes, I guess I should have expected all this, but you never know how your child will be until you're in the middle of it. :) Maptome, that's a great idea about spending a few moments to connect before putting her in the car. I'm going to try that this evening. I also thought maybe if I don't seem so rushed to get out and get in the car, that might make a difference. I have a tendency to tell her, "okay, let's hurry so we can get home and see Daddy," which probably doesn't help.
 

[sageowl]

Transitions are typically hard on kids anyway (home-school and school-home being notorious), and tend to generate a lot of this kind of behavior.  Like the other poster said, it's worth it to spend a little time reconnecting before rushing off home.   
 

[drobinson]

Thanks, sageowl...we tried that yesterday and it worked really well. I gave her a big hug and we collected her things, then she wanted to sit in this wooden car they have at school, so I let her play around in it for a few minutes. After that, I said, "Okay, let's go see Daddy," and she got right out. I put her in the car without any issues. We'll try the same thing this evening and see how it goes...

[P.J.]

I don;t have any sage advice to offer but I also have a 2.5 year old going through similar changes, also all of a sudden. He has been at daycare since he was 11 months and loves it. But all of a sudden he doesn't want to go anymore and clings and cries at drop off every day. It is truly heartbreaking and awful! His teachers say he is otherwise doing very well there and nothing has changed except he's become 2 1/2!!!! He also whines a lot at home and fights going to bed and other similar things. I think this is just a very intense age and their brains are developing so fast that the world is a new and scary place every single day. We are working on establishing routines and things that bridge the separation gap. It sounds like you shoud plan that the second you get home you go directly to the couch and nurse. I also second the suggestion of doing something little to connect when you pick her up before you get in the car.

Good luck!

[drobinson]

P.J., thank you for sharing your experience with your 2.5 year old. We are also experiencing the fighting going to bed among other things. Last night she wouldn't go to sleep until 10:30. She basically had to wait until after I showered and was ready for bed before she would relax and go to sleep. The after school routine has proven to work well, though we did have 5 days off with the holiday, so that could have helped as well. We have taken your advice to go to the couch and nurse immediately once we get home and that has helped a ton. Thanks again and good luck to you as well!
 

[P.J.]

Thank you! We need it!!! It's a tough time. Our preschool drop-off has gotten better....I think it was a phase (as so many people including his teacher told me) and it lasted a few weeks. Let's hope it's really over!

We also sometimes have a hard time right after we get home after preschool, and just the other day I was feeling a bit sorry that he is weaned, because nursing used to be a built-in natural way for us to reconnect and be calm after getting home from daycare. I now have to make a real effort to connect ~at that time particularly, now that we don't nurse anymore. And that is not always easy, especially when he's whiny and complaining and grumpy pretty much from the second we get home. I am happy we weaned, the time was ripe for us, but in a way I miss the convenience of it for times like these!
 

[drobinson]

P.J., I'm glad preschool drop-off has gotten better. :)

I know what you mean about nursing being a built-in way to connect. That's what makes me a little nervous about whenever we decide to wean. I have the plan of letting my daughter wean herself, but also know that at some point I may need to wean her. I enjoy the time with her and it's very convenient, so for now, I try not to think about how it will be down the road. :)

Hope all is well for you this week!