Three under 25? -Vent- - Page 2

[rubidoux]

So many people have strong feelings about what age you're supposed to be to have children, and it probably just comes down to when they did it.  They probably also believe that they know how many you should have and what you should feed them.  But I don't think everyone comes down on the side of thinking you shouldn't be having "so many" kids "so young."  I am 43 and have an almost four year old and a nine year old and I look young-ish for my age but I have had multiple people ask me if I'm their grandmother.  And I suppose I shouldn't be bothered by that as I am certainly of an age that I could be a g'mother to a 4 year old, and I suppose it is biologically possible to be a 43 yo g'ma to a 9 yo, too.

And I'm jealous of you, too!  Whenever I think of the fact that my little guy is only gonna be 40 when I'm 80, it creeps me out.  I don't want to be old when they're still young.  I feel like generations are really meant to be more like 20 years, but that may be because the last few generations in my family were.  

[DanielleNZ]

I am so pleased I stumbled across this thread, it really does make me feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one who gets these comments. I was 19yrs old when I had ds1, ds2 was born two weeks after my 22nd birthday and now at 24 we are contemplating adding a number 3 to our family. As the op said we're in the situation now of "do it now or decide we're done" which is a hard place to be because I feel like we'll regret not adding to our family. We both come from 2 children families and I just feel like there are not enough of us.

It is so true people will always judge you no matter what you do so you may as well be happy with the decision yourself as you'll more than likely be critisized anyway.

[Andreann]

My MIL often tells us how she regrets not have 2 more kids...She had two kids that required frequent hospital visits and an agricultor husband that wasn't really available. But she still regrets.

That why there's baby number 3 right now for us: I didn't see myself wait until Papa finished school (in 8-10 years!) to have other children. In 10 years I'd like to be done with the baby phase, not starting again after a 8 years break. my oldest will be 14, I'll be 33. That sounds great to me!

[CrystalMarie]

Originally Posted by Quinalla 

Congratulations! I've found that no matter when you choose to have kids or how long you wait in between or how many you have, there are always people who are convinced and will tell you that you are doing it wrong. I think people often confuse what would be right for them for what is right for everyone.

I totally agree!

I'm happily married, with a steady well paying job and had been very vocal about wanting to start are family shortly and yet people are still shocked when we tell them we're expecting our first. I'm 22, DH is 26. We fully expect to have a few more before I turn 26. We're both the type of people that have looked forward to a family, big or small for many years. I hope to learn quickly how to just let the comments roll off.

I currently don't have a track record for being a good mama, since my wee one is still in the oven, but I'm a firm believer that age isn't a deciding factor in what makes you a good mother.

[InLove2009]

I will be 22 by the time number 1 comes. BUT- NOT BY CHOICE! We got married 5 days after I turned 18, and never prevented. We actively started trying when I was 20. It just took us a while to get here. And people are STILL not happy with it. During my confirmation, the nurse had the guts to say "Well, at least you are not a teenager". I was mad as hell! 

[studentDr]

hi, I can understand how y must feel mad, but it is probably misinterpretation

I think it is more that people are concerned with all the pressures than go with having kids and how can someone so young cope with it.

all the responsibilities and the fact that it is a rather fixed life, as in it is a full time job for life.

other people might choose to go to university and develop a career or compete in sporting events, or go travelling every year etc

by being surprised that you have kids at such a young age it's more of a wow thing that requires you to mature and settle down a lot earlier than the people who don't have kids early. and of course to have support from parents and the father.

[BumkinsMum]

I'm finally turning 30 and we are pregnant with #6.  Courted at at 17, married at 18, first child at 19. It was just right for us. 

I think it all depends on your situation. If you are in a secure relationship and are both comfortable with a large family then why wait? I worry sometimes about financial things but we have no debts to speak of and live very frugally so I see no reason not to have many children and enjoy them! ( also to keep up with them while you're still young enough to)

Congrats on #3!
 

[CrystalMarie]

Thanks BumkinsMum and all you other mama's, it's great to here from someone who's successfully on the other end of young parenting! 

[Escaping]

I don't see what's so strange about it. For me the natural age to have kids would be early to mid 20's. I was 28 before I had my son and I felt really old. I always assumed that people had a reason for thinking you have to wait to have a career before having kids, but I don't get why that is. My life has only gotten easier since having a baby. Everyone has way more empathy for someone with kids, and at work I was abused way more before, I was always the one who had to stay late, work on extra projects and just be more flexible in general because I didn't have kids.